DOI issue:
November 26, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0246
November 26, 1892.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 241
LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.
No. XVII.—TO FAILURE.
shouting with laughter at some joke made, as most of his jokes were,
at his own expense.
It was during one of his brief intervals of prosperity, at a meet of
the Ditchington Staff-hounds that I first met Johnnie. He was
A Philosopher has deigned to address to me a letter. "Sir," beautifully got up. His top-hat shone scarcely less brilliantly than
writes my venerable correspondent, " I have been reading your open his rosy cheeks, his collar was of the stiff est, his white tie was folded
letters to Abstractions with some interest. You will, however, per- and pinned with a beautiful accuracy, his black coat fitted him like
haps permit me to observe that amongst those to whom you have a glove, his leather-breeches were smooth and speckless, and his
written are not a few who have no right whatever to be numbered champagne-coloured tops fitted his sturdy little legs as if they had
amongst Abstractions. Laziness, for instance, and Crookedness, and been born with him. _ He was mounted on an enormous chestnut-
Irritation—not to mention others—how is it possible to say that these horse, which Anak might have controlled, but which was far above
are Abstractions? They are concrete qualities and nothing else, the power and weight of Johnnie, plucky and determined though he
Forgive me for making this correction, and believe me yours, &c. A was. Shortly after the beginning of the run, while the hounds were
Platonist."—To which I merely reply, with all possible respect, ] checked, I noticed a strange, hatless, dishevelled figure, riding
"Stuff and nonsense!" I know my letters have reached those to furiously round and round a field. It was Johnnie, whose horse
whom they were addressed, no single one has come back through the : was bolting with him,_but who was just able to guide it suffieientlv
Dead-letter Office, and that is enough for me. ■ Besides, there are j to keep it going in a circle instead of taking him far over hill and.
thousands of Abstractions that the mind of "A dale. "We managed to stop him, and I shall never for-
Platonist" has never conceived. Somewhere I a l&iil tikh^ll'^l^^'' ^ ^ow ^e laugheci a^ ^s own disasters while he was
know, there is an abstract Boot, a perfect and m,,. /f/lffj if Jul fllllm picking up his crop and replacing his hat on his head,
ideal combination of all the qualities that ever fflf'/'ffiUttH li llilllw] ^on% afterwards, I saw our little Mazeppa crashing,
were or will be connected with boots, a grand H {||if/ Inn III |H ^ifi^.|rf!? i n?rse and all, into the branches of a tree, but in spite
exemplar to which all material boots, more or less, j mMM!||| Ml S|ff||) j| |; of a black eye and a deep cut on his cheek, he finished
nearly approach ; and by their likeness to which I i'lillSt^^^M%'-! the run—fortunately for him a very fast and. long one—
they are recognised as boots by all who in a previ- filltipi'jw^^^^^'' I imperturbable pluck and with no further misad-
ous existence have seen the ideal Boot. Sandals, ilii[rail Ififjlf^^ffii j11' f I venture. " Nasty cut that," I said to him
mocassins, butcher-boots, jack-boots, these are but (J \ kj , as we trained back together, "you'd better
emanations from the great original. Similarly, ] get it properly looked to in town." "Pooh,"
there must be an abstract Dog, to the likeness ' 1 ^^^^m^^^WMmSlilM^^ sa^ Johnnie, "it's a mere scratch. Did
of which, in one respect or another, both the j f;j jilfsHHlw y°u see ^ne brute take me into the tree?
Yorkshire Terrier and the St. Bernard conform. l'',J^^^^^^X-iaWm^B^^^^^J By Jove, it must have been a comic sight! "
So much then for "A Platonist." And now to ''f^'^^^^T^^WmwV m^^y and with that _ he set off again on another
the matter in hand. ^Baj^li^WMMl 111 Wr iJmi&S? burst of inextinguishable laughter.
