DOI Heft:
July 16, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0027
July 16, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 21
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.
Lady Godiva. "Now promise me, you dear good Man, promise me you'll
Vote for Lord James, and I'll—I'll diy you a Tjss!"
it is opened, there will be Knighthoods for the Sheriffs,
and a Baronetcy for the Lord Mayor."
"And yet," pondered the New-Zealander, "I was
certainly informed by wire, that the glory of Britain had
vanished for ever."
" Yery likely an Election cry," observed Mr. Punch.
" In the midst of a contested polling, both sides think
the success of their rivals must be followed by imme-
diate disaster. But somehow or other, things settle
down afterwards, and nothing comes of it. Which-
ever side wins, the old flag floats in the wind as gaily
and as prosperously as ever."
" And yet I was certainly told that the sun of Eng-
land had set never to rise again," persisted the Aborigi-
nal, who seemed to be of an obstinate turn of mind.
" Now I remember—the cause was something to do with
Diamonds and Henley. Stay, the bright brains of the
nation had disappeared. I recollect, the Diamond Sculls
of the nation (once so great) had passed to foreigners."
"Ah, now I take your meaning." said the National Repre-
sentative, with a smile, '' and you must have heard of the
result of the race for the Diamond Sculls at Henley."
"That must be it," acquiesced the New-Zealander. " I
had f argotten to take into account possible errors in trans-
mission. But tell me, has there been a national defeat?"
"Well, yes," admitted Mr. Punch, with a sigh—
"we did not come out altogether satisfactorily. Even
the second man was a Frenchman—albeit, his name was
suggestive of dear old Scotland."
And do you mean to say," said the New-Zealander,
"that the best scullers of England were beaten by a
boating-man from the Seine ?"
" It is too true, and the Frenchman himself succumbed
to a Dutchman—yes, we confess it, and with shame."
"I don't see why you should," returned the other,
changing his tone to one of greater satisfaction. "Asa
New-Zealander, I observe nothing degrading in the
superiority of Old Holland." And considering the
prowess of Yan Tromp in the past, there was perhaps
nothing so strange in the triumph of Ooms in the present.
THE END OE HENLEY.
{Fragment from a Historical Sketch yd to he written,.)
It was shortly after the middle of July, 1892, that the Great Re-
presentative of the British Race stood upon the Yictoria Embank-
ment, watching the river-steamers as they passed to and fro. There
were few persons about, for the General Election was over, and
civilised London was out of Town. Some of civilised London had
gone abroad, some were in
Scotland, some by the Sea.
So the Great Representative
expected to see no one.
" Mr. Punch, I believe ! "
said some one, approaching
the Great Representative.
The, speaker was a person
who wore a garb peculiarly
suitable to the autumnal
sultriness of the weather.
He had about a couple of
yards of calico, and one good
coating of serviceable paint.
The Great Representative
bowed bis head, and by a gesture, invited further explanation.
" I am connected with the literary world, and am a Colonist. I am
known, or used to be known (for I am getting a trifle ;out of date),
as Lord Macatjlay's New-Zealander."
Again the Great Representative bowed. He knew his visitor, and
bade him welcome. Then he asked him the cause of his visit.
"Well, I really don't know," replied the New-Zealander, with a
short laugh. " I am afraid I must have been hoaxed. I was told
that England was absolutely ruined, and was looking for a comfort-
able seat amongst the remains of London Bridge."
"You see you are slightly premature," returned the Great Repre-
sentative, pointing towards a more or less majestic pile in the offing.
" There was some talk of rebuilding the structure some short while
ago, but a viaduct near the Tower was considered preferable. When
"TO PAY OR NOT TO PAY,THAT IS THE B1SLEYNESS."
My dear Mr. Punch,—I see that the receipts of the
National Rifle Association have fallen off, and that
there is a proposal to make the Bisley Meeting this year
rather more attractive than its predecessors. The Camp
is to be open, and there are to be Concerts and other distractions. But
is this enough ? Once confess that Rifle-shooting is not the sole busi-
ness of the gathering, and the way is cleared for more amusing
items. All that is wanted to convert a semi-failure into a
triumphant success, is a Manager who could combine entertainment
with instruction, thus :—
6 a.m.—Gun-fire. The Camp awakes, and, to the music of the
band, gets up. Reserved seats in band-enclosure, sixpence extra.
