Punch (97.1889)

August 10, 1889.]

PUNCH, OPv THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

61

Delight of Private Individual who

HAS BEEN ASSURED THAT HIS RESEMBLANCE TO
THE G. 0. M. WAS SOMETHING REMARKABLE.

He was not quite so much pleased how-
ever WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY FOUND HIM-
SELF in a Conservative District,

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

Agricultural Disappointment. — The
description you furnish of your newly-in-
vented machine for “ chaff-cutting, riddling,
sifting, and bagging fresh straw,” is very
interesting, and if it had not unfortunately
got out of order, owing to the accident to
which you refer, and so prevented you from
offering it in competition, you, no doubt,
would, as you contemplated, have taken a
prize with it at the Great Windsor Show.
The arrangement of the knives seems very
ingenious; hut it is a pity that they sliced
off the fingers of one of the scientific experts
you got to examine the machine; while, of
course, it was more to he deplored that, when
set in motion to show its action, it should, by
some mischance, have caught up and riddled,
sifted, and bagged the other. It is satisfac-
tory, though, to hear that he is progressing
favourably in the local hospital; but we can
quite understand how the presence of such
a foreign body must have damaged the
mechanism of your carefully constructed
machine, and can heartily sympathise with
you in your consequent disappointment at
its temporary derangement.

New and Old River.—A whole share of
the New River Company, put up to auction
has been knocked down at £122,800. An
investment in a Pactolus.

ROBERT IN THE PARK.

There ’s one werry great adwantage as I most suttenly gits from
spending some of my perfeshnal evenings at the West End ocashunaUy.

I has to wait on quite a diffrent set to wot
I’m acustomed to in the grand old City.
When at the Grand Otel, for instance—and
well it deserves its name,—or at the Mettro-
poU—which it most likely deserves it too,
but I don’t quite kno what it means—1
must confess as I has to lissen to a werry
diffrent kind of conwersashun to wot I does
elsewhere, for ewen Common Counselmen, I
wont go no hier, is ocashunally jest a leetle
y tiresome when allers a arping on the same
y string. Ony the other week f or hinstance, in a
most distangy company at the Grand, I herd
a gent say as he was so werry fond of trawelling, that he mite say
as he had gone over amost the hole world!

Of coarse, I don’t spose for a moment as he reelly ment it, coz I
shood werry much like to see the man who has gone over all Ingland,
much less Ireland, or ewen all London, and. not a werry great
number ewen seems to care werry much about wisiting my own
Queer Street. But there’s no dowt that he must have seen a lot,
and this is wot made me respeck him to a xtent as I never thort I
cood have respected a mere Forrener, which he was an Amerrycane.
He said, that for a display of amost unboundless welth, and luxery,
and rifinement, he had seen nothink in the whole world, and he
dicin’ t beleive as noboddy else ever had, equal to Hide Park on such
summers evenins as we ’ve been a having this month. I was that
pleased with the great Traweller that I gave him another cupple of
Pluvers Egs, for which he mildly thankt me with a decided wink,
and I pade him ewery posserbel attenshun during the rest of a rayther
longish Bankwet. He said, he had seen Long Sham at Parris and
the Shams Elizzy, but they wasn’t to be compared to Hide Park,
no, not for a singel moment. By the by they seems rayther fond
of Shams at Paris, but there suttenly seems one xcepshun, and that
is the big Xebishun with the great big Rifle Tower, that the great
Traweller told us is as igh as our own bewtifool Moniment wood be
if so be as it was howdaciously stuck on the werry top of our own
splendacious Sant Paul’s, and then Nelson’s Monument at Trefalger
Square stuck bang on the werry top of that, and then Temple Bar
and the sillybrated Griffin on the top of all! But of coarse one must
make all customary allowances for Trawellers’ Tails. For instance
now, seeing how cumferally they all took in his wundrus tail of
the Rifle Tower, he acshally had the owdacity to tell them that one
day when he was up at the werry top of it, a desprate storm of
litening and thunder bust out, and he cood see them all flashing
away hundreds of feet below him! I do at wunce confess as I had
as much as ever I cood do to look suflishent serous not to atract
attenshun.

"Well, the werry fust wacant day as I had arter this most emusing
evening, I spent a nour or two in the Park, and I must confess as I
quite agreed with the great Traweller, though I had never seen the
two great Paris Shams. Here was Royal Princesses, and Dooks, and
Erls, and Barren Lords, and Fare Ladys, by the hundred, if not
thousand, and all with their wery best close on, a driving up and
down before me in their werry best carridges ; and them as coudn’t
afford Carridges, a riding on their hansum horses, Ladys as well as
Gents, and not one of ’em a falling off, and all to oblidge me, and
such as me! Ah, they is a kind lot, they is, and quite_ deserves
their jolly good luck. And what did it all cost me, includin a most
cumferal chair ? Why, just Tuppence! I calls it the werry
cheapest Show in Lundon, as well as the werry bewtifoollest.

To make the place ewen more inchanting, if posserbel, I’m told as
H.R.H. the Princess of Wales, as ewery body respecks, and wood
suttenly love, in a respecfool way, if so be as Her Royal Usband
wood ellow it, has orderd quantitys of the most lovely flowers to be
sown there. So, what with the bewtifool Ladys, and the bewtifool
horses, and the bewtifool carridges, and the bewtifool flowers, I shood
naterally call it “Bewty Row.” But now cums one of them reel
staggerers, as we finds so plentyfool in our good old Country. I
scarce xpecs to be beleeved when I says that its reel name is
Rotten Row! of aU names in the world, when I declares to good-
ness as I didn’t see not one rotten flower among ’em all, no, not ewen
among the lovely Rododderendrons.

There isn’t quite so much good natur and kindness amung the
bewtifool Ladies of the werry hiest classes as I shood have xpected.
There was many and many on ’em a riding in most splendid
carridges, all alone, and drawn by two horses; and though there
was duzzens of hansum yung swells, so tired, pore fellers, that they
was obligated to lean against the railings to rest theirselves, and so
hungry that they kept on a trying to bite off the tops of their canes,
I didn’t see not one of ’em offered a seat. I dessay it_ wood ha bin
werry different in one case, as I knowd cum from the civil City, but,
unfortnitly, they had four hinsides, and ony one orse.

But, after all, I’m not so werry sure as there isn’t sumboddy as
injoys the drives in the bewtifool Park ewen more than the Masters
and Missesses of the horses and carridges, and that’s lordly Charles
the Footman! I loves to watch him as he dashes by me, a setting
on the box seat by the side of the carefull Coachman. I can see how
quietly he’s a making his sarkastic remarks. What does he know
or care about Rates and Taxes, and other botherashuns. He doesn’t
pay for hansum close, he ony wears ’em; he doesn’t pay for his
wittles and drink, he ony consumes ’em ; and he knows full well
that there wiU be jest a nice littel bit of sumthink, that Cook knows
his parsheality for, a waiting for him on his _ reach in home, for
which his artemoon drive will have given him quite a little appytite.
Ah, lucky Charles ! Why was I not a lordly Footman, rather than
hard-working _ Robert.

The Emperor’s Farewell to the British Fleet.—“Tartar!”

VOL. XCVTI.

G