DOI issue:
July 27, 1889
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17688#0048
42
[July 27, 1889.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
TRIO—FOR BARITONE, SOPRANO, AND CONTRALTO.
Signor Tomkinsonio has been left for a few minutes in charge of his Baby, while his Wife is having an Interview
with the Dressmaker.
“ ARGUMENTUM AD POCKETUM.”
Policeman X, Junior, loquitur :—
On, yes, I ham Policeman X, but as, dear readers, you’ll divine,
All in this present blessed year of grace called eighteen-eighty-nine,
I ham not him whose words and deeds good “ Mister Titharsh” did
set down [the town.
Long since, when that there Pallis Court was the great scandal of
I ham a young P.C., I ham ; where’er my beat, I’m hailed as well
met;
I do not wear a sort of shiny stove-pipe hat, but a smart helmet.
I’ve had Board-Schooling in my time, although my parents was not
rich, ' “vich.”
And, though my spellin’ may be weak, I do not stoop to “ vos ” and
Ah! things is different all round since Mister Michael Angelo
Described my predecessor’s ways, before the period of Monro,
Our First Commissioner of Police, which 1 ’ve been reading his
Concerning the Metropolis, as I maintains all folks did ort. [Report
The papers slate hus pretty free; praps reading this Report will
check it.
It isn’t now as in the days of that good genial Beak, aBeckett,
M ithin whose Court old Policeman X would find materials for his pen.
From hinformation I’ve received, things was took pretty easy then.
The Metropolitan Police has other duties, ah ! a many,
Than them there early Peelers had, and, if we costs a pretty penny,
In times like these so given to crimes, so Socialistic and Home-
Rulish,
A policy that’s penny-wise must be perticklerly pound-foolish.
Crime’s on the hincrease, Monro says; a nice look-out, upon my
wor(h [habsurd.
Some parties says it’s all our fault, hus Bobbies, which is most
Ignerent critics, when there ’a any public stir, pens lots of stuff of us,
But Mister Monro ’its the mark; we ’re good, but there are not
enough of us.
Just fancy what we have to do, the tasks with which we ’re forced
to grapple,
From shindies in Trafalgar Square to ’orrid murders in Whitechapel,
Semaphore duties at street-crossings, where we stands, not quite ’ ‘ in
clover,” [run over.
To keep the traffic from sheer block, and folks on' foot from bein’
Salvation Armies want to tramp through crowded thoroughfares
permiskus ; [whisk us ;
Likewise, when Shahs and other Swells are on parade, away they
And then they wonder at the luck of burglars, roughs, and suchlike
beauties, [reglar duties.
When we’re thus forced, through hextry jobs, to slacken hoff our
If folks will have religious rows, perlitickle shindies, and such matters,
All over the confounded shop ; if every fool a drum that batters,
Or waves a flag, or howls a song, has leave to go where he darn pleases,
John Bull must just put up with crime—or give his purse some
extry squeezes.
Fancy dear old Policemen X’s face, the ’orror and surprise of it,
At Hallelujahs in the Strand! We’re overworked, that’s just the
size of it.
If you will keep our numbers down, although the population ’s double,
Take Mister Monro’s tip—and mine, such skinflint ways will lead to
trouble.
“ Crime can’t be coped with,”—Monro says,—not in a manner
satisfactory, _ [refractory,
If we ’re took up with shouting Rads and with Salvationists
With railway stations, semaphores, and Shahs, an cetrer. There’s
your problem ! double ’em.
If double duties tax the Force, their numbers, too, you ’ll have to
In fact, with old Policeman X, I say, ‘ ‘ Move hon! ” It is our maxim.
John Bull can have what Force he likes, if with the cost he’s game
to tax ’im. [docket ’em,
Reports like Monro’s should be read, and thought on,—do not merely
But study out their argyments—perticklerly the one ad pocketum !
[July 27, 1889.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
TRIO—FOR BARITONE, SOPRANO, AND CONTRALTO.
Signor Tomkinsonio has been left for a few minutes in charge of his Baby, while his Wife is having an Interview
with the Dressmaker.
“ ARGUMENTUM AD POCKETUM.”
Policeman X, Junior, loquitur :—
On, yes, I ham Policeman X, but as, dear readers, you’ll divine,
All in this present blessed year of grace called eighteen-eighty-nine,
I ham not him whose words and deeds good “ Mister Titharsh” did
set down [the town.
Long since, when that there Pallis Court was the great scandal of
I ham a young P.C., I ham ; where’er my beat, I’m hailed as well
met;
I do not wear a sort of shiny stove-pipe hat, but a smart helmet.
I’ve had Board-Schooling in my time, although my parents was not
rich, ' “vich.”
And, though my spellin’ may be weak, I do not stoop to “ vos ” and
Ah! things is different all round since Mister Michael Angelo
Described my predecessor’s ways, before the period of Monro,
Our First Commissioner of Police, which 1 ’ve been reading his
Concerning the Metropolis, as I maintains all folks did ort. [Report
The papers slate hus pretty free; praps reading this Report will
check it.
It isn’t now as in the days of that good genial Beak, aBeckett,
M ithin whose Court old Policeman X would find materials for his pen.
From hinformation I’ve received, things was took pretty easy then.
The Metropolitan Police has other duties, ah ! a many,
Than them there early Peelers had, and, if we costs a pretty penny,
In times like these so given to crimes, so Socialistic and Home-
Rulish,
A policy that’s penny-wise must be perticklerly pound-foolish.
Crime’s on the hincrease, Monro says; a nice look-out, upon my
wor(h [habsurd.
Some parties says it’s all our fault, hus Bobbies, which is most
Ignerent critics, when there ’a any public stir, pens lots of stuff of us,
But Mister Monro ’its the mark; we ’re good, but there are not
enough of us.
Just fancy what we have to do, the tasks with which we ’re forced
to grapple,
From shindies in Trafalgar Square to ’orrid murders in Whitechapel,
Semaphore duties at street-crossings, where we stands, not quite ’ ‘ in
clover,” [run over.
To keep the traffic from sheer block, and folks on' foot from bein’
Salvation Armies want to tramp through crowded thoroughfares
permiskus ; [whisk us ;
Likewise, when Shahs and other Swells are on parade, away they
And then they wonder at the luck of burglars, roughs, and suchlike
beauties, [reglar duties.
When we’re thus forced, through hextry jobs, to slacken hoff our
If folks will have religious rows, perlitickle shindies, and such matters,
All over the confounded shop ; if every fool a drum that batters,
Or waves a flag, or howls a song, has leave to go where he darn pleases,
John Bull must just put up with crime—or give his purse some
extry squeezes.
Fancy dear old Policemen X’s face, the ’orror and surprise of it,
At Hallelujahs in the Strand! We’re overworked, that’s just the
size of it.
If you will keep our numbers down, although the population ’s double,
Take Mister Monro’s tip—and mine, such skinflint ways will lead to
trouble.
“ Crime can’t be coped with,”—Monro says,—not in a manner
satisfactory, _ [refractory,
If we ’re took up with shouting Rads and with Salvationists
With railway stations, semaphores, and Shahs, an cetrer. There’s
your problem ! double ’em.
If double duties tax the Force, their numbers, too, you ’ll have to
In fact, with old Policeman X, I say, ‘ ‘ Move hon! ” It is our maxim.
John Bull can have what Force he likes, if with the cost he’s game
to tax ’im. [docket ’em,
Reports like Monro’s should be read, and thought on,—do not merely
But study out their argyments—perticklerly the one ad pocketum !