DOI Heft:
July 16, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0030
_2±_PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI._[July 16, 1892.
Murmurs {from the lucky Peris who can just see the witness-be-x But you really must allow that, if any preference is shown at all,
through the glass panel). Who's that in the box? That's Colonel it should be given—equitably, and of right—to Members of the
Arkass—finishing his cross-examination . . . Doesn't seem to be Bar !
enjoying himself . . . See how he's tugging at his moustache . . . Chorus from, the other Peris. Yes, they've stood here nearly as
long as you have. You must wait
your turn, like the rest of us ! No
preferences 'ere / We've got as
much right to go in as you ... If
Mr. Tantield wants you admitted
over our heads, let him come and
let you in himself! If any one
goes in first, it ought to be Bar-
risters ! (&c, &c.)
Doork. {impartially). Well, it
ain't o' much consequence, Gentle-
men, for I can't let none of you
in at present!
\_The M. M. simmers with sup-
pressed rage ; wonders if it is
worth while to mention that he
happens to be a Barrister him-
self, and wishes to enter for the
serious and legitima te purpose of
collecting material for an Essay
he is contributing on " The
Abuse of Cross-Examination "
to the "Nineteenth Century."
On reflection, he thinks he had
better not.
Doork. {as the croicd in Court is
again convulsed). Clear the way
there ! Court rising—Counsel com-
ing out! Ah, this is Mr. Tan-
field.
The Peris {White Wigs and all).
Now we shall see !
[They regard the M. M. with
anticipatory triumph.
Mr. Tanfield {passing out, and
recognising the M. M.). Why, my
dear Mutton, won't they let you
in ? Here, come along with me !
[He passes his arm through the
M. M.'s, walks with him to the
other door, murmurs a request
for his admission, and the next
moment the M. M. is safe in
the haven of his desire.
The other Peris {looking after
him enviously). Well, of all the
brazen impudence!
[They are swept aside by the current of emerging Counsel, Specta-
tors, 8fc, and re-assemble, to find the doors as pitilessly closed
against them as ever. The White Wigs threaten to write to
the " Law Times " on the subject, and are regarded with admi-
ration by the rest as Champions of Popular Rights.
Got a nasty one just then, I expect
... I'd as soon believe 'im as I
would 'er—now . . . She ain't been
in the box yet . . . No, but she 's
a reg'lar bad lot, from what was
said in the opening speech. They
won't change my opinion of 'er,
whichever way the case goes!
Well, I 'aven't followed it closely
myself . . . Oh, no more have I
—but still I've made up my mind
long ago about it, (&c, &e.)
The I. S. {suddenly returning,
indignant). I say, they're letting
in all sorts of people—barristers,
and so on—at that other door,!
Doork. Can't 'elp that, Sir ; this
ain't the other door—you should
speak to them about it !
The I. S. {naively). Well, I have
—and they told me to come here!
[General snigger, amidst which
he departs in disgust.
A Small Office-Boy {with a strip
of paper, tied with red tape).
Kin I see Sir Halfrid Allabye
a moment ?
Doork. Sir Alfred ain't in this
Court—he 's engaged in another
' The O. B. 'Is Clurk '11 do-
it 's 'ighly important—you better
lemme in, I tell yer !
Doork. Send in a message for
yer, if that '11 do. (The 0. B. says it
doesn't signify, and bolts.) Young
Artful! thinks he '11 sneak in, and
spend his dinner-hour there—but
he don't!
The M. M. {who has been ex-
amining his card under a gas-
light). I say, I've just found out
that it wasn't " Please wait" that
Mr. Tanfield wrote on my card
—it's "Please Admit!"
[A general titter of incredulity.
First W. W. {to Second W. W).
Ingenious—but a trifle transparent that, eh ?
[Sis friend smiles knowingly.
The M. M. {roused). Do you mean to suggest that I-
[He chokes.
First W. W. Oh, not at all—I was speaking to my friend here.
OLD TIMES REVIVED.
Portrait of Candidate making his Third Speech on same day.
RACINE, WITH THE CHILL OFF.
Baffled by official prudery in the production of his poetic episode
from Holy Writ, yet resolved that the names of Sarah and Oscar
shall be bracketted together on the muster-roll of genius, Mr. Wilde
has undertaken to re-write Racine's Phedre for that distinguished
actress. In his version the smoothly-chaste
and insipidly-correct verses which our grand-
mothers learnt to recite, and our grand-
fathers pretended to admire on the lips of
the classic Rachel, will give place to the
school of Battdelaire and Valles. We
have been fortunate in obtaining an echan-
tillon of this great work.
ACTE I., Scene 3. Phedre, (Enone
Phedre. Je me meurs d'ennuie. Mon even-
tail, et vite! [aimez Hippolyte !
