DOI Heft:
Punch's Almanack for 1877
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17768#0012
t)eccmber 14,1876.]
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1877.
ASTRONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC REMARKS.
(Far Stv.dents and Examiners.)
Q. What do you mean by " Greenwich Time ?"
A. "Well, I should say from April to July, after which the
whitebait are worthless.
Q. What is " mean time " at Greenwich ?
A. It has two significations. For example, the first is when
my mother-in-law comes to spend a day with my wife, and I
am mean-time at Greenwich.
Q. And the second signification ?
A. When you are asked to join a friend at Greenwich, and he
won't stand you a dinner, or refuses to pay for Pommery
tres sec.
Good Place to send Unruly Lads to.—The Smack
Boys' Home, Yarmouth.
Happy Release.—Paying off a mortgage.
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
September.
September ! Month a regular stunner:
No such gaby as your gunner
Tramps through turnips, sludge, or stubble,
After game not worth the trouble.
Nuts to me ! I eat ripe fruits
And shoot folly as it—shoots !
Spouters too,—St. Stephen's shut—
Yent irresponsible bosh, big butts.
Caucuses for free discussion,—
E.g., rows and brain-concussion.
Sportsman, Congressist, and "Member,"
Split my midriff in September.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for september.
Why is every room in the house turned topsy-
turvy ?
Why is Effie so very cross ?
Why does Florie get so many visits from her old
schoolfellows ?
Why is old Chaddy always in the way ?
Why is old Chaddy always being sent on errands ?
Why does Mamma cry when Florie tries on her
wedding-dress ?
Why does Effie say that white isn't becoming to
Florie P
What toys will Papa bring me home from Paris ?
ASTRONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC REMARKS.
(For Students and. Examiners.)
Q. Can you explain the phenomena of Sunrise and
Sunset ?
A. Certainly. It will take some considerable time,
so if you'll have the legs of yesterday's Turkey grilled
and devilled, and a few slices of plum-pudding fried,
and a bottle of your very best at ninety-nine shillings
a dozen, with cigars to match, all ready by ten o'clock
I'll come and explain everything. Yes, Sir, there
shall be no secrets between us. We won't go home till
daylight does appear, and we '11 soon find out what it
is that goes round, whether it's the Earth : or not.
(End of examinations?)
The Police have made a great raid upon dogs, yet
they cannot catch one Collie.
We scoff at savages who bow down before strange
idols, yet we invariably " worship " the Bench.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for october.
Why does Papa say he wishes it over ?
Why does Mamma think he might be more amiable,
as she has had all the trouble ?
Why are we all to go to church ?
Why is old Chaddy dressed in a blue frock-coat ?
What do they all cry about at the big breakfast ?
Why does old Chaddy go away with Florie ?
Why does Effie say that poor Florie never looked
worse in her life ?
Why mayn't I have some more cake ?
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
October.
October ! Surely no month else is
Like it. Folly in excelsis !
Boobies everywhere. Half sorry,
Scarcely time to pot each quarry.
Science-spouters make me chuckle
Till wet eyes need vigorous knuckle.
Cap-and-bells upon a platform,—
0, but Folly! rich in that form!
Love to see it pose and stammer,
Labouring out each party crammer.
Draco himself could not keep sober,
At public Goose-show in October
M S. r. 6)i. 2m
Ti. S.s.5h.34m
W Siege Cadiz
Th Guiiot b.
F Placidua
8 Faith
S 19 8. af.Tr.
M B. Actium
TuSt. Denya
\V Oxf.MT.b
T)i Old Mie D.
12 F
13 S
14 S
15 M
16 T«.
17 W
18 TI.
19 F
20 S
21 s
22 M
G«n L#« d. |23 Tu E. Dtrby d.
Kdw. Conf. 24 W Webatar d.
Mural Shot!
Soisaom t.
H. P*rl. bt-
T. Taylor j
Knellar d. |
B.NnTarino
21 S. af.Tr. L
BEdgeHillj
25,Tli
St. Criapin
2t»
F
Hogarth d.
