DOI Heft:
August 25, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0087
August 25, 1855.J PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 75
A RUM STYLE OF POETRY.
||i?HI] v"^^^^^^HE advertising colurrms of the
■fjKjf'i <=*^2^^vO^Sf newspapers are now seldom
ffffi !!' "\. - adorned by Poetry. There
m\\\ ^iflk s^ was a ^me w'ien Warren
1 \\\(t\{iy ■■ 1» H sang his Blacking in the most
I' jdSumB^SL. ^nlp' 1^ sentimental strains, and Row-
^ '■<>? LiSD invoked all the Muses
^teF^fc -'.^Pwfek. ' - *n Pra*se n's Macassar: but
-^l^^^^^^^^^^^^^k \\ now the former has handed
, '■ ^^^^^^^^^^J/flSSL V °yer tis _ unstrung harp and
-^^^^^^^p^^^^J^^^k his stock in trade to the unro-
w>„ J3|!s!f r" - iv.im;c LiiT'-smj.; while Rovr-
|piP> .^flli^ -~ ^ LAJsrD Prattles playfully, but
M ^^^^^^^^^^SIS 3= prosaically, on the subject of
^M^^^^MS^f^^j^S -==S his oils and essences in mere
Hgj^^l^Ml^^^^^SBg^^^ ordinary paragraphs. The
W^W^^^^^^^^^^^Sm^^& spirit-vendors seem to be ad-
) y^M^M)WmMM^^^^Mp=^^. vertising in a strain of fiction,
^c^p§ffl^MM^MSa|y^^_23 w'ucn encourages us to hope
.^^^^^^^^HHiii^^^^^^^S 'hat tliey i,,ay iii time be dis-
g^g^tj^SM^^^^^^^^^jj^^^ posed to take out a poetical as
^^s^^^^^^^^^^a^^^^g well as a publican's licence.
• ^jaPfgfr ''fl^^^^^.^1^^^- r^icrc are many opportuni-
gz^^^^^^p^^^^^^^^^^^g ties open to the proprietor of
1 J^^^a^S^^gK^B^^^^^^^^^^^^^I^^^ the Wine Vaults for calling in
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^fe— --^-z^~ —~~=5gp=~ *-he °'' -k°ei)'y in disposing
^5gS^S^BSiSS^^~>^_ ■ •--~^_llZ==JSjp' of his wares, and we need only
^—' " —==i suggest " Gin a body meet a
body " as a happy commencement for a puff of some of that cheap Gin, which, from what we
have read on the subject of adulteration, may be said to comprise both vitriols and drink
for the purchaser. To show what may be done in the way or poetical puffing for an article
which is happily not in excessive demand, as it once used to be, we subjoin a little poem
on the subject of Vatted Rums, which arc fre-
quently proclaimed as fine and old in public-house
placards
Am—" Those Evening Bells''
Those Vatted Rums, those Vatted Rums,
How very cheap a quartern comes.
When of that liquor pure and prime,
You take two gallons at a time.
The fumes will quickly pass away,
And many an evening will be gay—
While nothing like a headache comes.
Through drinking these delicious Rums.
And so 'twill be, when I am gone ;
Those Vatted Rums will still sell on,
And other fingers, pens, and thumbs
Will sing your praise—ye Vatted Rums.
Latin for Thames.
There are extant some old engravings of the
River Thames and its Banks, under the name of
Thamesis Rluvius. Now the Thames is not so
much Piuvius as Effluvium. Moreover the urn,
out of which, as ia the statue at the back of
Ham House, Father Thames is represented as
pouring his stream, ought in the present day
to be exchanged by sculptors for a slop-pail.
Unfair to Bomba.—Mr. Bowyer declared in
the House of Commons that, "ihere was no
sovereign in Europe more popular than the
Pope." Is not this a little unfair towards the
King of INaples?
RABELAIS IN THE CRIMEA.
How Rabelais, in the Island of Sound, did anatomise and describe the
great beast Session.
As for the inward and outward parts, or close-cabinet-down-with-the-
opposition developments, of the great beast Session, they were pretty
much as follows :—
His head was like a barber's block stuffed with woolsacks.
His brain was made of addled eggs and Vienna diplomacy.
His neck, of a gallows of public opinion.
His shoulders, of other people's work.
His arms, of doing nothing all the week, and no beer on Sundays.
His hair, of a BftouGHAii-stick.
His chest, of a Chancellor cf the Exchequer and a breviary.
His heart, of a leather strap.
His conscience, of an India-rubber purse.
His legs, of the knaves of Clubs.
His feet, of other men's shoes.
His toes, of a treadmill for young thieves.
His teeth, of opera ivories.
His gums, of red tape.
His tongue, of the ghost of chaos.
His fingers, of a banker's trowel.
His nails, of clenches.
His eyes, of blind puppies.
His ears, of other men's wit.
His smelling apparatus or nose, of rats and Thames' water.
A continuation of Session's countenance, posture-making, and
manner of behaving :—
When he opened his mouth, the truth was shut up in a box.
When he prayed, it was new bishops and Kentish rag-stone.
