DOI Heft:
July 23, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0034
28
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 23, 1892.
CANVASSERS AND CANVASSED.
(An Electioneering Reminiscence.)
Scents—A narrow South London Street of tioo-storeyed houses, with a
Rag-and- Bone Shop at one end and a Public House at the other.
Time, about four o'clock on a warm Saturday afternoon, Enter
Mr. Carlton-Jeriiyn, a middle-aged gentleman, in faultless
get-up, who, in a moment of weakness, has undertaken to can-
vass the district for his friend, the Conservative Candidate.
Mr. C.-J. (to himself, as he regards his surroundings with dismay,
and tries to arrange his canvassing-cards). I suppose this is Little
Anna Maria Street ? I didn't understand at the Committee Rooms
that it was quite such a—however, T must do my best for dear old
Tilney. Who 's the first man I must see and " use my best endea-
vours to persuade him into promising his vote ?" Ah, Mr. J.
Splukge, No. 1. (He picks his way delicately along, attempting to
make out the numbers on the doors, which are all thrown back;
female residents ivatch him from doorsteps and windows with amused
interest.) No. 5 ; No. 3 ; the next is No. 1. (It is; but the entrance is
Mr. C.-J. (diplomatically, as Mrs. G. sloicly edges towards the
door). Might I suggest, Mrs. GuEErN, that you should use the—er—
influence which every woman possesses, to—er —induce your husband
—(here he suddenly becomes aware that Mrs. Guffin has a very pro-
nounced black eye); but perhaps I ought not to ask you.
Mrs. G. Well, my opinion is—if you want someone to tork over
my 'usband to your side, you'd better come and do it yourself;
because /ain't goin' to. So there ! \_She retires to the basement again.
First Dish. W. If you toffs can't do nothink better than come
'ere makin' mischief between a man and his wife, you'd better stop
at 'ome, that you 'ad!
Mr. C.-J. (to himself). Upon my word, I believe she's right!
But I never noticed the poor woman's eye before. I wish I could
find one of the men in, and have a talk with him—much more
satisfactory ! (Knocks at No. 4.) Is Mr. Bulcher at home P
Mr. B. (lurching out of a room on the ground-floor). Qui' c'rect,
Gruv'nor—thash me!
Mr. C.-J. I wanted to see you, Mr. Bulcher, to ask if we may
count upon your support for the Conservative Candidate at the Elec-
tion. I need hardly point out to you the—er—vital importance of-
blocked by a small infant with a very Mr. B. (slouching against the pas-
dirty face, who is slung in a baby- I M^/yMf^^k\1tMM\ lT^~ i'i sage-wall, opposite Mr. C.-J.). 'Old
chair between the door-posts.) Very j;^>^9^^^^MW|| i I 11,/ ;i S » on, Gruv'nor, lemme ashk you thish
embarrassing, really! Can't ask such Wmk^M^M^^mV • aaSBfll] : I, i I <luest;ion, 'fore we go any furrer.
a child as this if Mr. Splurge is at iMg^^MlM^Hfj!! .jf"_. Hi §1 ! |; m ' W // / / Wharriwanter 'ear from you is—'Ow
home! I '11 knock. (Stretches for ^H||H^9||| 3 f ■! ■ <J j j 'm I goin' git little bit o' good outer
the knocker across the child, who, 1^^^|^^^Pffi||P; / • ' ^flP^SSfl" HmMm' /''/'' I thesh 'lections for myshelf, You
misinterpreting his intentions, sets up ^M^P^^^B|I|| i |^r._ rw\l\ II ///'/' / / urmershtand me ? What good Con-
a howl.) My good child, I assure WS^^^^^^Mlil Efc—~- fjp^j-^ |Ui% f| j/llj/l ' I shervative gov'men' ever done er
you ... for Heaven's sake, don't! . . M^m^^^SSmvi ^1^1Mmi>\ p M1! II Ml I workin' man—d' yer shee ? Why,
wonder whether I ought to kiss ||i|jg|f\!| |j| [I never—not in all their born daysh !
it—some fellows would ! ^^fflKw^Hl lr 1 .^^Jrmmi^m^^\\ • I ''I I'i You take that shtraight from me.
