DOI Heft:
September 3, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0102
September 3, 1892.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
97
NOT GOING AWAY FOR
THE HOLIDAYS.
Coolcson Gaze, Q.C. Be-
cause Maria votes East-
bourne vulgar, and the
girls (sorry now I sent them
to that finishing-school at
Clapham) laugh so con-
sumeclly whenever I open
my mouth to address a
native if we go to Trouville
or Dinard.
C. Jumper. Because the
Governor thinks three days
in the year enough for any-
body.
JEastend Dr. Because
that fiver will just give
little Sally the breath of
sea-air she wants, and she '11
never make a good cure
unless she has it.
Reg. Rake. Because
wife says she shall certainly
accompany me.
Barmaid. Because I've
just been ill for a fort-
night from overwork, and
the Company say they can't
give any more leave.
Eastend Clergyman (of
any church). Because there
are hundreds who want it
more than I do, and I must
help them to] get a change
first.
Major Hornblower. Be-
cause MacCracshott (the
only man who has asked
me) was in the smoking-
room the night I was fool
enough to tell that Snipe
and llhinoceros Story of
Peyton's in the first person.
Quiverful. Because
there 's another pair.
Epitaph on an Old
Cricketer's Tombstone.
—"Out at 70."
n »- u'. $ v is i
1 v
HAPPY THOUGHT.
Obliging Country Butcher. "Let me out it into Cutlets for you, Ma'am,
—leaving just enough Bone for you to hold 'em by, while you 're
Eating 'em !"
MUSICAL NOTES.
Popping a Question.—
The Daily News, in its last
week's "Music and Musi-
cians," informs us that
"Mr. Chappell has now
definitely decided that the
season of Monday Popular
Concerts shall this year
commence on a Tuesday."
Sure then it must be Mister
0'Chappell, the Chappell
by the hill-side, who arran-
ges to have his first "Mon-
day Pop" on a Tuesday?
If he be going out shooting
on his own native heath,
his name O'Chappell, then
there 's no reason why he
shouldn't have his first pop
on a Tuesday, only it
couldn't be his Monday
Pop, could it now? Or if he
drinks Mr. R.'s health in
Pommery '80 (grand vin !),
or let 'ssay Poppery '80, he
could do so on a Tuesday,
only it would no longer be
the "MondayPop." That's
all. Sure 'tis mighty con-
fusing and upsets the week
entirely. If Tuesday is to
have all the Pop, what's to
become of Monday? For
further particulars inquire
at the Pop-shop, Bond
Street.
The next great Musical
Event is at the Gloucester
Festival—it is Dr. Robert
Parry "on the Job."
This, though the work of
a thoroughly English Com-
poser, may yet be con-
sidered as an "Article de
Rarry"
"Mars in Opposi-
tion."—" Mother says I
mustn't."
THIS PICTURE AND THAT.
(Extracts from the Diary of a Lover of the Beautiful.)
First Extract.—Really an excellent notion to buy an estate,
instead of picking up what Mr. Bud yard Kipling calls a '' smeared
thing." Got one, too, pretty cheap. Twenty miles from a railway
station, but so much the better. Buskin hates railway stations, and
so do I. Never can make them look picturesque. The Agent tells me
my place is famous for its sunsets; also good moonlight effects on
occasions. Pretty village, too, in the background. Altogether,
most satisfactory. After all, Nature is much better than Art.
Second Extract.—Dullerton-on-the-Slush is a charming spot, but
it has its drawbacks. Tretty, but damp. Eog interferes a good
deal with the sunsets, and hides the moon at the wrong moment.
Village deliciously out of repair. But tenants unreasonable.
Offered to put up some red brick roofs for them, which would have
looked charming, but they insist upon having slates. Wish they
would consent to having a few cows in the fields, but they say they
prefer pigstyes. Have consulted a builder and a gardener, and they
think that they could " run up" a stye between them, and cover it
over with shrubs. Tenants object. They say the pigs would not
like it, and might eat the shrubs with fatal results. All this
annoying, but still the view from my dining-room window
charming. It reminds me not a little of Constable, Linnell, not
to say Old Crome.
