Punch: Punch (103.1892)

July 23, 1892.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

27

DUST AND HASHES.

Sib,—"When I first took my present house, I was
advised to get a Sanitary Dust-bin, instead of the old
brick one which existed in my back-yard. One of the
blessings predicted for my Sanitary Dust-bin, was, that
it was easily removable." I find this to be the case.
It has already been removed by some area-sneak, and as I
have got rid of the old brick dust-bin, the Yestry
threaten to prosecute me for creating a nuisance, be-
cause my dust is now placed in a corner under my front
steps. What am I to do Y—Aggrieved Householder.

Sra,—I find that the law recently passed against tips
to Dustmen is quite unknown—at all events, to the
Dustmen themselves. My servants, I find, go on freely
bribing these functionaries, to remove bones and vege-
table refuse. Their rate of tipping, as far as I can make
out, is about a halfpenny per bone. If I were now to
enforce the law and forbid tips, I foresee that the Dust-
carts would have pressing business elsewhere, and would
visit me about once a month. Then would follow a
regime of " big, big, D.s "—in the window—which would
be intolerable. I prefer tipping to typhoid.

Yours long sufferingly, Yictim of the Yestries.

Sir,—The Yestry is quite right to insist on every house
burning up its own odds and ends. The true domestic
motto is—" Every kitchen its own crematorium." I do
this habitually, out of publie spirit. It is true that a
sickening odour permeates the house for an hour or two
of every day, created by the combustion of dinner rem-
nants ; also that most of my family suffer from bad sore
throats, which they attribute to this cause. What of
that P The truly good Citizen will prefer to poison himself
rather than his neighbours. A Clerkenwell Cato.

Sir,—I recently purchased Dodger's Digest of Dustbin
Law, and recommend it to the perusal of every house-
holder. In the case of The Vestry of Shoreditch v.
Grimes, Lord Justice Slush remarks — "The Yestry
complains that the Defendant's bin was improperly
covered; that, in fact, it was not under coverture. To
this the Defendant replies that his bin was void ab initio,
as there was nothing in it. Then the question arises
whether the Defendant's Cook was justified in tipping
the Dustman into the empty bin, considering that the
Legislature has distinctly forbidden tips of all kinds to
Dustmen. I am of opinion that the Cook was the De-
fendant's agent, and that the rule of qui facit per alium
facit per se applies here. The Cook's proceeding was
undoubtedly tortious; it was not a criminal action,
though it certainly cannot be called a civil one. I
agree with my brother Chippy that the ratio decidendi
must be, whether the Dustman, in coming to clean out
an empty dust-bin, had a malus [animus or no. On all
these points I hold that judgment must be for the Yes-
try." Your readers will see the importance of such clear
obiter dicta. Yours, Amateur Lawyer.

PROOF POSITIVE.

"I can't think how that Impression got about, Lady Gwendoline. I

spend half my time in contradicting it. our new member is by no

means a Small Man. I've been on the Platform with him often, and

he stands fully as tall as I do ! "

THE CEY OF THE CHILDEEN.

Soon on Piccadilly's pavement solitude once more will reign;
Soon the Park will be a desert, for the Season's on the wane ;
In Belgravia's lordly mansions nearly all the blinds are down,
For " the Family is gone, Sir,"—not a soul is left in Town.

South to Switzerland they hurry, to explore each
snowy fell;

North to Scotland's moors and forests, where the

grouse and red-deer dwell;
Carlsbad, Homburg, Trouville, Norway, soon

their jaded eyes will view ;
For Society is speeding 4' to fresh woods and
pastures new."

Everyone is gone or going,—everyone, that is,
one knows,— [ing to its close.

And the "Great Elections' " Season fast is draw-
Never surely was a poorer; such dull dinners, so
few balls,

Such an Epsom, such an Ascot, or so many empty Btalls.

Gone the Season, with its dances, with its concerts and its fetes,
With its weddings and divorces, with its dinners and debates ;
Cone are all its vapid pleasures, all its easy charities,
Cone its causes celebres and scandals, gone its tears and tragedies.

Weary legislators envy still more weary chaperons ;—
Much they know the truth who deem them of Society the drones ;—
All the maidens are ennuyees, vow they " can't do anymore,"
All the gilded youth are yawning—everything's a horrid bore.

Hearken then, ye youths and maidens, favoured Children of the
West,

East and South and North are children, who are hungering for rest.
They have never seen the country, never heard the streamlet flow :
London pavements, London darkness, London squalor,—these they
know.

Not for them to range the moorland, or to climb the mountain-side;
They must linger on in London, till the grave their sorrows hide. #
From year's end to dreary year's end they must pace the noisy
street.

Do you hear the ceaseless echo of their weary, weary feet ?

Just one day without your wine, Sir ! Madam, just one ribbon less,
And one wearied child in London from afar your name will bless.
Think, ere now you seek your boredom in fresh pleasure-draughts to
drown,

Three or four benighted Millions still are left behind in Town !

General Opinion on Appointment of New Chairman of the
Board of Inland Revenue.—"Milner's Safe."