DOI issue:
July 10, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0017
July 10, 1880.]
LAW IN THE PADDYLAND OF THE FUTURE.
[From Mr. Punch's Prophetic Reporter.)
The Seat of War, August, 188—.
he long-expected hostilities
between Mr. O'Paynought
and The Ragsandtattersoon
have at last commenced in
earnest. The latter is theore-
tically the aggressor, although
the former seems to be acting
in rather an overbearing man-
ner. The story of the dispute
out of which the proceedings
have grown is briefly as fol-
lows
A short time since The Rag-
sandtattersoon (who is
ground landlord to Mr. O’Pay-
nought) called upon his
tenant to ask for his rent,
which had been overdue for
a long period of years. So
unlooked-for,not to say super-
fluous, an action naturally
provoked the greatest indig-
nation amongst the O’Pay-
noughts, and the visitor was
received with howls of the
most vigorous execration. Had
not the occasion been one of
a purely peaceable character
(a meeting of Mr. O’Pay-
nought’s family to celebrate the birthday of one of their number),
it is more than probable that. The Ragsandtattersoon might have
received some rough treatment. As it was, he was forcibly ejected
by two powdered footmen acting under the orders of the assistant-
butler, and furthermore was pelted with empty champagne bottles
as he ran through his tenant’s costly flower-garden on his way
home. Provoked (not unnaturally) by the rather iuhospitable
manner in which he had been received, The Ragsandtattersoon
distinctly placed himself in the wrong by kicking a valued friend of
Mr. O'Paynought in the character of a highly respected pig. This
harmless animal was quietly engaged in discussing a luscious mess
of chicken, pate de foie gras, and maraschino jelly swimming in a
dish'of strawberries and cream, when, in more senses than one, the
luckless landlord fell upon him. It is said by some that in the
hurry of his flight The Ragsandtattersoon did not see the intelli-
gent quadruped, and that the insult offered to him consequently was
purely accidental. This is stoutly denied by the O’Paynoughts, who
declare that the assault was nothing short of an infringement of the
new Act. It is contended that The Ragsandtattersoon wished
to eject his tenant by using violence to the pet pig. Acting upon
this construction of the proceeding, Mr. O’Paynought commenced
an action for damages against his landlord, and the matter had to be
decided as the law directs by the Judge of the local County Court.
Early in the morning of the day of trial, The Ragsandtattersoon
(who happens to be a member of the Society of Friends) presented
himself before the Judge, and on his knees entreated his Honour to
give the case against him. He repeated over and over again that
he would far rather make any sacrifice than that bloodshed
should be the outcome of the contest. Mr. Justice O’Whisky (who
appeared to be moved almost to tears by the suitor’s generosity)
replied that he was obliged to obey the dictates of his conscience,
and that therefore he must give a decision against Mr. O' Pay-
nought's pretensions. To comfort his visitor, however, he showed
that the Court-House had been put in a thorough state of defence,
and. that the Bench itself, by means of sandbags and small pieces of
artillery, had been very carefully protected. Adding frequently
that it “ would be all right,” the gallant Judge then retired to his
private room to await contingencies.
At exactly a quarter past twelve the O’Paynought family ap-
proached, and deployed into line. The Clerks of the County Court,
headed by their intrepid chief, immediately appeared on the walls,
and challenged the plaintiffs to commence the action. Upon this,
the counsel learned in the law engaged by Mr. O’Paynought, wear-
ing his wig and gown, and waving a flag of truce (a white pocket-
handkerchief attached to a walking-stick) advanced and asked for a
parley. This was accorded, and it was explained to his Honour that
in the event of his giving a decision adverse to the interests of Mr.
O’Paynought, an appeal against the Court would be conducted in the
customary manner. The Judge gallantly announced his opinion
that the Defendant was entirely in the right, and bobbed down his
head just in time to escape the very unpleasant consequences follow-
ing upon so bold a declaration.
