DOI Heft:
September 10, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0117
112 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 10, 1892,
THE MENAGERIE RACE.
Scene—The terrace m front of Hauberk Hall, which the Larkspurs
have taken for the Summer. TlME—An August afternoon.
Miss Stella. Larkspur—a young lady with great energy and a
talent for organisation—has insisted upon all the Guests taking
part in a Menagerie Race.
The Rev. Ninian Headnote, the Local Curate {to Mr. Plttmlet
Duff—after uneasily regarding Miss Stella, as she shakes up some
pieces of folded paper in a hat). Can you give me any idea of the
precise nature of this amusement—er—nothing resembling a
gambling transaction, I suppose ?—or I really-
Mr. Plumley Duff. Well, I'm given to understand that we shall
each be expected to take an animal of some sort, and drive it along
with a string tied to its leg. Sounds childish—to me.
The Curate [relieved). Oh, exactly, I see. _ Most entertaining, ! 'm
sure ! [He coos.) What wonderful ingenuity one sees in devising
ever-fresh pastimes, do we not ? Indeed, yes !
Miss Stella. There, I've shuffled all the animals now. (Pre-
senting the hat.) Mr. Headnote, will you draw first ?
The Curate. Oh, really. Am I to
Dick Gatling (bustling up). Hallo, what's that? No, no,
Mrs. Bangs—be true to your Tortoise. I tell you he's going to romp
in—iEsop's tip, don't you know ? I've backed you to win or a place.
I sav, what do you think J've drawn—the Mutton! Just my luck!
The Curate. Dick, just come this way a moment—I've a proposi-
tion to make ; it's occurred to me that the Monkey would feel more
—more at home with you, and, in short, I-
Mr. Plumley Duff (plaintively, to Miss Cynthia Chaffers). I
shouldn't have minded any other animal—but to be paired off with a
Goose!
Miss Chaffers {consolingly). You're better off than Jam, at all
events—I've got a Puppy !
Mr. Duff. Have you? (After a pause—sentimentally.) Happy
"Puppy!
Miss C. He '11 be anything but a happy Puppy if he doesn't win.
Mr. Duff. Oh, but he's sure to. I know I would, if J was your
Puppy!
MissC. I'm not so sure of that. Don't they lodge objections, or
something, for boring ?
Mr. Fanshawe. Can anybody inform me whether I'm expected to
go and catch my Peacock ? Because I '11 be hanged if-
The Curate. Oh, Miss Stella, it's
take one of these ? Charmed! (He £j all right—Mr. Gatling thinks that
draws.) Now I wonder what my <£p^_ it would be better if he undertook
fate- (Opening the paper.) The l^^^^^i^ 4atMa».[ the Monkey himself; so we've ar-
Monkey ! (His face falls.) Is there ^pi^^^=a. ^iHFHfflEr ranged to--
a Monkey here? Dear me, how t^^f'gP' f^M^^^ .- >i>?Miss Stella. Oh, nonsense, Dick!
very interesting! ^grf <^W^Wp ' > 7- I can't have you taking advantage
Dick Gatling (of H.M. Gunboat f^wRjr Wn^^k " ^ 5 ^ y of Mr. Headnote's good-nature like
" Weasel"). Brought him over my . Af^,' /. ^ Jr^^,.' ;-,/;\; ■/ ;._ that. What's the use of drawing
last cruise from Colombo. No end fm^^M^^^. m^W§kk '' ' *°*s a* a^ if you don't keep to them ?
of a jolly little beast—bites like the AiMfW^fe : W/MWm~ ' Of course Mr. Headnote will keep
--like blazes, you know ! < llllSSv *\\fi?*» • ' '■ ^WKSPWm''-:'''■■ '""^ * the Monkey.