Female Voice (from side-window). ^^^^^9||| fiE^ \' I if fi'i C.-J. But surely—er—it was
You leave that pore child alone, will ^^^^^^^^fflS|ff|J f't.' ' ^^///iMx^^^^^v \ '> %\ \\\ a Conservative Grovernment that gave
yer—or I'll come out and tork to ()' '"^^^^W^sVi - ^B^W^^^SB^^\\ I mm \f> you *ree Education ?
you, d'y'ear? f||ff; -wisH I FBj ^HEj«GHS£6iK^li | Jill I I Mr.B. (knowingly). No,itwashn't,
Mr. C.-J. (to himself). That's ["•^M^^^f^Bt\ 1 lB^^L^^^^^^ - ' Gruv'nor. There yer wrong, d'yer
Mrs. Splurge! I think, perhaps, ^^^^^BfjMfl 1 J-i'l^F see ? It wash er Radical* give us
I'd better not wait. (With an in- „ ^ J^§^|| I fmH^%^^^^^ Free Education. And whatsh Free
spiration.) 1'11 leave a card. (Drops |$Pv;v ^f^mm^W' II U. 4J""! ssa^BBHlNBgBP© M Education er me? Wouldn' say
one of his visiting-cards in the child's f^JPfife $Z^§ffl^m l\ I -J'<\~ l^HuvfeBii^Ki ;' Thank yer frail Free Education in
lap — to its exceeding terror — and rW^^^WIS fr^ib' SSmB (ISB^ II er wide world !
retreats.) I'm afraid I haven't pro- ^^^^^X^V^W ^-\\ pSti wBti&MffiiiSSir |p\ (recognising that he
duced a very favourable impression, a^^-^^-iy^mSK \ - I^^MB^^^^ Bl must strike a stronger chord). Well,
so far. I'll try No. 2, across the [^^^Is^^^^^alj]I ]ME3if~':^ WKM^SI^^^^w\ a* a^ events you will admit that,
street. (lie approaches a doorstep W^M^^lS^S^ |l#jff J^"^S^^^^m^^^ im\ during the last six years, you have
upon which two stout and dishevelled ilj^lfS^Vf^ rVjk) \Wa^^$mB^^f^&l^^^: Wt\ been—er—peaceful and prosperous ?
Women are seated.) Er—I beg your ^%ljJiK, ^jfeA W^lKSmF^^a^^al^^^^^ ft\ Jfr. 5. (beerily). I've been peash-
pardon, but could you kindly inform ^^M^J^^^^^^r'fmm. Vful and proshperous ever sinsh I was
me if Mr.—tr—(consulting card)— ^^^^^^W"-^^^DX 4tH^'^M^^^/ born. No, look 'ere, Guv'nr, I'm
Guffin is at home ? M||MferM^l.i|^^ ftf ^v'^^^B^^^^^" torken to you'bout wharri unner-
First Woman (with sarcasm). Now WBBllMOT^W]'' ^^wfe^^K^ shtan\ d'yer see? Jes' you lishen
f/o yer think he's nothink else to do .: t^^^PP^^Brpffiffii>;' ^^t^^^m ' er wharri'm ^?in tel1 vou- i^re he
but set indoors in a arm-cheer all (g||||pS2^ -"^wl¥§1:tilfe^l^^^ ^^l^^F punctuates his remarks by poking
ilTr. C.-cT. I—I thought—I hoped r^^gj^^^Tl ' rv^^P^T Wrorkin' man's gettin' more and
—that, it being Saturday, I might be ---___ ,"lr ~\%$\ more'telligent everyday—he'shqui'
— er—fortunate enough—have I the f • __iy^^/""i^^/ capable lookin' after his own inte-
pleasure of addressing Mrs. GrUFEiN ? j '^^^~^^^T" j'j'/i/'i ~ 'W^i^ I :'"'+')Mr- rests- What he wantch is, One Man
{Both Women are convulsed with \ —- ,„•„'■ iI -j *?rssmm&&J^J^^^/ "T^^^:- One Vote, lledooced Hours o' La-
uncontrollable mirth. | > rj.jiiLM^^^^^^^^6*^ Jtw™'} lZ)^-~ hour,'Ome Eule for London, an'the
Second Woman (on recovering— ? • li-^^^S^--=nfZL^^<^MP»^ Control of the Liquor Traffic ! What
calling doivn the passage). 'Ere, ' -^»3?^ ^ j^^g^gj. Gladshto^te say ? Edu-
Mrs. Guffin, yer wanted. 'Ere's a «j wonder whether I ought to Am it-some fellows would! " cated and 'telligent clashes alwaysh
gentleman come to see yer! wrong — mashes always rt'/ An'
hain't J 'telligent an' educated ? Very we//, then. There you 'erre it.
