DOI Heft:
December 10, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0273
268 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 10, 1892.
ALL ROUND THE FAIR.'
No. IV.
The Irish Giant Baby "At Home."
The exterior of the Show is painted to represent a Cottage, and bears
the highly improbable name o/"'PoELT O'Gbaxhqtts," with <m
A Pbize Lottery.
A Young Man in a light suit, and a paste pin in a dirty white necktie,
has arrived with a chest, from ivhich he extracts a quantity of
small parcels in coloured tissue-paper.
The Young Man (as a group collects around him). Now, I'm 'ere
ighly improbable name of " U'tfKACiorjs,/' with an,: t0 orfer those among yer who 'ave the courage to emhark in specki-
even less credible announcement_ that this is the identical little lation an unrivalled opportunity of enriching themselves at next to
cot where she was born." Inside is an ordinary tent, with a < no expense. Concealed in each o' these small porcels is a prize o'
rough platform at the further end, whereon is an empty chair more or iegg vaiue> amongst them hein', I may tell yer, two 'undred
at which a group of small Boys, two or three young Women, and threepenny pieces, not to mention 'igher coins up to 'arf a sov'rin.
some middle-aged Farm-labourers, have been, solemnly and Mind, I promise nothing—I only say this : that those who show con-
patiently staring for the last quarter of an hour. fidence in me I '11 reward heyond their utmost expectations. (To an
First Farm Labourer (to Second). I bin in'ere'hout erf an hour, Agricultural Labourer in the circh.) 'Ere, you Sir, 'ave you ever
I hev, and ain't seed nowt so fur ! i seen me before in all your life ?
Second F. L. Same 'ere! Seems to take 'em a proper good time The Agricultural Labourer(with a conscientious fearof'committing
a-gittin' o' this 'ere baby claned up! himself). I may 'ave.
First F. L. Ah, it do. But look at the size on her! The Young Man. You may 'ave ! ''Ave you ? 'Ave J ever seen
Second F. L. Size ! They cudn't be no you f Come now!
slower not with a hellyphant! _ /a^R The Agr. L. (cautiously). I earn?t answer
{The tedium is relieved by a very audible ■m/pSi^Y fur what you've seen, Sir.
dispute outside between the Driver of i^sssg*< ^^\^m I*. Jf. Well, are you a friend o'mine ?
the Baby's Caravan and the Wife of ^hhKP^K \m\ The A. L. (after inward searchings). Not
the Conjuror next door, who appears J|P^.T ^jft }W/ as ^'m aweer on*
to hare excited the Driver's displeasure ffflmf mW '^ie ^' 1^en take this packet. (The
by consenting to take the money in the fL\ hj jfmmn ^- 9r^ns and hesitates.) Give me a penny
absence of the Baby's proprietress. »/ jidUSwy for it. (The A. L. hangs back.) Do as E
The Driver (with dignity). I consider it jz** ■■^^mUm say! (His tone is so peremptory that the
a bloomin'liberty, and a downright piece -^'N^ ^^^y^^mmWBM A. L. hastens to obey.) Now don't open that
of himpertinenee, you comin''ere interferin' {Prffw^^-^/^ IVO^y^^Mw^ till I tell you, and don't go away—or 1
with with my business—and so I tell yer ! Jx\ (fif/^vv*-i/V Y^HraM|F shall throw the money after yer. (The A.
The Lady (with more dignity). I'm not jM}W&w i'^^^Jyu \ Allir^^ L. remains in meek expectation ; Old Billy
taking no liberties with nobody—she ast me J^^^^Jm^W'" '■ w\ \ \ \' 'wm Ealrplay, and a Spotty-faced Man, happen
to it, or I shoudn't be 'ere—I don't want /^^'W^^^MIl m\\\\ w to pass ; and join the group out of innocent
to take the money, not without bein' ast to ^^^^W %flk~/7/~/< ) l \ If curiosity.) Will you give me a penny for
do so. She come and ast me to take her ffi^fcr wmu/\ (iTOl Vr\H tnis, ®* ^ ^e Sp°tty-faced One, who
place while she was away, and in course J wM/t/r^M^\\\\\ shakes his head.) To oblige Me! (This is
wasn't goin' to say no. \\\v wlfffllt MrimvlV(]S sa^ In suc^1 an insinuating tone, that it is
Driver. Don't you tork to me. I know ^^^^^■^rm W^m\^M^w\?\\ impossible to resist him.) Now you've
what you are, puttin' yerself forward ^W^y^S1 '" f p IrlW lw\\vl* '\l shown your confidence in me, will you open
whenever yer can—a goin' tellin' the people If1 /^M^V.''-Wi that packet and show the compa,ny what it
on the road, as you was the Baby's mother! mi afWjlf/ liWOTv^v i contains.
