Punch (103.1892)

226

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 12, 1892.

COSTS AS THEY AEE AND WILL BE.

{Two Scenes from a Farcical Tragedy showing that some of the Judges'
recommendations might be adopted immediately.)

THE PRESENT {as they are). Scene—Solicitor's Private Room.
Solicitor awaiting wealthy Client. Clerk in attendance.

Solicitor. The lady is to be shown in the moment she arrives ; and
mind, I am not to be disturbed as long as she is here.

Clerk. Yes, Sir. _ {Exit.

Sol. Quite pleasant way of spending a morning. [Enter Client.)
Ah, my dear lady, and how
are you. ?

Client. Very well, thank
you ; but Bobby is not so

well, and as for Mary-

[Enters into long domestic
details.

Sol. {in a sympathetic
tone). Dear me! And what
has given me the pleasure
of seeing you here to-day ?

Client. I only looked in
to ask you how you
thought our suit was go-
ing on ?

Sol. Oh, capitally ! You
know, we have had several
appointments before the
Chief Clerk in Chambers,

and-

[Enters into long explan-
ation, bristling with
technicalities.

Client {quite at sea).
Dear me. what a compli-
cated affair a Chancery
suit is ! I had no idea we
should have to do all this.
But won't it be very ex-
pensive ?

Sol. {smiling). Well, yes;
but it will all be paid out
of the estate. You, my
dear lady, won't have to
pay anything for it — I
mean oat of your own
pocket.

Client. Oh, that is de-
lightful ! Because you see
with the carriages and the

opera-box- And that

reminds me, I think I shall
give up the opera-box. Do
you know last Season the
music was magnificent, but
quite too learned. I

think- (Gives her

views at great length upon
the Opera, past, present
and future. At the end of
her remarks—) But how 1
do run on ! I am afraid I
am taking up your time.

Sol. Not at all. I have
nothing particular to do,
and our interview comes
out of tbe estate. Now are
you sure we can do nothing
for you this morning ? The
last time you were here we
got copies of all the orders for you. I hope you received them safely.

Client {laughing). Why, I do not think I have opened the packet!
I came across a bundle the other day, and could not make out what
it was, and laid it aside, because I saw your name upon it and thought
it must have something to do with that troublesome Chancery suit.

Sol. {laughing). Well, my dear Madam, that parcel represented
several pounds. However, it doesn't matter; you won't have to pay
for it, as it will come out of the estate. And now, what can we do
for you ? Have you looked into the accounts carefully ?

Client. No, and I am rather fond of figures.

Sol. Then we will send you a copy for, say, the last five years.

Client. Shall I be able to make them out ?

Sol. You ought to be able to do so, my dear Madam. They will be
prepared by a leading firm of Accountants, and we will check them
ourselves before we send them to you. Is there anything else ?

Client. No thanks—I think not. And now I must say good-bye.
I am ashamed to take up so much of your valuable time.

Sol. Not at all. _ I shall be amply remunerated out of the estate.
[Exit Client. Solicitor gives his Clerk the heads for six folios of a
hill of costs, and then observes—) Not a bad morning's work !

THE FUTURE {as they will be). _ Scene—The Same. Solicitor

and Clerk discovered.

Sol. Now mind, on no account is she to be admitted. She talks
about all sorts of things and takes up my time dreadfully, and now
the Court won't pass " luxurious costs," and objects to payment out

of the estate, I can charge
nothing. So mind, she is
not to be admitted.
Clerk. Yery good, Sir.

[Exit.

Sol. Yes. At my very
busiest time, when every
moment is valuable!
{Enter Client.) What you,
my dear Madam ! I really
am too busy to attend to
you this morning.

Client {astonished). Why
you said you were always
pleased to see me!

Sol. But that was before
the Judges' recommenda-
tions were adopted. Nowa-
days we must not let you
run up costs until we have
explained to you in writing
what you are about. And
as all you say will come
out of your own pocket,
and not out of the estate,
it is only fair to warn you.

Client. What, out of my
own pocket! Then I shall
be off.

Sol. Sorry to give up our
pleasant conversations, but
they run into money. {Exit
Client, when the Solicitor
shakes his head to the Clerk
who has brought his rough
dra ft of costs, and to which
nothing now can be legally
added, and observes—) Not
a good day's work!

BALANCE OF PROBABILITIES.

High Church Lady. '' I suppose that was the Lady Chapel behind the
Choir?"

Low Church Verger. "I don't fancy there's hany such name 'ereabouts,
M'm. I think it was only the Pew-Opener ! "

THE BOOM-DE-AY

POET.

[" Mr. Bichard Morton,
the author of " Ta-ra-ra-
boom-de-ay" has been called
to prove what would be a
reasonable figure for the whole
proprietary rights of a song."
—Times Law Reports, Nov.
3rd.]

He came before the public

t'other day!—
The Author of " Ta-ra-ra-

Boom-de-ay ! "
'Twas in a case before
Judge Grantham
brought
(It should have been in Jus-
tice " Collins'" Court)

When the Inspired Bard the Jury faced,
As he within the witness-box was placed.
He told us how his Pegasus would fiy
From plain (two guineas) up to (ten) the sky!
But for the song he wrote for Lottie fair
We hope he was a-Lottie'd a large share
In all its earnings. May it not be long
Ere he produce another catching song ;
But should he fail, then when the poet's clay
Be laid to rest, it will suffice to say,
" Vixit. He wrote ' Ta-ra-ra-Boom-de-ay P "

Mrs. R.. on hearing that a Cricket-team, though not first-rate, had
a leaven oi good players, inquired how they eould have more of them.