DOI issue:
December 3, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0267
262
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 3, 1892.
THE SERPENT'S TOOTH.
" Didn't I send 'im to Heton an' Hoxford ? Didn't I send 'im into the Harmy,
along o' some o' the biggest nobs in all hengland, with an allowance fit for a
young Hearl ? And what's the hupshot of it all ? Why, he gives Dinners to
Dooks and Royal 'Ighnesses, an' don't even harsk 'is bore old Father to meet 'em.
'Ighnesses, indeed ! I could buy up the 'ole blessed lot ! And, what 's more, I
wouldn't mind tellin" 'ex so to their Faces, for Two Pins!—Ah! just as soon as
look at 'em—and 'e knows it!"
at 250 yards, but the blow fell short, and he they began a hammer-and-tongrs game, in
was fairly staggered by two in succession which Proser scored heavily. Dullard, how-
(" the tree-climbing rabbit," and "the Mar- ever, pulled himself together for a final rush,
quis of Dullfield's gaiters"), delivered They met in the middle of the ring, and
straight on the mouth. First blood for the both fell heavily. As neither was able to
Dullard. After some hard exchanges they rise, the fight was drawn. Both men were
closed, and fell, the Dullard underneath. j heavily damaged, and were carried away with
Hound II.— Both blowing a good deal, their jaws broken.
The Proser put up his Dukes, and let fly There you have the story. The actual
with both of them one after another, at the regult was tba(. tbege t ponderous bores all
Dullard s conk drawing claret profusely, j but did Qne anotber to death- g0 exhausted
Nothing daunted, the Dullard watched his : were th b the terrible conflict that our
opportunity and delivered a first-class Royal eomfort was not again disturbed by them
Prince on the Proser s right eye half closing | duri tMg particular visit> We were iucky,
that optic. The men now closed but broke th b atfirst we scarcely saw it in getting
away again almost directly. Some smart
fibbing, in which neither could claim an
advantage, ensued. The round was^ brought
to a close by some rapid exchanges, after
which the Proser went down. Betting 6 to 4
on the Dullard.
Hound III, and last. — Proser's right
peeper badly swollen, the Dullard gory, and
a bit groggy, but still smiling. Proser opened
with a ricochet, which did great execution,
but was countered heavily when he at-
tempted to repeat the trick, the Dullard all
but knocking him off his legs with a fifty-
pound salmon. After some slight exchanges
two evenly matched ironclad bores together,
If we had had only one, the matter would
have been far more difficult.
Undecided.
Goosey, Goose, Uganda,
With whom will you wander,
"With the English, with the French ?
Or with King Mwanga ?
Advice Gratis (by a Bill Poster).—"In-
vest all your savings in hoardings."
THE COMPLIMENT OF COIN.
(An Extract from Mr. Punch's Purely Imaginary
Conversations.)
Scene—Interior of a Palace. ■ Emperor and
Empress discovered discussing the former's
tour in foreign parts.
Emperor {finishing a good story). So after
I had made a hearty meal off the bread-and-
milk, I gave the old woman a note for five
thousand thalers, and told her to buy a three-
sous portrait of myself so that she might see
the Sovereign that she had saved from starva-
tion. Ha ! ha! ha! Wasn't it amusing ?
Empress {smiling). Yery, dear; but wasn't
it a little expensive ? Surely you could have
got the bread-and-milk for a smaller sum P
Emperor, Of course I Jcould! But then,
don't you see, it made me ^popular. It's in
all the papers, and reads splendidly!
Empress. Yes, of course, dear. By the
way, I found this volume (producing book
bound in velvet with real gold clasps) in your
overcoat. May I peep into it ?
Emperor {doubtfully). I don't think you
will find it particularly interesting. I have
just jotted down my petty cash disbursements.
Empress {opening book and glancing at con-
tents). Dear me! Why the total amounts to
£15,000! I see it's put in English money.
Emperor. Yes, it saves trouble. When
I am travelling I get rather confused with
all coinage save that of Mother's Fatherland.