My dear Failure, there exists amongst xis, as, ^^T^mmS^rt^^^^^p9^^r^ About a week after this, the usual crash
indeed, there has always existed, an innumerable i j j I p^K^P^^^HS||w^^^^ came. A relative of Johnnie was in diffi-
body of those upon whom you have cast your 1 /N^^^^SfflBmi Kfy culties. Johnnie, with his wonted chivalry,
melancholy blight. Amongst their friends and ' i j;'!' ■ ''''''^^SI^HI came to his help with the few thousands that he
acquaintances they are known by the name you ! ; j!'| If ; kmmB^^^ pjl \ lia(^ lately put by, and, in a day or two, he was
yourself bear. They are the great army of failures. | j I j j I' ''MS^Miu nff I ' 011 ^s beam_encis once more. And so the story
But there must be no mistake. Because a man 1 : j; if f^jj^^HBi illll ! went on. Money slipped through his fingers like
has had high aspirations, has tried with all the I; 11: ii'jP^^M^wffi rifflf water—prosperity tweaked him by the nose, and
energy of his body and soul to realise them, and '; f; j; '^^ffl^SBj I If nec^ ^TPm him> whilst friends, not a whit more
has, in the end, fallen short of his exalted aim, ''^'inffiffiw^iHl ill deserving, amassed fortunes, and became sleek,
he is not, therefore, to be called a failure. "ffw'^uj HnfilI But he was never daunted. "With inexhaustible
Moses, I may remind you, was suffered only to WBUmi wHIVm courage and resource, he set to work again to
look upon the Promised Land from a mountain- J ; > jMSH/ rebuild his shattered edifice, confident that luck
top. Patriots without number—Kossuth shall be wiim ^BWif would, some day, stay with him for good. But
my example — have fought and bled, and have wimFl willlf never did. At last he threw in his lot with a
been thrust into exile, only to see their objects tlMEt mill band of adventurers, who proposed to plant the
gained by others in the end. But the final Iff Hill silM British flag in some hitherto unexplored regions
triumph was theirs surely almost as much as if mKu WmM °^ South or Central Africa. I dined with
they themselves had gained it. On the other wmMi 111111 Johnnie the evening before he left England. He
hand there are those who march from disappoint- lUHI HH'1 was in the highest spirits. His talk was of rich
ment to disappointment, but remain serenely )mM$ wMffi farms, of immense gold-mines. He was off to
unconscious of it all the time. These are not mBM ralSSra make his pile, and would then come home, buy
genuine failures. There is Charsley, for instance, JUap iSiS^i an estate in the country—he had one in his eye—
journalist, dramatist, novelist — Heaven knows D an(^ ^ve a ^e °^ sPor^ surrounded by all the
"what besides. His plays have run, on an average, JpP^ , comforts, and by all his friends. And so we
about six nights; his books, published mostly at J;X; / ^IBIP) parted, never to meet again. He was lost while
his own expense, are a drug in the market; but ^ making his way back to the coast with a small
the little creature is as vain, as proud, and, it party, and no trace of him has ever since been
must be added, as contented, as though Fame had set him, with a
blast of her golden trumpet, amongst the mighty Immortals. What
lot can be happier than his? Secure in his impregnable egotism,
ramparted about with mighty walls of conceit, he bids defiance to
attack, and lives an enviable life of self-centred pleasure.
Then, again, there was Johnnie Truebridge. I do not mean to
liken him to Charsley, for no more unselfish and kind-hearted
being than Johnnie ever breathed. But was there ever a stone that
rolled more constantly and gathered less moss ? Yet no stroke could
subdue his inconquerable cheerfulness. Time after time he got his
head above the waters ; time after time, some malignant emissary of
fate sent him bubbling and gasping down into the depths. He was
up again in a moment, striving, battling, buffeting. Nothing could
make Johnnie despair, no disappointment could warp the simple
straightforward sincerity, the loyal and almost childlike honesty of
his nature. And if here and there, for a short time, fortune seemed
to shine upon him, you may be sure that there was no single friend
whom he did not call upon to bask with him in these fleeting rays.
And what a glorious laugh he had; not a loud guffaw that splits
your tympanum and crushes merriment flat, but an irrepressible,
helpless, irresistible infectious laugh, in which his whole body be
discovered. But to his friends he has left a memory and an example
of invincible courage, and unceasing cheerfulness in the face of
misfortune, of constant helpfulness, and unflinching staunchness.
Can it be said that such a man was a failure ? I don't think so.
I must write again. In the meantime I remain, as usual, D. R.
Signs of the Season.—" Beauty's Daughters ! " These charming
young ladies are to be obtained for the small sum of one penny!
as for this trifling amount,—unless there is a seasonably extra
charge,—you can purchase the Christmas Number of the Penny Illus-
trated, wherein Mr. Clement Scott "our dear departed" (on tour
round the world—"globe-trotting"), leads off with some good
verses. Will he be chosen Laureate ? He is away ; and it is charac-
teristic of a truly great poet to be " absent." And the_Editor, that
undefeated story-teller, tells one of his best stories in his best style,
and gives us a delightful picture of Miss Elsie Norman. 4' Alas! _ she
is another's! she never can be mine ! "—as she is Somebody Elsie's.
Success to your Beauties, Mr. Latey, or more correctly, Mr. Early-
and-Latey, as you bring out your Christmas Number a good six
weeks before Christmas Day.
came involved. I have seen a whole roomful of strangers rolling on j Motto eor the Labour Commission.—"The proper study of
their chairs without in the least knowing why, while Johnnie, with ' mankind is—Mann! "
his head thrown back, his jolly face puckered into a thousand j
wrinkles of hearty delight, and his hands pressed to his sides, was The New Employment.—Being "Unemployed."
vol. cm.
y
LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.