Qfnone. Madame, je devinevotre mal. Vous
Phedre. Hippolyte! Imbecile, ce que
On his Hobby. j'aime est le vice,
La rime sans raison, l'audace, l'immondice,
L'horrible, l'eccentrique, le sens-dessus-dessous,
La fanfaronnade, la reclame, le sang, et la boue ;
La have fetide des bouches empoisonnees ;
L'horreur, le meurtre, et le " ta-ra-boum-dc-ay ! "
Crois-tu que pour Hipl'OLYTK j'ai le moindre estime ?
Du tout! C'est mon beau ills, et 1'aimer est un crime,
C'est un fat odieux, CEnone. Homme je le de teste,
Mais comme fils de mon mari 1'aimer c'est Tin-
(Enone. Peste!
Que veut dire Madame ?
Phedre. L'inconnu l'inconvenable.*
Tu me coupe la parole d'une faeon execrable—
Le vice, QSnone, sais-tu ce que c'est que le vice ?
Que la rose n'est pas rose avant qu'elle pourrisse ?
Esprit terre-a-terre, ame bornee d'epicier,
Non, tu ne les connais pas, les delices du fumier.
Tu ne sais pas trouver tes etoiles dans l'egout,
Tes ivresses dans la fange, ton amour dans la boue.
(Enone. Madame radote. C'est Venus a sa proie attachee.
Phedre. Venus fin de siecle, qui se nomme Astarte,
Diablesse gigantesque, aux boyaux d'airain,
Trou rouge ou l'on jette des monceaux d'etres humains.
Grille de fer ou la chair fume, les cheveux petillent,
Choses claires qiii noircissent, sombres choses qui brillent,
Choses qu'on aime le plus pour ce qu'elles n'existent pas,
Choses basses qui s'elevent, hautes choses qu'on mettent bas,
Paradis de paradoxes-
This brief sample of Mr. Wilde's muse may be less erudite than
the play tabooed by the Lord Chamberlain, and may show a bolder
disregard of the stringent laws which govern Erench versification ;
but it is assuredly in harmony with the spirit of the age, and goes
far to bring Racine up to date.
* The fact that this word is not to be found in the dictionary must be set
down as t he fault of the language rather than of the poet. If " eonvenable,"
why not " inconvenablo " ?
0^ NOTICE.—Rejected Coramuuicatious or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter. Drawings, or Picture* of auy description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
Murmurs {from the lucky Peris who can just see the witness-be-x But you really must allow that, if any preference is shown at all,
through the glass panel). Who's that in the box? That's Colonel it should be given—equitably, and of right—to Members of the
Arkass—finishing his cross-examination . . . Doesn't seem to be Bar !
enjoying himself . . . See how he's tugging at his moustache . . . Chorus from, the other Peris. Yes, they've stood here nearly as
long as you have. You must wait
your turn, like the rest of us ! No
preferences 'ere / We've got as
much right to go in as you ... If
Mr. Tantield wants you admitted
over our heads, let him come and
let you in himself! If any one
goes in first, it ought to be Bar-
risters ! (&c, &c.)
Doork. {impartially). Well, it
ain't o' much consequence, Gentle-
men, for I can't let none of you
in at present!
\_The M. M. simmers with sup-
pressed rage ; wonders if it is
worth while to mention that he
happens to be a Barrister him-
self, and wishes to enter for the
serious and legitima te purpose of
collecting material for an Essay
he is contributing on " The
Abuse of Cross-Examination "
to the "Nineteenth Century."
On reflection, he thinks he had
better not.
Doork. {as the croicd in Court is
again convulsed). Clear the way
there ! Court rising—Counsel com-
ing out! Ah, this is Mr. Tan-
field.
The Peris {White Wigs and all).
Now we shall see !
[They regard the M. M. with
anticipatory triumph.
Mr. Tanfield {passing out, and
recognising the M. M.). Why, my
dear Mutton, won't they let you
in ? Here, come along with me !
[He passes his arm through the
M. M.'s, walks with him to the
other door, murmurs a request
for his admission, and the next
moment the M. M. is safe in
the haven of his desire.
The other Peris {looking after
him enviously). Well, of all the
brazen impudence!
[They are swept aside by the current of emerging Counsel, Specta-
tors, 8fc, and re-assemble, to find the doors as pitilessly closed
against them as ever. The White Wigs threaten to write to
the " Law Times " on the subject, and are regarded with admi-
ration by the rest as Champions of Popular Rights.
Got a nasty one just then, I expect
... I'd as soon believe 'im as I
would 'er—now . . . She ain't been
in the box yet . . . No, but she 's
a reg'lar bad lot, from what was
said in the opening speech. They
won't change my opinion of 'er,
whichever way the case goes!