Mr. C.-J. But—er—don't you see, my friend, that, according to
Mr. Gladstone, the more intelligent and educated you are, the more
you 're wrong ?
Mrs. Guffin (appearing from the basement, and standing at the
further end of the passage). Well, what does he want?
Mr. C.-J. (raising his hat, and sending his voice down the passage
to her). I ventured to call, Mrs. Guffin, in the hope of finding your
husband at home, and ascertaining his—er—political sympathies, in " Mr. B. Nothing of—er—kind. Don' you make any mishtake.
view of the Election. I ain't wrong. I gommy 'pinions—my p'litical 'pinions, and the
Mrs. Guffin. Oh, it's about the voting, is it ? Are you for a prinshiples I go 'pon are—Down with—er—Tories!
Conservatory? Mr. C.-J. In that case, Mr. Bulcher, I need not occupy your
Mr. C.-J. For a — ? Oh, to be sure, yes. I came to ask Mr. ; time any longer, so I'11 say-
Guffin to support Sir Tilney Bruton, the Conservative Candidate. I Mr. B. (buttonholing him). Don' you go 'way, Guv'nor,' fore I've
Perhaps if I called again, I might-? j finished torkin. I've lishened aB you gorrer say—now itsh my turn
Mrs. Guffin (in a matter - of - fact tone). I don't ezpect my
'usband 'ome till late, and then he 11 be drunk.
Mr. C.-J. Just so. But I trust, Mrs. Guffin, your husband feels
the importance of maintaining the Union-?
Mrs. Guffin. He did belong, I know, but I think his branch broke
up, or somethink.
Mr. C.-J. (puzzled). Ah, but I mean in—er—politics—I hope he is
opposed to granting Home Rule to Ireland ?
Mrs. G. He don't tell me nothing about his politics, but I've
eard him say he was Radikil.
talk, and I tell you er Conshervative Gov'men ish a downri'—
&c, &c.
Mr. C.-J. (escaping, after ten minutes'1 incoherence). I'm afraid
he was not quite in a condition to be argued with, but perhaps I
shall do better with Mr. Moleskin, next door. (To a small boy in
passage.) Mr. Moleskln in, my lad?
The Boy. Father—e's in. Go right up the stairs, and you'll
find 'im.
[Mr. C.-J. flounders up the narrow stairs, and is met at the top
by a very burly and surly mechanic.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 23, 1892.
CANVASSERS AND CANVASSED.
(An Electioneering Reminiscence.)
Scents—A narrow South London Street of tioo-storeyed houses, with a
Rag-and- Bone Shop at one end and a Public House at the other.
Time, about four o'clock on a warm Saturday afternoon, Enter
Mr. Carlton-Jeriiyn, a middle-aged gentleman, in faultless
get-up, who, in a moment of weakness, has undertaken to can-
vass the district for his friend, the Conservative Candidate.
Mr. C.-J. (to himself, as he regards his surroundings with dismay,
and tries to arrange his canvassing-cards). I suppose this is Little
Anna Maria Street ? I didn't understand at the Committee Rooms
that it was quite such a—however, T must do my best for dear old
Tilney. Who 's the first man I must see and " use my best endea-
vours to persuade him into promising his vote ?" Ah, Mr. J.
Splukge, No. 1. (He picks his way delicately along, attempting to
make out the numbers on the doors, which are all thrown back;
female residents ivatch him from doorsteps and windows with amused
interest.) No. 5 ; No. 3 ; the next is No. 1. (It is; but the entrance is
Mr. C.-J. (diplomatically, as Mrs. G. sloicly edges towards the
door). Might I suggest, Mrs. GuEErN, that you should use the—er—
influence which every woman possesses, to—er —induce your husband
—(here he suddenly becomes aware that Mrs. Guffin has a very pro-
nounced black eye); but perhaps I ought not to ask you.
Mrs. G. Well, my opinion is—if you want someone to tork over
my 'usband to your side, you'd better come and do it yourself;
because /ain't goin' to. So there ! \_She retires to the basement again.
First Dish. W. If you toffs can't do nothink better than come
'ere makin' mischief between a man and his wife, you'd better stop
at 'ome, that you 'ad!
Mr. C.-J. (to himself). Upon my word, I believe she's right!
But I never noticed the poor woman's eye before. I wish I could
find one of the men in, and have a talk with him—much more
satisfactory ! (Knocks at No. 4.) Is Mr. Bulcher at home P
Mr. B. (lurching out of a room on the ground-floor). Qui' c'rect,
Gruv'nor—thash me!