Third Extract.—Further troubles. Tenants are really very dis-
agreeable, and they have no feeling for Art. They have cut down
a lot of ornamental trees, and they won't grow the right sort of
crops,—I mean from a picturesque point of view. As agriculturists
they may be all right, but that's not my point. I did not buy the
estate to try how "roots" would thrive, Then they will burn
weeds, and hang out clothes to dry—clothes without any regard to
contrast of colour. Eyesores meet me everywhere. I am really not
sure whether I acted wisely in trusting to a House-agent instead of a
Picture-dealer. " Pictures by Nature " are not as reliable as they
should be.
Fourth Extract.—This is really too bad! A perambulating Circus
has pitched its tent on the Village Green! When I say tent, I
make a mistake; it is a beastly ugly iron thing, that looks simply
hideous, and from the durable stoutness of its construction, it
evidently is going to be a fixture for some time. My tenants
support the Circus people, and my Agent tells me, that if I
interfere, my life will be made a burden to me. It appears my
tenants are "a very unruly lot when they are irritated." Pleasant!
Fifth Extract.—The Circus won't go. And now I find I can't get
any of my rents. My agent tells me, that my tenants never would
settle with their last landlord. Besides, they expect me to pay for
the damage done to their dwellings by the floods. They say it was
my fault, because I would put up a bank and plantation in my back
garden. Only light in the general gloom is, the prospect my Agent
holds out to me of getting rid of the property for me to another lover
of the picturesque. Scarcely fair; but after all, or rather before all,
must take care of Number One.
Last Extract.—Hurray ! Sold my estate to another fellow.
However, on looking over my accounts, I fancy I should have found
it cheaper if, in the first instance, I had bought a chromo lithograph!
Epitaph.—An Alpining Traveller sends us, on the "Bar" Hotel
lately destroyed at Grindelwald, the following adapted and
reversified quotation:—
" Good-bye to the Bar—
And it's moaning " we are!
vol. cm.
K
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
97
NOT GOING AWAY FOR
THE HOLIDAYS.
Coolcson Gaze, Q.C. Be-
cause Maria votes East-
bourne vulgar, and the
girls (sorry now I sent them
to that finishing-school at
Clapham) laugh so con-
sumeclly whenever I open
my mouth to address a
native if we go to Trouville
or Dinard.
C. Jumper. Because the
Governor thinks three days
in the year enough for any-
body.
JEastend Dr. Because
that fiver will just give
little Sally the breath of
sea-air she wants, and she '11
never make a good cure
unless she has it.
Reg. Rake. Because
wife says she shall certainly
accompany me.
Barmaid. Because I've
just been ill for a fort-
night from overwork, and
the Company say they can't
give any more leave.
Eastend Clergyman (of
any church). Because there
are hundreds who want it
more than I do, and I must
help them to] get a change
first.
Major Hornblower. Be-
cause MacCracshott (the
only man who has asked
me) was in the smoking-
room the night I was fool
enough to tell that Snipe
and llhinoceros Story of
Peyton's in the first person.
Quiverful. Because
there 's another pair.
Epitaph on an Old
Cricketer's Tombstone.
—"Out at 70."
n »- u'. $ v is i
1 v
HAPPY THOUGHT.
Obliging Country Butcher. "Let me out it into Cutlets for you, Ma'am,
—leaving just enough Bone for you to hold 'em by, while you 're
Eating 'em !"
MUSICAL NOTES.
Popping a Question.—
The Daily News, in its last
week's "Music and Musi-
cians," informs us that
"Mr. Chappell has now
definitely decided that the
season of Monday Popular
Concerts shall this year
commence on a Tuesday."
Sure then it must be Mister
0'Chappell, the Chappell
by the hill-side, who arran-
ges to have his first "Mon-
day Pop" on a Tuesday?