Miss Stella (to her Cousin). Now, B\|^8ffl^ — -^illiUmmmm- {The unfortunate Curate accepts his
Dick, I won't have you taking away ^^^WJfflK||m\---------~ linHHflHB — .-4g---- — lot with Christian resignation.
poor Jacko's character like that. yj^P^BSlffrll1—~~' ^^mlSaKUM^'' ~'^ff"~ Dick. Well, that's settled—but I
He's only bitten Binns—and, well, say> .Stella, where's my Mutton's
there was the gardener's boy—but ^^fwlwm|^lll^jBflsSImHmUSm^^^m^^hi, moorings — and what's to be the
I'm sure he teased him. You won't ^^J^Bstw Z\ ' ilmSBttu^mKw course?
tease him, will vou, Mr. Headnote ? //fSm'^W^S ^wfftifl mMMuBHm^^W/t!% Stella. The course is straight up
The Curate. I—I shouldn't dream //f PpMSKW IfwHMHtWM^I^- the A^enue from the Lodge to the
of it, Miss Stella,—on the contrary, J^Mk '^vmK^fJK ^^JlllS Wr^twmWuLmf&M- - House, and I've told them to get all
I- (To himself.) Was it quite )fftill^ the beasts down there ready for us ;
discreet to let myself be drawn into j ti Kfffi "*fSlPf Iff//MMnflHI so we'd better go at once,
this? Shall I not risk lowering my /|| Wtffi™ m a
office by publicly associating myself f| \MW§ WM - -1': 1 II |I1 H H 1HE bTART-
with a—a Monkey? I feel certain /|J \f Wm^Wwt.. -■ •: ijl !f|fil| In IH if Wr^"'- ^he Competitors. Stella, my dear,
the Yicar would disapprove / J j Ul illlll ifPI'V ' - j| \\'fiflf fliHffi Mr > - «*wstf»'£ Miss Grissell tell her kitten
strongly. —/ %\ , v.MMill ll iilSUl iWwiPf ^- '"'< not to claw my Tortoise's head every
Dick (to Colonel Kemp- /, ^ jj |\\\f||lW//f^ 'Hllli!™ ' time he pokes his poor nose out ? It
ton). Drawn your animal / vf j 'i'llllWi. (;i!in^k~~~—liiiHiralH WS^Rmv^.'-' ^ isn't fair, and it's damping all his
yet, Sir? I'^MMfe^Afel^ MlfflWI»^^3Jr^~~~ enthusiasm! . . Now, Colonel Kemp-
The Colonel (heatedly). /f^ II V MtMlMfW ifllBlil WM ton, it isn't the Puppy's fault—you
Yes, I have—and I wish //f w \\wMWM\\ ^HBl^^ fe^ know your Rabbit began it!... Hi,
I'd kept out of this infer- / / Mm\\wmW\\M\ Ws^M^m^l^^'''' Stella, hold on a bit, my Mutton
nal tomfoolery. Why the / * 1 | 'IBMi wants to lie down. Mayn't I kick it
mischief don't they leave a (/ ^ }'U Km mmm^W^i up! . . . Dpff, old chap, your Goose
man in peace and quietness l/ $ Tt^^^^^k^^^ ^^H^PBa is dragging her anchor again, back
on a hot afternoon like jM^fM', WMmwMk*\ ■ ^^^KMl \l - — her engines a bit, or there'll be a
this? Here am I, routed '^^^^^^^mS^m^ ', «^JBp?' ' foal. . . . Miss Stella, I—I really
out of a comfortable seat a**^ don't think this Monkey is quite well
to go and drive a con- , //.^/^p^yr —his teeth are chattering in such a
founded White Rabbit, v'J' very . . . All right, padre, only his
Sir! Idiotic, I call it! " It makes me feel too absurdly young !" nasty temper—jerk the beggar's
' The Curate. Pardon me, chain. More than that!
Colonel Kempton ; but if you object to the Rabbit, I would not at all
mind undertaking it myself—and you could take my Monkey-
The Colonel. Thanks—but I won't deprive you. A Rabbit is quite
responsibility enough for me !
The Curate (to himself, disappointed). He's afraid of a poor harm-
less Monkey—and he an Army man, too ! But I don't see why I
Chorus of Spectators at Lodge Gates. My word, I wonder what
next the gentry '11 be up to, I dew. Ain't Miss Stella orderin' of
'en about! Now she's started'en. They ain't not allowed to go
'ittin of 'en—got to go just wheeriver the animiles want.^ Lor, the
guse is takin his genlm'n in among the treeses ! Well, if iver I did !
