DOI Heft:
July 23, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0042
36
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
fJuLT 23, 1892.
JUSTICE FOR 'EBISCO.
Dear Mr. Punch,—I notice that a complaint has heen made that
those charming stories of wild life in the Far "West, are out of date,
hair was grey, and there were pieces of sea-weed in the shapeless
mass that once may have heen called a bonnet. She was wearing a
heavy serge dress that was dripping with the sea. On her huge feet
were old boots sodden with sand and wet. She might have been of
Nay, more, that they are calculated to do a great deal of harm to a . any age, from fifty upwards,
considerable amount of valuable property. On the other hand, the : She gazed at Charley with an uncanny smile, and extended her
talented authors of the picturesque romances to which I have referred, j arms towards him. Then she spoke in the same gruff tone,
insist that there is a great demand for these literary wares, and they " Come to your Martha !"
would suffer much loss if they were to discontinue their production. ; And Charley knew he had met a chum!
Could not the matter be compromised ? "We are less sensitive than ******
our American cousins, and if the scene were changed from St. ; There, something like the above might do. The woods in the
Francisco to some quiet watering-place on the Kentish Coast, our neighbourhood of Heme Bay are just the places for adventure, and,
kindred beyond the seas ought to be satisfied. I do not pretend to be with thought, a good deal might be managed with the Reculvers.
a master of the style of those who write Backwood sensations, but And now, Mr. Punch, I have done.
I think I can jot down a few lines to
show what I mean. Beneath I give a
specimen of the sort of thing that might
take the place of stories revelling in such
titles as the " Luck of Murder Camp"
" Black Bill's Banker," and " The Talk
of Stab- in-the-Bachman's Chasm."
THE CHAFF OF HERNE BAY CREEK.
Chapter XX.—Charley Meets a Chum.
The Miners who had been digging all
day long the rough shingle for treasure-
trove, had retired to their rudely con-
structed cabins. These rough huts were
built of wood, and furnished with a seat
on either side. There were two small
windows let into the oaken walls—each
of them not more than six inches square.
They were absolutely free from furniture
—save perhaps, a foot of cheap looking-
glass, and here and there a wooden-peg
used by the Miners for hanging up their
slouch-hats, their red flannel-shirts, and
their long leather-boots.
These huts were not unlike the other
habitations in the wild Far West, save that
they had this peculiarity—each hut was
mounted on a huge springless framework,
supported by four lumbering wooden
wheels. By this arrangement the hut
could be moved from place to place, some-
times to the fields, with their mines of
undiscovered treasure ; sometimes to the
sea, burdened with legacies of the mighty
deep.
Charley was smoking a pipe, and think-
ing of that fair home in San Francisco, the
very centre of civilisation, where the hotels
were admirable, the stores well stocked,
and house property at a premium.
"I did not discover a single ruby yester-
day," he murmured, and then he looked
at the wooden spade of a child—" I found
only there a young 'un's toy. But it has
softened my heart, and taueht me that
human nature is human nature."
He paused to wipe away with a sun-
burnt hand a furtive tear.
CnARLEY, my lad," he exclaimed,
PORTRAIT OF A LABOUR CANDIDATE.
Warranted to "Sweep the Country," and
make his Mark in the House of Commons.
(Naturally a Flue-nt Speaker) ! !
Yours respectfully,
a Wild Welsh Rarebit.
COMMERCE 1 L'AMERICAINE.
[Page from a Diary on the Point of being
Written.)
Monday.—Miners of the Great Haggle-
naggle Fields ask for increase of wages,
emphasising their demand by firing off
revolvers and brandishing bowie-knives.
Tuesday.—Masters of the Great Haggle-
naggle Fields refuse to treat with Miners,
and entrench themselves behind ironclad
back gardens. They also send for a force
of Patterson's Mercenary Chuckers-out.
Figbting imminent.
Wednesday.—Appearance of Patter-
son's Mercenary Chuckers out. They are
met by Miners with discharges of Gattling
guns and land torpedoes.
Thursday.—The two armies face to face.
Both sides fire away, using up all their
ammunition. End of the day's contest,
no balance on either side. Great success
of the new General Interment Company.
Shares at thirty premium.
Friday.—Reinforcements for both sides.
A general engagement considered immi-
nent. In tbe meanwhile, pour passer
le temps, skirmishes and slaughter of
thousands.
Saturday. — First-class, regular all-
round battle. A large force arrived to
fight the Miners. Gatlings and Krupps
blaze away without intermission. Losses
on both sides pretty considerable.
Sunday, — Conversion of the Great
Hagglenaggle Fields into a cemetery.
Great rise in shares on allotment. Ten
acres of booking in advance !
LAYS OF MODERN HOME.
No. III.—OFF FOR MY HOLIDAY.
