DOI Heft:
August 13, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0070
64
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 13, 1892.
First Female Friend {to Second Do. Do.). That's Mrs. Edling, all
over, puttin' herself so forward ! Look at her now, 'anding him up
two cigars in a paper-bag. I call it sickenin'!
Bassj-A Landing Stage under Margate Pier. Excursionists ; Second DOt Bo, Vm not 81irpriSed. She's a woman that 'ud do
AN AFTERNOON SAIL.
discovered^ embarking in two rival sailing-boats, the " Daisy " \ anythink for'notoriety. I've always noticed that in her.
and the ';< Buttercup," whose respective Mates are exchanging
repartees.
Captain {to Mate). Ease the brails
Mate {frivolously, after obeying). They 're feeling better now,
3fate of the " Daisy". This gangway, Marm—{to a Stout Lady)— darlin'' If no one else'11 sing a song, I'll give yon " The
not that one, if you want to enjoy yourself. That one '11 take you Midshipmite."
aboard the " Buttercup," Marm ! The Stout Lady. I do like the way those two go on together ; it's
[The Stout Lady patronises the " Daisy." as good as a play. I shall begin laughin' presently; it takes a deal
Mate of the "Buttercup." You may 'ave that little lot! Don't
you go overloadin' that 'ere old tub o' yourn, that's all!
M. of the D. No fear o' you bein' crowded, anyhow. Folks ha'
got more sense !
to set me off, but when I once am off, r can't stop myself. (The
Mate sings.) A sweet singer he is, too. Lor! it's like goin' for a
sail in a Music-'All!
The Chirpy Man. Yes, I'm comin' to set down a bit. Not so
31. of the B. Why, we can outsail you any"" day. Spoke you 'off much motion 'ere, yer know. No use trying to smoke in this breeze,
the Tongue light, we did, close in to ye, we were—and back ten ! No, -I was on'y yawning. Makes yer sleepy, this see-saw does.
minutes afore ye—come! The " Buttercup " 'U answer any way we
put her—a'most speak to us, she will!
M. of the D. Ah, it's lucky for you she can't quite speak—you'd
Don't you find it so ?
_ Mate {to Sailor). Now, "William, it's your turn—you're goin' to
sing us something ?
'ear some plain langwidge if she did ! William [gruffly). No, I ain't. But there's
M. of the B. Our boat ain't never'mis- /M^M^^ a £en'lman ere as saYs ne 'U recite,
stayed with us, 't all events ; ye can't deny r^^^^^^^i {After some persuasion, a Mild Young
that! illiiBlsll ^lfp\ Man is induced to step forward on the
M. of the D. "We don't go out for sailing, — —-•• -''W£@it '^$r^^£fr — = foredeck, and recite as follows : —
we don't—we go out for pleasure ! {As the f---—^^^^.-M^f " ; ^ The Mild Young Man {balancing himself
" Daisy," having received her complement 1\ j^=-^----/&^^^&^ '~^^^^^k with some difficulty).
of passengers, puts off.) Tralla! we'll <sL\ "" " Pirate, that's what I was, Sir. Talk
resoom this conversation later on; you «1&4 V;/^^^^^^^^Mf^^^^^^^^^^'V" • about Captain Kidd—
won't, ha' got off afore we 're back, Jdessay! iW^^^M^pm^m§^mM^M^^^^^^^ C1!uelle8t acts were kindness, compared
[The Mate of the "Buttercup" is reduced ^^^W^H^B^^^:- ^ with the deeds / did I
to profanity. ::^^^^^^SS^^^^^^^^^^^^EiSS5^ Never a pitying pang felt I for youth, sex,
On Board the " Daisy,"-during the Trip. -~^^3|^^M^^^^^^^p All who felllnto~my clutches were doomed
The Stout Lady. Yery 'an'some they fit -.-___ ^° Pace a Pr°truded plank!
