Punch (85.1883)

82

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. LAugust is, 1883.

ARRANGEMENTS FOR THIS
DAY—MONTH.

{Forecast for the use of Parliamentary
Obstructives.)

Official Reception of anybody
and everybody by the Beadle of
the Burlington Arcade.

Annual Shutter Closing in
Eaton Square;

Marylebone Club, Lord’s. Single
Pitch - and - toss Match by the
Gate-keeper against himself.

General Afternoon Meeting of
nobody in the least worth know-
ing in Piccadilly.

Covent Garden Party in Bow
Street.

Sweeping out of the rooms of
the Royal Society, and appoint-
ment of new Charwoman.

Further Exhibition of the Wel-
lington Statue at the corner of
Hamilton Place.

Re-chalking of Courts of
Princes. Admission without
voucher.

Two-in-hand Club. Random
Meeting everywhere all day of
the General Omnibus Company.

International Bathing Match in
Serpentine after half-past Eight

P.M.

Perambulating Flower Show in
Seven Dials.

Levy—for arrears of Taxes in
the neighbourhood of St. James’s.

Drawing-Room Entertainment
at East-End Music-Hall.

Public Recitation of “Oh,
Solitude, -where are thy Charms ! ”
by the Single Horseman in Rotten
Row to the Policeman on duty.

And Farewell Dinner to the
Speaker by the remnants of the
still sitting House of Commons
on the occasion of his temporary,
but sudden departure for Colney
Hatch.

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. M9.

ELLIS ASHMEAD BARTLETT, ESQ., M.P.,

Ax inquisitive Button-Holder who represents himself ; in
fact, a Specimen of “ Hook and Eye.”

STANZAS TO SALT.

[The Lancet is given to understand
that amongst other follies of the day
some indiscreet persons are objecting
to the use of salt, and propose to dc
without it. Nothing, says our con-
temporary, could be more absurd.J

Why shouldst thou incur an un-
merited odium,

What hast thou done now, ano
what is thy fault ?

Why will people not eat thee,
Chloride of Sodium F—

That is thy chemical name,
Common Salt.

For -whether our diet be -wholly
leguminous,

Or if -we eat both our mutton or
beef,

You aid in the decomposition
albuminous,

Giving our nature the proper
relief.

Why should all our functions be
terribly sent awry

By leaving salt out when eating
our meals ?

The doctors have said the canal
alimentary

Steady improvement from salt
oft reveals.

We know that the cow and the
horse and the buffalo

Rush off to “salt-licks” in
prairie or wood;

So, even if you should a friend’s
feelings ruffle, oh!

Warn him that salt does bin:
infinite good!

Mrs. Ramsbotham says there
has been a good deal of annoy-
ance caused at the church she is
in the habit of attending, on ac-
count of the Rector introducing
two Aconites and a Thoroughfare
to take part in the service.

CHARITY NOT AT HOME.

DUPLICITY.

{From the Diary of a Patriotic Philanthropist.)

A Rondeau on One who has Rounded on Us.

Monday.—Application for a subscription to the Local Dispensary.
Too absurd ! I make a point of always contributing to the collection
in Hospital Sunday once a year, and this institution must have
benefited by my almsgiving.

Tuesday.—Letter from the Secretary of the Lone Widows and
Poor Orphans Rescue Society, asking for my help. As the Associa-
tion claims to have been founded one hundred years ago, it must
have been very badly managed to need assistance now. Refuse.

Wednesday.—Circular from the Discharged Prisoners Anti-Con-
tamination League. No sympathy with this movement. Do not
believe that convicts can be reclaimed by getting them employment
on their release. Throw the circular into the waste-paper basket.

Thursday.—Appeals from no less than one dozen Hospitals, all
telling the same story—closing Wards on account of failing funds.
Very sorry, I am sure; but really these institutions should be self-
supporting.

Friday.—Polite note from the Secretary of the Institution for the
Relief of the Foreigners of Europe, sending me a ticket for a ball.
Must consider this, as strangers deserve our sympathy at all times.
Pigeon-hole envelope and enclosures.

Saturday.—Ah, a charity after my own heart! Society for the
Support of Prosperous Natives of the Equatorial States. Of course !
Must help the prosperous natives of countries distant thousands of
miles from England. Distinctly our duty to increase their prosperity.
Sent off a cheque to the Secretary for £1000 as a first instalment.
Shouldn’t have slept comfortably if I hadn’t!

[A Reuter telegram says that in many of the seditious letters seized in the
Punjaub, significant mention is made of the Maharajah Dhuleep Singh’s
visit to India.]

D’you leap, sing, feast, or wed, or build, or bury,

We said, scarce six months since ;

Would you make mourning, or would you make merry,

We asked, 0 Nut-brown Prince.

You “ flanked ” the proudest tribute for a statue
(Leech, bard, clown, king,

You didn’t care) ; and now sedition’s at you,

Dhuleep Singh.

No more your diamonds shall shed a fairy
Light o’er patrician halls ;

Hindu Parnell, preceding Hindu Carey,

Black Healys ! ochre Smalls !!

Your Eastern mug must pour froth like a fountain—

That’s the seditious thing—

And you ’ll become an Asiatic Mountain
Dew-leep Singh.

Can the proposed subsidy of £120,000 a year to Abd-ul-Rahman
oe looked upon as Ameer trifle ?

Mrs. Ramsbotham caught cold the other day. She has had, she
says, to use a gargoyle for her throat every morning.

“ Drawn Game.”—A Picture of Still Life.

A Fee-Simple.—The “ Inquiry” Fee to a Jew Moneylender.