DOI Heft:
August 13, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0077
72
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 13, 1892,
lllllis
Milil
A SKETCH FROM NATURE.
Little Miss Facing-both-ways and her Dog Dottble-or-Quits !
ASPIKATION.
By a Weary Secular Scribe.
Oh, to be a Pulpiteer!
Purists may lie-fie, or sneer.
But, when wit and fancy fail,
To produce your twice-cooked kail
(As "a traveller ") must be nice.
Nor are you confined to twice;
Hashed, rehashed, and hashed again,
Garnished—from another brain,
Seasoned—from another cruet,
You may roast, or boil, or stew it
O'er and o'er, year in year out,
As you perorate about,
Seek, when weary,—o'ertasked elves !
" Inspiration " from your shelves.
Salt it here, and sauce it there,
Saying nothing, since none care
To make question, taking pay,
Yes, and praise upon your way.
For—well, ere the thing is through,
"What is what and who is who,
It might puzzle you to tell;
Still you 4' think it right" ! Ah, well!
This philosophy peripatetic
Strikes a chord that's sympathetic
In the breast of secular scribe ;
Nothing, it is true, would bribe
Him to play the pious prig,
But—he heaves a sigh that's big
Murmuring, enviously I fear,—
Oh, to be a Pulpiteer !
A Caudal Lecture ;
Or, Darwinism in the Cricket Field.
When Man first arose from the primitive Ape,
He first dropped his tail, and took on a new shape.
But Cricketing Man, born to trundle and swipe,
Reversion displays to the earlier type ;
For a cricketing team, when beginning to fail,
Always loses its "form," and "developes a tail" !
EOBERT ON THINGS IN GINERAL.
I was only jest a thinkin the other day, what werry distinguisht
honner H'.r Most Grashus Madgesty the Queen would bestow on the
Rite Honerabel the Lord Mare, when the rite time cum. But I
was ardly prepaird for the acshal fack !
I reelly coudn't have bleeved it if I hadn't a had it red out to
me from a most respecfool Mornin Paper; so in course it must be
trew. Yes, the Rite Honorabel the Lord Mare is not only to be a
Nite, like other Lord Mares, but the Queest has acshally made him a
Nite Commander of the most xtinguisht Order of Saint Mikel, and,
not sattisfide with ewen that, Her Madgesty has also made him a
Nite Commander of the other most xtinguisht Order of Saint
George!
It is fortnit that Sir David's year of offis will soon end, or he
mite have fownd it difnkult to carry out his ushal Lord Mare's
numerus dootys, while Commanding two sitch xtinguisht Orders as
them as is named above.
My Amerricane Friend has turnd up agane at our bewtifool Grand
Otel. He says as they has had orful whether wear he has cum
from, but all the hole week he has had in grand old Lundon has
bin most luvly Sun-Shine, as it amost allers is in Spring, he
says he's told. As he luckly didn't appen for to arsk for no
arnser, of course I didn't give him not none; but I coudn't help
a thinkin as how as if he had bin here in our late hurly Spring,
he might ha bin inclined jest a leetel to halter his good opinyon.
We had qwite a plezzent chat while I atended upon him at
Lunch. He wants to kno more about our Lord Mare. Fust of
all, how much munney he gits; and, when I told him jest ten
thowsand pounds for his year of offics, he xclaimd, " Why, that's
the werry same sum as we gives our President, who, you know,
is reelly our Ring! " So I said, " Does he find it enufi for him,
Sir?" "Oh yes," he says, "quite." "Well," says I, "it don't
seem a werry big salery for the Ring of such a big plaice as
Amerrikey, when I appens to know that the Lord Mare of our little
Lundon, which is ony about one mile big, has to spend more than
another ten thousand pounds out of his own pocket afore he's
finished his year!" "Well," he says, "you do estonish me; but
everythink's estonishing in your grand old Citty! How do they
send him his money ?" I told him as the Chamberlane, who was
allers cram full of munney, took it him every quarter-day. "Ah,"
says he, " we send our President, on the 26th of evry month, exakly
eight hundred and thirty-three pounds, six-and-eight pence."