these yachts up—garding-seats all across ^Ste----^!!!^ the desperate demon of those days is
the deck, and all the cushings in red plush. If \ I \MS^mm^KSM§, now a Churchwarden mild,
It do give you sech a sense of security! f j I \MS^O^^^mM,m^^.—- ::; Holding the bag at Collections—and all
A Lugubrious Man. Oh, we shall be all | '.^^m/fyW^^s^/ri','T''« \'i0IHfMM^S: through a golden-haired child ! "
right, so long as this squall that's coming , ^^^wM^^^SKmr I h l 'w/'t/i WT\ \Mefe the Mate suppresses a groan, and
up don't catch us before we're in again. 1 |l '^^^/"^^^gBp^lJ' 'f/|lfff |/|/// is understood to remark that he11 knows
Else we shall take our tea down at the | j. j ^^^^>k'^^^^%^\,[\\\ will II <ll I that golden-haired child;" the Stout
bottom, along with the lobsters ! M t<M~ ■''if If Eli In If Lady sighs, and inwardly reflects that
A Chirpy Little Man with a red chin- '!:- ||u fl^sT vjli'/ m'rl' l I you can never go by appearances ; the
tuft {to a female acquaintance). Well, how ^-I^^^^^^fe, " j i^l^Ns^ 'l Chirpy Man becomes solemn and atten-
are you feelin', eh P - "f^^.^ 'ife&|v^ )' I' I ^ive.
The Acquaintance. Oh, all right, thenks "f^sjgj^j§fp /5l|8l||My V^3^^^?^--^ The Ex-Pirate {who meanwhile has
—so long as I keep still. There's more '^\6^>vipr /^^^^^^^w^S^^^^fea--. sighted an East-Lndiaman, and given chase).
waves than it looked from the Pier. \T3$JIlii" Well, soon as we'd overhauled her, our
The Chirpy Man. Waves? These ain't iilli ^^^^B^^^^^^" ' Jolly Roger' we flew,
on'y ripples. When we're off the Foreland, MS Iff/ V^^^^^^^ We opened our dummy deadlights, and the
now, you may talk! '-v^ /llJlf/~~\ WMw \ ^^^^^^ guns gleamed grinning through.
The Acq. If it's worse than it is now, I ^ \ ^li 'Iff/ "'" \ wlpf I "-^^-^r^ " And, panther-like, we were crouching-"
shan't. Iff~" {Here he attempts to suit the action to the
The Chirpy Man. Why, you ain't afraid o' -~ ^•^Sii'l ^^"^^~^W/ >r ^ \ " word; the boat heels over—and the
being queer already ? I'm reg'lar enjoyin' ' ^ ^1 "\ \ Pirate's crouch becomes a sprawl.
it, I am. You don't object to me samplin' v . 3pj /\ ^""" I—I beg your pardon.—— {Picking himself
a cigar ? You enjoy the flavour of a smoke n**j^sS\ ; UP') "Under the lndiaman's side;
more when you're on the water, yer know. ^^a^-:^K. ^^c^l^^^J'"^. When — a baby-face from her bulwarks,
First Girl. I can see our lodgings; and ^\ % looked down on us open-eyed:
there's Ma out on the balcony—see? Let's I can see him now—with his fluttering
wave our handkerchiefs to her. , ^ curls, and his cheeks so chubby and
Second Girl. Ma, indeed! Did you ever Pirate,—that s what I was, Sir ! round)
know Ma stir off the sofa after her dinner ? I wouldn't make myself Which a cherub might have been proud of, in snowiest linen bound!
ridiklous waging to somebody else's Ma, if J was you ! Then—he hailed us, in infant accents, so innocent, fresh, and
First Girl {unconvinced). I'm sure it is Ma—it's just her figger. blithe—
Second Girl. You are such an obstinate girl! If it's Ma, what's i That our nest of human snakes was stirred to a conscience-stricken
become of the verander ? writhe !