7 a.m.—Balloon Ascent. Firing at the sun with revolvers by
trained aeronauts. Seats in parachutes, five shillings a-piece.
8 a.m.—Early performance of Buffalo Bill before his departure
for Earl's Court. Prices as usual.
9 a.m.—Sham Fight, augmented by Menagerie from Travelling
Circus. Cards to visit the stables, half-a-crown.
10 a.m.—Representation of Siege Scene from Yenice in London,
under the title of " The Bridge of Sighs within measuring distance
of Woking Cemetery." Season tickets, half-a-guinea.
11 a.m.—Performance of the Battle of Waterloo by veterans, late
of Astley's Theatre. Families and schools half-price.
12 Noon.—Yisit of Royalty, and Presentation of Purses. No
Purse accepted containing less than two pounds ten.
1 p.m.—Grand Luncheon, with speeches by tho leading Military
Authorities, followed by a Smoking Concert. One-and-sixpence.
2 p.m.— Variety Show, including several of the best Lion Comiques,
and the astounding performances of the Bounding Brothers of
Bohemia. Stalls, ten shillings. Soldiers in uniform admitted at a
considerable reduction.
3 p.m.—Cricket Match between the famous Clown Eleven versus
the Ladies' Sixteen. Grand Stand, three-and-six.
4 p.m.—Comic Carnival, entitled, " Rollicksome Riflemen, or the
Yicissitudes of the Yolunteers." Reserved Seats, ninepence.
There, my dear Sir, I think I have written enough. _ If there was
any time to spare, the shooting programme might still be carried
out; but business is business, and only by the means I have indicated
(in my opinion) can Bisley be made to pay; Trusting that my sugges-
tion may be accepted in the spirit in which it is offered, I remain,
Yours truly, Dividend Before Defence.
The Money Grubberies, the Twenty of Shillingsworth-in-the-Pound.
HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.
Lady Godiva. "Now promise me, you dear good Man, promise me you'll
Vote for Lord James, and I'll—I'll diy you a Tjss!"
it is opened, there will be Knighthoods for the Sheriffs,
and a Baronetcy for the Lord Mayor."
"And yet," pondered the New-Zealander, "I was
certainly informed by wire, that the glory of Britain had
vanished for ever."
" Yery likely an Election cry," observed Mr. Punch.
" In the midst of a contested polling, both sides think
the success of their rivals must be followed by imme-
diate disaster. But somehow or other, things settle
down afterwards, and nothing comes of it. Which-
ever side wins, the old flag floats in the wind as gaily
and as prosperously as ever."
" And yet I was certainly told that the sun of Eng-
land had set never to rise again," persisted the Aborigi-
nal, who seemed to be of an obstinate turn of mind.
" Now I remember—the cause was something to do with
Diamonds and Henley. Stay, the bright brains of the
nation had disappeared. I recollect, the Diamond Sculls
of the nation (once so great) had passed to foreigners."
"Ah, now I take your meaning." said the National Repre-
sentative, with a smile, '' and you must have heard of the
result of the race for the Diamond Sculls at Henley."
"That must be it," acquiesced the New-Zealander. " I
had f argotten to take into account possible errors in trans-
mission. But tell me, has there been a national defeat?"
"Well, yes," admitted Mr. Punch, with a sigh—
"we did not come out altogether satisfactorily. Even
the second man was a Frenchman—albeit, his name was
suggestive of dear old Scotland."
And do you mean to say," said the New-Zealander,
"that the best scullers of England were beaten by a
boating-man from the Seine ?"
" It is too true, and the Frenchman himself succumbed
to a Dutchman—yes, we confess it, and with shame."
"I don't see why you should," returned the other,
changing his tone to one of greater satisfaction. "Asa
New-Zealander, I observe nothing degrading in the
superiority of Old Holland." And considering the
prowess of Yan Tromp in the past, there was perhaps
nothing so strange in the triumph of Ooms in the present.