Yes ! I 'm off for my holiday. Forty odd
pieces
Of luggage, three cabs, and a van, and
a 'bus too,
Without counting loose wraps, and umbrellas in creases,
And sweets that my darlings are sucking with gusto.
Yes ! I'm off for my holiday—wife in hysterics,
Since nowhere on earth can her poodle be found ;
"this is unmanly. What would Dare Death Dick or Thunder
Tim say to such a show of water ? "
He took the spade, and was about to throw it with violence to the
ground, when his better nature triumphed, and he placed it, almost
^H/wIfSV^W^i ^fit hnimf; 1 th A , fW * A And the nurses and children-annes, Lilians, Erics-
theleT dlStUrbed by a taP 0n thG 0UtGr door-the door that faced ; All screaming, and fussing, and fuming around!
" Who's there? " he shouted, as he held in one hand a revolver,
and in the other a bowie-knife of the usual fashion.
" Are you ready ? "
It was a gruff voice, and yet there was something feminine about
it. Charley had never-feared to meet a woman yet, and he did not
Yes ! I'm off for my holiday—Tyneside, or Deeside,
Or Lakes, or that Switzerland English, Hind Head,
Or the thousand monotonies known as "The Seaside'1
Ask not whither my fugitive footsteps are led.
For whatever the place, it is ever the same thing;
now shrink from the encounter. However his training had made j poor Paterfamilias always must suffer,
him cautious. It might be a trap of the bloodthirsty Indians-those | a dvspentic. a costlv. a lame and a tame
Children of Nature who were known to indulge in any cruel subter-
fuge to secure the white men as their prey.
"Are you ready P " was repeated in the same gruff voice, but now
the tone was one of entreaty. The speaker seemed to be imploring
for a reply.
Charley hesitated no longer. He put down the bowie-knife, and
still holding the revolver, opened the door.
He started back ! Yes, it was a Avoman who confronted him. But Fair Prospects of Fine Weather.—No rain on St. Swithin's,
such a woman! Her face was weather-beaten and sunburnt. Her and last week the County of Inverness discarded its Mackintosh.
A dyspeptic, a costly, a lame and a tame thing
Is Holiday-time for a family buffer.
Yes! I'm off for my holiday—where I won't mention ;
They are pulling the blinds of my drawing-room down:
But next year—if I live—it's my solemn intention
To stay, upon business, en garcon, in Town.
O^* VOnCjE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether M.S., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper To this rule
there will be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
fJuLT 23, 1892.
JUSTICE FOR 'EBISCO.
Dear Mr. Punch,—I notice that a complaint has heen made that
those charming stories of wild life in the Far "West, are out of date,
hair was grey, and there were pieces of sea-weed in the shapeless
mass that once may have heen called a bonnet. She was wearing a
heavy serge dress that was dripping with the sea. On her huge feet
were old boots sodden with sand and wet. She might have been of
Nay, more, that they are calculated to do a great deal of harm to a . any age, from fifty upwards,
considerable amount of valuable property. On the other hand, the : She gazed at Charley with an uncanny smile, and extended her
talented authors of the picturesque romances to which I have referred, j arms towards him. Then she spoke in the same gruff tone,
insist that there is a great demand for these literary wares, and they " Come to your Martha !"
would suffer much loss if they were to discontinue their production. ; And Charley knew he had met a chum!
Could not the matter be compromised ? "We are less sensitive than ******
our American cousins, and if the scene were changed from St. ; There, something like the above might do. The woods in the
Francisco to some quiet watering-place on the Kentish Coast, our neighbourhood of Heme Bay are just the places for adventure, and,
kindred beyond the seas ought to be satisfied. I do not pretend to be with thought, a good deal might be managed with the Reculvers.
a master of the style of those who write Backwood sensations, but And now, Mr. Punch, I have done.
I think I can jot down a few lines to
show what I mean. Beneath I give a
specimen of the sort of thing that might
take the place of stories revelling in such
titles as the " Luck of Murder Camp"
" Black Bill's Banker," and " The Talk
of Stab- in-the-Bachman's Chasm."
THE CHAFF OF HERNE BAY CREEK.
Chapter XX.—Charley Meets a Chum.
The Miners who had been digging all
day long the rough shingle for treasure-
trove, had retired to their rudely con-
structed cabins. These rough huts were
built of wood, and furnished with a seat
on either side. There were two small
windows let into the oaken walls—each
of them not more than six inches square.
They were absolutely free from furniture
—save perhaps, a foot of cheap looking-
glass, and here and there a wooden-peg
used by the Miners for hanging up their
slouch-hats, their red flannel-shirts, and
their long leather-boots.
