Punch / Almanack: Punch / Almanack (1845)

i^TE MI IB IE IBL

of Error.

The Suhkky Turnpike Gates abolished. "That's the ticket."

"Anti-humbug " complains in the Times of war-steamers being called
Pluto, Styx, and other naughty names. Pooh ! ain't they all in the
naughty-call way. [Come, Mr. Reader, don't pass this off as your own.]

S280 Pheasants hatched bt fowls, abe tukned down into the
parks at Windsor. " Now, gentlemen, make your game."

The "Brit. Queen " for balk at Antwerp. We'd give a good deal for
tome of the snug berths about her. [Mem. That's our 3d joke, upon berths /]

Discovery of an interesting kblic. The widow of the Red Lion was
found In the bar-parlour, supping with Policeman B. 52, off pigVfry.

The parish of St. Mart's, Leicester, keeps up its annual cus-
tom of refusing a ghubch-uate.—Ha 1 ha! going at the samerate

Sun&ap. [every year.

Hatluttp of «. V. mars-

Seizure at Isly bt thb French, op thb Empbbok'b parasol. Having
taken his parasol, he is left to the miseries of a long reign in Morocco.

Shambful cash op child-dropping. Some heartless person, sup-
posed to belong to the Admiralty, has dropt another buoy at the Nore.

Seven letter-carriers dismissed, por opening letters at the
Post-office. Sarve 'em right, a set of penny-traitors.

A Hard Case.—An unfortunate bankrupt having failed in business,
has to endure a speech and several jokes from Sir Charles Williams.

Wonderful Precocity. A celebrated dramatic translator has in his
possession a magpie of this season, who, whenever be sits down to
Untia J [writ* an original piece, calls out " O you thief!"

Her Majrsty goes up the Frith of Tat to Dundee. Och! thin,
Her MajeBty takes Tay on her way to Scotland ?

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A quantity of Half-farthings issued. "Charity made easy to
the meanest capacity."

O'connbll moves his fbi80n-bkd to mbrrion-square. Hisprison-

bed I We always thought Dan one of the doumy ones.

com''t.aints of THB DETENTION of luggage at thb CuSTOM-housb.

A gentleman very drunk could not get his intellects "cleared " in time

for the next Dover train.
It is stated in the Times that the Boar's Head, Eastcheap, still exists,

the head of that 6ore Mr. Lambert Jones being still on his shoulders. I
Warning to Parbnts. A father having imprudently left his eldest son

and a friend in a room with a bill stamp, they converted it into a kite,

SunSap ^ar"'went mt0 "*e clt> lo fa J

Complaints are madb of the old age of oub line-of-battlk ■

ships. They only want a new set of teeth to show to the enemy.
New chess match between England and Fbance. England is

willing to give up some of her Bishops for a (K)m>A< or two.
Rumoured destbuction of the flasteb figure of George IV. at ]

King's Cross—having long been in a dreadful state of mortar-fication. >
Novel Rain-gaugb Professor Henslow says, that the best instrument j

for measuring the quantity of rain fallen during the season, is a Vaux-1

[hall illumination lamp.1

St. ffipprian.

The Clown at Astlet's drawn in a tub on the Thames bt two
geese. " Dejorwe-tibusnonestdisputandum" (You can't drive geese
SUtluap. [taattnfan).

Complaints made of a lake forming at thb foot of London
bridge. Why didn't they put a golosh on the foot, to keep the water out ?

Ludicbous Mistake. A coa'.heaver lately applied to the niasistrates
for a game certificate to «Ao<rf—coals.

on the management ok the sponge.

The best way to manage a sponge is to be "at home " only on cold
shoulder days. A house in the country is a protection against the
frequent appearance of the sponge, especially if the omnibus fare is
equal to a coffee-house dinner. Should the riding charge, however,
be a plate of soup under the price of an "ordinary," the sponge
may be looked for with certainty. An excellent mode of eradicating
the sponge is to near a temperance medal round your neck, which
will excuse you placing anything stronger than toast-and-water upon
the table ; and as sponges are invariably wet and thrive like fungus,
best in a cellar, you will find the '' pledge " an admirable cold water
cure.

licenses.

Members of Parliament have the privilege of abusing one another,
without paying for the license. Retail beer-shops are licensed to " be

drunk on the premises; " and during the after-dinner sessions at the
Old Bailey, the Judges and Jury have a license allowed them by law
to do the same thing,

the british navy.

The vessel of the State is to be seen in dock in Tlowning-street. A
polite note addressed to Sir Robert Peel will obtain you at any time
an order to be taken over it.

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household economy.

The cheapest way to furnish a room is to paper it with postage- stamps.
For this purpose, put all your friends under contribution. You will
only require 33,542 to paper a small room. The most expeditious
method is to advertise for a ladies' horse, a Natifde Paris, or a grand
piano (letters post paid), and with the answers you will receive, you
will have sufficient to paper your largest room, and a cupboard tosp are.