'The Lady. 1 never said no such thing! W&yW\\■^J^^^kv^V ' '^xe ^PotijJ-face<^ Man (undoing the
Why should I want to tell sech a story mfmf.^ij^^^^\ packet). There's nothink inside o' mine—
for ? II'»^^X\0^^^m \M it's a reg'lar do! [Boars of laughter.
Driver. Arsk yourself—not me. And m^^m^^^\AW^\ Quite right — there was
p'raps you never said you'ad valuable pro- mnSfopA W\ \l nothink inside o' thet partickler packet. 1
perty in our waggin' neither. IR W|M f&xV y\ \\| Put it there a-purpose, as a test. But I
Lady (apparently cut to the heart by this wflfa kVn wH 1 \ \\\\\ don't want nobody to go away dissatisfied
accusation). It's a false'ood! I never 'ad WW\ M »1 with my manner o' doin' business, and,
no valuable property in your waggin', nor t|/v £') \ \ Ijj though I ain't promised yer nothing, I'll
yet nobody else's; and I'll thank you to \Kw ' I, show yer I'm better than my word, and
keep your distance, and not go raggin' . W'iIyhI \\ them as trusts me'11 find no reason to
me. l\y 1 xK\\r\^ repent of 'aving done so. 'Ere's your
Driver (edging nearer). I'll keep my \XV| vTT'M\\\ iwl' i original penny back, Sir, and one, two,
distance. But don't you make no mistake \ V I \| i I I i | three more atop of that—wait, I ain't done
—I'm not to be played with! I'm sick o' M\J ' jajlhl | ljf|f'<V with yer yet—'ere's sixpence more, be-
your goin's on. And then (reviving a rank- 1 \ cause I've took a fancy to yer face—and
ling and mysterious grievance) to think o' iiPl now I 'ope you 're satisfied !
you a comin' mincin' up on the road with ^ ^ The Sp.-F. M. (in an explanatory under-
yer (mimicking), "Oh, yus, Mrs. Faik- «Concealed in each o' these small poreels is a prize to his neighbours). L knew it's on'y
child, there s a blacksmith jest across tbe 0; more or ^ess vaiuef" them as comes last thet gits left, d yer see!
way 1" What call 'ad you got to shove your [Several bystanders hasten to purchase.
nose in like that, eh? you're a interferin' cat, that's what you are! I Old Billy Fairplay (in an injured tone). There ain't on'y a three-
[The Conjuror's Lady is moved to the verge of tears and assault, and penny-bit in mine !
her ivruth is only assuaged by the arrival of the missing Propri- j The Y. 31. 'Ark at 'im—there's a discontented ole josser for yer I
etress, who patches up a temporary peace ; presently the hangings I carn't put 'arf a sov'rin' in all o' the packets, not and make my
at the back are parted, and an immensely stout child, dressed in expenses. P'raps you '11 'ave better luck next time.
an infant's frock, waddles in, hoists herself on the platform and [The packets are in more demand than ever,
into the chair, from which she regards the Spectators with stolid : The Agr. L. May I open this 'ere packet now, Master ?
composure ; the small boys edge back, nudge one another and The Y. M. If you don't tell nobody what's in it, you may. I've
sold as many as I keer to a' ready.
The Agr. L. (opening the parcel, and finding a toy-watch of the
value of one farthing sterling). 'Ere, I '11 give yer this back—'tain't
no pood to me !
The Y. M. (with concern). I'm reelly very sorry, Sir, I've given
you a wrong 'un by mistake. I quite fancied as-Allow me to
apologise, and, as a proof I 'aven't lost your good opinion, give me a
penny for this one.
[lie selects a packet with great care from the heap.
The A. L. You don't take me in no moor—I'd sooner make ye a
present o' the penny !
ponderous steps, and identifies the most sheepish youth in the I The Y. M. (wounded). Don't talk like that, Sir—you '11 be sorry
audience—much to his embarrassment—as her sweetheart, after for it afterwards! (In a whisper.) It's all right this time,
which her audience is permitted to shake hands with her and s'elp me!
depart. I The A. L. I know as it's a kitch o' some sort . . .—hows'ever,
snigger furtively ; the girls say " Oh, lor I " in a whisper, and
a painful silence folloivs.
A Middle-aged Labourer (feeling the awkwardness of the situa-
tion). 'Owr old may you be, Missy't
The Giant Baby (toith a snap). Ten !
[She gazes all round with the hauteur peculiar to a phenomenon,, and
her visitors are only relieved from the strain by the timely appear-
ance of the Exhibitor, a Mulatto lady, who gives a brief biogra-
phical sketch of the Infant's career, with details of her weight
and measurements. Then Miss Polly sings a stanza of "Little
Annie Booney" in a phonographic manner, dances a few
ALL ROUND THE FAIR.'