Empress. But surely £15,000 is a lot to
expend upon extras ?
Emperor. Depends on the view you take of
things. I had a lot of things to buy.
Empress. But surely this must be wrong ?
Shoeblack fifty guineas!
Emperor (lightly). No, I think that's all
right. You see, the fellow, after he had
cleaned my boots, suddenly recognised me,
called me Sire, and sang the " Wacht am
Phein." I couldn't, after that, give him less.
Empress. Well, you know best, dear; but
I should have thought you could have got
your boots cleaned for ratber less!
Emperor. Possibly ; but I should have lost
the story. And you know it reads so well.
Empress. And here 's another rather big
item. £800 for a London cabman !
Emperor. I consider that the cheapest item
in the lot. He wanted more !
Empress. And here are several "items of
seventy pounds apiece. What were they for?
Emperor. Oh, nothing in particular. Little
girl picked up my handkerchief, and a little
boy asked me for a kite. Was obliged to give
them each a bundle of tenners. It would have
been so mean if I had given them less. But
there, I told you you wouldn't find the book
at all interesting. If you will pass it to me,
I will lock it up.
Empress. Oh, certainly, dear. (Gives up
volume.) And now, darling, I am going to
ask you a favour. You never saw such a pet
of a coronet as they have at Yon-'s.
Now I want you to buy it for me particularly.
Emperor (embarrassed). Certainly, dear—
but you know, we are not too well off.
Empress. Oh, but it is simply charming.
Rubies round the edge, and a cross of bril-
liants and emeralds. And, really, so cheap.
They only want £100,000 for it!
Emperor. Yery nice indeed; but just at
this moment it would be a little inconvenient
to produce so large a sum.
Empress. Large sum! Why, the rubies
alone are worth all the money.
Emperor. Yes, I know, dear. And now I
must hurry away; duty, my love, comes
before pleasure. See you soon.
[Exit hurriedly, to attend a review.
In the meanwhile, Coronet remains in
the jeweller's shop-window. Curtain.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 3, 1892.
THE SERPENT'S TOOTH.
" Didn't I send 'im to Heton an' Hoxford ? Didn't I send 'im into the Harmy,
along o' some o' the biggest nobs in all hengland, with an allowance fit for a
young Hearl ? And what's the hupshot of it all ? Why, he gives Dinners to
Dooks and Royal 'Ighnesses, an' don't even harsk 'is bore old Father to meet 'em.
'Ighnesses, indeed ! I could buy up the 'ole blessed lot ! And, what 's more, I
wouldn't mind tellin" 'ex so to their Faces, for Two Pins!—Ah! just as soon as
look at 'em—and 'e knows it!"
at 250 yards, but the blow fell short, and he they began a hammer-and-tongrs game, in
was fairly staggered by two in succession which Proser scored heavily. Dullard, how-
(" the tree-climbing rabbit," and "the Mar- ever, pulled himself together for a final rush,
quis of Dullfield's gaiters"), delivered They met in the middle of the ring, and
straight on the mouth. First blood for the both fell heavily. As neither was able to
Dullard. After some hard exchanges they rise, the fight was drawn. Both men were
closed, and fell, the Dullard underneath. j heavily damaged, and were carried away with
Hound II.— Both blowing a good deal, their jaws broken.
The Proser put up his Dukes, and let fly There you have the story. The actual
with both of them one after another, at the regult was tba(. tbege t ponderous bores all
Dullard s conk drawing claret profusely, j but did Qne anotber to death- g0 exhausted
Nothing daunted, the Dullard watched his : were th b the terrible conflict that our
opportunity and delivered a first-class Royal eomfort was not again disturbed by them
Prince on the Proser s right eye half closing | duri tMg particular visit> We were iucky,
that optic. The men now closed but broke th b atfirst we scarcely saw it in getting
away again almost directly. Some smart
fibbing, in which neither could claim an
advantage, ensued. The round was^ brought
to a close by some rapid exchanges, after
which the Proser went down. Betting 6 to 4
on the Dullard.