When he "fixed his eye" it was " bull's" fixings and smiles.
When he told the truth, the birds fell off the trees when you shook
them.
When he was in a fighting humour, coals went to Newcastle and
came back again.
When he was religious, it was raw lobsters and wooden staves.
When he dined, it was off skinned eels.
When he gave an alms, it was the shadow of a skinned flint.
When he fought, it was with spiked guns and broken pickaxes.
When he made peace, it was soft sawder and place.
When he gave promotion, it_was weak heads and strong pockets.
When he listened, it was catching the sails of windmills.
When he was free to confess, it was vested interests and younger
sons.
When he divided, it was woodcutter's splinters,
When he yawned, it was common sense out of the windows.
When he laughed, it was widows and wounded soldiers.
When he diplomatised, it was bottles at a prize-fight.
When he amended, it was flies walking on their backs.
When he felt truly sorry, it was tenpenny nails in a pound of West-
minster butter.
When he rose to order, it was confusion in seven-league boots.
When he expressed his opinion, it was bosh helping bunkuns to
escape.
When he was tired, it was other men's tight boots and used-up
sittings.
When he was at work, it was cobwebs and commissions.
When he had done doing nothing, it was grouse and skylarks.
When he came in, it was sackcloth and ashes.
When he went out, it was church bells and smiles.
When he came to an end, it was another bad beginning.
NOT A BENE.
Mr. Punch has been requested by one of the Crew of the Laay
Nancy to give insertion to the following Acrostic. Could he refuse r
how shall we get at the russian PlXET ?
T aganrog's vixen idly rests on her laurels,
H appily cradled on Kertch's dark strait;
E ach wave as it lifts her, asks "where is your sister ? "
L ady Nancy replies, " I've nor sister nor mate."
A h ! ah ! say the waves as they carelessly glide by,
D 'ye think, Nan, for you a fit mate could be found ?
Y ou're ugly, dear Nanny ; cheap, made in a hurry,
N othing dashing about you—you're not worth Ten Pound.
A las, replies Nancy—-it's true—still I fancy
"E ot all's gold that glitters ; I'm young, strong, and rough ;
C an fight in all weathers, want no paint or fine feathers;
Y ou '11 find, as " times go," I'm " the right sort of stuff."
A. Z. V.
Five Seconds' Advice on Fainting.
{By Old SmeVfungus.)
A Paint is a Pashionable Exit, an Impromptu Plight of the Imagl
nation, a convenient Absence, during which a Lady frequently displays
t o the greatest advantage her Presence of Mind, losing purposely ah
consciousness, the better to enable her to collect her wits.
A RUM STYLE OF POETRY.
||i?HI] v"^^^^^^HE advertising colurrms of the
■fjKjf'i <=*^2^^vO^Sf newspapers are now seldom
ffffi !!' "\. - adorned by Poetry. There
m\\\ ^iflk s^ was a ^me w'ien Warren
1 \\\(t\{iy ■■ 1» H sang his Blacking in the most
I' jdSumB^SL. ^nlp' 1^ sentimental strains, and Row-
^ '■<>? LiSD invoked all the Muses
^teF^fc -'.^Pwfek. ' - *n Pra*se n's Macassar: but
-^l^^^^^^^^^^^^^k \\ now the former has handed
, '■ ^^^^^^^^^^J/flSSL V °yer tis _ unstrung harp and
-^^^^^^^p^^^^J^^^k his stock in trade to the unro-
w>„ J3|!s!f r" - iv.im;c LiiT'-smj.; while Rovr-
|piP> .^flli^ -~ ^ LAJsrD Prattles playfully, but
M ^^^^^^^^^^SIS 3= prosaically, on the subject of
^M^^^^MS^f^^j^S -==S his oils and essences in mere
Hgj^^l^Ml^^^^^SBg^^^ ordinary paragraphs. The
W^W^^^^^^^^^^^Sm^^& spirit-vendors seem to be ad-
) y^M^M)WmMM^^^^Mp=^^. vertising in a strain of fiction,
^c^p§ffl^MM^MSa|y^^_23 w'ucn encourages us to hope
.^^^^^^^^HHiii^^^^^^^S 'hat tliey i,,ay iii time be dis-
g^g^tj^SM^^^^^^^^^jj^^^ posed to take out a poetical as
^^s^^^^^^^^^^a^^^^g well as a publican's licence.
• ^jaPfgfr ''fl^^^^^.^1^^^- r^icrc are many opportuni-
gz^^^^^^p^^^^^^^^^^^g ties open to the proprietor of
1 J^^^a^S^^gK^B^^^^^^^^^^^^^I^^^ the Wine Vaults for calling in
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^fe— --^-z^~ —~~=5gp=~ *-he °'' -k°ei)'y in disposing
^5gS^S^BSiSS^^~>^_ ■ •--~^_llZ==JSjp' of his wares, and we need only
^—' " —==i suggest " Gin a body meet a
body " as a happy commencement for a puff of some of that cheap Gin, which, from what we
have read on the subject of adulteration, may be said to comprise both vitriols and drink
for the purchaser. To show what may be done in the way or poetical puffing for an article
which is happily not in excessive demand, as it once used to be, we subjoin a little poem
on the subject of Vatted Rums, which arc fre-
quently proclaimed as fine and old in public-house
placards
Am—" Those Evening Bells''
Those Vatted Rums, those Vatted Rums,
How very cheap a quartern comes.