First Girl {conquered by this unanswerable argument). I forgot; {Ln soft falsetto, as Child). "Dear Pirates, I am so sorry—I did
we had a verander—it's one of those old cats next door ! want to see you so. [know !
The Stout Lady {to the Captain who is steering). Shall we be out j I'm afraid you '11 be disappointed—but you mustn't come near, you
long. Captain ? j I wish I could ask you on board to tea, for I feel so down in the
The Captain. I hope not, Marm, because I'm dining at the tabbly dumps,
dote at the Cliftonville this evenin', and I've got to be home in time ! But I can't invite you—for, if you came, you'd be certain to catch
to dress. {The passengers regard him with increased respect. my Mumps! [Crew,
The Mate {familiarly to the Captain). Yes, dear ; you don't want I've given it all of the passengers, and the Captain, and Mate, and
to die in here, do you? {explanatorily) "die in"—dine—you'll And it would be a dreadful pity if you were to catch it too !" _
excuse me, but the ocean always makes me feel so facetious. Captain, [Pause. The Chirpy Man hides his face.
dear, if you'11 pardon a common sailor like myself for making the We looked at each other; our utterance choked by irrepressible
suggestion, I beg to call upon you for a song. (The Captain oblig- j lumps, [Mumps!
ingly bellows " The Stormy Nore—The Jolly old Nore " to the Though we feared neither man nor devil—we all had a horror of
general satisfaction). Ah, they didn't know what a canary-bird you ! And, but for this Cherub's candour, ere many mere days had
were. Captain! Here 's a lady asking you to drink at her expense. sped-
{The Captain is prevailed upon to accept a tumbler of "the ] [Here the Pirate is stopped by uncontrollable emotion, and his
usual;" the Stout Lady says " Captin, your 'elthl" and audience, from the Captain downwards, express sympathy,
pledges him in a whiskey-and-soda. \ The Reciter {huskily, after wiping his eyes. I'm very sorry—it's
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 13, 1892.
First Female Friend {to Second Do. Do.). That's Mrs. Edling, all
over, puttin' herself so forward ! Look at her now, 'anding him up
two cigars in a paper-bag. I call it sickenin'!
Bassj-A Landing Stage under Margate Pier. Excursionists ; Second DOt Bo, Vm not 81irpriSed. She's a woman that 'ud do
AN AFTERNOON SAIL.
discovered^ embarking in two rival sailing-boats, the " Daisy " \ anythink for'notoriety. I've always noticed that in her.
and the ';< Buttercup," whose respective Mates are exchanging
repartees.
Captain {to Mate). Ease the brails
Mate {frivolously, after obeying). They 're feeling better now,
3fate of the " Daisy". This gangway, Marm—{to a Stout Lady)— darlin'' If no one else'11 sing a song, I'll give yon " The
not that one, if you want to enjoy yourself. That one '11 take you Midshipmite."
aboard the " Buttercup," Marm ! The Stout Lady. I do like the way those two go on together ; it's
[The Stout Lady patronises the " Daisy." as good as a play. I shall begin laughin' presently; it takes a deal
Mate of the "Buttercup." You may 'ave that little lot! Don't
you go overloadin' that 'ere old tub o' yourn, that's all!
M. of the D. No fear o' you bein' crowded, anyhow. Folks ha'
got more sense !
to set me off, but when I once am off, r can't stop myself. (The
Mate sings.) A sweet singer he is, too. Lor! it's like goin' for a
sail in a Music-'All!
The Chirpy Man. Yes, I'm comin' to set down a bit. Not so
31. of the B. Why, we can outsail you any"" day. Spoke you 'off much motion 'ere, yer know. No use trying to smoke in this breeze,
the Tongue light, we did, close in to ye, we were—and back ten ! No, -I was on'y yawning. Makes yer sleepy, this see-saw does.
minutes afore ye—come! The " Buttercup " 'U answer any way we
put her—a'most speak to us, she will!