9
Mr. O’Paynought’s attack upon the strongly fortified Court-
House was of a most determined character. Thousands of bullets,
stones, and other missiles were expended in the advance; and, after
an hour’s desperate fighting, the position was turned, with the com-
paratively small loss of one maiden aunt killed and two first cousins
twice removed slightly wounded. The shouts of triumph were soon
exchanged, however, for howls of disappointment when it was dis-
covered that his Honour had abandoned the Court-House shortly
before its capture, and was still holding out in a scientifically
defended laundry and wash-house.
This despatch leaves the Judge the master of the situation.
A week later.
His Honour for the last seven days has been undergoing all the
horrors of a siege. The outhouse is surrounded, and supplies have-
been completely cut off. The garrison are known to be living on old
summonses. His Honour is expected to revise his decision before
his appointment is rendered vacant by a death from hunger.
Latest.
The Family have conquered ! The decision has been revised, ‘and
Mr. O’Paynought is at this moment spending a small fortune upon
a grand alfresco fete, race meeting, and regatta in celebration of his.
victory. In the fulness of his heart the triumphant tenant has
invited, the defeated landlord to be present at the rejoicings. The
Ragsandtattersoon, however, has been unable to accept the kind
invitation, because he has had a pressing appointment elsewhere—in:
point of fact, in the Court of Bankruptcy !
WHAT WE MAY COME TO.
Meddle with the Woolsack, and with alarmingrapidity the country ■
would see changes of the most revolutionary character introduced
into both Houses of Parliament! Are we prepared to stand by and
calmly witness such startling innovations in the Constitution as are
implied by new Standing Orders (like those we new publish), which ,
we distinctly warn an apathetic public, are certain in time to
be adopted, if the Woolsack is moved but a handsbreadth from its
present time-honoured position ?
Standing Orders (Future.)
The Lord Chancellor and the Speaker to be at liberty during the hot
weather to preside over the deliberations of Parliament without a wig.
The Mace may be lent for exhibition to the South Kensington s
Museum.
Any Member preferring to attend the sittings of Parliament during •
the months of June, July, and August, in his shirt-sleeves, may have
leave to do so, provided that when he rises to address the House, he
resume the formality of a coat.
Black Rod and Sergeant-at-Arms empowered to wear any light
summer costume they please.
Smoking (cigars and cigarettes only) allowed on the benches after
midnight.
There will be no interference with the occupants of the Strangers’
Gallery, if they choose to express their sentiments by cheering,
clapxnng their hands, or stamping with their feet, but previous
notice must be given of an intention to hiss or hoot.
A Member may secure a seat for the whole evening by depositing
upon it, at any time after 10 A.M., his hat, stick, umbrella, gloves,
handkerchief (provided his name is legibly marked in the upper left
hand corner), spectacle-case, calling-card, photograph, or any of his
own or his wife’s relations.
During the summer months the Woolsack and the Chair to be
covered with a cool chintz or cretonne.
Members may play at chess, draughts, dominoes, or any other
quiet game, but not at backgammon, on account of the interruption,
which would be caused by rattling the dice.
The Bishops may appear in their robes or not, at their option.
When the gowns now worn by the Clerks at the Table are worn
out, they need not be renewed.
Refreshments will be served at the Bar of the Home.
Any Member may in future keep his hat on his head while address-
ing the House, provided it is the proper high black hat such as is
worn in this country in the hot season.
The following articles are inadmissible into either House of Parlia- '
ment without an order from the Lord Chancellor or SpeakerGuns, I
rifles, fishing rods, Bath chairs, bicycles, portmanteaus, telescopes, |
and dogs.
Overheard at Lord’s.
First Swell. Haw—Steel bowled well, but didn’t much swell the
score.
The two Studd brothers, though, were to the fore.
Second Swell. A'a-as ! Hot surprised they bore the battle’s brunt;.
For Stud(d)s are mostly—haw—found in the front J i
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Yol. 79.