THE END OE HENLEY.
{Fragment from a Historical Sketch yd to he written,.)
It was shortly after the middle of July, 1892, that the Great Re-
presentative of the British Race stood upon the Yictoria Embank-
ment, watching the river-steamers as they passed to and fro. There
were few persons about, for the General Election was over, and
civilised London was out of Town. Some of civilised London had
gone abroad, some were in
Scotland, some by the Sea.
So the Great Representative
expected to see no one.
" Mr. Punch, I believe ! "
said some one, approaching
the Great Representative.
The, speaker was a person
who wore a garb peculiarly
suitable to the autumnal
sultriness of the weather.
He had about a couple of
yards of calico, and one good
coating of serviceable paint.
The Great Representative
bowed bis head, and by a gesture, invited further explanation.
" I am connected with the literary world, and am a Colonist. I am
known, or used to be known (for I am getting a trifle ;out of date),
as Lord Macatjlay's New-Zealander."
Again the Great Representative bowed. He knew his visitor, and
bade him welcome. Then he asked him the cause of his visit.
"Well, I really don't know," replied the New-Zealander, with a
short laugh. " I am afraid I must have been hoaxed. I was told
that England was absolutely ruined, and was looking for a comfort-
able seat amongst the remains of London Bridge."
"You see you are slightly premature," returned the Great Repre-
sentative, pointing towards a more or less majestic pile in the offing.
" There was some talk of rebuilding the structure some short while
ago, but a viaduct near the Tower was considered preferable. When
"TO PAY OR NOT TO PAY,THAT IS THE B1SLEYNESS."
My dear Mr. Punch,—I see that the receipts of the
National Rifle Association have fallen off, and that
there is a proposal to make the Bisley Meeting this year
rather more attractive than its predecessors. The Camp
is to be open, and there are to be Concerts and other distractions. But
is this enough ? Once confess that Rifle-shooting is not the sole busi-
ness of the gathering, and the way is cleared for more amusing
items. All that is wanted to convert a semi-failure into a
triumphant success, is a Manager who could combine entertainment
with instruction, thus :—
6 a.m.—Gun-fire. The Camp awakes, and, to the music of the
band, gets up. Reserved seats in band-enclosure, sixpence extra.
7 a.m.—Balloon Ascent. Firing at the sun with revolvers by
trained aeronauts. Seats in parachutes, five shillings a-piece.
8 a.m.—Early performance of Buffalo Bill before his departure
for Earl's Court. Prices as usual.
9 a.m.—Sham Fight, augmented by Menagerie from Travelling
Circus. Cards to visit the stables, half-a-crown.
10 a.m.—Representation of Siege Scene from Yenice in London,
under the title of " The Bridge of Sighs within measuring distance
of Woking Cemetery." Season tickets, half-a-guinea.
11 a.m.—Performance of the Battle of Waterloo by veterans, late
of Astley's Theatre. Families and schools half-price.
12 Noon.—Yisit of Royalty, and Presentation of Purses. No
Purse accepted containing less than two pounds ten.
1 p.m.—Grand Luncheon, with speeches by tho leading Military
Authorities, followed by a Smoking Concert. One-and-sixpence.
2 p.m.— Variety Show, including several of the best Lion Comiques,
and the astounding performances of the Bounding Brothers of
Bohemia. Stalls, ten shillings. Soldiers in uniform admitted at a
considerable reduction.
3 p.m.—Cricket Match between the famous Clown Eleven versus
the Ladies' Sixteen. Grand Stand, three-and-six.
4 p.m.—Comic Carnival, entitled, " Rollicksome Riflemen, or the
Yicissitudes of the Yolunteers." Reserved Seats, ninepence.
There, my dear Sir, I think I have written enough. _ If there was
any time to spare, the shooting programme might still be carried
out; but business is business, and only by the means I have indicated
(in my opinion) can Bisley be made to pay; Trusting that my sugges-
tion may be accepted in the spirit in which it is offered, I remain,
Yours truly, Dividend Before Defence.
The Money Grubberies, the Twenty of Shillingsworth-in-the-Pound.