27
S
Cp. Cook b.
2H
s
22 S.af.Tr.
29
M
Keata born
30
T..
Towir but.
3!
W
AllHallowa
October.
Hjiuey —a.ftn e
I/O
> Q EL
SOCIAL STATISTICS.
A lodger in a quiet street (according to advertise-
ment) has counted six and thirty barrel-organs, three
monster pony-drawn ditto, eleven Anglo-German bands,
seven dancing pifferari, fifteen troops of Sable singers,
at least a score of solo-players on the harp, the flute,
the fiddle, the key-bugle, and the tom-tom, nineteen
begging ballad-bawlers, six or seven sailors singing
nasal psalms, and five and twenty howlers of "ten-a-
penny warnuts," visiting its precincts within a single
day.
It is currently believed that, in spite of the Police,
and the Mendicity Society, the yearly income of the
beggars in the streets of the Metropolis in the aggregate
exceeds three hundred thousand pounds.
It has been estimated that at a dance of ninety-three
young people the words, " so glad, don't you know ! "
are used upon an average eleven times a minute, and
the phrase, " awfully jolly!" as many as nineteen.
It is computed that the Autographs, which, on sundry
shallow pretexts, have been extracted from English
authors and artists of celebrity within the present
century would, if they were set up in a column of the
very smallest type, now current in our newspapers,
overtop by more than four-fifths of a furlong the heights
united of the Monument, the Clock Tower, the Nelson
Column, and St. Paul's. •»
The weight of the Valentines sent last year through
the Post Office exceeded by some ounces twenty-seven
tons.
The number of Puns made yearly on the words
''•tongue" and "trifle" by young Gentlemen at supper-
time amounts, it is computed, to five millions and
fifteen.
New Classical Translation.—" JVe cede mails"
—Do not give way to the temptation of eating apples.
What a Name for our Climate.—"Merry-
weather !"
Regular Cannibalism.—A morning paper asserts
that the " true function of the Militia is to feed the
Line!"
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOE 1877.
ASTRONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC REMARKS.
(Far Stv.dents and Examiners.)
Q. What do you mean by " Greenwich Time ?"
A. "Well, I should say from April to July, after which the
whitebait are worthless.
Q. What is " mean time " at Greenwich ?
A. It has two significations. For example, the first is when
my mother-in-law comes to spend a day with my wife, and I
am mean-time at Greenwich.
Q. And the second signification ?
A. When you are asked to join a friend at Greenwich, and he
won't stand you a dinner, or refuses to pay for Pommery
tres sec.
Good Place to send Unruly Lads to.—The Smack
Boys' Home, Yarmouth.
Happy Release.—Paying off a mortgage.
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
September.
September ! Month a regular stunner:
No such gaby as your gunner
Tramps through turnips, sludge, or stubble,
After game not worth the trouble.
Nuts to me ! I eat ripe fruits
And shoot folly as it—shoots !
Spouters too,—St. Stephen's shut—
Yent irresponsible bosh, big butts.
Caucuses for free discussion,—
E.g., rows and brain-concussion.
Sportsman, Congressist, and "Member,"
Split my midriff in September.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for september.
Why is every room in the house turned topsy-
turvy ?
Why is Effie so very cross ?
Why does Florie get so many visits from her old
schoolfellows ?
Why is old Chaddy always in the way ?
Why is old Chaddy always being sent on errands ?
Why does Mamma cry when Florie tries on her
wedding-dress ?
Why does Effie say that white isn't becoming to
Florie P
What toys will Papa bring me home from Paris ?
ASTRONOMICAL AND SCIENTIFIC REMARKS.
(For Students and. Examiners.)
Q. Can you explain the phenomena of Sunrise and
Sunset ?
A. Certainly. It will take some considerable time,
so if you'll have the legs of yesterday's Turkey grilled
and devilled, and a few slices of plum-pudding fried,
and a bottle of your very best at ninety-nine shillings
a dozen, with cigars to match, all ready by ten o'clock
I'll come and explain everything. Yes, Sir, there
shall be no secrets between us. We won't go home till
daylight does appear, and we '11 soon find out what it
is that goes round, whether it's the Earth : or not.