These huts were not unlike the other
habitations in the wild Far West, save that
they had this peculiarity—each hut was
mounted on a huge springless framework,
supported by four lumbering wooden
wheels. By this arrangement the hut
could be moved from place to place, some-
times to the fields, with their mines of
undiscovered treasure ; sometimes to the
sea, burdened with legacies of the mighty
deep.
Charley was smoking a pipe, and think-
ing of that fair home in San Francisco, the
very centre of civilisation, where the hotels
were admirable, the stores well stocked,
and house property at a premium.
"I did not discover a single ruby yester-
day," he murmured, and then he looked
at the wooden spade of a child—" I found
only there a young 'un's toy. But it has
softened my heart, and taueht me that
human nature is human nature."
He paused to wipe away with a sun-
burnt hand a furtive tear.
CnARLEY, my lad," he exclaimed,
PORTRAIT OF A LABOUR CANDIDATE.
Warranted to "Sweep the Country," and
make his Mark in the House of Commons.
(Naturally a Flue-nt Speaker) ! !
Yours respectfully,
a Wild Welsh Rarebit.
COMMERCE 1 L'AMERICAINE.
[Page from a Diary on the Point of being
Written.)
Monday.—Miners of the Great Haggle-
naggle Fields ask for increase of wages,
emphasising their demand by firing off
revolvers and brandishing bowie-knives.
Tuesday.—Masters of the Great Haggle-
naggle Fields refuse to treat with Miners,
and entrench themselves behind ironclad
back gardens. They also send for a force
of Patterson's Mercenary Chuckers-out.
Figbting imminent.
Wednesday.—Appearance of Patter-
son's Mercenary Chuckers out. They are
met by Miners with discharges of Gattling
guns and land torpedoes.
Thursday.—The two armies face to face.
Both sides fire away, using up all their
ammunition. End of the day's contest,
no balance on either side. Great success
of the new General Interment Company.
Shares at thirty premium.
Friday.—Reinforcements for both sides.
A general engagement considered immi-
nent. In tbe meanwhile, pour passer
le temps, skirmishes and slaughter of
thousands.
Saturday. — First-class, regular all-
round battle. A large force arrived to
fight the Miners. Gatlings and Krupps
blaze away without intermission. Losses
on both sides pretty considerable.
Sunday, — Conversion of the Great
Hagglenaggle Fields into a cemetery.
Great rise in shares on allotment. Ten
acres of booking in advance !
LAYS OF MODERN HOME.
No. III.—OFF FOR MY HOLIDAY.
Yes ! I 'm off for my holiday. Forty odd
pieces
Of luggage, three cabs, and a van, and
a 'bus too,
Without counting loose wraps, and umbrellas in creases,
And sweets that my darlings are sucking with gusto.
Yes ! I'm off for my holiday—wife in hysterics,
Since nowhere on earth can her poodle be found ;
"this is unmanly. What would Dare Death Dick or Thunder
Tim say to such a show of water ? "
He took the spade, and was about to throw it with violence to the
ground, when his better nature triumphed, and he placed it, almost
^H/wIfSV^W^i ^fit hnimf; 1 th A , fW * A And the nurses and children-annes, Lilians, Erics-
theleT dlStUrbed by a taP 0n thG 0UtGr door-the door that faced ; All screaming, and fussing, and fuming around!
" Who's there? " he shouted, as he held in one hand a revolver,
and in the other a bowie-knife of the usual fashion.
" Are you ready ? "
It was a gruff voice, and yet there was something feminine about
it. Charley had never-feared to meet a woman yet, and he did not
Yes ! I'm off for my holiday—Tyneside, or Deeside,
Or Lakes, or that Switzerland English, Hind Head,
Or the thousand monotonies known as "The Seaside'1
Ask not whither my fugitive footsteps are led.
For whatever the place, it is ever the same thing;
now shrink from the encounter. However his training had made j poor Paterfamilias always must suffer,
him cautious. It might be a trap of the bloodthirsty Indians-those | a dvspentic. a costlv. a lame and a tame
Children of Nature who were known to indulge in any cruel subter-
fuge to secure the white men as their prey.
"Are you ready P " was repeated in the same gruff voice, but now
the tone was one of entreaty. The speaker seemed to be imploring
for a reply.
Charley hesitated no longer. He put down the bowie-knife, and
still holding the revolver, opened the door.
He started back ! Yes, it was a Avoman who confronted him. But Fair Prospects of Fine Weather.—No rain on St. Swithin's,
such a woman! Her face was weather-beaten and sunburnt. Her and last week the County of Inverness discarded its Mackintosh.
A dyspeptic, a costly, a lame and a tame thing
Is Holiday-time for a family buffer.
Yes! I'm off for my holiday—where I won't mention ;
They are pulling the blinds of my drawing-room down:
But next year—if I live—it's my solemn intention
To stay, upon business, en garcon, in Town.
O^* VOnCjE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether M.S., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper To this rule
there will be no exception.