DOI Heft:
July 30, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0043
July 30, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 37
GENERAL ELECT^M
A RESULT OF BEING
HOSPITABLE.
Scene—Small, butFashioyi-
able Club in West-End.
Algij. Waiter! bring1 me
abrandy-and-soda. Don't
feel up to tbe average to-
day.
Hughie. Late last night P
Algy. Yes. Went to
Mrs. Crammerly's Dance,
Prince's Gate. Goodness
knows why I went! I
don't think they '11 get mo
there again in a hurry.
Charlie {waking up from
arm-chair). Were you a
victim too? I didn't see
you there! .
Algy. No. Because I
probably left before you
arrived. I had had enough
of it in an hour, and came
on here to supper ; not be-
fore 1 had nearly poisoned
myself with a concoction
that old Crammerly was
asserting- loudly, was an
" '80 wine."
Charlie {laughing). Ah!
my dear friend, J had been
there before, and knew the
ropes. Took pretty good
care to steer clear of the
wine, and got a chap to
give me a whiskey-and-
soda.
Uninvited Member. May
I ask where was this charm-
ing Party ?
Algy. At the Crammer-
ly's, Prince's Gate. Colonel
Crammerly.
Uninvited 31. Colonel
Crammerly! Let's see,
was he an old Crimea man ?
Algy. No! — He was
Colonel in the Bounders
Green Volunteers. {Roars
of laughter.) You know
" Crammerly's Starch"—
made a fortune out of
it.
Charlie. He must have
spent a bit of it last night.
They say the flowers alone
cost over a thousand
X)ounds.
Enter Captain 0.
Captain O. Talking- about the Colonel Crammerly Party, eh?
(To Uninvited M.) Were you there ?
Uninvited M. {very satirically). Oh, dear no! I fear I'm not
smart enough to warrant my admittance into that charmed and
select circle. [Hoars of laughter.
Capt. O. By Jove, you were well out of it. {Addressing the Club
IAGO IN BIRMINGHAM.
{Shalespeare once more on the Situation.)
4
Iago......Mr. J-S-ph Ch-mb-rl-n.
lioderigo.....Mr. J-sse C-ll-ns.
Roderigo. Tnou told'st me thou did'st
hold him in thy hate.
Iago. Despise me, if I did not. The
great ones of the City,
In personal suit to make me his Lieu-
tenant,
Off-capped to him :—and, by the faith
of man,
I know my price—I am worth no worse
a place;
But he, as loving his own pride and
purposes,
Evades them with a bombast circum-
stance,
Horribly stuffed with epithets of war ;
Uninvited31. {with tragic
intensity). You do?i,t mean
to say she was there !
Algy. I do.
Uninvited 31. But
do you mean to say that
Mrs. Crammerly has
heard-
Jack. No. She's deaf.
[Laughter.
Uninvited 31. Well, you
do surprise me ! {After a
long pause.) Any other
shining lights of London
Society ?
Jack. No—except that
fearful Mrs. Jussopn and
her daughters, who hon-
oured me with an invita-
tion to their afternoon
party at their suburban
residence at West Ken-
sington. I don't know
whether you regard them
as an illumination.
[Roars of laughter.
Uninvited 31. {trium-
phantly). Good gracious!
Then there was positively
no one there that one
knows.
Algy {thinking he has
said something original).
No one, that one icants to
know.
Uninvited 31. I sup-
pose the whole thing
was done for an advertise-
ment-?
Algy. Possibly. Any-
how, once bitten, twice shy.
They won't get me in-
side their stuccoed palace
again.
Chorus of Those who were
at the Party. Same here !
[Pause.
Capt. O. {lighting cigar
by candle). By the way,
Jack, did old Cram, ask
you to Scotland for the
12th ?
Jack. Yes.
Capt, O. So he did me.
Shall you go ?
Jack. It depends — I
think so—if I don't get
anything better. I'm told
it's a wonderful shoot.
They pulled down over a thousand birds the first day, last year.
Capt. O. Does old Crammerly shoot ?
Jack Oh dear no ! He's as blind as a bat. He only rents it for
his friends.
Capt. O. {greatly relieved). That's good news, for he's a terrible
bore. He'd be a shocking nuisance on the Moors. I must say, I
can't stand him at any price.
Jack. No, nor any of the family, for the matter of that. Well, ta,
And, in conclusion,
Nonsuits my meditators ; for, " Certes,"
says he, [who was he ?
"I have already chose my officer." And
Forsooth, a great Arithmetician.
