DOI issue:
October 15, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0178
October 15, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 173
Jersey National Song, composed by myself, before leaving. {He
sings a ditty with the following spirited Chorus) :—
There the streets are paved with granite. So neat and clean
And lots of pretty, witty girls, are always to be seen!
"With the brave old Mi-litia, Our foes to defy!
And there they grow the Cabba-ges—Ten feet high!
(All together, Gentlemen, please .') Yes, there they grow the Cabbages, there
they grow the Cabbages, there they grow the Cabbages—Ten feet high!
Thank you, Gentlemen, 1 've sung that song a number of times, and
I never remember hearing the chorus better sung. If you don't
believe me, ask the Coachman.
Coachman. Pve never 'eard it better sung, Ladies and Gentlemen,
I assure you.
[Green the Guide descends in a blaze of popularity, and the
" Royal Blue " rolls on in excellent spirits.
POLITICAL TEAINING.
Monday.—Head Mr. Chamberlain's remarks on abstinence from
bodily exercise. Sold my bicycle, and gave away all my rackets,
bats, &c. Resolved to follow the latest system. Shall doubtless, by
these means, reach Mr. C.'s high position as a statesman and orator.
Went out in a Bath-chair. Five minutes after starting, man said
he was not accustomed to drag so heavy an invalid, and must rest a
little. Tried a speech—my maiden one—on the Disadvantages of
Bodily Exercise. He listened respectfully, and, when at last I had
finished, said he quite agreed with me, and that the fare was seven
shillings.
Tuesday.—Have decided that exercise in a Bath-chair is quite
superfluous. Resolved to take exercise, for the future, in a
hammock, just outside the garden-door. Must practise speech-
making to the gardener. Good idea—Orchids. Asked him what he
thought about the new Orchid. Miserable fool answered, " Awkud,
zur ? Dunno waht thaht be." I said that was "awkud," and had to
laugh at the highly original side-splitter myself, as he never saw it.
Wednesday.—Must really give up this long walk to the garden-
door. Shall never become a great statesman unless I do. Resolved
to take exercise in arm-chair in library. The children's governess
came in to fetch a book. Addressed her at some length on Free Edu-
cation. Afterwards, thought this subject was somewhat ill-chosen,
as her salary is so small.
Thursday.—Really cannot stand this walking up and down stairs.
Shall remain for the future in my bed-room and take exercise on
sofa by fireside, as I feel chilly. Page came in with coals. Re-
minded me of Policy of Scuttle. Spoke of this at some length, and
woke him up with difficulty when I had finished. Felt rather
unwell.
Friday.—Dressing and undressing is certainly needless fatigue,
and evidently causes this headache and general seediness. Shall
take exercise in bed. Felt worse. Female relatives anxious, and
insist on medical attendance. Assured them I was following the
best system, and answered their persistent demands by a short address
on Home Rule.
Saturday.-—Felt so bad at five this morning, that Doctor was
fetched. Tried feebly to address him on the Eight Hours' Question,
when he said he never had any time to think how long he worked.
Explained my new system to him. He said I should myself want a
new system to stand such a course of treatment. Then he pulled me
out of bed, and insisted on my walking ten miles as soon as I was
dressed. Felt much better. Shall abandon politics and become a
farmer, having just heard of an infallible system for growing wheat
profitably.
The " Restoration " Period.—"Will the Chairmen of theL.C. & D.
and the S.E. Lines unite their forces ? After the meeting on this
subject last week, Sir Edward will have lots of reason to listen to.
But apart from every consideration of mat de mer, and " From Calais
to Dover," as the poet sings u'Tis soonest over," there is not any-
where a better, and we, who have suffered as greatly as the much-
enduring Ulysses, venture to assert not anywhere as good a luncheon
as at the " Restauration" (wellit deserves the title!) of the Calais
Station. Every patriotic travelling Englishman must be delighted
to think that some few centuries ago we gave up Calais. Had it been
nowadays in English hands, why it might even now be possessed
of a " Refreshment Room " no better than—any on our side of the
Channel, for there is no necessity to particularise. From Dover to
Calais is the shortest and best restorative'd route for the traveller,
whether ill or well, at sea.
Mottoes for the new Lord Mayor. " Nil obstet," " Nil fortius,"
and, from Horace, " Nil amplius oro." This, in answer to thousands
of correspondents, is our last word on the subject; so after this
(except on the 9th of November), we say—ml
SUCH A "LIGHT OPERA!"
Had Sir Arthur written the music for The Mountebanks, and
Sir Brian de Bois Gilbert the book of Haddon Hall, both might
have been big successes.
So, however, it was not to
be? and Sir Arthur chose
this book by Mr. Grundy,
which labours under the
disadvantages of being
original, and of not owing
almost everything to a
French source. It isn't
every day of the week that
Mr. Grundy tumbles upon
A Pair of Spectacles in a
volume of French plays.