( That theer tartus gits along, don't he ? Passon don't seem com'fable
Miss Gussie Grissell. Oh, Mr. Headnote, isn't it ridiculous ! 1 along o' that monkey. I '11 back the young sailor gent—keeps that
They've given me a Kitten! It makes me feel too absurdly sheep wunnerf ul stiddy, he do. There's the hold peacock puttin'on a
young! bust now. Well, well, these be fine doin's for 'Auberk 'All, and no
The Curate (eagerly). If you would prefer a—a more appropriate
animal, there's a Monkey, which I am sure- (To himself, as
Miss G. turns away indignantly). This Monkey doesn't seem very
popular—there must be someone here who—I'll try the American
Lady—they are generally eccentric. (JbMrs. Heber K. Bangs.)
I hope Fortune has been kind to you, Mrs. Bangs ?
Mrs. Bangs. AVell, I don't know ; there are quadrupeds that can
trot faster over the measured mile than a Tortoise, and that's my
mistake. Make old Sir Halberd stare if he was 'ere, &c, &c.
The Colonel (wrathfully to his Rabbit, which will do nothing but
run round and round him). Stop that, will you, you little fool. Do
you want to trip me up ! Of all the dashed nonsense I ever-!
Mrs. Bangs. My! Colonel, you do seem to have got hold of a
pretty insubordinate kind of a Rabbit, too!
The Colonel (looking round). Well, you aren't getting much pace
out of your Tortoise either, if it comes to that!
animal. Mrs. Bangs. He puts in most of his time in stoppages for rest and
The Curate (with sympathy). Dear me! That is a trial, indeed, 'refreshment. I'm beginning to believe that old fable's a fraud,
for you ! But if you would prefer something rather more exciting, Anyway, it's my opinion this Tortoise isn't going to beat any hare—
I should be most happy, I'm sure, to exchange my Monkey- unless it's a jugged one.
THE MENAGERIE RACE.
Scene—The terrace m front of Hauberk Hall, which the Larkspurs
have taken for the Summer. TlME—An August afternoon.
Miss Stella. Larkspur—a young lady with great energy and a
talent for organisation—has insisted upon all the Guests taking
part in a Menagerie Race.
The Rev. Ninian Headnote, the Local Curate {to Mr. Plttmlet
Duff—after uneasily regarding Miss Stella, as she shakes up some
pieces of folded paper in a hat). Can you give me any idea of the
precise nature of this amusement—er—nothing resembling a
gambling transaction, I suppose ?—or I really-
Mr. Plumley Duff. Well, I'm given to understand that we shall
each be expected to take an animal of some sort, and drive it along
with a string tied to its leg. Sounds childish—to me.
The Curate [relieved). Oh, exactly, I see. _ Most entertaining, ! 'm
sure ! [He coos.) What wonderful ingenuity one sees in devising
ever-fresh pastimes, do we not ? Indeed, yes !
Miss Stella. There, I've shuffled all the animals now. (Pre-
senting the hat.) Mr. Headnote, will you draw first ?
The Curate. Oh, really. Am I to
Dick Gatling (bustling up). Hallo, what's that? No, no,
Mrs. Bangs—be true to your Tortoise. I tell you he's going to romp
in—iEsop's tip, don't you know ? I've backed you to win or a place.
I sav, what do you think J've drawn—the Mutton! Just my luck!
The Curate. Dick, just come this way a moment—I've a proposi-
tion to make ; it's occurred to me that the Monkey would feel more
—more at home with you, and, in short, I-
Mr. Plumley Duff (plaintively, to Miss Cynthia Chaffers). I
shouldn't have minded any other animal—but to be paired off with a
Goose!
Miss Chaffers {consolingly). You're better off than Jam, at all
events—I've got a Puppy !
Mr. Duff. Have you? (After a pause—sentimentally.) Happy
"Puppy!
Miss C. He '11 be anything but a happy Puppy if he doesn't win.
