DOI Heft:
August 27, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0099
94
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 27, 1892.
A FATAL OBJECTION.
"Mother, are the "VVondergilts very Etch 1" "Yes, Silvia, very.'
"Mother, I hope we shall never be Rich ?" "Why, Darling?"
" It must be so Very Expensive ! "
ADVERTISING IN EXCELSIS.
Scene—Interior of the Universal Advertise-
ment Stations Company s Offices.
Managing Director discovered presiding
over a large staff of Clerks. Enter
Possible Customer.
Possible Customer.,%I see from the papers
that it is proposed to turn the Suez Canal to
account by erecting hoardings—have you
anything to do with it ?
Managing Director. No, Sir; but we do a
very large cosmopolitan business of the same
sort. Have you anything to advertise ?
Pos. Cus. Well, yes—several things. For
instance, I am bringing out a new sort of
Beer. Can you recommend me good stations
for that ?
Man. Dir. Certainly, Sir. "We have con-
tracted for the whole of the best positions in
the Desert of Sahara. If you get out a good
poster in Arabic, it should be the means of
furthering the trade amongst the Arabs.
Pos. Cus. Thanks. Then I have a fresh
Pill. What about that ?
Man. Dir. Well, Sir, pills (excuse the
pleasantry) are rather a drug in the market;
but I think we might try it amongst the
Esquimaux. We have some capital cross-
roads in the Arctic Regions, and a really
commanding position at the North Pole.
Pos. Cus. What can I do with a newly-
patented Disinfectant ?
Man. Dir. We have the Spire of Cologne
Cathedral, and both sides of the Bridge of
Sighs ; in fact, if you like to push the sale in
Venice, we would offer you the front of the
Doge's Palace on the most advantageous
terms.
Pos. Cus. Then I have an Everlasting
Boot.
Man. Dir. I must confess, Sir, that boots
(you will excuse the pleasantry) are rather
worn out; but perhaps the Himalayas (where
we have all the summits vacant) might suit
your purpose.
Pos. Cus. Well, I will give your suggestions
my best consideration.
Man. Dir. [anxious to trade). Can't I
tempt you, Sir, with a million bills or so ?
We have all the best Royal Palaces in Europe,
and the most frequented of the Indian
Temples. There is scarcely a spot of any
historical interest that we have not secured
for our hoardings. Just added the Field of
Waterloo, the Temple Gardens, and site of
ancient Carthage to our list. We can do it
very cheaply for you, Sir, if your order is a
large one.
Pos. Cus. How about the papers ?
Man. Dir. Well, we insert advertisements
in them, too. Shall we begin with three
columns in all the leading journals of the
world ?
Pos. Cus. No, thank you. 1 think I will
commence on a somewhat smaller scale.
(Gives document.) Here is an order for three
inches for one insertion on the leader-page of
the Pimlico Pump. [Exit.
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.
House of Lords, Monday, August 15th.—
Lords met to-day in charmingly casual way.
Since they were last here, Government been
defeated; the Markiss out, Mr. G. in, and all
that means or portends. Not many present,
but the Markiss in his place smiling in unaf-
fected joyousness, just as Prince Arthur did
in Commons when the end came.
"Very odd," said Pickersgill, pressing
his hat to his bosom; "it seems nothing
amuses the Cecils and their family belong-
ings so much as a reverse at the Poll."
The Markiss in such exuberant good
humour at seeing Kimberley opposite to him,
could not resist temptation to try on little
joke. It was not, he said, either desirable
or usual that he, as outgoing Minister, should
say anything on present occasion. But per-
haps Kimberley would oblige, and would
give House full exposition of intentions
of new Ministry with respect to foreign
and domestic affairs. Kimberley gravely
answered, that not yet being Minister of the
Crown, nor having had opportunity of con-
sulting with his colleagues, he was unpre-
pared to make statement on subject.
" Very odd! "
In this dilemma Denman came to front.
"My Lords-" he said. What more he
would have uttered is lost to posterity.
Markiss had moved adjournment of House,
and Halsbury, who has had long practice
on this particular wicket, promptly bowled
Denman out, by putting question and decla-
[ ring it carried. Denman stood moment
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[August 27, 1892.