(End of examinations?)
The Police have made a great raid upon dogs, yet
they cannot catch one Collie.
We scoff at savages who bow down before strange
idols, yet we invariably " worship " the Bench.
LITTLE TOMMY'S QUESTIONS.
for october.
Why does Papa say he wishes it over ?
Why does Mamma think he might be more amiable,
as she has had all the trouble ?
Why are we all to go to church ?
Why is old Chaddy dressed in a blue frock-coat ?
What do they all cry about at the big breakfast ?
Why does old Chaddy go away with Florie ?
Why does Effie say that poor Florie never looked
worse in her life ?
Why mayn't I have some more cake ?
THE CAP-AND-BELL CALENDAR.
October.
October ! Surely no month else is
Like it. Folly in excelsis !
Boobies everywhere. Half sorry,
Scarcely time to pot each quarry.
Science-spouters make me chuckle
Till wet eyes need vigorous knuckle.
Cap-and-bells upon a platform,—
0, but Folly! rich in that form!
Love to see it pose and stammer,
Labouring out each party crammer.
Draco himself could not keep sober,
At public Goose-show in October
M S. r. 6)i. 2m
Ti. S.s.5h.34m
W Siege Cadiz
Th Guiiot b.
F Placidua
8 Faith
S 19 8. af.Tr.
M B. Actium
TuSt. Denya
\V Oxf.MT.b
T)i Old Mie D.
12 F
13 S
14 S
15 M
16 T«.
17 W
18 TI.
19 F
20 S
21 s
22 M
G«n L#« d. |23 Tu E. Dtrby d.
Kdw. Conf. 24 W Webatar d.
Mural Shot!
Soisaom t.
H. P*rl. bt-
T. Taylor j
Knellar d. |
B.NnTarino
21 S. af.Tr. L
BEdgeHillj
25,Tli
St. Criapin
2t»
F
Hogarth d.
27
S
Cp. Cook b.
2H
s
22 S.af.Tr.
29
M
Keata born
30
T..
Towir but.
3!
W
AllHallowa
October.
Hjiuey —a.ftn e
I/O
> Q EL
SOCIAL STATISTICS.
A lodger in a quiet street (according to advertise-
ment) has counted six and thirty barrel-organs, three
monster pony-drawn ditto, eleven Anglo-German bands,
seven dancing pifferari, fifteen troops of Sable singers,
at least a score of solo-players on the harp, the flute,
the fiddle, the key-bugle, and the tom-tom, nineteen
begging ballad-bawlers, six or seven sailors singing
nasal psalms, and five and twenty howlers of "ten-a-
penny warnuts," visiting its precincts within a single
day.
It is currently believed that, in spite of the Police,
and the Mendicity Society, the yearly income of the
beggars in the streets of the Metropolis in the aggregate
exceeds three hundred thousand pounds.
It has been estimated that at a dance of ninety-three
young people the words, " so glad, don't you know ! "
are used upon an average eleven times a minute, and
the phrase, " awfully jolly!" as many as nineteen.
It is computed that the Autographs, which, on sundry
shallow pretexts, have been extracted from English
authors and artists of celebrity within the present
century would, if they were set up in a column of the
very smallest type, now current in our newspapers,
overtop by more than four-fifths of a furlong the heights
united of the Monument, the Clock Tower, the Nelson
Column, and St. Paul's. •»
The weight of the Valentines sent last year through
the Post Office exceeded by some ounces twenty-seven
tons.
The number of Puns made yearly on the words
''•tongue" and "trifle" by young Gentlemen at supper-
time amounts, it is computed, to five millions and
fifteen.
New Classical Translation.—" JVe cede mails"
—Do not give way to the temptation of eating apples.
What a Name for our Climate.—"Merry-
weather !"
Regular Cannibalism.—A morning paper asserts
that the " true function of the Militia is to feed the
Line!"