# * # #
That never set a squadron in the field,
Nor the division of a battle knows
More than a spinster; unless the bookish
theorick,
Wherein the toged Consul can propose
As masterly as he ; mere prattle, with-
out practice,
Is all his soldiership.
Put, Sir, he had the Election !
generally.) Did—you ever see such—eh P ta! Perhaps we shall meet there. I'ni off to the Empire,
Charlie. I want to know where the deuce they get ^jH to join some friends who 've got a box.
their men from. [Exit to enjoy further hospitality.
Algy. I fancy they discover them in the City. Jh^-W -
Jack, /never met—such shocking people before. S^'Z-.W . , ,
Capt. O. Too dreadful for words. I could only conclude M fk , . Pebfidiotjs Albion " again.—Lieutenant Mizon, with
they must have been relations. [Roars of laughter. /Ml ' ilk hl? grievances against the British Niger Company was
Jack. By the way, did you notice that there was a imm^Mk /eterf last week in Pans. To inform Frenchmen that the
" bounder" who was reversing ,; JaWIRwfk British Company m question is not eo niger as it has been
Uninvited 31. {with great indignation). No! ! ! ^HIIISmIF painted would b,e useless at the present moment when
Jack. I tell you it's a positive fact — I know it to « mIIII i renchmen are still loud m their applause of the speech made
my cost; for I was dancing with that youngest daughter, MmlmSWm b/ the Prefect of the Seme m such a Mizon-scene. I.N.B.—
you know—the one who has the fluffy fringe over her jfffiHffiM Jeudemot forwarded by our own Prefect of the In-Seme. J
forehead—and the brute bounced against us, and sent us ^j/fflffl™^
Hying. Never even apologised. If I could have got him From Newcastle.—Mr. Hamond, M.P. for Newcastle,
outside, I declare I would have given him a deuced good M W charged Mr. John Morley with having made a certain
hiding. A man like that ought to be kicked. y^M^^^^ statement. Mr. Morley denied it, and asked Mr. Hamond
Uninvited 31. Were the women any better ? ^^W^ ^ to substantiate the charge. Mr. Hamond could not do this,
Algy. Well, if you call Mrs. Dash any better ! ^> nor did he apologise. Is this the "''Amond honorahle^ f
vol. era.
e
GENERAL ELECT^M
A RESULT OF BEING
HOSPITABLE.
Scene—Small, butFashioyi-
able Club in West-End.
Algij. Waiter! bring1 me
abrandy-and-soda. Don't
feel up to tbe average to-
day.
Hughie. Late last night P
Algy. Yes. Went to
Mrs. Crammerly's Dance,
Prince's Gate. Goodness
knows why I went! I
don't think they '11 get mo
there again in a hurry.
Charlie {waking up from
arm-chair). Were you a
victim too? I didn't see
you there! .
Algy. No. Because I
probably left before you
arrived. I had had enough
of it in an hour, and came
on here to supper ; not be-
fore 1 had nearly poisoned
myself with a concoction
that old Crammerly was
asserting- loudly, was an
" '80 wine."
Charlie {laughing). Ah!
my dear friend, J had been
there before, and knew the
ropes. Took pretty good
care to steer clear of the
wine, and got a chap to
give me a whiskey-and-
soda.
Uninvited Member. May
I ask where was this charm-
ing Party ?
Algy. At the Crammer-
ly's, Prince's Gate. Colonel
Crammerly.
Uninvited 31. Colonel
Crammerly! Let's see,
was he an old Crimea man ?
Algy. No! — He was
Colonel in the Bounders
Green Volunteers. {Roars
of laughter.) You know
" Crammerly's Starch"—
made a fortune out of
it.
Charlie. He must have
spent a bit of it last night.
They say the flowers alone
cost over a thousand
X)ounds.
Enter Captain 0.
Captain O. Talking- about the Colonel Crammerly Party, eh?
(To Uninvited M.) Were you there ?
Uninvited M. {very satirically). Oh, dear no! I fear I'm not
smart enough to warrant my admittance into that charmed and
select circle. [Hoars of laughter.
Capt. O. By Jove, you were well out of it. {Addressing the Club
IAGO IN BIRMINGHAM.
{Shalespeare once more on the Situation.)
4
Iago......Mr. J-S-ph Ch-mb-rl-n.
lioderigo.....Mr. J-sse C-ll-ns.
Roderigo. Tnou told'st me thou did'st
hold him in thy hate.