Mr. Duff. Oh, but he's sure to. I know I would, if J was your
Puppy!
MissC. I'm not so sure of that. Don't they lodge objections, or
something, for boring ?
Mr. Fanshawe. Can anybody inform me whether I'm expected to
go and catch my Peacock ? Because I '11 be hanged if-
The Curate. Oh, Miss Stella, it's
take one of these ? Charmed! (He £j all right—Mr. Gatling thinks that
draws.) Now I wonder what my <£p^_ it would be better if he undertook
fate- (Opening the paper.) The l^^^^^i^ 4atMa».[ the Monkey himself; so we've ar-
Monkey ! (His face falls.) Is there ^pi^^^=a. ^iHFHfflEr ranged to--
a Monkey here? Dear me, how t^^f'gP' f^M^^^ .- >i>?Miss Stella. Oh, nonsense, Dick!
very interesting! ^grf <^W^Wp ' > 7- I can't have you taking advantage
Dick Gatling (of H.M. Gunboat f^wRjr Wn^^k " ^ 5 ^ y of Mr. Headnote's good-nature like
" Weasel"). Brought him over my . Af^,' /. ^ Jr^^,.' ;-,/;\; ■/ ;._ that. What's the use of drawing
last cruise from Colombo. No end fm^^M^^^. m^W§kk '' ' *°*s a* a^ if you don't keep to them ?
of a jolly little beast—bites like the AiMfW^fe : W/MWm~ ' Of course Mr. Headnote will keep
--like blazes, you know ! < llllSSv *\\fi?*» • ' '■ ^WKSPWm''-:'''■■ '""^ * the Monkey.
Miss Stella (to her Cousin). Now, B\|^8ffl^ — -^illiUmmmm- {The unfortunate Curate accepts his
Dick, I won't have you taking away ^^^WJfflK||m\---------~ linHHflHB — .-4g---- — lot with Christian resignation.
poor Jacko's character like that. yj^P^BSlffrll1—~~' ^^mlSaKUM^'' ~'^ff"~ Dick. Well, that's settled—but I
He's only bitten Binns—and, well, say> .Stella, where's my Mutton's
there was the gardener's boy—but ^^fwlwm|^lll^jBflsSImHmUSm^^^m^^hi, moorings — and what's to be the
I'm sure he teased him. You won't ^^J^Bstw Z\ ' ilmSBttu^mKw course?
tease him, will vou, Mr. Headnote ? //fSm'^W^S ^wfftifl mMMuBHm^^W/t!% Stella. The course is straight up
The Curate. I—I shouldn't dream //f PpMSKW IfwHMHtWM^I^- the A^enue from the Lodge to the
of it, Miss Stella,—on the contrary, J^Mk '^vmK^fJK ^^JlllS Wr^twmWuLmf&M- - House, and I've told them to get all
I- (To himself.) Was it quite )fftill^ the beasts down there ready for us ;
discreet to let myself be drawn into j ti Kfffi "*fSlPf Iff//MMnflHI so we'd better go at once,
this? Shall I not risk lowering my /|| Wtffi™ m a
office by publicly associating myself f| \MW§ WM - -1': 1 II |I1 H H 1HE bTART-
with a—a Monkey? I feel certain /|J \f Wm^Wwt.. -■ •: ijl !f|fil| In IH if Wr^"'- ^he Competitors. Stella, my dear,
the Yicar would disapprove / J j Ul illlll ifPI'V ' - j| \\'fiflf fliHffi Mr > - «*wstf»'£ Miss Grissell tell her kitten
strongly. —/ %\ , v.MMill ll iilSUl iWwiPf ^- '"'< not to claw my Tortoise's head every
Dick (to Colonel Kemp- /, ^ jj |\\\f||lW//f^ 'Hllli!™ ' time he pokes his poor nose out ? It
ton). Drawn your animal / vf j 'i'llllWi. (;i!in^k~~~—liiiHiralH WS^Rmv^.'-' ^ isn't fair, and it's damping all his
yet, Sir? I'^MMfe^Afel^ MlfflWI»^^3Jr^~~~ enthusiasm! . . Now, Colonel Kemp-
The Colonel (heatedly). /f^ II V MtMlMfW ifllBlil WM ton, it isn't the Puppy's fault—you
Yes, I have—and I wish //f w \\wMWM\\ ^HBl^^ fe^ know your Rabbit began it!... Hi,
I'd kept out of this infer- / / Mm\\wmW\\M\ Ws^M^m^l^^'''' Stella, hold on a bit, my Mutton