M. of the D. Ah, it's lucky for you she can't quite speak—you'd
Don't you find it so ?
_ Mate {to Sailor). Now, "William, it's your turn—you're goin' to
sing us something ?
'ear some plain langwidge if she did ! William [gruffly). No, I ain't. But there's
M. of the B. Our boat ain't never'mis- /M^M^^ a £en'lman ere as saYs ne 'U recite,
stayed with us, 't all events ; ye can't deny r^^^^^^^i {After some persuasion, a Mild Young
that! illiiBlsll ^lfp\ Man is induced to step forward on the
M. of the D. "We don't go out for sailing, — —-•• -''W£@it '^$r^^£fr — = foredeck, and recite as follows : —
we don't—we go out for pleasure ! {As the f---—^^^^.-M^f " ; ^ The Mild Young Man {balancing himself
" Daisy," having received her complement 1\ j^=-^----/&^^^&^ '~^^^^^k with some difficulty).
of passengers, puts off.) Tralla! we'll <sL\ "" " Pirate, that's what I was, Sir. Talk
resoom this conversation later on; you «1&4 V;/^^^^^^^^Mf^^^^^^^^^^'V" • about Captain Kidd—
won't, ha' got off afore we 're back, Jdessay! iW^^^M^pm^m§^mM^M^^^^^^^ C1!uelle8t acts were kindness, compared
[The Mate of the "Buttercup" is reduced ^^^W^H^B^^^:- ^ with the deeds / did I
to profanity. ::^^^^^^SS^^^^^^^^^^^^EiSS5^ Never a pitying pang felt I for youth, sex,
On Board the " Daisy,"-during the Trip. -~^^3|^^M^^^^^^^p All who felllnto~my clutches were doomed
The Stout Lady. Yery 'an'some they fit -.-___ ^° Pace a Pr°truded plank!
these yachts up—garding-seats all across ^Ste----^!!!^ the desperate demon of those days is
the deck, and all the cushings in red plush. If \ I \MS^mm^KSM§, now a Churchwarden mild,
It do give you sech a sense of security! f j I \MS^O^^^mM,m^^.—- ::; Holding the bag at Collections—and all
A Lugubrious Man. Oh, we shall be all | '.^^m/fyW^^s^/ri','T''« \'i0IHfMM^S: through a golden-haired child ! "
right, so long as this squall that's coming , ^^^wM^^^SKmr I h l 'w/'t/i WT\ \Mefe the Mate suppresses a groan, and
up don't catch us before we're in again. 1 |l '^^^/"^^^gBp^lJ' 'f/|lfff |/|/// is understood to remark that he11 knows
Else we shall take our tea down at the | j. j ^^^^>k'^^^^%^\,[\\\ will II <ll I that golden-haired child;" the Stout
bottom, along with the lobsters ! M t<M~ ■''if If Eli In If Lady sighs, and inwardly reflects that
A Chirpy Little Man with a red chin- '!:- ||u fl^sT vjli'/ m'rl' l I you can never go by appearances ; the
tuft {to a female acquaintance). Well, how ^-I^^^^^^fe, " j i^l^Ns^ 'l Chirpy Man becomes solemn and atten-
are you feelin', eh P - "f^^.^ 'ife&|v^ )' I' I ^ive.
The Acquaintance. Oh, all right, thenks "f^sjgj^j§fp /5l|8l||My V^3^^^?^--^ The Ex-Pirate {who meanwhile has
—so long as I keep still. There's more '^\6^>vipr /^^^^^^^w^S^^^^fea--. sighted an East-Lndiaman, and given chase).
waves than it looked from the Pier. \T3$JIlii" Well, soon as we'd overhauled her, our
The Chirpy Man. Waves? These ain't iilli ^^^^B^^^^^^" ' Jolly Roger' we flew,
on'y ripples. When we're off the Foreland, MS Iff/ V^^^^^^^ We opened our dummy deadlights, and the
now, you may talk! '-v^ /llJlf/~~\ WMw \ ^^^^^^ guns gleamed grinning through.
