Punch (103.1892)

August 13, 1892.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

71

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.

House of Commons, Thursday, Augusts.—
New Parliament met to-day in great force.
Ambition stirs noble minds in different ways.
Some embark on Parliamentary life with de-
termination to outshine Bright or Gladstone
in field of oratory. Others will not be pacified
till they emulate Pitt. Others again aim at
the lofty pedestal on which stands through
the ages the man who is first in his place, on
first day, of first Session, of new Parliament.
Exciting race to-day. At night, both Big-
wood and Spencer (not Bobby, who has
affairs of graver State to look to just now)
sailed in together. At a quarter to ten
Savory turned up, sermon in hand, and found
he was forestalled.

" What, Mooue of them ! " cried Savoky.
"The bane of my life."

" Yes," said Logan, arriving a few minutes
later; "wherever there's one Savoky you 're
sure to find Mooke, and in this case they
precede you."

Six minutes later 1) ixon-IIaktland arrived,
mopping his forehead. When he found
others on spot, pretended he'd only looked in
accidentally. " Passing by, you know;
thought I'd see how old place looked." But
it wouldn't do. Other men, especially Big-
wood, saw through it all. Then Dixon
Haktland grew anecdotal. Told fabulous
story about imaginary Scotch Member, who,
at opening of Parliament of 1880, brought
down his plaid, a stoup of whiskey, and a
thimbleful of oatmeal. Camped out all night
in Palace Yard, and staggered into House as
soon as doors were opened.

"That beats you, Bigwood," the Evesham
Banker said, with a tartness of voice that
betrayed his chagrin.

Best of the G65 Members content to look in
later. By one o'clock House full, Lobby over-
flowing. Difficult to move through the close
ranks, and yet there were many gaps. Hanks
of old House more than decimated. " There
they go," said my young but fiery friend
Furniss, whom I came upon in corner of
Lobby, rapidly sketching with blurred eye-
sight.

" Who go ? " I asked, remembering with a
start I had left my g-old-nobbed stick in the
corner by the Post Office,

" The Members we shall miss," he sobbed,
lingering fondly over the truculent curl of
Hermon-Hodge's moustache.

But if gone are some familiar faces, others
come back. Glad to see Macfarlane in his old
place below Gangway, and to find him later
in old seat in smoking-room. Macfarlane
didn't often speak in debate, but usually had
something to say. Was a Home-lluler long
before the majority found salvation, lie-
member across the years how he put whole
case in crisp sentence when he adjured the
deaf Government of the day " not to attempt
to enforce Greenwich-time at Dublin." If
Bright had said that, or Dizzy, or Mr. G.,
the happy phrase would have echoed down the
corridors of time. But it was only an Irish
Member; Macfarlane, then Member for
Carlow. So it passed unnoticed—unremem-
bered rather than forgotten,

Business done.—Speaker elected. Arthur
Wellesley Peel for the fourth time. House
evidently under impression it can't have too
much of good thing.

Friday.—Pretty to watch growth of full-
blown Speaker in New Parliament. First
stage—enters in ordinary morning dress, and
seats himself with other Members, diligently
trying to look as if he expected nothing to
happen. Sore temptation for Members
sitting near him. Would like to slap him on

BLASE.

Enthusiastic Lady Amateur. "Oh, what a pity ! We've just missed the First Act !"
Languid Friend. "Have we? Ah—rather glad. I always think the chief pleasure

of going to a theatre is trying to make oft what the FiRST act was about ! "

the back, and ask how he got on through his I the true British Workman, find will soon
Election. Short of that, feel they must ask ' make all you blooming gentry sit, up/'
if he wants a pair ? Is he dining here ? Is j " Are you going to take the Oath ? " said
he goin? to have a smoke, or a stroll on the j Cobb. Cobb alwavs asking questions.
Terrace ? Next day, having meanwhile been ! " Oath ! " cried Don't Keir-Hardie, " I'll
proposed, seconded, and inducted to Chair, j take 'em in a moog."

Speaker-Elect turns up in Court-dress, Pat on his cap, and swaggered towards
with Bob-wig. This is Development-stage. ' the table. " Order ! order! " cried Speaker,
Having reached it, proceeds to the ' in tones of thunder. " Don't Kelr-Hardie
House of Lords, where he is patronis- j is my name," said Hon. Member for West

inglv received by Lord Chancellor. Ham; "and blow me if-". Turned, and

("Halsbury," Sage of Queen Anne's saw flashing eye of Speaker bent upon him.
Gate says, " peculiarly well up in patron- | slowly his hand went up to his head; the
age.") This done, returns to Commons; dis- ! cap came off, was crumpled up, and put in
appears behind Chair; Sergeant-at-Arms his pocket.

counts twenty-three ; presto! door re-opens; "Will you take the oath, or make affir-
Speaker re-appears in butterfly-trim, with j mation ? " asked Milman, stuck_ between
full-bottomed wig, silk gown, and shoon on two tables, but always ready to oblige,
which shimmer the sheen of silver buckles. "Don't keer which," said Don't Keir-
No trifling with Speaker when this final Hardie; but, possibly from force of habit,
stage reached. Keir-Hardie took early took the oath.

opportunity of trying a fall with him—and \ "If Old Morality was still with us, my
got it. Hardie fresh from the coal-pit, re- ; friend," said Burt, gravely, " he would be
presents West Ham; evidently determined : able to cite for your edification a copy-head
to pose as Stage Workman. "Don't Keir- \ showing how Don't Care came to a bad end."
Hardie is my name," he said, swaggering | Business done.—Swearing going on in both

into House just now. "Don't keer a - Houses. Our Army in Flanders quite re-

for Speaker, or any black-coated bloke. I'm ; spectable by comparison.