No. XVII.—TO FAILURE.
shouting with laughter at some joke made, as most of his jokes were,
at his own expense.
It was during one of his brief intervals of prosperity, at a meet of
the Ditchington Staff-hounds that I first met Johnnie. He was
A Philosopher has deigned to address to me a letter. "Sir," beautifully got up. His top-hat shone scarcely less brilliantly than
writes my venerable correspondent, " I have been reading your open his rosy cheeks, his collar was of the stiff est, his white tie was folded
letters to Abstractions with some interest. You will, however, per- and pinned with a beautiful accuracy, his black coat fitted him like
haps permit me to observe that amongst those to whom you have a glove, his leather-breeches were smooth and speckless, and his
written are not a few who have no right whatever to be numbered champagne-coloured tops fitted his sturdy little legs as if they had
amongst Abstractions. Laziness, for instance, and Crookedness, and been born with him. _ He was mounted on an enormous chestnut-
Irritation—not to mention others—how is it possible to say that these horse, which Anak might have controlled, but which was far above
are Abstractions? They are concrete qualities and nothing else, the power and weight of Johnnie, plucky and determined though he
Forgive me for making this correction, and believe me yours, &c. A was. Shortly after the beginning of the run, while the hounds were
Platonist."—To which I merely reply, with all possible respect, ] checked, I noticed a strange, hatless, dishevelled figure, riding
"Stuff and nonsense!" I know my letters have reached those to furiously round and round a field. It was Johnnie, whose horse
whom they were addressed, no single one has come back through the : was bolting with him,_but who was just able to guide it suffieientlv
Dead-letter Office, and that is enough for me. ■ Besides, there are j to keep it going in a circle instead of taking him far over hill and.
thousands of Abstractions that the mind of "A dale. "We managed to stop him, and I shall never for-
Platonist" has never conceived. Somewhere I a l&iil tikh^ll'^l^^'' ^ ^ow ^e laugheci a^ ^s own disasters while he was
know, there is an abstract Boot, a perfect and m,,. /f/lffj if Jul fllllm picking up his crop and replacing his hat on his head,
ideal combination of all the qualities that ever fflf'/'ffiUttH li llilllw] ^on% afterwards, I saw our little Mazeppa crashing,
were or will be connected with boots, a grand H {||if/ Inn III |H ^ifi^.|rf!? i n?rse and all, into the branches of a tree, but in spite
exemplar to which all material boots, more or less, j mMM!||| Ml S|ff||) j| |; of a black eye and a deep cut on his cheek, he finished
nearly approach ; and by their likeness to which I i'lillSt^^^M%'-! the run—fortunately for him a very fast and. long one—
they are recognised as boots by all who in a previ- filltipi'jw^^^^^'' I imperturbable pluck and with no further misad-
ous existence have seen the ideal Boot. Sandals, ilii[rail Ififjlf^^ffii j11' f I venture. " Nasty cut that," I said to him
mocassins, butcher-boots, jack-boots, these are but (J \ kj , as we trained back together, "you'd better
emanations from the great original. Similarly, ] get it properly looked to in town." "Pooh,"
there must be an abstract Dog, to the likeness ' 1 ^^^^m^^^WMmSlilM^^ sa^ Johnnie, "it's a mere scratch. Did
of which, in one respect or another, both the j f;j jilfsHHlw y°u see ^ne brute take me into the tree?
Yorkshire Terrier and the St. Bernard conform. l'',J^^^^^^X-iaWm^B^^^^^J By Jove, it must have been a comic sight! "
So much then for "A Platonist." And now to ''f^'^^^^T^^WmwV m^^y and with that _ he set off again on another
the matter in hand. ^Baj^li^WMMl 111 Wr iJmi&S? burst of inextinguishable laughter.
