DOI issue:
January to June, 1845
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16521#0065
PUx\CH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
69
HINTS TO SCHOOLMASTERS.
Oixx OTttg article.
A good pretext for an advertisement is the
re-commencement of school after the vaca-
tion ; and though you may have only half-
a-dozen boys, you may as well apprise them
of the period for assembling, through the
medium of the Times newspaper. You
should always say you expect "your young
friends to re-assemble ;' for though you
may have been whacking your "young
friends" all through the last half-year, and have laid in two or three
avenging birch brooms with a view to the next, there is something pecu-
liarly attractive to parents in the mode of address alluded to. If you
wan* pupils, say the number is limited—which it very likely will be—and
never let there be a vacancy for more than two, for it is not likely that
One of the chief topics of conversation in the City to-day, has been the
wards Christmas and unexpected publication of the state of its deposit and issue account by
Midsummer it is ne- tbe Bank of Elegance. It seems that in the note department there has
cessary to advertise beerl) what at first sight appears, an alarming over-issue, for the nominal
or send round circu- value 0f the paper is 200,000 pounds, whereas in the market it would only
lars, or your school realise the price of waste. If tissue paper is a shilling a hundred dearer
will never be able to | jn London than it is at Westminster, the exchange will be about the tenth
stand the competition 0f a mn/c [Q favour of the latter ; and supposing gold to be the same price
of those semi-public jn the Strand as it is at Hammersmith, the eighth of a cipher will represent
establishments which the mean difference. The Bank of Elegance has, it seems, sent round its
are now so numerous. own bills to all its customers, with the view of adding to the amount of
bullion. To judge from the face of one of the parties who came out of the
bank parlour (behind the shop), we should say that a system of very close
shaving will be acted on. Under the head of deposits we find only two
pocket-handkerchiefs and a silver pencil-case, while the column which
shows the amount of rest, has the word Sunday under it. Among the
dead weight we find some Macassar Scrip, and a quantity of reduced
Columbian, generally known as Oldridge's Balm ; but if there should be a
rush of bears the Columbian will not retain its value.
"THE FARMER'S FRIEND."
Thi9 is the proud title—a much prouder one than that of his nobility—
more than two will be sent from the same family, and each parent should of the Duke of Buckingham. He is at all times, the farmer's friend,
be made to feel a sort of privilege in having room found for his child or Indeed, in Buckinghamshire, he is looked upon as only second to the
children. Always make the nominal terms as low as possible, for it is blessed sun itself, in his benign influence on the farmer. In the smiles of
easy to stick it on in extras, as the following sample of a school-bill will the Duke, crops ripen ; and his agricultural counsel is far more fertilizing
testify :— ! than guano. Yes, the Duke of Buckingham is the farmer's friend.
J Spooner Esq Dr how, w'hen the farmer dies, and leaves a widow ? Does the friend-
■ 1 ship extend to the survivor ? Let us see.
To half a year's board and tuition
Geography, with the use of the Globes
Simple Mathematics, with the use of the Compasses
Belles Lettres and broken windows
Classical rhetoric and washing
Algebra and the use of the skittles
Dancing and drilling .....
Extra for the Polka.....
German master and dentist ....
Dancing master and medical attendance
Extras during the half year ....
Share of breakage .....
ackum :
£9
9
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
2
2
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
0
10
6
1
1
0
1
0
0
2
2
0
0
10
6
22
0
0
A Mr. Read, occupant of a farm at Winchendon Marsh, recently died.
The farm had been in his family nearly a century. Previous to his death,
Mr Read had laid out nearly 4 00/. in under-draining. He left a widow
with a large and young family. The executors (practical farmers)
offered to see that the farm was properly managed. The widow begged
to be allowed to remain one more year to reduce her stock. No—no—
no ! " The farm," says the Aylesbury News, " was actually let over the
poor woman's head at an advanced rent of 100/. per annum." Nor is
this, it appears, a single instance of the kind. However, these things do
not invalidate the Duke's claim to the title of farmers' friend. Only,
let the farmers of Buckinghamshire make this memorandum—the Duke's
friendship does not extend to farmers' widows and children.
THE "COSTS" OF JUSTICE.
This arrangement enables you to advertise your terms as eighteen
guineas per annum, while you in fact make them upwards of fuui-and-
*ort3'- "The majesty cf offended justice" is pretty well a stereotyped
As it is desirable to be able to announce that there are certain exh.- hrase . like many other phrases, there is a bounding sound in it
bitions attached to the school, it would not be a bad idea to make an
arrangement with Madame Tussaud, the Chinese Collection, and one or
two more for a season-ticket for half-a-dozen, so that the boys might be
tiiken in turn; and though these are not the sort of exhibitions that the
parents would desire, the pupils would no doubt be perfectly satisfied.
