Punch (103.1892)

December 17, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

277

THE WILD WILD EAST.

First Coster. "Say, Bill, 'ow d'yer like my new Kickseys?
Good Fit, eh?"

Second Coster. "Tit! They ain't no Fit. They're a Eaper-
plictick Stroke !"

MIXED NOTIONS.

No. I.—BI-METALLISM.

Scene—A Railway-carriage in a suburban morning train to London.
There are four Passengers, two of whom are well-informed men,
while the third is an inquirer, and the fourth an average man.
They travel up to London together every morning by the same
train. The two Well-informed Men and the Average Man are
City men ; the Inquirer is a young Solicitor. They have just
finished reading their morning papers, and are now ready to
impart or receive knowledge.

Inquirer. They don't seem to be making much of this Monetary
Conference in Brussels.
First Well-informed Man. Of course they 're not. I knew how

it would be from the start. _ I met Harcourt
some time ago, and told him what I thought
about it. "You mark my words," I said,
" the whole blessed thing will be a failure.
You haven't sent out the right men, and
they 're certain to waste their time in useless
academic discussions." He seemed surprised,
but he hadn't got a word to say.
Inquirer [deeply impressed). Ah !
_ First W. I. 31 The thing's really as
simple as A B C. Here are we, a country
with a gold standard, and we find that gold
has appreciated. What's the consequence ?
Why, silver goes down everyday, and com-
A Little Mixed. meree is dislocated,—absolutely dislocated.

All we have to do is to-

Second W. I. 31. {breaking in). One moment! When you say
gold has appreciated, you mean, of course, that the purchasing
power of gold has increased—in other words, commodities are
cheaper. Isn't that so ?
First W. I. 31. Yes. Well, what then ?

Second W. I. M. What's your remedy ? Do you think you can

make things better by fixing a ratio between gold and silver ? In the
first place, you can't do it; they've got nothing to do with one
another.

First W. I. 31. {triumphantly). Haven't they? What have you
got to say, then, about the Indian rupee ? That's where the whole
of your beautiful system comes to grief. You can't deny that.

Second W. I. 31. The Indian rupee has got nothing to do with it.
My theory is, that it's all due to the American coinage of silver, and
{vaguely), if we do the same as they, why, we shall only make things
worse. No, no, my boy, you've got hold of the wrong end of the
stick, there. Look at the Bland Bill. Do you want to have that
kind of thing in England ?

Inquirer. God forbid ! By the way, what was the Bland Bill ?

Second W. I. 31 What! you don't know what the Bland Bill
was ? Don't you remember it ? It provided that a certain amount
of silver was to be coined every year, and the Treasury was to hold
the surplus until it reached a certain value, and then,—but every
schoolboy knows what happened.

Average 3Ian. What did happen, as a matter of fact ?

Second W. I. 31. {scornfully). Why, the market was flooded.

First W. I. 31. Yes, and that exactly proves my point. Make
fifteen the ratio between gold and silver, and you '11 never have the
market flooded again.

Second W. I. 31. {hotly). How do you make that out ?

First W. I. 31. It's as plain as a pikestaff. Make silver your
legal tender for large amounts in this country, and you stop all these
United States games at one blow.

Second W. I. 31. Fiddlesticks! I suppose you'll want us to
believe next that if we become bi-metallists, corn and everything
else will ?o up in value ?

First W. I. 31. Of course it will. We've only got to get Germany
and France, and the rest of them to come in, and the thing's as good
as done. What I say is, adopt bi-metallism, and you relieve trade
and agriculture, and everything else.

A. 31. Do you mean we shall have to pay more for everything ?

First W. I. 31. No, of course not; I mean that the appreciation
of gold is a calamity which we've got to get rid of.

A. 31. I don't see it. If my sovereign buys more than it did
years ago, that seems to be a bit of a catch for me, don't it ?

First W. I. 31. Ah, I daresay you think so, but you 're wrong.
If you fix a ratio, things may be dearer, but you '11 have twice as
much purchasing power.

Inquirer {anxiously). How do you fix a ratio ?

Second W. I. 31. Ah, that's the question !

First W. I. 31. That's not my business. I say it ought to be
fixed, and it's for the Chancellor of the Exchequer and the Bank of
England to do it.

Second W. I. 31. {decisively). The Bank can't do it. Its Charter
won't allow it.

Inquirer. How's that ? I never quite understood the Charter.

Second W. I. 31. By the Charter the Bank has to-

[But at this moment, the train having drawn up at a station, an
intruder gets into the carriage. He is severely frowned
upon, and the conversation, thus checked, is not resumed.
Inquirer {getting out at terminus, to First W. I. M.). I think I've
got a pretty clear notion of Bi-metallism now, thanks to you.

First W. I. 31. {modestly). Oh, it's_ quite simple, if you only take
the trouble to give your mind to it.

OUR "MISSING WORD COMPETITION."

Guaranteed exempt from any Treasury prosecution under 1st Jingo,
B. IV. Cap {Fit) 1, sec {Pommery) 74. {Heading, " Wish you
may get it,")

MR. PUNCH

Desires to convey to all, urbi et orbi, his very kindest
.......and best......for the coming christ-
mas, 1892.

N.B.—Coupons must be cut from the current number, and should
be sent to Sib. John Bridge, Bow-Street, F.C., with shillings for
the Poor Box to same address.

The Q,ueen and the Songstress.—In consequence of Her Gracious
Majesty's marked approbation of Miss Palliser's operatic perfor-
mance at Windsor Castle, Sir Drlriolanus Winsorensis Ubiqtji-
toscs has serious thoughts of asking the young_ cantatrice to
change her name to Miss Royal Pallis-er; or, if she has the
honour of singing " By Command " in London, to Miss Buckingham
Pallis-er,

"Next Please!"—^ Brother;' s < Out—new work by Mrs.
Lovett Cameron, Authoress of A Sister's Sm.

VOL. era. bb