Mr. C.-J. I wanted to see you, Mr. Bulcher, to ask if we may
count upon your support for the Conservative Candidate at the Elec-
tion. I need hardly point out to you the—er—vital importance of-
blocked by a small infant with a very Mr. B. (slouching against the pas-
dirty face, who is slung in a baby- I M^/yMf^^k\1tMM\ lT^~ i'i sage-wall, opposite Mr. C.-J.). 'Old
chair between the door-posts.) Very j;^>^9^^^^MW|| i I 11,/ ;i S » on, Gruv'nor, lemme ashk you thish
embarrassing, really! Can't ask such Wmk^M^M^^mV • aaSBfll] : I, i I <luest;ion, 'fore we go any furrer.
a child as this if Mr. Splurge is at iMg^^MlM^Hfj!! .jf"_. Hi §1 ! |; m ' W // / / Wharriwanter 'ear from you is—'Ow
home! I '11 knock. (Stretches for ^H||H^9||| 3 f ■! ■ <J j j 'm I goin' git little bit o' good outer
the knocker across the child, who, 1^^^|^^^Pffi||P; / • ' ^flP^SSfl" HmMm' /''/'' I thesh 'lections for myshelf, You
misinterpreting his intentions, sets up ^M^P^^^B|I|| i |^r._ rw\l\ II ///'/' / / urmershtand me ? What good Con-
a howl.) My good child, I assure WS^^^^^^Mlil Efc—~- fjp^j-^ |Ui% f| j/llj/l ' I shervative gov'men' ever done er
you ... for Heaven's sake, don't! . . M^m^^^SSmvi ^1^1Mmi>\ p M1! II Ml I workin' man—d' yer shee ? Why,
wonder whether I ought to kiss ||i|jg|f\!| |j| [I never—not in all their born daysh !
it—some fellows would ! ^^fflKw^Hl lr 1 .^^Jrmmi^m^^\\ • I ''I I'i You take that shtraight from me.
Female Voice (from side-window). ^^^^^9||| fiE^ \' I if fi'i C.-J. But surely—er—it was
You leave that pore child alone, will ^^^^^^^^fflS|ff|J f't.' ' ^^///iMx^^^^^v \ '> %\ \\\ a Conservative Grovernment that gave
yer—or I'll come out and tork to ()' '"^^^^W^sVi - ^B^W^^^SB^^\\ I mm \f> you *ree Education ?
you, d'y'ear? f||ff; -wisH I FBj ^HEj«GHS£6iK^li | Jill I I Mr.B. (knowingly). No,itwashn't,
Mr. C.-J. (to himself). That's ["•^M^^^f^Bt\ 1 lB^^L^^^^^^ - ' Gruv'nor. There yer wrong, d'yer
Mrs. Splurge! I think, perhaps, ^^^^^BfjMfl 1 J-i'l^F see ? It wash er Radical* give us
I'd better not wait. (With an in- „ ^ J^§^|| I fmH^%^^^^^ Free Education. And whatsh Free
spiration.) 1'11 leave a card. (Drops |$Pv;v ^f^mm^W' II U. 4J""! ssa^BBHlNBgBP© M Education er me? Wouldn' say
one of his visiting-cards in the child's f^JPfife $Z^§ffl^m l\ I -J'<\~ l^HuvfeBii^Ki ;' Thank yer frail Free Education in
lap — to its exceeding terror — and rW^^^WIS fr^ib' SSmB (ISB^ II er wide world !
retreats.) I'm afraid I haven't pro- ^^^^^X^V^W ^-\\ pSti wBti&MffiiiSSir |p\ (recognising that he
duced a very favourable impression, a^^-^^-iy^mSK \ - I^^MB^^^^ Bl must strike a stronger chord). Well,
so far. I'll try No. 2, across the [^^^Is^^^^^alj]I ]ME3if~':^ WKM^SI^^^^w\ a* a^ events you will admit that,
street. (lie approaches a doorstep W^M^^lS^S^ |l#jff J^"^S^^^^m^^^ im\ during the last six years, you have
upon which two stout and dishevelled ilj^lfS^Vf^ rVjk) \Wa^^$mB^^f^&l^^^: Wt\ been—er—peaceful and prosperous ?