Get a Master of Arts, if you can, to enable you to advertise his name
as an assistant, with M.A. at the end of it. Masters of Arts may be had
very cheap now, from the Scotch or Irish Universities, and they give
great respectability to an establishment.
that makes it acceptable to the world at large. No phrase, however,
can be more at variance with truth. It should run "the majesty of
offended costs." Justice is oft-times moderate and placable enough ;
easily and reasonably satisfied. It is the man-eating officials about
her who are all stomach ; rapacious, omnivorous. Justice mulcts an
offender in the fine of one shilling ; but justice's clerk (to make it
even money) demands nineteen shillings for costs. Wounded
ustice may be healed by the salve of twelvepence ; but the sufferings
If you send out holiday letters, let them be written in one or two 0f the clerk, consequent — by sympathy we presume — upon the
different languages ; and the following would give the parents an idea of
juvenile classical proficiency :—
Mi Saxp Tlaptirrs,
wound, cannot be allayed by any anodyne costing less than nineteen
times that amount. Practice does much: but we certainly do
marvel at the gravity of magistrates who, on such convictions in the
Ovp 6\iScus Kon/xevo-e pe|r veeK, avb~ I dire to cpivS v av5 aAA 8e name of justice, do not roar a laugh in every prisoner's face.
Tp acpeKTiovare ~S,ov,
AP0TP BPOTN.
Of course a letter of this description must only be sent to a parent who
The Bedford Mercury supplies us with a few illustrations of the
beauty of costs.
"At the Aylesbury Petty Sessions, Emanuel Peiest was convicted of having set
a snare in a hare's run on the preserve of Sir j. 1). King, Bart., at Halton. He was
is not likely to detect the humbug of it ; and if it is pointed out to him, |
you must declare it was intended merely to exercise the boy in the use of ?s. erf. "fine and 20*. costs, for having trespassed in pursuit of game, on the preserve of
the Greek alphabet. the above gentleman."
How little of this punishment is, in truth, inflicted by justice !
The fine is small; and nineteen times out of twenty would be paid.
But no, the magistrate's clerk steps in with costs. He must be
satisfied ; and in default, the pauper is sent to gaol. Thus, he is not
so much punished to satisfy justice, as to make reparation to justice's
clerk. Setting wires for hares, forsooth ! We defy the most adroit
and incorrigible poacher to set so many snares for game, as law, in
the prostituted name of justice, sets for him. The peasant sna-es
puss ; and costs snare the peasant.
The Walbrook Pet.
It -seems that the city of Lyons can boast of a Sir Peter Laurie, who
is determined to put down " hissing, hooting, and all marks of disappro-
bation whatsoever in the theatre ! " having issued a mayoral edict to that
effect. By-the-by, a certain Lord Mayor would find a similar procla-
mation very useful in the City, providing he has the courage to attempt
another Ninth of November.
69
HINTS TO SCHOOLMASTERS.
Oixx OTttg article.
A good pretext for an advertisement is the
re-commencement of school after the vaca-
tion ; and though you may have only half-
a-dozen boys, you may as well apprise them
of the period for assembling, through the
medium of the Times newspaper. You
should always say you expect "your young
friends to re-assemble ;' for though you
may have been whacking your "young
friends" all through the last half-year, and have laid in two or three
avenging birch brooms with a view to the next, there is something pecu-
liarly attractive to parents in the mode of address alluded to. If you
wan* pupils, say the number is limited—which it very likely will be—and
never let there be a vacancy for more than two, for it is not likely that
One of the chief topics of conversation in the City to-day, has been the
wards Christmas and unexpected publication of the state of its deposit and issue account by
Midsummer it is ne- tbe Bank of Elegance. It seems that in the note department there has
cessary to advertise beerl) what at first sight appears, an alarming over-issue, for the nominal
or send round circu- value 0f the paper is 200,000 pounds, whereas in the market it would only
lars, or your school realise the price of waste. If tissue paper is a shilling a hundred dearer
will never be able to | jn London than it is at Westminster, the exchange will be about the tenth
stand the competition 0f a mn/c [Q favour of the latter ; and supposing gold to be the same price
of those semi-public jn the Strand as it is at Hammersmith, the eighth of a cipher will represent
establishments which the mean difference. The Bank of Elegance has, it seems, sent round its
are now so numerous. own bills to all its customers, with the view of adding to the amount of
bullion. To judge from the face of one of the parties who came out of the
bank parlour (behind the shop), we should say that a system of very close
shaving will be acted on. Under the head of deposits we find only two
pocket-handkerchiefs and a silver pencil-case, while the column which
shows the amount of rest, has the word Sunday under it. Among the
dead weight we find some Macassar Scrip, and a quantity of reduced
Columbian, generally known as Oldridge's Balm ; but if there should be a
rush of bears the Columbian will not retain its value.
"THE FARMER'S FRIEND."
Thi9 is the proud title—a much prouder one than that of his nobility—
more than two will be sent from the same family, and each parent should of the Duke of Buckingham. He is at all times, the farmer's friend,
be made to feel a sort of privilege in having room found for his child or Indeed, in Buckinghamshire, he is looked upon as only second to the
children. Always make the nominal terms as low as possible, for it is blessed sun itself, in his benign influence on the farmer. In the smiles of
easy to stick it on in extras, as the following sample of a school-bill will the Duke, crops ripen ; and his agricultural counsel is far more fertilizing
testify :— ! than guano. Yes, the Duke of Buckingham is the farmer's friend.