The period to which the very
slight and uninteresting
story of Haddon Hall be-
longs is just before the
Restoration, but the dia-
logue of "the book" is
spiced with modern slang,
both " up to date " (the date
being this present year of
Grace, not sixteen hundred
and sixty) and out of date.
The "out-of-date" slang,
which is, "I've got1 em on"
—alluding to the Scotch-
man's trousers—has by far
the best of it, as it comes
at the end of the pieee, and
enjoys the honour of hav-
" Pity a Poo' Bar-itone!" ing been set to music by
the variously-gifted Com-
poser : so that "I've got'em on," with its enthusiastically treble-
encored whiskey fiing. capitally danced by Miss NlTA Cole as Nance,
with Mr. Denny as The McCranhie, may be considered as the real
hit of the evening, having
in itself about as much to
do with whatever there is
of the plot as would have
the entrance of Mr. Joey
Grimaldi, in full Clown's
costume, with "Here we
are again ! " Of the music,
as there was very little to
catch and take away, one
had to leave it. Of course
this seriously comic or
comically serious Opera is
drawing'—[" Music," ob-
serves Mr. Wagg, paren-
thetically, 4' cannot be
drawing"^—and will con-
tinue to do so for some little
time, long enough at all
events to reimburse Mr.
D'Oyly Carte for his more
than usually lavish outlay
on the mise-en-scene.
In the Second Act, the
mechanical change from the
exterior of Haddon Hall to
the interior, must be
reckoned as among the most
effective transformations
ever seen on any stage. It
would be still more so if
the time occupied in making Christmas is comin !
it were reduced one-half, Tqc M'Clown of M'Clown dancing,
and the storm in the or- The Reel Hit of the Opera,
chestra, and the lightning seen through black gauze on stage were
omitted. The lightning frightens nobody, only amuses a few, and
in itself is no very great attraction. Even if these flashes were a
very striking performance, no danger to the audience need be
apprehended from it, seeing that Mr. Cellier is in front as
" Conductor." Perhaps Mr. D'Oyly Carte, noticing that
Mr. Grundy calls his piece "a light Opera," thought that, as it
wasn't quite up to this description, it would be as well if the
required "light'ning" were brought in somewhere, and so he intro-
duced it here. If this be so, it is about the only flash of genius in
the performance.
Jersey National Song, composed by myself, before leaving. {He
sings a ditty with the following spirited Chorus) :—
There the streets are paved with granite. So neat and clean
And lots of pretty, witty girls, are always to be seen!
"With the brave old Mi-litia, Our foes to defy!
And there they grow the Cabba-ges—Ten feet high!
(All together, Gentlemen, please .') Yes, there they grow the Cabbages, there
they grow the Cabbages, there they grow the Cabbages—Ten feet high!
Thank you, Gentlemen, 1 've sung that song a number of times, and
I never remember hearing the chorus better sung. If you don't
believe me, ask the Coachman.
Coachman. Pve never 'eard it better sung, Ladies and Gentlemen,
I assure you.
[Green the Guide descends in a blaze of popularity, and the
" Royal Blue " rolls on in excellent spirits.
POLITICAL TEAINING.
Monday.—Head Mr. Chamberlain's remarks on abstinence from
bodily exercise. Sold my bicycle, and gave away all my rackets,
bats, &c. Resolved to follow the latest system. Shall doubtless, by
these means, reach Mr. C.'s high position as a statesman and orator.
Went out in a Bath-chair. Five minutes after starting, man said
he was not accustomed to drag so heavy an invalid, and must rest a
little. Tried a speech—my maiden one—on the Disadvantages of
Bodily Exercise. He listened respectfully, and, when at last I had
finished, said he quite agreed with me, and that the fare was seven
shillings.
Tuesday.—Have decided that exercise in a Bath-chair is quite
superfluous. Resolved to take exercise, for the future, in a
hammock, just outside the garden-door. Must practise speech-
making to the gardener. Good idea—Orchids. Asked him what he
thought about the new Orchid. Miserable fool answered, " Awkud,
zur ? Dunno waht thaht be." I said that was "awkud," and had to
laugh at the highly original side-splitter myself, as he never saw it.
Wednesday.—Must really give up this long walk to the garden-
door. Shall never become a great statesman unless I do. Resolved
to take exercise in arm-chair in library. The children's governess
came in to fetch a book. Addressed her at some length on Free Edu-
cation. Afterwards, thought this subject was somewhat ill-chosen,
as her salary is so small.
Thursday.—Really cannot stand this walking up and down stairs.