Women are seated.) Er—I beg your ^%ljJiK, ^jfeA W^lKSmF^^a^^al^^^^^ ft\ Jfr. 5. (beerily). I've been peash-
pardon, but could you kindly inform ^^M^J^^^^^^r'fmm. Vful and proshperous ever sinsh I was
me if Mr.—tr—(consulting card)— ^^^^^^W"-^^^DX 4tH^'^M^^^/ born. No, look 'ere, Guv'nr, I'm
Guffin is at home ? M||MferM^l.i|^^ ftf ^v'^^^B^^^^^" torken to you'bout wharri unner-
First Woman (with sarcasm). Now WBBllMOT^W]'' ^^wfe^^K^ shtan\ d'yer see? Jes' you lishen
f/o yer think he's nothink else to do .: t^^^PP^^Brpffiffii>;' ^^t^^^m ' er wharri'm ^?in tel1 vou- i^re he
but set indoors in a arm-cheer all (g||||pS2^ -"^wl¥§1:tilfe^l^^^ ^^l^^F punctuates his remarks by poking
ilTr. C.-cT. I—I thought—I hoped r^^gj^^^Tl ' rv^^P^T Wrorkin' man's gettin' more and
—that, it being Saturday, I might be ---___ ,"lr ~\%$\ more'telligent everyday—he'shqui'
— er—fortunate enough—have I the f • __iy^^/""i^^/ capable lookin' after his own inte-
pleasure of addressing Mrs. GrUFEiN ? j '^^^~^^^T" j'j'/i/'i ~ 'W^i^ I :'"'+')Mr- rests- What he wantch is, One Man
{Both Women are convulsed with \ —- ,„•„'■ iI -j *?rssmm&&J^J^^^/ "T^^^:- One Vote, lledooced Hours o' La-
uncontrollable mirth. | > rj.jiiLM^^^^^^^^6*^ Jtw™'} lZ)^-~ hour,'Ome Eule for London, an'the
Second Woman (on recovering— ? • li-^^^S^--=nfZL^^<^MP»^ Control of the Liquor Traffic ! What
calling doivn the passage). 'Ere, ' -^»3?^ ^ j^^g^gj. Gladshto^te say ? Edu-
Mrs. Guffin, yer wanted. 'Ere's a «j wonder whether I ought to Am it-some fellows would! " cated and 'telligent clashes alwaysh
gentleman come to see yer! wrong — mashes always rt'/ An'
hain't J 'telligent an' educated ? Very we//, then. There you 'erre it.
Mr. C.-J. But—er—don't you see, my friend, that, according to
Mr. Gladstone, the more intelligent and educated you are, the more
you 're wrong ?
Mrs. Guffin (appearing from the basement, and standing at the
further end of the passage). Well, what does he want?
Mr. C.-J. (raising his hat, and sending his voice down the passage
to her). I ventured to call, Mrs. Guffin, in the hope of finding your
husband at home, and ascertaining his—er—political sympathies, in " Mr. B. Nothing of—er—kind. Don' you make any mishtake.
view of the Election. I ain't wrong. I gommy 'pinions—my p'litical 'pinions, and the
Mrs. Guffin. Oh, it's about the voting, is it ? Are you for a prinshiples I go 'pon are—Down with—er—Tories!
Conservatory? Mr. C.-J. In that case, Mr. Bulcher, I need not occupy your
Mr. C.-J. For a — ? Oh, to be sure, yes. I came to ask Mr. ; time any longer, so I'11 say-
Guffin to support Sir Tilney Bruton, the Conservative Candidate. I Mr. B. (buttonholing him). Don' you go 'way, Guv'nor,' fore I've
Perhaps if I called again, I might-? j finished torkin. I've lishened aB you gorrer say—now itsh my turn
Mrs. Guffin (in a matter - of - fact tone). I don't ezpect my
'usband 'ome till late, and then he 11 be drunk.
Mr. C.-J. Just so. But I trust, Mrs. Guffin, your husband feels
the importance of maintaining the Union-?
Mrs. Guffin. He did belong, I know, but I think his branch broke
up, or somethink.
Mr. C.-J. (puzzled). Ah, but I mean in—er—politics—I hope he is
opposed to granting Home Rule to Ireland ?
Mrs. G. He don't tell me nothing about his politics, but I've
eard him say he was Radikil.
talk, and I tell you er Conshervative Gov'men ish a downri'—
&c, &c.
Mr. C.-J. (escaping, after ten minutes'1 incoherence). I'm afraid
he was not quite in a condition to be argued with, but perhaps I
shall do better with Mr. Moleskin, next door. (To a small boy in
passage.) Mr. Moleskln in, my lad?
The Boy. Father—e's in. Go right up the stairs, and you'll
find 'im.
[Mr. C.-J. flounders up the narrow stairs, and is met at the top
by a very burly and surly mechanic.