Hound III, and last. — Proser's right
peeper badly swollen, the Dullard gory, and
a bit groggy, but still smiling. Proser opened
with a ricochet, which did great execution,
but was countered heavily when he at-
tempted to repeat the trick, the Dullard all
but knocking him off his legs with a fifty-
pound salmon. After some slight exchanges
two evenly matched ironclad bores together,
If we had had only one, the matter would
have been far more difficult.
Undecided.
Goosey, Goose, Uganda,
With whom will you wander,
"With the English, with the French ?
Or with King Mwanga ?
Advice Gratis (by a Bill Poster).—"In-
vest all your savings in hoardings."
THE COMPLIMENT OF COIN.
(An Extract from Mr. Punch's Purely Imaginary
Conversations.)
Scene—Interior of a Palace. ■ Emperor and
Empress discovered discussing the former's
tour in foreign parts.
Emperor {finishing a good story). So after
I had made a hearty meal off the bread-and-
milk, I gave the old woman a note for five
thousand thalers, and told her to buy a three-
sous portrait of myself so that she might see
the Sovereign that she had saved from starva-
tion. Ha ! ha! ha! Wasn't it amusing ?
Empress {smiling). Yery, dear; but wasn't
it a little expensive ? Surely you could have
got the bread-and-milk for a smaller sum P
Emperor, Of course I Jcould! But then,
don't you see, it made me ^popular. It's in
all the papers, and reads splendidly!
Empress. Yes, of course, dear. By the
way, I found this volume (producing book
bound in velvet with real gold clasps) in your
overcoat. May I peep into it ?
Emperor {doubtfully). I don't think you
will find it particularly interesting. I have
just jotted down my petty cash disbursements.
Empress {opening book and glancing at con-
tents). Dear me! Why the total amounts to
£15,000! I see it's put in English money.
Emperor. Yes, it saves trouble. When
I am travelling I get rather confused with
all coinage save that of Mother's Fatherland.
Empress. But surely £15,000 is a lot to
expend upon extras ?
Emperor. Depends on the view you take of
things. I had a lot of things to buy.
Empress. But surely this must be wrong ?
Shoeblack fifty guineas!
Emperor (lightly). No, I think that's all
right. You see, the fellow, after he had
cleaned my boots, suddenly recognised me,
called me Sire, and sang the " Wacht am
Phein." I couldn't, after that, give him less.
Empress. Well, you know best, dear; but
I should have thought you could have got
your boots cleaned for ratber less!
Emperor. Possibly ; but I should have lost
the story. And you know it reads so well.
Empress. And here 's another rather big
item. £800 for a London cabman !
Emperor. I consider that the cheapest item
in the lot. He wanted more !
Empress. And here are several "items of
seventy pounds apiece. What were they for?
Emperor. Oh, nothing in particular. Little
girl picked up my handkerchief, and a little
boy asked me for a kite. Was obliged to give
them each a bundle of tenners. It would have
been so mean if I had given them less. But
there, I told you you wouldn't find the book
at all interesting. If you will pass it to me,
I will lock it up.
Empress. Oh, certainly, dear. (Gives up
volume.) And now, darling, I am going to
ask you a favour. You never saw such a pet
of a coronet as they have at Yon-'s.
Now I want you to buy it for me particularly.
Emperor (embarrassed). Certainly, dear—
but you know, we are not too well off.
Empress. Oh, but it is simply charming.
Rubies round the edge, and a cross of bril-
liants and emeralds. And, really, so cheap.
They only want £100,000 for it!
Emperor. Yery nice indeed; but just at
this moment it would be a little inconvenient
to produce so large a sum.
Empress. Large sum! Why, the rubies
alone are worth all the money.
Emperor. Yes, I know, dear. And now I
must hurry away; duty, my love, comes
before pleasure. See you soon.
[Exit hurriedly, to attend a review.
In the meanwhile, Coronet remains in
the jeweller's shop-window. Curtain.