" Ah," I said, "I am rayther serprized as he shoud condersend to
take the odd six-and-eight. I'm quite shure our Lord Mare woudn't
do so. I bleeve as he never has not nothinkless than Bank-notes and
suvreigns, but allers plenty of 'em." "How many dinners does
he give during the year?" says he. "Ah, Sir," says I, "that's
rayther a staggering qweshun to arnser. Me and Brown has offen
tried our hands at it, but ginerally breaks down about Witsuntide ;
but I shoud say sumwares about three thowsand, and about twice
as many lunchons." "Good grayshus!" says the Amerricane,
" what a number ! " " Yes," says I, " and so much is they thort
on, that p'raps the werry greatest trubbel that has worrited the
manly bussoms of Lord Sorlsbttry and all his brother Ministers is the
mellancolly fack, that they has bin compelld to decline the Lord
Mare's eustomery Ministerial Bankwet this year, ooz they coudn't
tell for serten whether they would be the Ministers to go to it! And
the Lord Mare to drown his sorrer has gone and berried hisself in the
'art of Scotland!" "What a sad story to be shure!" said my
Amerricane, with a sigh! " Yes, Sir," I replied, "these are sum of
the many trubbels as our werry greatest men has to endewr, and
happy is he who does not quiver when he has his arrow full of 'em!"
And so we parted. _ Robert.
TO MISS AIDA JENOURE.
{On the Withdrawal of " The Mountebanks.")
Dear Aida, good-bye ; since it must be, it must;
Yet your slaves view your absence from Town with disgust,
For myself, I'd as soon live at Shipston-on- Stour
As endure life in London without our Jenotjre.
Sprightly Mountebank Aida, sweet Mistress of Art3,
You smiled as you danced yourself into our hearts.
And now from the Strand to the Vale of far Maida
There's only one chorus—" Come back to us, Aida ! "
Let absents, you know the old maxim, ont tort.
Wherefore dance yourself back, and be present once more.
fl^> NOTICE—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of anyr description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 13, 1892,
lllllis
Milil
A SKETCH FROM NATURE.
Little Miss Facing-both-ways and her Dog Dottble-or-Quits !
ASPIKATION.
By a Weary Secular Scribe.
Oh, to be a Pulpiteer!
Purists may lie-fie, or sneer.
But, when wit and fancy fail,
To produce your twice-cooked kail
(As "a traveller ") must be nice.
Nor are you confined to twice;
Hashed, rehashed, and hashed again,
Garnished—from another brain,
Seasoned—from another cruet,
You may roast, or boil, or stew it
O'er and o'er, year in year out,
As you perorate about,
Seek, when weary,—o'ertasked elves !
" Inspiration " from your shelves.
Salt it here, and sauce it there,
Saying nothing, since none care
To make question, taking pay,
Yes, and praise upon your way.
For—well, ere the thing is through,
"What is what and who is who,
It might puzzle you to tell;
Still you 4' think it right" ! Ah, well!
This philosophy peripatetic
Strikes a chord that's sympathetic
In the breast of secular scribe ;
Nothing, it is true, would bribe
Him to play the pious prig,
But—he heaves a sigh that's big
Murmuring, enviously I fear,—
Oh, to be a Pulpiteer !
A Caudal Lecture ;
Or, Darwinism in the Cricket Field.
When Man first arose from the primitive Ape,
He first dropped his tail, and took on a new shape.
But Cricketing Man, born to trundle and swipe,
Reversion displays to the earlier type ;
For a cricketing team, when beginning to fail,
Always loses its "form," and "developes a tail" !
EOBERT ON THINGS IN GINERAL.
I was only jest a thinkin the other day, what werry distinguisht
honner H'.r Most Grashus Madgesty the Queen would bestow on the
Rite Honerabel the Lord Mare, when the rite time cum. But I
was ardly prepaird for the acshal fack !
