Punch (103.1892)

August 20, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 73

AD PUELLAM.

[" Detective cameras
have become favourite
playthings with ladies
of fashion." — Ladies'
Paper.']

You used to prate of
plates and prints
And " quick deve-
lopers " before,
In spite of not unfre-

quent hints
That these in time
become a bore;
But then this photo-
graphic craze
Seemed little but a
foolish fad,
"While now its very
latest phase
Appears to me dis-
tinctly bad.

Since even your de-
voted friends
At sight of you were
wont to fly,
You manage still to
gain your ends,
And photograph them
on the sly;
The muff, the cloak
with ample folds,
The parcel, and the
biscuit-tin,
I know that each dis-
creetly holds
Detective lenses hid
within.

NOT MEMBERS OF " BRITISH ASSOCIATION."

First Passenger {reading Morning Paper). " ' Psychical character of Hysterical Ambly-
opia ' ! ! Don't even know what ' Psychical ' means ! "What does it mean, old Man ?"

Fellow Passenger. " Don't know, I'm sure, dear Boy ! Something to do with Brains,
I b'lieve. Not at all in my Line ! "

Should Crcesus greet

you with a smile,
A " bromide " will

record the fact;
Should SiREPHONhelp

you o'er a stile,
The film will take
him in the act.
Yet this renown, if
truth be said,
Is fame they'd rather

be without;
Nor, I assure you, will
they wed
A lady photographic
tout.

antiquity of golf.

That Golf was a
game probably known
to and played by pre-
Adamite Man (who-
ever he may have been;
name and address not
given) is evidenced by
the learned Canon
Tristram's observa-
tion in the Biology
Section of the British
Association Meeting
last week, to the effect
that'' he (the Canon)
had never seen a better
collection of these
Links connecting the
present with the past
world." This must
be most interesting
to all Golf-players.

'ARBIET.

A Realistic Rhapsody.

( With Apologies to Mr. Henry Kendall, Author
of " Astarte," in the " Bookman.')

Across the wind-blown bridges,

0 look, lugubrious Night!
She comes; the red-haired beauty
Illumined by gaslight!
By London's dim gaslight!
So hush, ye cads, your roar!
Behind her plumes are waving
Her oil'd fringe flaps before.

0 'Arriet, Cockney sister,

Your face is writhed with jters ;
How awful is the angle

Of those protuberant ears!
Those red, protuberant ears !
And your splay feet—0 lor !!!
My loud, my Cockney sister,
Where oil'd fringe flops before!

Ah, 'Arriet ! gracious 'eavens,

How your greased locks do glow!

1 swoon! The '' hodoration "

(I heard you call it so)

Sickens my senses so;
'Tis "Citronel"—no more,
That scents, like a cheap barber's,
That oil'd fringe hung before,

'Arriet, my knowing darling,

Your eyes a cross-watch keep,
You 're togged in shop-girl's fashion,
Your cloak is bugled deep,
Blaek-bugled broad and deep,
"With buttons dappled o'er,
Good gr-racious! how it's grown, too—
That oil'd fringe flopped before !

That " bang " is awfully trying,
That odour maddens me.

By Jingo ! you've been dyeing
Those rufous locks, I see,
Those sandy locks, I see,

They 're darker than of yore.
A vaunt! I'd be forgetting
That oil'd fringe flopped before

RATHER APPROPRIATE.

Under the heading " Military Education,"
there appears in The Tablet, an advertise-
ment concerning preparation for examina-
tions at Woolwich and Sandhurst by "the
Rev. E. Von Orsbach, E.R.G=S., F.R.Hist.S.,
late Tutor to their Highnesses the Princes of
Thurn-and- Taxis." What a suggestive
name for a tutor preparing young men for a
Cavalry Regiment is "Yon Orsbach! " _ Not
only would pupils surmount all difficulties of
Euclid's propositions, but being brought up
by _ Yon Orsbach, they would dare all
" riders ! " Then as to the Princes, his pupils,
cannot we conceive of the first Prince Thurn
how he has been turned out a perfect 'orseman
by Yon Orsbach, and how it would tax all an
Examiner's ingenuity to pluck Taxis. Pity
that when one Prince was called Taxis the
other wasn't named Rates. But evidently
this was an oversight. A neat couplet might
head this advertisement, and add to its attrac-
tiveness, as for instance:—
Every question, whatever they ax is,
Will in its Thurn be answered by Taxis.
Taxis and Thuiin, for a win you '11 of course back,
The pick of the stable, the trainer Von Orsbach.

We wish him a continuance of the successes
which, from his list, this Equestrian Military
Tutor—he can't be a "coach" as he is an
Orsbach—has already obtained. It'saGerman
name, but it sounds more like 'Orsetrian (!)

Cui Bono? — "It is a mistake," quoth
The World last week, '' to suppose that
Mr. Gladstone complacently regards Sir
William Harcourt as his 'Alter Ego.''"
Mr. G. being the "Ego," it is not very likely
that Sir William V. Harcourt is likely
to "alter" any of his Leader's plans. Still
an "Alter Ego" is very useful whenever
Mr. Gladstone may want to "wink The
Other I."

vol. ciii.

ii