1—2
LAW IN THE PADDYLAND OF THE FUTURE.
[From Mr. Punch's Prophetic Reporter.)
The Seat of War, August, 188—.
he long-expected hostilities
between Mr. O'Paynought
and The Ragsandtattersoon
have at last commenced in
earnest. The latter is theore-
tically the aggressor, although
the former seems to be acting
in rather an overbearing man-
ner. The story of the dispute
out of which the proceedings
have grown is briefly as fol-
lows
A short time since The Rag-
sandtattersoon (who is
ground landlord to Mr. O’Pay-
nought) called upon his
tenant to ask for his rent,
which had been overdue for
a long period of years. So
unlooked-for,not to say super-
fluous, an action naturally
provoked the greatest indig-
nation amongst the O’Pay-
noughts, and the visitor was
received with howls of the
most vigorous execration. Had
not the occasion been one of
a purely peaceable character
(a meeting of Mr. O’Pay-
nought’s family to celebrate the birthday of one of their number),
it is more than probable that. The Ragsandtattersoon might have
received some rough treatment. As it was, he was forcibly ejected
by two powdered footmen acting under the orders of the assistant-
butler, and furthermore was pelted with empty champagne bottles
as he ran through his tenant’s costly flower-garden on his way
home. Provoked (not unnaturally) by the rather iuhospitable
manner in which he had been received, The Ragsandtattersoon
distinctly placed himself in the wrong by kicking a valued friend of
Mr. O'Paynought in the character of a highly respected pig. This
harmless animal was quietly engaged in discussing a luscious mess
of chicken, pate de foie gras, and maraschino jelly swimming in a
dish'of strawberries and cream, when, in more senses than one, the
luckless landlord fell upon him. It is said by some that in the
hurry of his flight The Ragsandtattersoon did not see the intelli-
gent quadruped, and that the insult offered to him consequently was
purely accidental. This is stoutly denied by the O’Paynoughts, who
declare that the assault was nothing short of an infringement of the
new Act. It is contended that The Ragsandtattersoon wished
to eject his tenant by using violence to the pet pig. Acting upon
this construction of the proceeding, Mr. O’Paynought commenced
an action for damages against his landlord, and the matter had to be
decided as the law directs by the Judge of the local County Court.
Early in the morning of the day of trial, The Ragsandtattersoon
(who happens to be a member of the Society of Friends) presented
himself before the Judge, and on his knees entreated his Honour to
give the case against him. He repeated over and over again that
he would far rather make any sacrifice than that bloodshed
should be the outcome of the contest. Mr. Justice O’Whisky (who
appeared to be moved almost to tears by the suitor’s generosity)
replied that he was obliged to obey the dictates of his conscience,
and that therefore he must give a decision against Mr. O' Pay-
nought's pretensions. To comfort his visitor, however, he showed
that the Court-House had been put in a thorough state of defence,
and. that the Bench itself, by means of sandbags and small pieces of
artillery, had been very carefully protected. Adding frequently
that it “ would be all right,” the gallant Judge then retired to his
private room to await contingencies.
At exactly a quarter past twelve the O’Paynought family ap-
proached, and deployed into line. The Clerks of the County Court,
headed by their intrepid chief, immediately appeared on the walls,
and challenged the plaintiffs to commence the action. Upon this,
the counsel learned in the law engaged by Mr. O’Paynought, wear-
ing his wig and gown, and waving a flag of truce (a white pocket-
handkerchief attached to a walking-stick) advanced and asked for a
parley. This was accorded, and it was explained to his Honour that
in the event of his giving a decision adverse to the interests of Mr.
O’Paynought, an appeal against the Court would be conducted in the
customary manner. The Judge gallantly announced his opinion
that the Defendant was entirely in the right, and bobbed down his
head just in time to escape the very unpleasant consequences follow-
ing upon so bold a declaration.