No. IV.
The Irish Giant Baby "At Home."
The exterior of the Show is painted to represent a Cottage, and bears
the highly improbable name o/"'PoELT O'Gbaxhqtts," with <m
A Pbize Lottery.
A Young Man in a light suit, and a paste pin in a dirty white necktie,
has arrived with a chest, from ivhich he extracts a quantity of
small parcels in coloured tissue-paper.
The Young Man (as a group collects around him). Now, I'm 'ere
ighly improbable name of " U'tfKACiorjs,/' with an,: t0 orfer those among yer who 'ave the courage to emhark in specki-
even less credible announcement_ that this is the identical little lation an unrivalled opportunity of enriching themselves at next to
cot where she was born." Inside is an ordinary tent, with a < no expense. Concealed in each o' these small porcels is a prize o'
rough platform at the further end, whereon is an empty chair more or iegg vaiue> amongst them hein', I may tell yer, two 'undred
at which a group of small Boys, two or three young Women, and threepenny pieces, not to mention 'igher coins up to 'arf a sov'rin.
some middle-aged Farm-labourers, have been, solemnly and Mind, I promise nothing—I only say this : that those who show con-
patiently staring for the last quarter of an hour. fidence in me I '11 reward heyond their utmost expectations. (To an
First Farm Labourer (to Second). I bin in'ere'hout erf an hour, Agricultural Labourer in the circh.) 'Ere, you Sir, 'ave you ever
I hev, and ain't seed nowt so fur ! i seen me before in all your life ?
Second F. L. Same 'ere! Seems to take 'em a proper good time The Agricultural Labourer(with a conscientious fearof'committing
a-gittin' o' this 'ere baby claned up! himself). I may 'ave.
First F. L. Ah, it do. But look at the size on her! The Young Man. You may 'ave ! ''Ave you ? 'Ave J ever seen
Second F. L. Size ! They cudn't be no you f Come now!
slower not with a hellyphant! _ /a^R The Agr. L. (cautiously). I earn?t answer
{The tedium is relieved by a very audible ■m/pSi^Y fur what you've seen, Sir.
dispute outside between the Driver of i^sssg*< ^^\^m I*. Jf. Well, are you a friend o'mine ?
the Baby's Caravan and the Wife of ^hhKP^K \m\ The A. L. (after inward searchings). Not
the Conjuror next door, who appears J|P^.T ^jft }W/ as ^'m aweer on*
to hare excited the Driver's displeasure ffflmf mW '^ie ^' 1^en take this packet. (The
by consenting to take the money in the fL\ hj jfmmn ^- 9r^ns and hesitates.) Give me a penny
absence of the Baby's proprietress. »/ jidUSwy for it. (The A. L. hangs back.) Do as E
The Driver (with dignity). I consider it jz** ■■^^mUm say! (His tone is so peremptory that the
a bloomin'liberty, and a downright piece -^'N^ ^^^y^^mmWBM A. L. hastens to obey.) Now don't open that
of himpertinenee, you comin''ere interferin' {Prffw^^-^/^ IVO^y^^Mw^ till I tell you, and don't go away—or 1
with with my business—and so I tell yer ! Jx\ (fif/^vv*-i/V Y^HraM|F shall throw the money after yer. (The A.
The Lady (with more dignity). I'm not jM}W&w i'^^^Jyu \ Allir^^ L. remains in meek expectation ; Old Billy
taking no liberties with nobody—she ast me J^^^^Jm^W'" '■ w\ \ \ \' 'wm Ealrplay, and a Spotty-faced Man, happen
to it, or I shoudn't be 'ere—I don't want /^^'W^^^MIl m\\\\ w to pass ; and join the group out of innocent
to take the money, not without bein' ast to ^^^^W %flk~/7/~/< ) l \ If curiosity.) Will you give me a penny for
do so. She come and ast me to take her ffi^fcr wmu/\ (iTOl Vr\H tnis, ®* ^ ^e Sp°tty-faced One, who
place while she was away, and in course J wM/t/r^M^\\\\\ shakes his head.) To oblige Me! (This is
wasn't goin' to say no. \\\v wlfffllt MrimvlV(]S sa^ In suc^1 an insinuating tone, that it is
Driver. Don't you tork to me. I know ^^^^^■^rm W^m\^M^w\?\\ impossible to resist him.) Now you've
what you are, puttin' yerself forward ^W^y^S1 '" f p IrlW lw\\vl* '\l shown your confidence in me, will you open
whenever yer can—a goin' tellin' the people If1 /^M^V.''-Wi that packet and show the compa,ny what it
on the road, as you was the Baby's mother! mi afWjlf/ liWOTv^v i contains.