When of that liquor pure and prime,
You take two gallons at a time.
The fumes will quickly pass away,
And many an evening will be gay—
While nothing like a headache comes.
Through drinking these delicious Rums.
And so 'twill be, when I am gone ;
Those Vatted Rums will still sell on,
And other fingers, pens, and thumbs
Will sing your praise—ye Vatted Rums.
Latin for Thames.
There are extant some old engravings of the
River Thames and its Banks, under the name of
Thamesis Rluvius. Now the Thames is not so
much Piuvius as Effluvium. Moreover the urn,
out of which, as ia the statue at the back of
Ham House, Father Thames is represented as
pouring his stream, ought in the present day
to be exchanged by sculptors for a slop-pail.
Unfair to Bomba.—Mr. Bowyer declared in
the House of Commons that, "ihere was no
sovereign in Europe more popular than the
Pope." Is not this a little unfair towards the
King of INaples?
RABELAIS IN THE CRIMEA.
How Rabelais, in the Island of Sound, did anatomise and describe the
great beast Session.
As for the inward and outward parts, or close-cabinet-down-with-the-
opposition developments, of the great beast Session, they were pretty
much as follows :—
His head was like a barber's block stuffed with woolsacks.
His brain was made of addled eggs and Vienna diplomacy.
His neck, of a gallows of public opinion.
His shoulders, of other people's work.
His arms, of doing nothing all the week, and no beer on Sundays.
His hair, of a BftouGHAii-stick.
His chest, of a Chancellor cf the Exchequer and a breviary.
His heart, of a leather strap.
His conscience, of an India-rubber purse.
His legs, of the knaves of Clubs.
His feet, of other men's shoes.
His toes, of a treadmill for young thieves.
His teeth, of opera ivories.
His gums, of red tape.
His tongue, of the ghost of chaos.
His fingers, of a banker's trowel.
His nails, of clenches.
His eyes, of blind puppies.
His ears, of other men's wit.
His smelling apparatus or nose, of rats and Thames' water.
A continuation of Session's countenance, posture-making, and
manner of behaving :—
When he opened his mouth, the truth was shut up in a box.
When he prayed, it was new bishops and Kentish rag-stone.
When he "fixed his eye" it was " bull's" fixings and smiles.
When he told the truth, the birds fell off the trees when you shook
them.
When he was in a fighting humour, coals went to Newcastle and
came back again.
When he was religious, it was raw lobsters and wooden staves.
When he dined, it was off skinned eels.
When he gave an alms, it was the shadow of a skinned flint.
When he fought, it was with spiked guns and broken pickaxes.
When he made peace, it was soft sawder and place.
When he gave promotion, it_was weak heads and strong pockets.
When he listened, it was catching the sails of windmills.
When he was free to confess, it was vested interests and younger
sons.
When he divided, it was woodcutter's splinters,
When he yawned, it was common sense out of the windows.
When he laughed, it was widows and wounded soldiers.
When he diplomatised, it was bottles at a prize-fight.
When he amended, it was flies walking on their backs.
When he felt truly sorry, it was tenpenny nails in a pound of West-
minster butter.
When he rose to order, it was confusion in seven-league boots.
When he expressed his opinion, it was bosh helping bunkuns to
escape.
When he was tired, it was other men's tight boots and used-up
sittings.
When he was at work, it was cobwebs and commissions.
When he had done doing nothing, it was grouse and skylarks.
When he came in, it was sackcloth and ashes.
When he went out, it was church bells and smiles.
When he came to an end, it was another bad beginning.
NOT A BENE.
Mr. Punch has been requested by one of the Crew of the Laay
Nancy to give insertion to the following Acrostic. Could he refuse r
how shall we get at the russian PlXET ?
T aganrog's vixen idly rests on her laurels,
H appily cradled on Kertch's dark strait;
E ach wave as it lifts her, asks "where is your sister ? "
L ady Nancy replies, " I've nor sister nor mate."
A h ! ah ! say the waves as they carelessly glide by,
D 'ye think, Nan, for you a fit mate could be found ?
Y ou're ugly, dear Nanny ; cheap, made in a hurry,
N othing dashing about you—you're not worth Ten Pound.
A las, replies Nancy—-it's true—still I fancy
"E ot all's gold that glitters ; I'm young, strong, and rough ;
C an fight in all weathers, want no paint or fine feathers;
Y ou '11 find, as " times go," I'm " the right sort of stuff."
A. Z. V.
Five Seconds' Advice on Fainting.
{By Old SmeVfungus.)
A Paint is a Pashionable Exit, an Impromptu Plight of the Imagl
nation, a convenient Absence, during which a Lady frequently displays
t o the greatest advantage her Presence of Mind, losing purposely ah
consciousness, the better to enable her to collect her wits.