Punch (103.1892)

October 1, 1892.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

153

A FRIEND TAKES ME FOR A QUIET DRIVE.

■1% ^

1. "Don't be alarmed, Jack—it's only her way. She always 2. " May as well get out. She always makes me walk

does this at starting. Never knew her to come over." up here."

8f - .7^

3. " Look sharp, Jack, and get the reins from under her tail 4. " Curious thing how she hates trains ! "

or we '11 have an accident! "

His listening ears, did
Jacko of the forest

So "slate" a foeman
when his head was
sorest.

Strange that to rave
and rant, like scullion
storm,

Like low virago scold,
should seem " good
form "

To our Society Simians,
when one name

Makes vulgar spite
oblivious of its shame!

"Voluntary and deli-
berate," their speech,

" Articulate too " —
those Apes! Then
could they teach

Their—say descendants,
—much. Does Club
or cage

Hear most of rabid and
unreasoned rage ?

'' Apes' manner of deli-
very shows " (they
say)

"They're conscious of
the meaning they 'd
convey!"

Then pardon, Garner !
Apes, though found
in clans,

Are not, of course, poli-
tical partisans.

Tired of the Club-room's
incoherent rage,

One pines for the
Caboon, and Gar-
ner's cage.

For what arboreal ape
could rage and rail

Like him, with fierce
Grladstonophobia pale,

That Smoke-room Sim-
ian, though without
a tail!

THE PICK OF THE
BASKETS.

The Daily Graphic
published a specific
against cholera, alleged
to have been invented
by Doctor Pick, a Ger-
man. Evidently " Our
pick'd man of coun-
tries." As it is some-
thing to drink, and not
to eat, the inventor is
under no necessity to be
known henceforth as
Dr. Pick-and-chews.
His remedy is to treat

' tWjnxW* Stk ',i V.VW "'"- -»V-«aw*fc • «w the bacilli to Rhine

^v^ ; - Wine. The result of

5. " Better be on the look-out for a soft spot, old chap ! " 6. "Now this is the second time she has turned me out experiments has been

just here !" "so much the worse for

IN THE MONKEY-HOUSE ;

Or, Cage versus Club.

Professor Garner goes to the Gaboon
To garner Monkey talk ; a dubious boon !

the bacilli." Substi-
But cackle imitatively all round, j tute for the first vowel in "grapes" the third

Till their speech hath an automatic sound. j of the vowels, and it is of that the poor ba-
Put the dread name of Gx-dst-ne in the slot cillus suffers, and dies. .As the poet Gros-
Smelfungtjs calls his mouth, and rabid rot smith sings of the German Rhine,—

Will gurgle forth in a swift sewer-like gush

Stucco Philistia shows in many shapes j Of coarse abuse would make a bargee blush.

The babble of baboons, the chat of apes
Why hang. Sir, up a tree, in a big cage,
To study Simian speech, which in our age
May be o'erheard on Platform or in Pub,
And studied 'mid the comforts of a Club ?
And yet perchance your forest apes would
shrink [think,
From Smoke-room chat of apes who never

Smelfungus is a soldier, and a swell,

That of the Fatherland,
The happy Fatherland,
Gives the greatest pain inside."

But—the Gaboon can scarce surpass Pall- ; However, the Bacillus is an enemy, and if

Mall

In vicious, gibbering vulgarity
Of coarse vituperation. Decency,
Courtesy, common-sense, all cast aside!
Pheugh! Garner, in his cage, would open
wide

he can be got rid of by grape-shot, pour it in
and spare not._

New Publication.—" The Dumb Z>."
Musical Novel. Companion to The Silent
Sea, by Mrs. Macleod.