DOI issue:
September 3, 1892
DOI Page / Citation link: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0104
September 3, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
99
kTHE GERMAN WATERS.
A Promenade with tongues alive]
That every phrase of Ollendorff use ;
And " Luther's Htjmn " at half-past five
To drag you from the arms of Morpheus);
Fat Germans in their awful " Fracks,"
Pale Frenchmen, too, a hit decolletes,
And dapper Britons with attacks
Of livers and digestions faulty.
A garden fair with " Quellen" foul—
Ach, Hirnmel! Howthey taste those "Quel-
Then rolls and coffee, next a prowl [len " !
Among the shops with Jane or Ellen ;
The mid-day meal at table d'hote.
All windows closed—a climate hellish !—
With dishes too crackjaw to quote,
And sometimes difficult to relish.
An afternoon of drowsy drives—
How these poor foreigners love driving
To places where, when one arrives, [ing!—
There's nought for which it's wortharriv-
A " Belvedere "—like Primrose Hill,
A " G artenhaus," tohacco-scented;
Yet there they smoke, and moon, and swill,
Quite adipose, and self-contented.
A " Kursaal," very large, and fine ;
A Theatre, small, and shabby-splendid ;
More beer, more music, ditto wine
(This latter can be much commended).
The Military (each salutes !)
With Hann chen on their arm or Marie ;
I wonder where they get those boots—
I mean, of course, the Military.
Lawn-Tennis and an "English Club,"
Frequented now by Lords and Princes,
Where every snobling likes to rub
His elbows with a Peer, who winces ;
The tittle-tattle of the cliques,
Some half-proposals for our daughters—
Such is the life that makes for weeks
A fortune—for the German Waters !
CHOOSING HIS WORDS.
(Made in Germany.)
According to the Llochliche Zeitung, His
Imperial Majesty said that although the sky
was apparently cloudless, the atmosphere
might be charged with electricity. He knew
what that electricity denoted. There were
thunderbolts in the clouds and thunderbolts
on earth. Those on earth meant war and
invasion. He warned those who threatened
the Fatherland, that there were a million
of swords ready to
spring forth from a
million of scabbards.
It was well enough to
be neighbourly when
those who lived in
your vicinity were
benevolently in-
clined. But when
they showed a dispo-
sition to be offensive,
then it was necessary
^ to sharpen your
"* swords and keep your
Nose everything. P°Tder1dr^ They
had already con-
quered France, and were not afraid of Russia.
Besides, the Army contained young soldiers
who would be the better for a real campaign.
He himself had no objection to visiting Paris
and St. Petersburg, as a German Emperor
should—at the head of a German Army.
Still he might again remark, it was splendid
weather, he saw nothing but blue sky.
According to the Nichtgeboren Zeitung,
His Imperial Majesty said that, although
BRIC A BRAC.
Lady Croesus. "Oh, what a sweet Table ! Where did you get it, my dear? Oh,
I see here's the Man's Card." {Spelling the label.) "'Table—Louis Quinze.' Louis
Quinzey ! What a horrid Name ! and why hasn't he put his Address ?"
the sky was apparently cloudless, he recog-
nised dangers a-head. He was willing to
put himself forward as the Leader of the
toilers. It was their duty to secure the best
possible constitution, and then to force that
constitution upon all neighbouring people, if
needs be, at the point of the bayonet. He
was splendid weather, and he saw nothing
but blue sky.
Authorised Version {all others declared to
be misleading and inaccurate).—His Imperial
Majesty merely observed that it was a fine day.
On Board a Yacht.—The conversation at
was not an alarmist, and said exactly what I lunch-time had turned on recent publications,
he meant. He had no wish to beat about the A learned Theban from Oxford inquired of
bush. War was the Hand-servant of Peace, ! the_Skipper, if he had seen the " Rig- Veda."
and the sooner that servant came back the
better. He did not wish to threaten, but he
told Russia and France that Germany was
ready to begin, when and where they chose
to meet him. But he might again remark it
What sort of Rig's that?" asked the
Skipper, a bit puzzled. But the Oxonian
wisely declined a rigmarole explanation, and
told him that all further inquiries must be
made to Professor Max Muller.
