Punch (103.1892)

184 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 22, 1892.

IN A GHOST-SHOW.

Warlock's "Celebrated Ghost-Exhibition and Deceptio Visus" has
pitched its tent for the night on a Village Green, and the
thrilling Drama of " Maria Martin, or, The Murder in the Red
Barn, in three long Acts, xoith unrivalled Spectral Effects and
Illusions," is about to begin. The Dramatis Personce are on the

Maria. Here am 1 in disguise at the Bed Barn. And yet some

can shake him, now, from his pre-deter mined purpose" and
that " the grave gapes for its coming victim"
Enter Maria., disguised in a brown bowler hat and a very tight suit
of tweed " dittoes" in which she looks very like the " Male Im-
personator" at a Music-hall. The Audience receive her
with derision and the recommendation to go and get her hair
cut.

dancing, in blue velveteen and silver braid, to the appropriate air
of" The Bogie Man."

Inside.

platform outside ; the venerable Mr. Martin m exhorting the vJa-ana' ^re am x in oisguise at xne riea imrn. Ana yet some-
crowd to step up and 'witness his domestic tragedy, while the seems to whisper to me that danger isnear. William, where,

injured Maria is taking the twopences at the door; William ;w Jl^<?77a:re y°u . . )T7 ,r , . , . . T .

Corder is finishing a pipe, and two of the Angelic Visions are w William {coming out of a corner). 'Ere Maria, 'ere ! { Aside.)

JNow to url my victim to an early grave! {Aloud.) 'Ave yon
obeyed my instructions and avoided notice ?

Maria. I have. Whenever I saw anyone approaching, I hid
behind a hedge and ducked in the ditch.
The front benches are occupied by Rustic Youths, who beguile the , William {with sombre approval). That was most discreet on your
tedium of waiting by smoking short clays, and trying to pull off partj Maria. No one saw you come in, and no one will ever see you
one another s caps. go 0ut. Be'old your open grave !

First Youth {examining the decorative Shakspeanan panels on I [After some pleading from Maria, a desperate struggle takes
the proscenium). They three old wim- place — that is, they catch one

min be a-pokin' o' that old nipper, -v-->^||||k another's wrists, and ivalk up and

'ooever he be._ _ _ ^^iL ^?H§^^» down together. Maria calls upon

[The "old nipper" in question is, of u^kiVW^h W ''^*m& her Mother's spirit, whereupon a

course, Macbeth. - ^fWm very youthful Angel is seen floating

Second Youth. Luk up at that 'un ,-<^\\f. <F^^ ^^-isppL above the couple.

tother side—it's a Gineral's gho-ast C^'^^y^^^'^' — -///<%l||lll§^. The Female S. {triumphantly). Theer

a-frightenin' th' undertaker {A sub- ^^^^K^^^P^^^^^//^ ^-Mf^f^^^K now—theer ain't bin no murder yet,

ject from" Hamlet") They've gi'en SY ^Wk Rllp^l and theer's th'Gho-ast sure enough !

oyerdancin' outside—they'11 be begin- / ^"^^^^War^ U^^^^^W^^i Swain {who is not going to own that

ning soon. {The company descend the i^^^f^W^M/K /*J»S^ ^ W^'I he is mistaken). That ain't naw

steps, and pass behind the scenes.) J^vfS^wM ^X^'^^feT^r^f^Mi Gho-ast!

We shall see proper 'ere, we shall. /^^^^^^W^T t^^^^^^^L^ Female S. What is it, then?

[The Curiam draws up, and reveals / v^^^^^^^P^ Swain. Why, it's the " De-cep-ti-o

a small stage, with an inclined sheet A -.t'^^^^^^^f^1^ fi^^^^^^M Yissus," as was wrote up outside.

of glass in a heavy frame in front; /j ^^^^^^^Mi (1/^^^^^^^, [The Guardian Angel vanishes; Wil-

behind this glass is the Cottage v < liam gets a spade, and aims at

Home o/Maria Martin. V^'^'^-M t) ■ Maria, who takes it away, and

Maria {coming out of Cottage, and V ^SC^^j-jrajx /S^^^^ strikes him ; he is then reduced to

speaking in an inaudible tone). At \'^'r-^^^^^B\ I^S^^^^^m ^he pick-axe, but she wrests this

last . . . William Corder ... to \ J*—'^W&er\ /' "~~"^§8ii^F from him too, and hits him in the

make me his wife . ; I know not \ 'jX^^^^A =^^U^m face w^h it. He pulls her coat off,

why . . . strange misgiving 'as come \^v"^a^^^\ kiiliSMm an^ hair down—but she escapes

over me. V^^al^^PA vx^^m® from him a third time—on which

[She is unfeelingly requested to speak . v^l8n>%^7 j ^5PS <Pi he snatches up a pistol, and fires it.

up. v'i^^S/^^p7 n^S^S^' \ William{with unreasonable surprise).