The Acq. If it's worse than it is now, I ^ \ ^li 'Iff/ "'" \ wlpf I "-^^-^r^ " And, panther-like, we were crouching-"
shan't. Iff~" {Here he attempts to suit the action to the
The Chirpy Man. Why, you ain't afraid o' -~ ^•^Sii'l ^^"^^~^W/ >r ^ \ " word; the boat heels over—and the
being queer already ? I'm reg'lar enjoyin' ' ^ ^1 "\ \ Pirate's crouch becomes a sprawl.
it, I am. You don't object to me samplin' v . 3pj /\ ^""" I—I beg your pardon.—— {Picking himself
a cigar ? You enjoy the flavour of a smoke n**j^sS\ ; UP') "Under the lndiaman's side;
more when you're on the water, yer know. ^^a^-:^K. ^^c^l^^^J'"^. When — a baby-face from her bulwarks,
First Girl. I can see our lodgings; and ^\ % looked down on us open-eyed:
there's Ma out on the balcony—see? Let's I can see him now—with his fluttering
wave our handkerchiefs to her. , ^ curls, and his cheeks so chubby and
Second Girl. Ma, indeed! Did you ever Pirate,—that s what I was, Sir ! round)
know Ma stir off the sofa after her dinner ? I wouldn't make myself Which a cherub might have been proud of, in snowiest linen bound!
ridiklous waging to somebody else's Ma, if J was you ! Then—he hailed us, in infant accents, so innocent, fresh, and
First Girl {unconvinced). I'm sure it is Ma—it's just her figger. blithe—
Second Girl. You are such an obstinate girl! If it's Ma, what's i That our nest of human snakes was stirred to a conscience-stricken
become of the verander ? writhe !
First Girl {conquered by this unanswerable argument). I forgot; {Ln soft falsetto, as Child). "Dear Pirates, I am so sorry—I did
we had a verander—it's one of those old cats next door ! want to see you so. [know !
The Stout Lady {to the Captain who is steering). Shall we be out j I'm afraid you '11 be disappointed—but you mustn't come near, you
long. Captain ? j I wish I could ask you on board to tea, for I feel so down in the
The Captain. I hope not, Marm, because I'm dining at the tabbly dumps,
dote at the Cliftonville this evenin', and I've got to be home in time ! But I can't invite you—for, if you came, you'd be certain to catch
to dress. {The passengers regard him with increased respect. my Mumps! [Crew,
The Mate {familiarly to the Captain). Yes, dear ; you don't want I've given it all of the passengers, and the Captain, and Mate, and
to die in here, do you? {explanatorily) "die in"—dine—you'll And it would be a dreadful pity if you were to catch it too !" _
excuse me, but the ocean always makes me feel so facetious. Captain, [Pause. The Chirpy Man hides his face.
dear, if you'11 pardon a common sailor like myself for making the We looked at each other; our utterance choked by irrepressible
suggestion, I beg to call upon you for a song. (The Captain oblig- j lumps, [Mumps!
ingly bellows " The Stormy Nore—The Jolly old Nore " to the Though we feared neither man nor devil—we all had a horror of
general satisfaction). Ah, they didn't know what a canary-bird you ! And, but for this Cherub's candour, ere many mere days had
were. Captain! Here 's a lady asking you to drink at her expense. sped-
{The Captain is prevailed upon to accept a tumbler of "the ] [Here the Pirate is stopped by uncontrollable emotion, and his
usual;" the Stout Lady says " Captin, your 'elthl" and audience, from the Captain downwards, express sympathy,
pledges him in a whiskey-and-soda. \ The Reciter {huskily, after wiping his eyes. I'm very sorry—it's