If he be going out shooting
on his own native heath,
his name O'Chappell, then
there 's no reason why he
shouldn't have his first pop
on a Tuesday, only it
couldn't be his Monday
Pop, could it now? Or if he
drinks Mr. R.'s health in
Pommery '80 (grand vin !),
or let 'ssay Poppery '80, he
could do so on a Tuesday,
only it would no longer be
the "MondayPop." That's
all. Sure 'tis mighty con-
fusing and upsets the week
entirely. If Tuesday is to
have all the Pop, what's to
become of Monday? For
further particulars inquire
at the Pop-shop, Bond
Street.
The next great Musical
Event is at the Gloucester
Festival—it is Dr. Robert
Parry "on the Job."
This, though the work of
a thoroughly English Com-
poser, may yet be con-
sidered as an "Article de
Rarry"
"Mars in Opposi-
tion."—" Mother says I
mustn't."
THIS PICTURE AND THAT.
(Extracts from the Diary of a Lover of the Beautiful.)
First Extract.—Really an excellent notion to buy an estate,
instead of picking up what Mr. Bud yard Kipling calls a '' smeared
thing." Got one, too, pretty cheap. Twenty miles from a railway
station, but so much the better. Buskin hates railway stations, and
so do I. Never can make them look picturesque. The Agent tells me
my place is famous for its sunsets; also good moonlight effects on
occasions. Pretty village, too, in the background. Altogether,
most satisfactory. After all, Nature is much better than Art.
Second Extract.—Dullerton-on-the-Slush is a charming spot, but
it has its drawbacks. Tretty, but damp. Eog interferes a good
deal with the sunsets, and hides the moon at the wrong moment.
Village deliciously out of repair. But tenants unreasonable.
Offered to put up some red brick roofs for them, which would have
looked charming, but they insist upon having slates. Wish they
would consent to having a few cows in the fields, but they say they
prefer pigstyes. Have consulted a builder and a gardener, and they
think that they could " run up" a stye between them, and cover it
over with shrubs. Tenants object. They say the pigs would not
like it, and might eat the shrubs with fatal results. All this
annoying, but still the view from my dining-room window
charming. It reminds me not a little of Constable, Linnell, not
to say Old Crome.
Third Extract.—Further troubles. Tenants are really very dis-
agreeable, and they have no feeling for Art. They have cut down
a lot of ornamental trees, and they won't grow the right sort of
crops,—I mean from a picturesque point of view. As agriculturists
they may be all right, but that's not my point. I did not buy the
estate to try how "roots" would thrive, Then they will burn
weeds, and hang out clothes to dry—clothes without any regard to
contrast of colour. Eyesores meet me everywhere. I am really not
sure whether I acted wisely in trusting to a House-agent instead of a
Picture-dealer. " Pictures by Nature " are not as reliable as they
should be.
Fourth Extract.—This is really too bad! A perambulating Circus
has pitched its tent on the Village Green! When I say tent, I
make a mistake; it is a beastly ugly iron thing, that looks simply
hideous, and from the durable stoutness of its construction, it
evidently is going to be a fixture for some time. My tenants
support the Circus people, and my Agent tells me, that if I
interfere, my life will be made a burden to me. It appears my
tenants are "a very unruly lot when they are irritated." Pleasant!
Fifth Extract.—The Circus won't go. And now I find I can't get
any of my rents. My agent tells me, that my tenants never would
settle with their last landlord. Besides, they expect me to pay for
the damage done to their dwellings by the floods. They say it was
my fault, because I would put up a bank and plantation in my back
garden. Only light in the general gloom is, the prospect my Agent
holds out to me of getting rid of the property for me to another lover
of the picturesque. Scarcely fair; but after all, or rather before all,
must take care of Number One.
Last Extract.—Hurray ! Sold my estate to another fellow.
However, on looking over my accounts, I fancy I should have found
it cheaper if, in the first instance, I had bought a chromo lithograph!
Epitaph.—An Alpining Traveller sends us, on the "Bar" Hotel
lately destroyed at Grindelwald, the following adapted and
reversified quotation:—
" Good-bye to the Bar—
And it's moaning " we are!
vol. cm.
K