William Corder {whose villany is \ ^^l^N Great Evans! What 'ave I done ? I

suggested at once by his wearing a Ip03f [ JS!/ V ^Si£| if 8111 become a Murderer! The shot'as

heavy silver double watch-chain, with I ^SgT I \\5§lii if taken effect! See. she staggers this

two coins appended, and no neck-tie— /~-2sy f !5St/ \5§^3f way! {Which Maria does, to die

enters left). Yes, Maria, as I have 1 Z.'f J Jl^ff / SS^r comfortably in William's arms.) I

promised, I will take you to London, /| - V^%k V^^^^f/ 'ave s^a^n- the only woman who ever

and make you my wife—but first meet / i^^^^^L—__ ) truly loved me; and I know not

me in disguise to-night, and in secret, tbwmesc l j^^g^— whether I loved her most while living,

at the lied Barn. m^liir ———~ Vsjplll or hate her most now she's dead! (The

[Maria is understood to demur, but --^TJT-—--- ^^sSlr Curtain falls, leaving William with

finally agrees to the rendezvous, and ~ this nice point still unsolved, and the

retires into the Cottage. Old Mr. ((, ^ th ' *iets nd w lk ud and dow Audience profoundly unmoved by the
Martin comes out in a black frock- ey catc one ano ers wues, an a up n cown tragedy, and evidently longing for

coat, and a white waistcoat—he has more of the Comic Countryman.

Act III.—Interior o/Old Martin's Cottage. He attempts to forget
his anxiety about his daughtei—who he fears, with only too much
reason, has come to an untimely end—by going to sleep in a
highly uncomfortable position on a kitchen-chair. The Murder
is re-enacted in a vision, in dumb-show. The form of Maria
appears in the tweed suit, and urges him to search for her
remains in the Red Barn.
Old Martin {awaking). I have 'ad a fearful dream, and I am
under the impression that Maria has been foully murdered in the
Bed Barn.

[lie calls the Comic Countryman to help him " to commence a
thorough investigation "—which he does, in a spirit of rol-
licking fun befitting the occasion, as the Scene changes to the
Red Barn.

Old M. {finding the spade). What's this? A spade—and, by its
appearance, it 'as recently been fused, for there are marks of blood
upon it! I now begin to be afraid my dream will come true.

[Roars of laughter when the Comic C. discovers the body, and
implores it to " say summat! " Change of Scene. William
Cobder discovered At Home, in a long perspective of
pillars and curtains, ending in a lawn and fountain.
William {moodily). 'Tis now exactly twelve months since Maria
Martin was done to death by these 'ands. Since then, I have
married a young, rich, and beautiful wife—and yet I am not 'appy.
[Enter Old Mabtin, who, by the simple method of changing his
hat and coat, has now become a Bow-street Officer; he
puts questions to William, who at once betrays himself, and

no neck-tie either, but the omission, in his case, merely suggests a
virtuous economy. He feebly objects to Maria being married in
London, but admits that, "Perhaps he has no right to interfere
with William's arrangements," and goes indoors again. William
retires, and the scene changes to a very stnall street, which is
presently invaded by a very large Comic Countryman, called
" Tim," who is engaged to Maria's sister Nanny.
Tim. They tell I, as how the streets o' Lunnon be paved wi' gold,
and I be goin' 'oop to make ma fortune, I be.

[Nanny comes in and bribes him to remain by the promise of " cold
pudden with plenty of gravy." Comic business, during which
every reference to "cold pudden" {and there are several) is
received with roars of laughter. William Corder, on the inge-
nious plea that he wishes to take so?ne flowers up to London,
borrows a spade and pickaxe from Tim, to whom it appears he
owes ninepence, which he promises—like the villain he is—to
repay " the very next time he sees him in Church."
William {going off with a flourish and a Shakspeanan couplet).
My mind's made up. Hence all thoughts that are good !
Crimes once commenced, Must. End in—blood ! [Act drop.
A Female Sped. They don't seem in no 'urry to come to th' Gho-
ast part, seemin'ly,

Her Swain. Ye wudn't have 'em do th' Gho-ast afoor th' Murder,
wud ye ?

Act II.—The interior of the Red Barn. William discovered digging
Maria's grave in his shirt-sleeves, and thereby revealing that his
shirt-front is as false as his heart. He announces that " Nothing