nal tomfoolery. Why the / * 1 | 'IBMi wants to lie down. Mayn't I kick it
mischief don't they leave a (/ ^ }'U Km mmm^W^i up! . . . Dpff, old chap, your Goose
man in peace and quietness l/ $ Tt^^^^^k^^^ ^^H^PBa is dragging her anchor again, back
on a hot afternoon like jM^fM', WMmwMk*\ ■ ^^^KMl \l - — her engines a bit, or there'll be a
this? Here am I, routed '^^^^^^^mS^m^ ', «^JBp?' ' foal. . . . Miss Stella, I—I really
out of a comfortable seat a**^ don't think this Monkey is quite well
to go and drive a con- , //.^/^p^yr —his teeth are chattering in such a
founded White Rabbit, v'J' very . . . All right, padre, only his
Sir! Idiotic, I call it! " It makes me feel too absurdly young !" nasty temper—jerk the beggar's
' The Curate. Pardon me, chain. More than that!
Colonel Kempton ; but if you object to the Rabbit, I would not at all
mind undertaking it myself—and you could take my Monkey-
The Colonel. Thanks—but I won't deprive you. A Rabbit is quite
responsibility enough for me !
The Curate (to himself, disappointed). He's afraid of a poor harm-
less Monkey—and he an Army man, too ! But I don't see why I
Chorus of Spectators at Lodge Gates. My word, I wonder what
next the gentry '11 be up to, I dew. Ain't Miss Stella orderin' of
'en about! Now she's started'en. They ain't not allowed to go
'ittin of 'en—got to go just wheeriver the animiles want.^ Lor, the
guse is takin his genlm'n in among the treeses ! Well, if iver I did !
( That theer tartus gits along, don't he ? Passon don't seem com'fable
Miss Gussie Grissell. Oh, Mr. Headnote, isn't it ridiculous ! 1 along o' that monkey. I '11 back the young sailor gent—keeps that
They've given me a Kitten! It makes me feel too absurdly sheep wunnerf ul stiddy, he do. There's the hold peacock puttin'on a
young! bust now. Well, well, these be fine doin's for 'Auberk 'All, and no
The Curate (eagerly). If you would prefer a—a more appropriate
animal, there's a Monkey, which I am sure- (To himself, as
Miss G. turns away indignantly). This Monkey doesn't seem very
popular—there must be someone here who—I'll try the American
Lady—they are generally eccentric. (JbMrs. Heber K. Bangs.)
I hope Fortune has been kind to you, Mrs. Bangs ?
Mrs. Bangs. AVell, I don't know ; there are quadrupeds that can
trot faster over the measured mile than a Tortoise, and that's my
mistake. Make old Sir Halberd stare if he was 'ere, &c, &c.
The Colonel (wrathfully to his Rabbit, which will do nothing but
run round and round him). Stop that, will you, you little fool. Do
you want to trip me up ! Of all the dashed nonsense I ever-!
Mrs. Bangs. My! Colonel, you do seem to have got hold of a
pretty insubordinate kind of a Rabbit, too!
The Colonel (looking round). Well, you aren't getting much pace
out of your Tortoise either, if it comes to that!
animal. Mrs. Bangs. He puts in most of his time in stoppages for rest and
The Curate (with sympathy). Dear me! That is a trial, indeed, 'refreshment. I'm beginning to believe that old fable's a fraud,
for you ! But if you would prefer something rather more exciting, Anyway, it's my opinion this Tortoise isn't going to beat any hare—
I should be most happy, I'm sure, to exchange my Monkey- unless it's a jugged one.