9
Mr. O’Paynought’s attack upon the strongly fortified Court-
House was of a most determined character. Thousands of bullets,
stones, and other missiles were expended in the advance; and, after
an hour’s desperate fighting, the position was turned, with the com-
paratively small loss of one maiden aunt killed and two first cousins
twice removed slightly wounded. The shouts of triumph were soon
exchanged, however, for howls of disappointment when it was dis-
covered that his Honour had abandoned the Court-House shortly
before its capture, and was still holding out in a scientifically
defended laundry and wash-house.
This despatch leaves the Judge the master of the situation.
A week later.
His Honour for the last seven days has been undergoing all the
horrors of a siege. The outhouse is surrounded, and supplies have-
been completely cut off. The garrison are known to be living on old
summonses. His Honour is expected to revise his decision before
his appointment is rendered vacant by a death from hunger.
Latest.
The Family have conquered ! The decision has been revised, ‘and
Mr. O’Paynought is at this moment spending a small fortune upon
a grand alfresco fete, race meeting, and regatta in celebration of his.
victory. In the fulness of his heart the triumphant tenant has
invited, the defeated landlord to be present at the rejoicings. The
Ragsandtattersoon, however, has been unable to accept the kind
invitation, because he has had a pressing appointment elsewhere—in:
point of fact, in the Court of Bankruptcy !
WHAT WE MAY COME TO.
Meddle with the Woolsack, and with alarmingrapidity the country ■
would see changes of the most revolutionary character introduced
into both Houses of Parliament! Are we prepared to stand by and
calmly witness such startling innovations in the Constitution as are
implied by new Standing Orders (like those we new publish), which ,
we distinctly warn an apathetic public, are certain in time to
be adopted, if the Woolsack is moved but a handsbreadth from its
present time-honoured position ?
Standing Orders (Future.)
The Lord Chancellor and the Speaker to be at liberty during the hot
weather to preside over the deliberations of Parliament without a wig.
The Mace may be lent for exhibition to the South Kensington s
Museum.
Any Member preferring to attend the sittings of Parliament during •
the months of June, July, and August, in his shirt-sleeves, may have
leave to do so, provided that when he rises to address the House, he
resume the formality of a coat.
Black Rod and Sergeant-at-Arms empowered to wear any light
summer costume they please.
Smoking (cigars and cigarettes only) allowed on the benches after
midnight.
There will be no interference with the occupants of the Strangers’
Gallery, if they choose to express their sentiments by cheering,
clapxnng their hands, or stamping with their feet, but previous
notice must be given of an intention to hiss or hoot.
A Member may secure a seat for the whole evening by depositing
upon it, at any time after 10 A.M., his hat, stick, umbrella, gloves,
handkerchief (provided his name is legibly marked in the upper left
hand corner), spectacle-case, calling-card, photograph, or any of his
own or his wife’s relations.
During the summer months the Woolsack and the Chair to be
covered with a cool chintz or cretonne.
Members may play at chess, draughts, dominoes, or any other
quiet game, but not at backgammon, on account of the interruption,
which would be caused by rattling the dice.
The Bishops may appear in their robes or not, at their option.
When the gowns now worn by the Clerks at the Table are worn
out, they need not be renewed.
Refreshments will be served at the Bar of the Home.
Any Member may in future keep his hat on his head while address-
ing the House, provided it is the proper high black hat such as is
worn in this country in the hot season.
The following articles are inadmissible into either House of Parlia- '
ment without an order from the Lord Chancellor or SpeakerGuns, I
rifles, fishing rods, Bath chairs, bicycles, portmanteaus, telescopes, |
and dogs.
Overheard at Lord’s.
First Swell. Haw—Steel bowled well, but didn’t much swell the
score.
The two Studd brothers, though, were to the fore.
Second Swell. A'a-as ! Hot surprised they bore the battle’s brunt;.
For Stud(d)s are mostly—haw—found in the front J i
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Yol. 79.
1—2