'The Lady. 1 never said no such thing! W&yW\\■^J^^^kv^V ' '^xe ^PotijJ-face<^ Man (undoing the
Why should I want to tell sech a story mfmf.^ij^^^^\ packet). There's nothink inside o' mine—
for ? II'»^^X\0^^^m \M it's a reg'lar do! [Boars of laughter.
Driver. Arsk yourself—not me. And m^^m^^^\AW^\ Quite right — there was
p'raps you never said you'ad valuable pro- mnSfopA W\ \l nothink inside o' thet partickler packet. 1
perty in our waggin' neither. IR W|M f&xV y\ \\| Put it there a-purpose, as a test. But I
Lady (apparently cut to the heart by this wflfa kVn wH 1 \ \\\\\ don't want nobody to go away dissatisfied
accusation). It's a false'ood! I never 'ad WW\ M »1 with my manner o' doin' business, and,
no valuable property in your waggin', nor t|/v £') \ \ Ijj though I ain't promised yer nothing, I'll
yet nobody else's; and I'll thank you to \Kw ' I, show yer I'm better than my word, and
keep your distance, and not go raggin' . W'iIyhI \\ them as trusts me'11 find no reason to
me. l\y 1 xK\\r\^ repent of 'aving done so. 'Ere's your
Driver (edging nearer). I'll keep my \XV| vTT'M\\\ iwl' i original penny back, Sir, and one, two,
distance. But don't you make no mistake \ V I \| i I I i | three more atop of that—wait, I ain't done
—I'm not to be played with! I'm sick o' M\J ' jajlhl | ljf|f'<V with yer yet—'ere's sixpence more, be-
your goin's on. And then (reviving a rank- 1 \ cause I've took a fancy to yer face—and
ling and mysterious grievance) to think o' iiPl now I 'ope you 're satisfied !
you a comin' mincin' up on the road with ^ ^ The Sp.-F. M. (in an explanatory under-
yer (mimicking), "Oh, yus, Mrs. Faik- «Concealed in each o' these small poreels is a prize to his neighbours). L knew it's on'y
child, there s a blacksmith jest across tbe 0; more or ^ess vaiuef" them as comes last thet gits left, d yer see!
way 1" What call 'ad you got to shove your [Several bystanders hasten to purchase.
nose in like that, eh? you're a interferin' cat, that's what you are! I Old Billy Fairplay (in an injured tone). There ain't on'y a three-
[The Conjuror's Lady is moved to the verge of tears and assault, and penny-bit in mine !
her ivruth is only assuaged by the arrival of the missing Propri- j The Y. 31. 'Ark at 'im—there's a discontented ole josser for yer I
etress, who patches up a temporary peace ; presently the hangings I carn't put 'arf a sov'rin' in all o' the packets, not and make my
at the back are parted, and an immensely stout child, dressed in expenses. P'raps you '11 'ave better luck next time.
an infant's frock, waddles in, hoists herself on the platform and [The packets are in more demand than ever,
into the chair, from which she regards the Spectators with stolid : The Agr. L. May I open this 'ere packet now, Master ?
composure ; the small boys edge back, nudge one another and The Y. M. If you don't tell nobody what's in it, you may. I've
sold as many as I keer to a' ready.
The Agr. L. (opening the parcel, and finding a toy-watch of the
value of one farthing sterling). 'Ere, I '11 give yer this back—'tain't
no pood to me !
The Y. M. (with concern). I'm reelly very sorry, Sir, I've given
you a wrong 'un by mistake. I quite fancied as-Allow me to
apologise, and, as a proof I 'aven't lost your good opinion, give me a
penny for this one.
[lie selects a packet with great care from the heap.
The A. L. You don't take me in no moor—I'd sooner make ye a
present o' the penny !
ponderous steps, and identifies the most sheepish youth in the I The Y. M. (wounded). Don't talk like that, Sir—you '11 be sorry
audience—much to his embarrassment—as her sweetheart, after for it afterwards! (In a whisper.) It's all right this time,
which her audience is permitted to shake hands with her and s'elp me!
depart. I The A. L. I know as it's a kitch o' some sort . . .—hows'ever,
snigger furtively ; the girls say " Oh, lor I " in a whisper, and
a painful silence folloivs.
A Middle-aged Labourer (feeling the awkwardness of the situa-
tion). 'Owr old may you be, Missy't
The Giant Baby (toith a snap). Ten !
[She gazes all round with the hauteur peculiar to a phenomenon,, and
her visitors are only relieved from the strain by the timely appear-
ance of the Exhibitor, a Mulatto lady, who gives a brief biogra-
phical sketch of the Infant's career, with details of her weight
and measurements. Then Miss Polly sings a stanza of "Little
Annie Booney" in a phonographic manner, dances a few