Punch (103.1892)

130

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 17, 1892.

Jones. "How is it we see you so seldom at the Club now?"

Old Member. "Ah, well, you see, I'm not so Young as I was ; and I 've had a good deal
of Worry lately ; and so, what with one thing and another, I've grown rather Fond
of my Own Society." Jones. "Epicure!"

TO A PHEASANT.

A Sportsmanlike (?) Song for
September.

Air—" You are Quetn of my Heart To-
night.'"

I stand in the copses sighing1

As the cruel hours creep by,
And I see you slowly flying

Above the trees on high.
Your wondrous wealth of feather

Has weaved a subtle spell,
And 1 softly wonder whether

You 'd really taste as well.
For my hand is fairly steady

Though my heart is beating fast,
Oh, tell me that you too are ready

To make this hour your last.
For repentance may come when we 're
sober,

Let's seize on the chance while we
may; ber ?

Then why should we wait till Octo-
Oh 1 "Why not be shot to-day ?

Oh! tell me why, why should I
remember;
With a thought of wild alarm,
That all through the month of
^ sweet September
You should be free from harm.
Why, why does your beauty en-
slave me, [allow,
As it does, you 're bound to
Oh! say but the word that will
save me,
And tell me to shoot you now.
For my heart is wildly beating

(As it's often done before),
And the moments madly fleeting
Are going to come never more.
For repentance may come when we 're
sober,

Let's seize on the chance while we
may,

Then why should we wait till
October ?
Oh! Why not be shot to-day ?

would be perfectly safe to commit a murder under the influence of
delirium tremens.1'''

"I am infinitely obliged to you for the information," said the
visitor, " as now I know what to do."

You are not homicidal, I trust! " exclaimed the Lawyer, jump-
when there was a knock at the door of his Chambers. He attended to ing up from his chair, and taking protection behind a desk.

" THE GRATUITOUS OPINION."

{A Story for the Long Vacation.)
The Eminent Lawyer was about to return to his private address,

the summons himself, and found facing him an elderly and carefully " 1 have the greatest possible objection to homicidal clients."
dressed individual. I " Be under no apprehension," was the reply. "I have a strong

" That some of my suburban neighbours desire the information, desire to shorten the life of a certain person, but have not the nerve
must be my excuse for troubling you," said the visitor. to do it. If I ever succeed, will it be a case deserving capital

"Nay, do not apologise," returned the Eminent Q..C., " it is my punishment ? "
pleasantest duty to give legal tips or applications to anybody. It is The Lawyer pondered a moment, and then replied,
not altogether lucrative, as I deliver them for nothing, but then on "I have no wish to offer my counsel; but, as you have exhausted
the other hand, they are suitable for insertion in the papers, and my time for consideration, I would propose that you should try the
that is a comforting consideration. What can I do for you't " ! matter for yourself. Become intoxicated, put yourself within the

" I have to ask you on behalf of i clutches of the law, and then see

my suburban neighbours," con- -/^^v J - whether his Lordship will assume

tinued the visitor, " whether there I J*'" ] the black cap."

is any principle which, is accepted by V3?^3~ . \ I - "You are very good," returned

Judges to regulate their decisions in IsS^ I ' ' the would-be homicide, " but I have

cases where drunkenness seems to be Jmm!^M '" " A '<^^ one difficulty. When I make up

the incentive of crime ?" 1 ^Jrr m^ m^n^ to rem°ve a person by

"1 shall only be too glad to find Is^mW^ W^A : unconventional means (for choice, a

a solution to a problem which ap- l^Hitulm ' '-^''^^•^l^^ /^^^^v carving-knife), and consume the

peai's one of great difficulty—the ^^^SsLYW^ __________ V" 7 Nir^ll^^M^^^^^^ necessary amount of alcohol to insure

more especially as certain inhabi- - , 'OpfyT ^§Pf',' \%v intoxication-"

tants of the suburbs are so deeply Vj^j' ff^^lifj^^^'lr ^"^8^^1111^ vfP^ "Yes," interjected the Lawyer,

interested in the subject. It seems IHlH''i^^^ififfiF^i'-tnIvn .i \ who had now opened the outer door,

to me that some Judges think one uH\v^'9ffi^^^'/HP^^-^, ?M ^ <§W§f It nil " ' ^n^' on ,v:u>hing intoxication,

way and some another." i^ii^lWWSI^^M Ml 1 \B' that 1 have entirely forgotten the

That is strange," murmured the xN\|^^|^^^j™| >,i.( <-<wm IfloL^f^P identity of the man I have marked

visiter. "Cannot their Lordships %^Sfm flpM f^i|B^\^^^' for my victim. Then I have got to

come to a common conclusion?" m 'nx^3M{\^^^^1)8 |^^^ 'fl] VeW^al^V^ grow sober before I can remember

" 1 fear not," replied the Eminent ^/^Mnm§ | f|g ffif$M iBf^W who it is. Annoying, isn't it ? "

Counsel, with a mournful smile. "It x mm •'! \V« |;,%'| IkJip lSST And, wishing the Eminent Counsel

is merely a question of opinion. ^fi^W wf\ " " 7 rJ ' W^^^^hj^r^ a pleasant holiday, the visitor disap-

However, I take it that one ^^^<Er^ro X—=l_J- -*^v wEB^tfa, peared into the Inner Temple.