Punch (103.1892)

304

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 31, 1892.

THE MAN WHO WOULD.

V.—THE MAN WHO WOULD BRING AN ACTION FOR LIBEL.

The following- incident in the career of Browzer was recalled to
memory by an article in a literary journal. _ An author was airing
his grievances; among them this,—that writers of repute occasion-
ally lend their names and pens to obscure or unsuccessful papers for
a consideration, without asking how the usual staff of the paper is
paid. These, indeed, are delicate inquiries. Part of the plaint was
expressed in the following sentence :—

"When a journal makes a call upon a good author, and in the pages of
■which he can gain neither honour nor renown, from which, as a matter of
taste, he would shrink, under ordinary circumstances, from contributing to,
that journal ought to be subjected to careful scrutiny."

But at last there came a longer criticism of Wilton's Wooing in
the Erechtheum. Somebody took Browzer to pieces, averring that
"Mr. Browzee, has neither grammar" (here followed a string of
examples of Beowzee'sidioms) "norhumour," (here came instances
of his wit and fancy), "nor taste" (again reinforced by specimens),
" nor even knowledge of the French language, which he habitually
massacres." (Here followed a I'outrance, bete noir, soubriquet, all
our old friends.) Finally, Mr. Beowzee was informed that many
fields of honourable distinction might be open to him, but that a
novelist he could never be.

_ The wrath of Beowzee was magnificent. ~ He went about among
his friends, who told him that the critique was clearly by that
brute_ St. Clair ; they knew his hand, they said; a confounded,
conceited pendant, and a stuck-up puppy. The review was calculated

Now what can this possibly be supposed to mean ?— to damage the sale of any book ; it was a dastardly attack on

" When a journal makes a call upon a good author, and in the Beowzee's reputation as a man of wit and humour, a linguist, and a
pages of which he can gain neither honour nor renown," (why grammarian. They^thought (as Beowzee wished to know) that an
"and"?) "from which" (namely, " honour and renown") " he j action would lie against the reviewer, or the review. Beowzee went
would, shrink " (why should he shrink from renown and honour ?) I to a Solicitor, who espoused his cause, but without enthusiasm. The
"from contributing to," (and how can he contribute to honour and j name of the reviewer was demanded. Now St. Claie was not the
renown?) "that journal ought to be subjected to careful scrutiny." ! reviewer ; the critic was a man just from College, hence his fresh
"From which he would shrink from contributing to," what have i indignation. Whether for the sake of diversion, or for the advertise-
we here ? Surely it is the grammar that needs careful scrutiny, and j ment, the critic wished himself to bear the brunt of Beowzee's

surely, in no circumstances, could a lofty_____ anger, and the Erechtheum handed him

"rate of pay "be conferred on a style of /" \ over to justice; his name was Smith.

this description. _ A ^ j : This damped Beowzee's eagerness; no

It is natural to reflect that a writer in S$£iA£®ts wlk. laurels, were to be won from the obscure

this unconventional manner has mainly to " • ^v^#% llpl^ Smith. The advocate of that culprit

thank himself for any want of success j'^^^m^St, ^ ^TfHM made out a case highly satisfactory to the

which he, and we, may regret; and that ^^'^M^^i^ IP learned Judge, who had been a reviewer

reflection, again, suggests the case of ' -^lll ^ mvm^^k J^ti&^&h himself upon a time. He showed that

Beowzee, the Man who would bring an (immlmm^'^'^^^^M. malice was out of the question; Smith

Action for Libel. -A^^^^ 'jPii^^^i ^ vil^^i^^ had never heard Beowzee's name, nor

Beowzee had a small patrimony, any ^^^^^'Ml/B^^^m^\|Rt^H Browzer, Smith's (in this instance) before

amount of leisure, and a good deal of am- y ^x^ixl/ljilml^^'^'^^Mm^^M' tn<J hook was published. He called several

bition. He liked the society of literary ^^^Ja^^^S^^Pj^^M' professors of the French tongue, to prove

gentlemen, he envied their bouyant sue- that Beowzee's French was that usual in

cesses, such as being "interviewed," and lfl/tf//////J/fim T*4ff/} Wm^m^^^^k fiction, but not the language of Mo lie re,

sorrowed with their sorrows, such as being ' tym y$ {'% 78 W^mW^^^fk or of the Academy. He left no doubt on

reviewed. He listened to their artless f w M '18\KmmIf^M/ m, tm3 question of grammar. As to the wit

gossip, and fancied himself extremely '%^^^^^^/////. M MIWW'^'wllWk anC* pathos' ^e ma^e much mirth out of
knowing. In these circumstances of IVh ' ^mfnm' ^' WW/l vt •■■ them. He cross-examined Browzer : had
temptation, Browzer fell, as many better ^^^m^" J I > ■'lpwliil i^W m<< K ^ other reviews praised him? Had pub-
men have done, and wrote a Novel. He j fl^Klltlj' wWw/J/M^i Ushers leaped eagerly at his work? On
drew on the recollections of his suburban /i/M^mm^^^. Jll%ltl§§' IFffl^W/M what terms was it published ? Browzer's
youth ; he revived the sorrows of his sole ^u/'mjW^^^s^ yV^^^^MW^h/w " answer appeared to show that Wilton's
flirtation; he sketched his aunts with a ',. • ''■'lijPwr^MfmS /$0m!$^ "fflt^ I Ik Wooing was not regarded as a masterpiece
satirical hand, and he produced a packet ' 'i^^wJaS^^rW/v^^^ (/"/A by the Trade.