99
kTHE GERMAN WATERS.
A Promenade with tongues alive]
That every phrase of Ollendorff use ;
And " Luther's Htjmn " at half-past five
To drag you from the arms of Morpheus);
Fat Germans in their awful " Fracks,"
Pale Frenchmen, too, a hit decolletes,
And dapper Britons with attacks
Of livers and digestions faulty.
A garden fair with " Quellen" foul—
Ach, Hirnmel! Howthey taste those "Quel-
Then rolls and coffee, next a prowl [len " !
Among the shops with Jane or Ellen ;
The mid-day meal at table d'hote.
All windows closed—a climate hellish !—
With dishes too crackjaw to quote,
And sometimes difficult to relish.
An afternoon of drowsy drives—
How these poor foreigners love driving
To places where, when one arrives, [ing!—
There's nought for which it's wortharriv-
A " Belvedere "—like Primrose Hill,
A " G artenhaus," tohacco-scented;
Yet there they smoke, and moon, and swill,
Quite adipose, and self-contented.
A " Kursaal," very large, and fine ;
A Theatre, small, and shabby-splendid ;
More beer, more music, ditto wine
(This latter can be much commended).
The Military (each salutes !)
With Hann chen on their arm or Marie ;
I wonder where they get those boots—
I mean, of course, the Military.
Lawn-Tennis and an "English Club,"
Frequented now by Lords and Princes,
Where every snobling likes to rub
His elbows with a Peer, who winces ;
The tittle-tattle of the cliques,
Some half-proposals for our daughters—
Such is the life that makes for weeks
A fortune—for the German Waters !
CHOOSING HIS WORDS.
(Made in Germany.)
According to the Llochliche Zeitung, His
Imperial Majesty said that although the sky
was apparently cloudless, the atmosphere
might be charged with electricity. He knew
what that electricity denoted. There were
thunderbolts in the clouds and thunderbolts
on earth. Those on earth meant war and
invasion. He warned those who threatened
the Fatherland, that there were a million
of swords ready to
spring forth from a
million of scabbards.
It was well enough to
be neighbourly when
those who lived in
your vicinity were
benevolently in-
clined. But when
they showed a dispo-
sition to be offensive,
then it was necessary
^ to sharpen your
"* swords and keep your
Nose everything. P°Tder1dr^ They
had already con-
quered France, and were not afraid of Russia.
Besides, the Army contained young soldiers
who would be the better for a real campaign.
He himself had no objection to visiting Paris
and St. Petersburg, as a German Emperor
should—at the head of a German Army.
Still he might again remark, it was splendid
weather, he saw nothing but blue sky.
According to the Nichtgeboren Zeitung,
His Imperial Majesty said that, although
BRIC A BRAC.
Lady Croesus. "Oh, what a sweet Table ! Where did you get it, my dear? Oh,
I see here's the Man's Card." {Spelling the label.) "'Table—Louis Quinze.' Louis
Quinzey ! What a horrid Name ! and why hasn't he put his Address ?"
the sky was apparently cloudless, he recog-
nised dangers a-head. He was willing to
put himself forward as the Leader of the
toilers. It was their duty to secure the best
possible constitution, and then to force that
constitution upon all neighbouring people, if
needs be, at the point of the bayonet. He
was splendid weather, and he saw nothing
but blue sky.
Authorised Version {all others declared to
be misleading and inaccurate).—His Imperial
Majesty merely observed that it was a fine day.
On Board a Yacht.—The conversation at
was not an alarmist, and said exactly what I lunch-time had turned on recent publications,
he meant. He had no wish to beat about the A learned Theban from Oxford inquired of
bush. War was the Hand-servant of Peace, ! the_Skipper, if he had seen the " Rig- Veda."
and the sooner that servant came back the
better. He did not wish to threaten, but he
told Russia and France that Germany was
ready to begin, when and where they chose
to meet him. But he might again remark it
What sort of Rig's that?" asked the
Skipper, a bit puzzled. But the Oxonian
wisely declined a rigmarole explanation, and
told him that all further inquiries must be
made to Professor Max Muller.