DOI issue:
August 20, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0087
82
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 20, 1892.
ATAVISM.
Proud Mother. "But really now, Dr. Birch, don't yotj think it rather extra-
ordinary that we should have three such clever sons ? "
Dr. B. "Why, No, my Dear Madam ; now you have told me what a remarkably
Clever Grandmother they had ! "
THE NEXT VITA VOCE.
Exam, (ivith new hope). Do you know any-
thing about Geography ?,
["Due consideration will be given in the selec- Can. ]STot without a Continental Bradshaw.
tion of Candidates for Scholarships to proficiency j Exam, [nothing daunted). Can you tell me
m athletics ."-.Datty Paper.] \ the name of the ^ which is SUpposed to be
Examiner {courteously). Have you studied ; the centre of the universe p
any Latin author ? Can. I haven't the faintest idea, hut
Candidate {with hesitation). I once looked \ suppose you mean Monte Carlo,
into Cornelius Nefos, hut never could con- | Exam, {as a last resource). Do you know
strue half a dozen lines. ' anything about Law ?
Exam. "What have you studied in Greek ? j Can. Nothing at all, except that one of
Can. Tried the first page of Valpy, and my friends had_ to pay five pounds, the other
got through the present of tutt™—then gave day, for assaulting a Policeman,
it up. Exam, {losing his temper). Then what on
Exam. Do you know anything about earth.do you know ?
Mathematics ? . Can. Only how to break the record of the
Can. Fancy I have heard of the Rule of quarter mile.
Three, but hanged if I know much about! Exam, {brightening up). And can you play
Fractions. Cricket ?
Exam, {a little despairingly). Can you give ! Can. {contemptuously). Can I play Cricket
the dates of the four Williams in English
History ?
Can. No. Suppose followed one another,
Why I carried my bat out for 184 against
Loamshire, with Grace bowling his swiftest.
Exam, {cordially grasping his hand). My
as shillings of the time of William the ! dear Sir, after the satisfactory examination
Fourth still in use. Suppose William the j you have just undergone, I shall have much
First must have been about the end of the pleasure in recommending you for a Scholar-
Eighteenth Century. ] ship.
ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary oe Toby, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, Aug. 8.—
Think I mentioned, just before Prorogation,
how Dunbar Barton, offended at disregard
paid to his warnings by Ministers, protested
that he would never speak again, and should
thenceforth be known as Dum Barton.
Finding him to-night figged out, prepared to
move Address, reminded him of the incident.
"Quite so, Toby," he said; "you're per-
fectly right. I never did speak again in that
House. This is a different thing. Besides,
I'm not going to make a speech, but to read
a paper."
Rather quibbling this; but temptation to
accept invitation to movg Address at opening
of new Session understood to be irresistible.
Believe I'm the only Member who ever begged
to be excused. W. H. Cross seconded
Address ; speech much mystified House;
remains to this day disputed point whether
he meant to be funny, or was merely mala-
droit. Fancy he really meant it. Grand
Cross in Peers' Gallery, looking on with fond
affection. Life been for him, of late, a
troubled sheet of water. His counsel about
not dissolving Parliament till _ very last
moment, over-ruled ; consequence is, Govern-
ment are going out; how India is to get on
without him, Grand Cross really doesn't
know. Situation not soothed by reprehen-
sible frivolity of Prince Arthur. Meeting
Grand Cross just now, moodily crossing
Corridor, Prince said,—" Well, we're not the
only parties changing places. I see, from the
newspapers, that the planet Mars has already
gone into Opposition."
Grand Cross severely shook his head.
There are some things too sacred for a joke ;
his leaving the India Office is one. More-
over, not free from certain jealousy in the
matter. Fact is, been, so to_ speak, "on the
joke" himself. Modest merit, like murder,
will out. No use attempting to burke what
is open secret. All those funereal jokes in
young Cross's speech—his "course of obituary
notices" as Asquith happily put it—were
really Grand Cross's. _ Cross pere com-
posed them in the seclusion of Eccle Riggs,
and made them over to his son.
" Would never
do, William
Henry, for a
man in my posi-
tion to publicly
make a joke. I
am not sure how
it befits the Junior
Counsel for Eng-
land in the Ben-
ring Sea Arbi-
tration. But we
must risk that.
There they are," he
said, handing him a
packet of manuscript in
a black-edged envelope,
"and may a father's
blessing accompany
them."
There was, as I have
said, some hesitation on
part of House as to how
they were to be received.
On the whole, went off
well. The reference to
4' the Government, at
whose last hours we have
now arrived," and the
Asquith, Q.C. proposal to write their
epitaph, brought down the House. Grand
Cross sitting in Gallery nervously watching
result, decidedly encouraged. In larger
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 20, 1892.