of manuscript weighing about 1\ lbs. This -^l^tifj! ilP^^ J W Wi/b^^ Browzer's advocate put it that Browzee

manuscript he sent, first, to a literary y ' '^^ H^S^^ibk H%^vim%*=-was being crushed by unfair ridicule on

man, whose name he had seen [in the il l^^^^^twt'ftS.'^j^^^'-^ ' tis first entry into a noble profession, or

papers, with a long and fulsome letter, Hffip^"^! fif ■ art, that of Scott and Fielding. He

asking for an opinion. The parcel came fll iKsm ""^^IobF^^" __7^ spoke of mighty poets in their misery

back next day, accompanied by a litho- xs^^ -^I^W -^JllP^'""" dead. He drew a picture of Browzer's

graphed form of excuse. Beowzee de- igSg^-SUs****" Pg^10""" agonies of mind. He showed that master-

nounced the envy and arrogance of man- vfp/ pieces had, ere now, been rejected by the

kind, and sent his parcel to a publisher. publishers. He denounced the licence of

He carefully set little traps, with pieces */<—«"-«-««■ ■**•**"*• .. the Press. Who was an unheard-of Smith,

of adhesive paper, every here and there, who had written nothing, to come for-

to detect carelessness on the side of the The Foreman of the Jury. ward and shout at Browzee from behind
reader. The parcel came back in a week, with a note of regret that
the novel was not suitable. Only one of Beowzee's pieces of adhesive

paper had been removed, but the others were carefully initialled.
A modest author would have concluded that bis opening chapters
condemned him, but Browzer's wrath against mankind only burned
the more fiercely. He removed his traps, however, and sent Wilton's

the hedge of the anonymous ? The novelist was a creature of delicate
organisation ; he suffered as others did not suffer; his only aim was
to lighten care, and instruct ignorance. Why was he to be selected
for cruel sarcasm and insult ?

The learned Judge summed-up dead against Beowzee. Beowzee
had published a book, had invited criticism, and then, when he only

Wooing the round of the Row. It always came back, "returning ' got what his work merited, he came and asked for damages.

like the peewit," at uncertain intervals. It was really a remarkable
manuscript, for it was written in black ink, blue ink, red ink, pencil,
and stylograph; moreover, most of it was inscribed on the margins,
the original copy having been erased, in favour of improved versions.
Finally Browzer discovered a publisher who would take Wilton's
Wooing, on conditions that the author should pay £150 for preliminary
expenses (exclusive of advertising, for which a special charge was to
be made), would guarantee the sale of 300 copies, and would accept
half profits on the net results of the transaction.
_ The work saw the light, and, externally, it certainly did look very
like a novel. The reviews, which Browzer read with frenzied ex-
citement, also looked very like reviews of novels. They were
usually about two inches in length, and generally ended by saying

that " Mr. Browzer has still much to learn." Some of them con- Mr. Browzer, he sells novels; I sell groceries."
densed Browzer's plot into about eight lines, in this manner :— " Excellent of their kind! " I interrupted.

> "He was a yearning psychologist—she was a suburban flirt. He ; "Well, I try to give satisfaction; and so does Mr. Browzer. If
sighed, and analysed; she listened, and yawned. Finally, she ! that young Mr. Smith writes to the papers that my sugars are not
went on the stage, and he compiled this record of the stirring original, that I plagiarise them from a sand-bunker, or that my teas
transaction." [ are not good Chinese,—like Mr. Browzer's French, which is what is

The question of malice he left to the Jury, who must see that the
Critic and Author had each been ignorant of the other's existence.

The Jury did not deliberate long. They brought in a verdict for
Browzer, damages £500, and costs.

The advertisement, the publicity, caused Wilton's Wooing to be
eagerly asked for. Browzer's book went into ten editions, and a
large issue, at six shillings. Next year Browzer's publishers proved
that he owed them £37 14s. (id. This was disappointing, and even
inexplicable, but Browzer's fortune was made, and now he is
much lauded by all the reviewers.

The Foreman of the Jury is my grocer, and I ventured, in the
confidence of private life, to question the justice of the verdict.
Well," he said, " you see it comes to this : where is this to stop ?