Iago. Despise me, if I did not. The
great ones of the City,
In personal suit to make me his Lieu-
tenant,
Off-capped to him :—and, by the faith
of man,
I know my price—I am worth no worse
a place;
But he, as loving his own pride and
purposes,
Evades them with a bombast circum-
stance,
Horribly stuffed with epithets of war ;
Uninvited31. {with tragic
intensity). You do?i,t mean
to say she was there !
Algy. I do.
Uninvited 31. But
do you mean to say that
Mrs. Crammerly has
heard-
Jack. No. She's deaf.
[Laughter.
Uninvited 31. Well, you
do surprise me ! {After a
long pause.) Any other
shining lights of London
Society ?
Jack. No—except that
fearful Mrs. Jussopn and
her daughters, who hon-
oured me with an invita-
tion to their afternoon
party at their suburban
residence at West Ken-
sington. I don't know
whether you regard them
as an illumination.
[Roars of laughter.
Uninvited 31. {trium-
phantly). Good gracious!
Then there was positively
no one there that one
knows.
Algy {thinking he has
said something original).
No one, that one icants to
know.
Uninvited 31. I sup-
pose the whole thing
was done for an advertise-
ment-?
Algy. Possibly. Any-
how, once bitten, twice shy.
They won't get me in-
side their stuccoed palace
again.
Chorus of Those who were
at the Party. Same here !
[Pause.
Capt. O. {lighting cigar
by candle). By the way,
Jack, did old Cram, ask
you to Scotland for the
12th ?
Jack. Yes.
Capt, O. So he did me.
Shall you go ?
Jack. It depends — I
think so—if I don't get
anything better. I'm told
it's a wonderful shoot.
They pulled down over a thousand birds the first day, last year.
Capt. O. Does old Crammerly shoot ?
Jack Oh dear no ! He's as blind as a bat. He only rents it for
his friends.
Capt. O. {greatly relieved). That's good news, for he's a terrible
bore. He'd be a shocking nuisance on the Moors. I must say, I
can't stand him at any price.
Jack. No, nor any of the family, for the matter of that. Well, ta,
And, in conclusion,
Nonsuits my meditators ; for, " Certes,"
says he, [who was he ?
"I have already chose my officer." And
Forsooth, a great Arithmetician.
# * # #
That never set a squadron in the field,
Nor the division of a battle knows
More than a spinster; unless the bookish
theorick,
Wherein the toged Consul can propose
As masterly as he ; mere prattle, with-
out practice,
Is all his soldiership.
Put, Sir, he had the Election !
generally.) Did—you ever see such—eh P ta! Perhaps we shall meet there. I'ni off to the Empire,
Charlie. I want to know where the deuce they get ^jH to join some friends who 've got a box.
their men from. [Exit to enjoy further hospitality.
Algy. I fancy they discover them in the City. Jh^-W -
Jack, /never met—such shocking people before. S^'Z-.W . , ,
Capt. O. Too dreadful for words. I could only conclude M fk , . Pebfidiotjs Albion " again.—Lieutenant Mizon, with
they must have been relations. [Roars of laughter. /Ml ' ilk hl? grievances against the British Niger Company was
Jack. By the way, did you notice that there was a imm^Mk /eterf last week in Pans. To inform Frenchmen that the
" bounder" who was reversing ,; JaWIRwfk British Company m question is not eo niger as it has been
Uninvited 31. {with great indignation). No! ! ! ^HIIISmIF painted would b,e useless at the present moment when
Jack. I tell you it's a positive fact — I know it to « mIIII i renchmen are still loud m their applause of the speech made
my cost; for I was dancing with that youngest daughter, MmlmSWm b/ the Prefect of the Seme m such a Mizon-scene. I.N.B.—
you know—the one who has the fluffy fringe over her jfffiHffiM Jeudemot forwarded by our own Prefect of the In-Seme. J
forehead—and the brute bounced against us, and sent us ^j/fflffl™^
Hying. Never even apologised. If I could have got him From Newcastle.—Mr. Hamond, M.P. for Newcastle,
outside, I declare I would have given him a deuced good M W charged Mr. John Morley with having made a certain
hiding. A man like that ought to be kicked. y^M^^^^ statement. Mr. Morley denied it, and asked Mr. Hamond
Uninvited 31. Were the women any better ? ^^W^ ^ to substantiate the charge. Mr. Hamond could not do this,
Algy. Well, if you call Mrs. Dash any better ! ^> nor did he apologise. Is this the "''Amond honorahle^ f
vol. era.
e