Shall remain for the future in my bed-room and take exercise on
sofa by fireside, as I feel chilly. Page came in with coals. Re-
minded me of Policy of Scuttle. Spoke of this at some length, and
woke him up with difficulty when I had finished. Felt rather
unwell.
Friday.—Dressing and undressing is certainly needless fatigue,
and evidently causes this headache and general seediness. Shall
take exercise in bed. Felt worse. Female relatives anxious, and
insist on medical attendance. Assured them I was following the
best system, and answered their persistent demands by a short address
on Home Rule.
Saturday.-—Felt so bad at five this morning, that Doctor was
fetched. Tried feebly to address him on the Eight Hours' Question,
when he said he never had any time to think how long he worked.
Explained my new system to him. He said I should myself want a
new system to stand such a course of treatment. Then he pulled me
out of bed, and insisted on my walking ten miles as soon as I was
dressed. Felt much better. Shall abandon politics and become a
farmer, having just heard of an infallible system for growing wheat
profitably.
The " Restoration " Period.—"Will the Chairmen of theL.C. & D.
and the S.E. Lines unite their forces ? After the meeting on this
subject last week, Sir Edward will have lots of reason to listen to.
But apart from every consideration of mat de mer, and " From Calais
to Dover," as the poet sings u'Tis soonest over," there is not any-
where a better, and we, who have suffered as greatly as the much-
enduring Ulysses, venture to assert not anywhere as good a luncheon
as at the " Restauration" (wellit deserves the title!) of the Calais
Station. Every patriotic travelling Englishman must be delighted
to think that some few centuries ago we gave up Calais. Had it been
nowadays in English hands, why it might even now be possessed
of a " Refreshment Room " no better than—any on our side of the
Channel, for there is no necessity to particularise. From Dover to
Calais is the shortest and best restorative'd route for the traveller,
whether ill or well, at sea.
Mottoes for the new Lord Mayor. " Nil obstet," " Nil fortius,"
and, from Horace, " Nil amplius oro." This, in answer to thousands
of correspondents, is our last word on the subject; so after this
(except on the 9th of November), we say—ml
SUCH A "LIGHT OPERA!"
Had Sir Arthur written the music for The Mountebanks, and
Sir Brian de Bois Gilbert the book of Haddon Hall, both might
have been big successes.
So, however, it was not to
be? and Sir Arthur chose
this book by Mr. Grundy,
which labours under the
disadvantages of being
original, and of not owing
almost everything to a
French source. It isn't
every day of the week that
Mr. Grundy tumbles upon
A Pair of Spectacles in a
volume of French plays.
The period to which the very
slight and uninteresting
story of Haddon Hall be-
longs is just before the
Restoration, but the dia-
logue of "the book" is
spiced with modern slang,
both " up to date " (the date
being this present year of
Grace, not sixteen hundred
and sixty) and out of date.
The "out-of-date" slang,
which is, "I've got1 em on"
—alluding to the Scotch-
man's trousers—has by far
the best of it, as it comes
at the end of the pieee, and
enjoys the honour of hav-
" Pity a Poo' Bar-itone!" ing been set to music by
the variously-gifted Com-
poser : so that "I've got'em on," with its enthusiastically treble-
encored whiskey fiing. capitally danced by Miss NlTA Cole as Nance,
with Mr. Denny as The McCranhie, may be considered as the real
hit of the evening, having
in itself about as much to
do with whatever there is
of the plot as would have
the entrance of Mr. Joey
Grimaldi, in full Clown's
costume, with "Here we
are again ! " Of the music,
as there was very little to
catch and take away, one
had to leave it. Of course
this seriously comic or
comically serious Opera is
drawing'—[" Music," ob-
serves Mr. Wagg, paren-
thetically, 4' cannot be
drawing"^—and will con-
tinue to do so for some little
time, long enough at all
events to reimburse Mr.
D'Oyly Carte for his more
than usually lavish outlay
on the mise-en-scene.
In the Second Act, the
mechanical change from the
exterior of Haddon Hall to
the interior, must be
reckoned as among the most
effective transformations
ever seen on any stage. It
would be still more so if
the time occupied in making Christmas is comin !
it were reduced one-half, Tqc M'Clown of M'Clown dancing,
and the storm in the or- The Reel Hit of the Opera,
chestra, and the lightning seen through black gauze on stage were
omitted. The lightning frightens nobody, only amuses a few, and
in itself is no very great attraction. Even if these flashes were a
very striking performance, no danger to the audience need be
apprehended from it, seeing that Mr. Cellier is in front as
" Conductor." Perhaps Mr. D'Oyly Carte, noticing that
Mr. Grundy calls his piece "a light Opera," thought that, as it
wasn't quite up to this description, it would be as well if the
required "light'ning" were brought in somewhere, and so he intro-
duced it here. If this be so, it is about the only flash of genius in
the performance.