A FATAL OBJECTION.
"Mother, are the "VVondergilts very Etch 1" "Yes, Silvia, very.'
"Mother, I hope we shall never be Rich ?" "Why, Darling?"
" It must be so Very Expensive ! "
ADVERTISING IN EXCELSIS.
Scene—Interior of the Universal Advertise-
ment Stations Company s Offices.
Managing Director discovered presiding
over a large staff of Clerks. Enter
Possible Customer.
Possible Customer.,%I see from the papers
that it is proposed to turn the Suez Canal to
account by erecting hoardings—have you
anything to do with it ?
Managing Director. No, Sir; but we do a
very large cosmopolitan business of the same
sort. Have you anything to advertise ?
Pos. Cus. Well, yes—several things. For
instance, I am bringing out a new sort of
Beer. Can you recommend me good stations
for that ?
Man. Dir. Certainly, Sir. "We have con-
tracted for the whole of the best positions in
the Desert of Sahara. If you get out a good
poster in Arabic, it should be the means of
furthering the trade amongst the Arabs.
Pos. Cus. Thanks. Then I have a fresh
Pill. What about that ?
Man. Dir. Well, Sir, pills (excuse the
pleasantry) are rather a drug in the market;
but I think we might try it amongst the
Esquimaux. We have some capital cross-
roads in the Arctic Regions, and a really
commanding position at the North Pole.
Pos. Cus. What can I do with a newly-
patented Disinfectant ?
Man. Dir. We have the Spire of Cologne
Cathedral, and both sides of the Bridge of
Sighs ; in fact, if you like to push the sale in
Venice, we would offer you the front of the
Doge's Palace on the most advantageous
terms.
Pos. Cus. Then I have an Everlasting
Boot.
Man. Dir. I must confess, Sir, that boots
(you will excuse the pleasantry) are rather
worn out; but perhaps the Himalayas (where
we have all the summits vacant) might suit
your purpose.
Pos. Cus. Well, I will give your suggestions
my best consideration.
Man. Dir. [anxious to trade). Can't I
tempt you, Sir, with a million bills or so ?
We have all the best Royal Palaces in Europe,
and the most frequented of the Indian
Temples. There is scarcely a spot of any
historical interest that we have not secured
for our hoardings. Just added the Field of
Waterloo, the Temple Gardens, and site of
ancient Carthage to our list. We can do it
very cheaply for you, Sir, if your order is a
large one.
Pos. Cus. How about the papers ?
Man. Dir. Well, we insert advertisements
in them, too. Shall we begin with three
columns in all the leading journals of the
world ?
Pos. Cus. No, thank you. 1 think I will
commence on a somewhat smaller scale.
(Gives document.) Here is an order for three
inches for one insertion on the leader-page of
the Pimlico Pump. [Exit.
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.
House of Lords, Monday, August 15th.—
Lords met to-day in charmingly casual way.
Since they were last here, Government been
defeated; the Markiss out, Mr. G. in, and all
that means or portends. Not many present,
but the Markiss in his place smiling in unaf-
fected joyousness, just as Prince Arthur did
in Commons when the end came.
"Very odd," said Pickersgill, pressing
his hat to his bosom; "it seems nothing
amuses the Cecils and their family belong-
ings so much as a reverse at the Poll."
The Markiss in such exuberant good
humour at seeing Kimberley opposite to him,
could not resist temptation to try on little
joke. It was not, he said, either desirable
or usual that he, as outgoing Minister, should
say anything on present occasion. But per-
haps Kimberley would oblige, and would
give House full exposition of intentions
of new Ministry with respect to foreign
and domestic affairs. Kimberley gravely
answered, that not yet being Minister of the
Crown, nor having had opportunity of con-
sulting with his colleagues, he was unpre-
pared to make statement on subject.
" Very odd! "
In this dilemma Denman came to front.
"My Lords-" he said. What more he
would have uttered is lost to posterity.
Markiss had moved adjournment of House,
and Halsbury, who has had long practice
on this particular wicket, promptly bowled
Denman out, by putting question and decla-
[ ring it carried. Denman stood moment