J Spooner Esq Dr how, w'hen the farmer dies, and leaves a widow ? Does the friend-
■ 1 ship extend to the survivor ? Let us see.
To half a year's board and tuition
Geography, with the use of the Globes
Simple Mathematics, with the use of the Compasses
Belles Lettres and broken windows
Classical rhetoric and washing
Algebra and the use of the skittles
Dancing and drilling .....
Extra for the Polka.....
German master and dentist ....
Dancing master and medical attendance
Extras during the half year ....
Share of breakage .....
ackum :
£9
9
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
2
2
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
0
10
6
1
1
0
1
0
0
2
2
0
0
10
6
22
0
0
A Mr. Read, occupant of a farm at Winchendon Marsh, recently died.
The farm had been in his family nearly a century. Previous to his death,
Mr Read had laid out nearly 4 00/. in under-draining. He left a widow
with a large and young family. The executors (practical farmers)
offered to see that the farm was properly managed. The widow begged
to be allowed to remain one more year to reduce her stock. No—no—
no ! " The farm," says the Aylesbury News, " was actually let over the
poor woman's head at an advanced rent of 100/. per annum." Nor is
this, it appears, a single instance of the kind. However, these things do
not invalidate the Duke's claim to the title of farmers' friend. Only,
let the farmers of Buckinghamshire make this memorandum—the Duke's
friendship does not extend to farmers' widows and children.
THE "COSTS" OF JUSTICE.
This arrangement enables you to advertise your terms as eighteen
guineas per annum, while you in fact make them upwards of fuui-and-
*ort3'- "The majesty cf offended justice" is pretty well a stereotyped
As it is desirable to be able to announce that there are certain exh.- hrase . like many other phrases, there is a bounding sound in it
bitions attached to the school, it would not be a bad idea to make an
arrangement with Madame Tussaud, the Chinese Collection, and one or
two more for a season-ticket for half-a-dozen, so that the boys might be
tiiken in turn; and though these are not the sort of exhibitions that the
parents would desire, the pupils would no doubt be perfectly satisfied.
Get a Master of Arts, if you can, to enable you to advertise his name
as an assistant, with M.A. at the end of it. Masters of Arts may be had
very cheap now, from the Scotch or Irish Universities, and they give
great respectability to an establishment.
that makes it acceptable to the world at large. No phrase, however,
can be more at variance with truth. It should run "the majesty of
offended costs." Justice is oft-times moderate and placable enough ;
easily and reasonably satisfied. It is the man-eating officials about
her who are all stomach ; rapacious, omnivorous. Justice mulcts an
offender in the fine of one shilling ; but justice's clerk (to make it
even money) demands nineteen shillings for costs. Wounded
ustice may be healed by the salve of twelvepence ; but the sufferings
If you send out holiday letters, let them be written in one or two 0f the clerk, consequent — by sympathy we presume — upon the
different languages ; and the following would give the parents an idea of
juvenile classical proficiency :—
Mi Saxp Tlaptirrs,
wound, cannot be allayed by any anodyne costing less than nineteen
times that amount. Practice does much: but we certainly do
marvel at the gravity of magistrates who, on such convictions in the
Ovp 6\iScus Kon/xevo-e pe|r veeK, avb~ I dire to cpivS v av5 aAA 8e name of justice, do not roar a laugh in every prisoner's face.
Tp acpeKTiovare ~S,ov,
AP0TP BPOTN.
Of course a letter of this description must only be sent to a parent who
The Bedford Mercury supplies us with a few illustrations of the
beauty of costs.
"At the Aylesbury Petty Sessions, Emanuel Peiest was convicted of having set
a snare in a hare's run on the preserve of Sir j. 1). King, Bart., at Halton. He was
is not likely to detect the humbug of it ; and if it is pointed out to him, |
you must declare it was intended merely to exercise the boy in the use of ?s. erf. "fine and 20*. costs, for having trespassed in pursuit of game, on the preserve of
the Greek alphabet. the above gentleman."
How little of this punishment is, in truth, inflicted by justice !
The fine is small; and nineteen times out of twenty would be paid.
But no, the magistrate's clerk steps in with costs. He must be
satisfied ; and in default, the pauper is sent to gaol. Thus, he is not
so much punished to satisfy justice, as to make reparation to justice's
clerk. Setting wires for hares, forsooth ! We defy the most adroit
and incorrigible poacher to set so many snares for game, as law, in
the prostituted name of justice, sets for him. The peasant sna-es
puss ; and costs snare the peasant.
The Walbrook Pet.
It -seems that the city of Lyons can boast of a Sir Peter Laurie, who
is determined to put down " hissing, hooting, and all marks of disappro-
bation whatsoever in the theatre ! " having issued a mayoral edict to that
effect. By-the-by, a certain Lord Mayor would find a similar procla-
mation very useful in the City, providing he has the courage to attempt
another Ninth of November.