My dear Failure, there exists amongst xis, as, ^^T^mmS^rt^^^^^p9^^r^ About a week after this, the usual crash
indeed, there has always existed, an innumerable i j j I p^K^P^^^HS||w^^^^ came. A relative of Johnnie was in diffi-
body of those upon whom you have cast your 1 /N^^^^SfflBmi Kfy culties. Johnnie, with his wonted chivalry,
melancholy blight. Amongst their friends and ' i j;'!' ■ ''''''^^SI^HI came to his help with the few thousands that he
acquaintances they are known by the name you ! ; j!'| If ; kmmB^^^ pjl \ lia(^ lately put by, and, in a day or two, he was
yourself bear. They are the great army of failures. | j I j j I' ''MS^Miu nff I ' 011 ^s beam_encis once more. And so the story
But there must be no mistake. Because a man 1 : j; if f^jj^^HBi illll ! went on. Money slipped through his fingers like
has had high aspirations, has tried with all the I; 11: ii'jP^^M^wffi rifflf water—prosperity tweaked him by the nose, and
energy of his body and soul to realise them, and '; f; j; '^^ffl^SBj I If nec^ ^TPm him> whilst friends, not a whit more
has, in the end, fallen short of his exalted aim, ''^'inffiffiw^iHl ill deserving, amassed fortunes, and became sleek,
he is not, therefore, to be called a failure. "ffw'^uj HnfilI But he was never daunted. "With inexhaustible
Moses, I may remind you, was suffered only to WBUmi wHIVm courage and resource, he set to work again to
look upon the Promised Land from a mountain- J ; > jMSH/ rebuild his shattered edifice, confident that luck
top. Patriots without number—Kossuth shall be wiim ^BWif would, some day, stay with him for good. But
my example — have fought and bled, and have wimFl willlf never did. At last he threw in his lot with a
been thrust into exile, only to see their objects tlMEt mill band of adventurers, who proposed to plant the
gained by others in the end. But the final Iff Hill silM British flag in some hitherto unexplored regions
triumph was theirs surely almost as much as if mKu WmM °^ South or Central Africa. I dined with
they themselves had gained it. On the other wmMi 111111 Johnnie the evening before he left England. He
hand there are those who march from disappoint- lUHI HH'1 was in the highest spirits. His talk was of rich
ment to disappointment, but remain serenely )mM$ wMffi farms, of immense gold-mines. He was off to
unconscious of it all the time. These are not mBM ralSSra make his pile, and would then come home, buy
genuine failures. There is Charsley, for instance, JUap iSiS^i an estate in the country—he had one in his eye—
journalist, dramatist, novelist — Heaven knows D an(^ ^ve a ^e °^ sPor^ surrounded by all the
"what besides. His plays have run, on an average, JpP^ , comforts, and by all his friends. And so we
about six nights; his books, published mostly at J;X; / ^IBIP) parted, never to meet again. He was lost while
his own expense, are a drug in the market; but ^ making his way back to the coast with a small
the little creature is as vain, as proud, and, it party, and no trace of him has ever since been
must be added, as contented, as though Fame had set him, with a
blast of her golden trumpet, amongst the mighty Immortals. What
lot can be happier than his? Secure in his impregnable egotism,
ramparted about with mighty walls of conceit, he bids defiance to
attack, and lives an enviable life of self-centred pleasure.
Then, again, there was Johnnie Truebridge. I do not mean to
liken him to Charsley, for no more unselfish and kind-hearted
being than Johnnie ever breathed. But was there ever a stone that
rolled more constantly and gathered less moss ? Yet no stroke could
subdue his inconquerable cheerfulness. Time after time he got his
head above the waters ; time after time, some malignant emissary of
fate sent him bubbling and gasping down into the depths. He was
up again in a moment, striving, battling, buffeting. Nothing could
make Johnnie despair, no disappointment could warp the simple
straightforward sincerity, the loyal and almost childlike honesty of
his nature. And if here and there, for a short time, fortune seemed
to shine upon him, you may be sure that there was no single friend
whom he did not call upon to bask with him in these fleeting rays.
And what a glorious laugh he had; not a loud guffaw that splits
your tympanum and crushes merriment flat, but an irrepressible,
helpless, irresistible infectious laugh, in which his whole body be
discovered. But to his friends he has left a memory and an example
of invincible courage, and unceasing cheerfulness in the face of
misfortune, of constant helpfulness, and unflinching staunchness.
Can it be said that such a man was a failure ? I don't think so.
I must write again. In the meantime I remain, as usual, D. R.
Signs of the Season.—" Beauty's Daughters ! " These charming
young ladies are to be obtained for the small sum of one penny!
as for this trifling amount,—unless there is a seasonably extra
charge,—you can purchase the Christmas Number of the Penny Illus-
trated, wherein Mr. Clement Scott "our dear departed" (on tour
round the world—"globe-trotting"), leads off with some good
verses. Will he be chosen Laureate ? He is away ; and it is charac-
teristic of a truly great poet to be " absent." And the_Editor, that
undefeated story-teller, tells one of his best stories in his best style,
and gives us a delightful picture of Miss Elsie Norman. 4' Alas! _ she
is another's! she never can be mine ! "—as she is Somebody Elsie's.
Success to your Beauties, Mr. Latey, or more correctly, Mr. Early-
and-Latey, as you bring out your Christmas Number a good six
weeks before Christmas Day.
came involved. I have seen a whole roomful of strangers rolling on j Motto eor the Labour Commission.—"The proper study of
their chairs without in the least knowing why, while Johnnie, with ' mankind is—Mann! "
his head thrown back, his jolly face puckered into a thousand j
wrinkles of hearty delight, and his hands pressed to his sides, was The New Employment.—Being "Unemployed."
vol. cm.
y