DOI issue:
July 16, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0022
16
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 16, 1892.
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.
Gladstonian Dentist {to Tory Patient). "I haye the most profound Admi-
ration—Mouth a little more open, thanks—for that great man,
Gladstone,—and it was only last week—&c. &c. &c."
ON THE FLY-LEAF OF AN OLD BOOK.
It's long been loose; at last it's quite
Come out—the very thing to write
My laundry list on. Think what might
HaYe been upon it!
Some lines by Goldsmith, neatly planned,
A Yerse by Byron, mighty grand,
Or even, penned by Shakspeare's hand,
A song or sonnet;
Da Vinci might have made a sketch,
Or Rembrandt drawn a head to etch,
Or Turner dashed some tints—'twould fetch
A thousand guineas.
Here might have been some notes, compiled
By Ibsen, Maeterlinck, or Wilde,
On how some writers have beguiled
Some simple ninnies ;
Some words on Cooks, by Randolph C,
Or Greek Home Rule, by Grand Old G.,
Some Irish notes by A. J. B.,
A cheque from Dillon.
How useless now to think what might _
Have been, for I have blacked the white !
It is not even lit to write
A washing-bill on!
Church and Booth.—The Archbishop of Canterrury
was recently a guest at the Munching House on the occa-
sion of an Undenominational Banquet. His Grace, in a
post-prandial speech, observed that the Salvation Army
came "fluting" among us, but he thought that the
Army's success would be as "fleeting" as it was
"fluting." Neat this for his Grace-after-dinner. This
was a nice after-dinner way of giving "caviare to the
General." No "laughter" appears to have followed, so
the caviare was not generally taken.
Literary Note and Query.—First volume of Tacitus
translated into English by A. W. Quill. . Judging from
a review in the Times of this instalment, it is the work
of neither a soft nor hard Quill, but a medium Quill.
With such a suggestive name, this author will show
himself a Goose Quill if he does not at once turn his
attention to the History of Penn.
LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.
Dear Mr. Punch, The Bobolink, Henley.
The Election at Sheepsdoor being regarded as a "moral"
for our Candidate—(what a delightful change from the im-moral
way in which elections used to be conducted !)— I felt it was safe for
me to wing my flight to fresh scenes and pastures new !—not that I
wanted any " new pastures," having been a ^rrass-widow for some
g^j time ;—but having had enough of the
"rolling billow"—(by the way, the rolling
" Billow " at Stockbridge didn't roll fast
enough)—I yearned for the silvery smooth-
ness of Father Thames, so started for
Henley with my faithful Eulalie—{1 really
must change her name, it sounds like a
Swiss jodel); but, oh! my goodness!—
talk about billows—the Channel passage
is a fool to what we found at Henley !
Waves mountain high !—(This of course
is an _ exaggeration, but I've read it so
often in sea-novels, that I've almost come
to believe it possible—it would be nearer
the truth, as dear Mrs. Ramsbotham
would pronounce it, I fancy — waves
"mounting high.") I had to sit all day
on the roof of the Bobolink, with a life-
belt or something round my waist!—and
having made the acquaintance of a sweet youth who could swim, I
implored him not to leave me !—and he didn't—the whole day long.
Ah! he was very nice!—I need not tell you I didn't notice the
racing much, but I did take an interest in twe of the contests ; viz.—
(I don't know what "viz." means—but I do know I am using it
correctly)—The Diamond Sculls, and The Ladies' Challenge. The
Diamonds were walked off, or rowed off to Holland—(great place,
I'm told, for diamonds)—by Mr. K. Ooms (who evidently " kooms"
of an athletic stoek), amid the generous eheers of our defeated
Englishmen! The other—and naturally, from its title, the mest
important event—was competed for by two boat-loads from
Cambridge University—Crews, I believe, they call them, but I
always thought it was a sign of contempt to allude to any party of
people as " a crew." However that may be, I was informed that
" First Trinity had carried off the Ladies! " (just as if they were a
pack of Sabine women), and I suppose it was true; though, in
counting up the Ladies in sight, I only missed one—and she, I
found, had fallen into the river, and been gallantly rescued by a
spectator, who, I presume, was determined to have his share, in
spite of the First Trinity Men !
Back to town, after all was over on Thursday, to find everybody
wild with " election fever." A large group surrounding the "tape"
at the Club (I belong to the "Amazon," of course), and ordering
lemon squashes when a seat was lost, and whiskey and seltzer when
the reverse was the case ! Oh, this Election ! _ Thank goodness, I'm
off to Newmarket, to spend the week with Sir Newman and Lady
Gateshead, with a distinct feeling of relief at getting back to-
business after this fortnight of exciting relaxation !
Next week's racing furnishes quite a lengthy menu, with several
attractive entrees, and. some good "made-up-overnight" dishes; in
fact, a programme which appeals strongly to every racy palate. I
do not propose to work my way through the entire menu (not being
an Alderman), and will only hint at a few of the side-dishes, which
may be worth attention reserving my great effort for the "plat de
resistance " at Sandown ; so, at Newmarket—try just a mouthful of
July Handicap a la Duke of Devonshire's " Selected ; " should it
choke you, have a pat on the " Bach" when attacking the Beaufort
Stakes ; and to wind up with dessert, worthy of a Chesterfield,
take a " Meddler." If this conglomeration of good things is not too
much for you, travel back to town in time for the great race of the
week ; but, if upset, don't blame, Yours devotedly,
Lady Gay.
"Eclipse Stakes Selection."
With Gouverneur, Orme, and such giants to run,
It needs the cool calm of a Plato
To fix on the horse that will " capture the bun I "
But I think it will be " Orvieto."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 16, 1892.
UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.
Gladstonian Dentist {to Tory Patient). "I haye the most profound Admi-
ration—Mouth a little more open, thanks—for that great man,
Gladstone,—and it was only last week—&c. &c. &c."
ON THE FLY-LEAF OF AN OLD BOOK.
It's long been loose; at last it's quite
Come out—the very thing to write
My laundry list on. Think what might
HaYe been upon it!
Some lines by Goldsmith, neatly planned,
A Yerse by Byron, mighty grand,
Or even, penned by Shakspeare's hand,
A song or sonnet;
Da Vinci might have made a sketch,
Or Rembrandt drawn a head to etch,
Or Turner dashed some tints—'twould fetch
A thousand guineas.
Here might have been some notes, compiled
By Ibsen, Maeterlinck, or Wilde,
On how some writers have beguiled
Some simple ninnies ;
Some words on Cooks, by Randolph C,
Or Greek Home Rule, by Grand Old G.,
Some Irish notes by A. J. B.,
A cheque from Dillon.
How useless now to think what might _
Have been, for I have blacked the white !
It is not even lit to write
A washing-bill on!
Church and Booth.—The Archbishop of Canterrury
was recently a guest at the Munching House on the occa-
sion of an Undenominational Banquet. His Grace, in a
post-prandial speech, observed that the Salvation Army
came "fluting" among us, but he thought that the
Army's success would be as "fleeting" as it was
"fluting." Neat this for his Grace-after-dinner. This
was a nice after-dinner way of giving "caviare to the
General." No "laughter" appears to have followed, so
the caviare was not generally taken.
Literary Note and Query.—First volume of Tacitus
translated into English by A. W. Quill. . Judging from
a review in the Times of this instalment, it is the work
of neither a soft nor hard Quill, but a medium Quill.
With such a suggestive name, this author will show
himself a Goose Quill if he does not at once turn his
attention to the History of Penn.
LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS.
Dear Mr. Punch, The Bobolink, Henley.
The Election at Sheepsdoor being regarded as a "moral"
for our Candidate—(what a delightful change from the im-moral
way in which elections used to be conducted !)— I felt it was safe for
me to wing my flight to fresh scenes and pastures new !—not that I
wanted any " new pastures," having been a ^rrass-widow for some
g^j time ;—but having had enough of the
"rolling billow"—(by the way, the rolling
" Billow " at Stockbridge didn't roll fast
enough)—I yearned for the silvery smooth-
ness of Father Thames, so started for
Henley with my faithful Eulalie—{1 really
must change her name, it sounds like a
Swiss jodel); but, oh! my goodness!—
talk about billows—the Channel passage
is a fool to what we found at Henley !
Waves mountain high !—(This of course
is an _ exaggeration, but I've read it so
often in sea-novels, that I've almost come
to believe it possible—it would be nearer
the truth, as dear Mrs. Ramsbotham
would pronounce it, I fancy — waves
"mounting high.") I had to sit all day
on the roof of the Bobolink, with a life-
belt or something round my waist!—and
having made the acquaintance of a sweet youth who could swim, I
implored him not to leave me !—and he didn't—the whole day long.
Ah! he was very nice!—I need not tell you I didn't notice the
racing much, but I did take an interest in twe of the contests ; viz.—
(I don't know what "viz." means—but I do know I am using it
correctly)—The Diamond Sculls, and The Ladies' Challenge. The
Diamonds were walked off, or rowed off to Holland—(great place,
I'm told, for diamonds)—by Mr. K. Ooms (who evidently " kooms"
of an athletic stoek), amid the generous eheers of our defeated
Englishmen! The other—and naturally, from its title, the mest
important event—was competed for by two boat-loads from
Cambridge University—Crews, I believe, they call them, but I
always thought it was a sign of contempt to allude to any party of
people as " a crew." However that may be, I was informed that
" First Trinity had carried off the Ladies! " (just as if they were a
pack of Sabine women), and I suppose it was true; though, in
counting up the Ladies in sight, I only missed one—and she, I
found, had fallen into the river, and been gallantly rescued by a
spectator, who, I presume, was determined to have his share, in
spite of the First Trinity Men !
Back to town, after all was over on Thursday, to find everybody
wild with " election fever." A large group surrounding the "tape"
at the Club (I belong to the "Amazon," of course), and ordering
lemon squashes when a seat was lost, and whiskey and seltzer when
the reverse was the case ! Oh, this Election ! _ Thank goodness, I'm
off to Newmarket, to spend the week with Sir Newman and Lady
Gateshead, with a distinct feeling of relief at getting back to-
business after this fortnight of exciting relaxation !
Next week's racing furnishes quite a lengthy menu, with several
attractive entrees, and. some good "made-up-overnight" dishes; in
fact, a programme which appeals strongly to every racy palate. I
do not propose to work my way through the entire menu (not being
an Alderman), and will only hint at a few of the side-dishes, which
may be worth attention reserving my great effort for the "plat de
resistance " at Sandown ; so, at Newmarket—try just a mouthful of
July Handicap a la Duke of Devonshire's " Selected ; " should it
choke you, have a pat on the " Bach" when attacking the Beaufort
Stakes ; and to wind up with dessert, worthy of a Chesterfield,
take a " Meddler." If this conglomeration of good things is not too
much for you, travel back to town in time for the great race of the
week ; but, if upset, don't blame, Yours devotedly,
Lady Gay.
"Eclipse Stakes Selection."
With Gouverneur, Orme, and such giants to run,
It needs the cool calm of a Plato
To fix on the horse that will " capture the bun I "
But I think it will be " Orvieto."