I reelly coudn't have bleeved it if I hadn't a had it red out to
me from a most respecfool Mornin Paper; so in course it must be
trew. Yes, the Rite Honorabel the Lord Mare is not only to be a
Nite, like other Lord Mares, but the Queest has acshally made him a
Nite Commander of the most xtinguisht Order of Saint Mikel, and,
not sattisfide with ewen that, Her Madgesty has also made him a
Nite Commander of the other most xtinguisht Order of Saint
George!
It is fortnit that Sir David's year of offis will soon end, or he
mite have fownd it difnkult to carry out his ushal Lord Mare's
numerus dootys, while Commanding two sitch xtinguisht Orders as
them as is named above.
My Amerricane Friend has turnd up agane at our bewtifool Grand
Otel. He says as they has had orful whether wear he has cum
from, but all the hole week he has had in grand old Lundon has
bin most luvly Sun-Shine, as it amost allers is in Spring, he
says he's told. As he luckly didn't appen for to arsk for no
arnser, of course I didn't give him not none; but I coudn't help
a thinkin as how as if he had bin here in our late hurly Spring,
he might ha bin inclined jest a leetel to halter his good opinyon.
We had qwite a plezzent chat while I atended upon him at
Lunch. He wants to kno more about our Lord Mare. Fust of
all, how much munney he gits; and, when I told him jest ten
thowsand pounds for his year of offics, he xclaimd, " Why, that's
the werry same sum as we gives our President, who, you know,
is reelly our Ring! " So I said, " Does he find it enufi for him,
Sir?" "Oh yes," he says, "quite." "Well," says I, "it don't
seem a werry big salery for the Ring of such a big plaice as
Amerrikey, when I appens to know that the Lord Mare of our little
Lundon, which is ony about one mile big, has to spend more than
another ten thousand pounds out of his own pocket afore he's
finished his year!" "Well," he says, "you do estonish me; but
everythink's estonishing in your grand old Citty! How do they
send him his money ?" I told him as the Chamberlane, who was
allers cram full of munney, took it him every quarter-day. "Ah,"
says he, " we send our President, on the 26th of evry month, exakly
eight hundred and thirty-three pounds, six-and-eight pence."
" Ah," I said, "I am rayther serprized as he shoud condersend to
take the odd six-and-eight. I'm quite shure our Lord Mare woudn't
do so. I bleeve as he never has not nothinkless than Bank-notes and
suvreigns, but allers plenty of 'em." "How many dinners does
he give during the year?" says he. "Ah, Sir," says I, "that's
rayther a staggering qweshun to arnser. Me and Brown has offen
tried our hands at it, but ginerally breaks down about Witsuntide ;
but I shoud say sumwares about three thowsand, and about twice
as many lunchons." "Good grayshus!" says the Amerricane,
" what a number ! " " Yes," says I, " and so much is they thort
on, that p'raps the werry greatest trubbel that has worrited the
manly bussoms of Lord Sorlsbttry and all his brother Ministers is the
mellancolly fack, that they has bin compelld to decline the Lord
Mare's eustomery Ministerial Bankwet this year, ooz they coudn't
tell for serten whether they would be the Ministers to go to it! And
the Lord Mare to drown his sorrer has gone and berried hisself in the
'art of Scotland!" "What a sad story to be shure!" said my
Amerricane, with a sigh! " Yes, Sir," I replied, "these are sum of
the many trubbels as our werry greatest men has to endewr, and
happy is he who does not quiver when he has his arrow full of 'em!"
And so we parted. _ Robert.
TO MISS AIDA JENOURE.
{On the Withdrawal of " The Mountebanks.")
Dear Aida, good-bye ; since it must be, it must;
Yet your slaves view your absence from Town with disgust,
For myself, I'd as soon live at Shipston-on- Stour
As endure life in London without our Jenotjre.
Sprightly Mountebank Aida, sweet Mistress of Art3,
You smiled as you danced yourself into our hearts.
And now from the Strand to the Vale of far Maida
There's only one chorus—" Come back to us, Aida ! "
Let absents, you know the old maxim, ont tort.
Wherefore dance yourself back, and be present once more.
fl^> NOTICE—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of anyr description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.