ATAVISM.
Proud Mother. "But really now, Dr. Birch, don't yotj think it rather extra-
ordinary that we should have three such clever sons ? "
Dr. B. "Why, No, my Dear Madam ; now you have told me what a remarkably
Clever Grandmother they had ! "
THE NEXT VITA VOCE.
Exam, (ivith new hope). Do you know any-
thing about Geography ?,
["Due consideration will be given in the selec- Can. ]STot without a Continental Bradshaw.
tion of Candidates for Scholarships to proficiency j Exam, [nothing daunted). Can you tell me
m athletics ."-.Datty Paper.] \ the name of the ^ which is SUpposed to be
Examiner {courteously). Have you studied ; the centre of the universe p
any Latin author ? Can. I haven't the faintest idea, hut
Candidate {with hesitation). I once looked \ suppose you mean Monte Carlo,
into Cornelius Nefos, hut never could con- | Exam, {as a last resource). Do you know
strue half a dozen lines. ' anything about Law ?
Exam. "What have you studied in Greek ? j Can. Nothing at all, except that one of
Can. Tried the first page of Valpy, and my friends had_ to pay five pounds, the other
got through the present of tutt™—then gave day, for assaulting a Policeman,
it up. Exam, {losing his temper). Then what on
Exam. Do you know anything about earth.do you know ?
Mathematics ? . Can. Only how to break the record of the
Can. Fancy I have heard of the Rule of quarter mile.
Three, but hanged if I know much about! Exam, {brightening up). And can you play
Fractions. Cricket ?
Exam, {a little despairingly). Can you give ! Can. {contemptuously). Can I play Cricket
the dates of the four Williams in English
History ?
Can. No. Suppose followed one another,
Why I carried my bat out for 184 against
Loamshire, with Grace bowling his swiftest.
Exam, {cordially grasping his hand). My
as shillings of the time of William the ! dear Sir, after the satisfactory examination
Fourth still in use. Suppose William the j you have just undergone, I shall have much
First must have been about the end of the pleasure in recommending you for a Scholar-
Eighteenth Century. ] ship.
ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary oe Toby, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, Aug. 8.—
Think I mentioned, just before Prorogation,
how Dunbar Barton, offended at disregard
paid to his warnings by Ministers, protested
that he would never speak again, and should
thenceforth be known as Dum Barton.
Finding him to-night figged out, prepared to
move Address, reminded him of the incident.
"Quite so, Toby," he said; "you're per-
fectly right. I never did speak again in that
House. This is a different thing. Besides,
I'm not going to make a speech, but to read
a paper."
Rather quibbling this; but temptation to
accept invitation to movg Address at opening
of new Session understood to be irresistible.
Believe I'm the only Member who ever begged
to be excused. W. H. Cross seconded
Address ; speech much mystified House;
remains to this day disputed point whether
he meant to be funny, or was merely mala-
droit. Fancy he really meant it. Grand
Cross in Peers' Gallery, looking on with fond
affection. Life been for him, of late, a
troubled sheet of water. His counsel about
not dissolving Parliament till _ very last
moment, over-ruled ; consequence is, Govern-
ment are going out; how India is to get on
without him, Grand Cross really doesn't
know. Situation not soothed by reprehen-
sible frivolity of Prince Arthur. Meeting
Grand Cross just now, moodily crossing
Corridor, Prince said,—" Well, we're not the
only parties changing places. I see, from the
newspapers, that the planet Mars has already
gone into Opposition."
Grand Cross severely shook his head.
There are some things too sacred for a joke ;
his leaving the India Office is one. More-
over, not free from certain jealousy in the
matter. Fact is, been, so to_ speak, "on the
joke" himself. Modest merit, like murder,
will out. No use attempting to burke what
is open secret. All those funereal jokes in
young Cross's speech—his "course of obituary
notices" as Asquith happily put it—were
really Grand Cross's. _ Cross pere com-
posed them in the seclusion of Eccle Riggs,
and made them over to his son.
" Would never
do, William
Henry, for a
man in my posi-
tion to publicly
make a joke. I
am not sure how
it befits the Junior
Counsel for Eng-
land in the Ben-
ring Sea Arbi-
tration. But we
must risk that.
There they are," he
said, handing him a
packet of manuscript in
a black-edged envelope,
"and may a father's
blessing accompany
them."
There was, as I have
said, some hesitation on
part of House as to how
they were to be received.
On the whole, went off
well. The reference to
4' the Government, at
whose last hours we have
now arrived," and the
Asquith, Q.C. proposal to write their
epitaph, brought down the House. Grand
Cross sitting in Gallery nervously watching
result, decidedly encouraged. In larger