Well, I 'aven't followed it closely
myself . . . Oh, no more have I
—but still I've made up my mind
long ago about it, (&c, &e.)
The I. S. {suddenly returning,
indignant). I say, they're letting
in all sorts of people—barristers,
and so on—at that other door,!
Doork. Can't 'elp that, Sir ; this
ain't the other door—you should
speak to them about it !
The I. S. {naively). Well, I have
—and they told me to come here!
[General snigger, amidst which
he departs in disgust.
A Small Office-Boy {with a strip
of paper, tied with red tape).
Kin I see Sir Halfrid Allabye
a moment ?
Doork. Sir Alfred ain't in this
Court—he 's engaged in another
' The O. B. 'Is Clurk '11 do-
it 's 'ighly important—you better
lemme in, I tell yer !
Doork. Send in a message for
yer, if that '11 do. (The 0. B. says it
doesn't signify, and bolts.) Young
Artful! thinks he '11 sneak in, and
spend his dinner-hour there—but
he don't!
The M. M. {who has been ex-
amining his card under a gas-
light). I say, I've just found out
that it wasn't " Please wait" that
Mr. Tanfield wrote on my card
—it's "Please Admit!"
[A general titter of incredulity.
First W. W. {to Second W. W).
Ingenious—but a trifle transparent that, eh ?
[Sis friend smiles knowingly.
The M. M. {roused). Do you mean to suggest that I-
[He chokes.
First W. W. Oh, not at all—I was speaking to my friend here.
OLD TIMES REVIVED.
Portrait of Candidate making his Third Speech on same day.
RACINE, WITH THE CHILL OFF.
Baffled by official prudery in the production of his poetic episode
from Holy Writ, yet resolved that the names of Sarah and Oscar
shall be bracketted together on the muster-roll of genius, Mr. Wilde
has undertaken to re-write Racine's Phedre for that distinguished
actress. In his version the smoothly-chaste
and insipidly-correct verses which our grand-
mothers learnt to recite, and our grand-
fathers pretended to admire on the lips of
the classic Rachel, will give place to the
school of Battdelaire and Valles. We
have been fortunate in obtaining an echan-
tillon of this great work.
ACTE I., Scene 3. Phedre, (Enone
Phedre. Je me meurs d'ennuie. Mon even-
tail, et vite! [aimez Hippolyte !
Qfnone. Madame, je devinevotre mal. Vous
Phedre. Hippolyte! Imbecile, ce que
On his Hobby. j'aime est le vice,
La rime sans raison, l'audace, l'immondice,
L'horrible, l'eccentrique, le sens-dessus-dessous,
La fanfaronnade, la reclame, le sang, et la boue ;
La have fetide des bouches empoisonnees ;
L'horreur, le meurtre, et le " ta-ra-boum-dc-ay ! "
Crois-tu que pour Hipl'OLYTK j'ai le moindre estime ?
Du tout! C'est mon beau ills, et 1'aimer est un crime,
C'est un fat odieux, CEnone. Homme je le de teste,
Mais comme fils de mon mari 1'aimer c'est Tin-
(Enone. Peste!
Que veut dire Madame ?
Phedre. L'inconnu l'inconvenable.*
Tu me coupe la parole d'une faeon execrable—
Le vice, QSnone, sais-tu ce que c'est que le vice ?
Que la rose n'est pas rose avant qu'elle pourrisse ?
Esprit terre-a-terre, ame bornee d'epicier,
Non, tu ne les connais pas, les delices du fumier.
Tu ne sais pas trouver tes etoiles dans l'egout,
Tes ivresses dans la fange, ton amour dans la boue.
(Enone. Madame radote. C'est Venus a sa proie attachee.
Phedre. Venus fin de siecle, qui se nomme Astarte,
Diablesse gigantesque, aux boyaux d'airain,
Trou rouge ou l'on jette des monceaux d'etres humains.
Grille de fer ou la chair fume, les cheveux petillent,
Choses claires qiii noircissent, sombres choses qui brillent,
Choses qu'on aime le plus pour ce qu'elles n'existent pas,
Choses basses qui s'elevent, hautes choses qu'on mettent bas,
Paradis de paradoxes-
This brief sample of Mr. Wilde's muse may be less erudite than
the play tabooed by the Lord Chamberlain, and may show a bolder
disregard of the stringent laws which govern Erench versification ;
but it is assuredly in harmony with the spirit of the age, and goes
far to bring Racine up to date.
* The fact that this word is not to be found in the dictionary must be set
down as t he fault of the language rather than of the poet. If " eonvenable,"
why not " inconvenablo " ?
0^ NOTICE.—Rejected Coramuuicatious or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter. Drawings, or Picture* of auy description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.