Punch: Punch (97.1889)

186

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 19, 1889.

INFELICITOUS QUOTATIONS.

Mr. Plumpington. “A—yes! I went to Nuremberg on Business, you know, and left my Wife in London I I thought
the Journey might be too much for her ! ”

Tommy. “Ah, I see. ‘This little Pig went to Market—this little Pig stayed at Home !’”

ORPHEUS LULLS CERBERUS.

(Modern Teutonic Version.)

“ Cerberus barked a little, and stirred himself;
but, when I quickly struck my lyre, he was at
once charmed to silence by the melody.”—Lucian’s
Menippus.

“’Tis sweet to hear the honest watch-do?
bark.”

Well, that depends, my truly British B tron.
The triple-heaaed one is yelping. Hark !
That will not suit the Man of Blood and
Iron.

To keep a watch-dog, and to bark oneself,

Is looked upon as quite the height of
folly; [Guelph,

Perhaps—in that queer kingdom of the
At present watched by my sagacious Solly.
But here—well, Cerberus serves us best
when napping—

I cannot have too much promiscuous yapping.

Good dog, and useful!—under due control.

An obvious “ leader,” or obtrusive muzzle
Would hardly do. No, I must seek my goal
By other paths that duller wits might
puzzle. [here;

Monro’s frank mandate would not suit us
To nab this dog would beat the average
“Bobby;”

But I ’ll make shift to catch him—by the
ear; . [hobby.

Lyre-thrumming, a la Orpheus, is my
He and Apollo at the art might whip us,

But—I’m as good a mimic as Menippus.

My own Eurydice,—I call her Pax,—

I must secure, and mean to, at all hazards.

To soothe the triple heads my powers will
tax ;

I’d like to smite the monster “o’er the
mazzards,”

As Shakspeare says, but that will hardly do ;
They might resent it, and begin to wrangle.

No. I will try the charm of tootle-too,
Likewise the subtle spell of twingle
twangle. [Orpheus,

And when I ’ve patly played my part as

Cerberus will soon be in the arms of Morpheus

Two heads of him at least; as for the third,
With that I have a private understanding.

That “ OuTiDANOS,”(he is most absurd),
Fancies his skill at Cerberus-commanding ;

Thinks he’s a better Orpheus, far, than I :

He may be—-upon trees and (British) cattle;

But I should like to see the sophist try
To soothe this creature ; there would be a
battle!

He’d soon be in the state—oh, absit omen ! —

Of him who angered those wild Thracian
women.

He subtle and sagacious “ Outis ” P Nay,

He’s much more like a purblind Poly-
phemus,

Flinging big rocks about in his wild way.

He may out-chatter, but he can’t out-
scheme us.

Yes, I must keep my own dear Cerberus calm
My policy ’s not mad, but metamorphic.

Tum-tum ! That falls upon his ears like balm.
Twang-twang ! I think that strain is truly
Orphic.

He thinks I’m really Orpheus and no stranger,

And whilst he’s in a drowse, there’s little
danger. [Left twangling.

A LATH LOVE-SONG.

For me alone!

I know not why it should be so,

She loves me—will not let me go;

Yet I am—I will own it—slow,

And round the waist inclined to gi o w.

Yet glances she will at me throw,

Which make my heart with rapture glow,
And this is too absurd you know.

The great world passing to and fro
Was fain to leave her on the shelf.

Whatso F She keeps her sacred self
For me alone!

For me alone!

She is not fair to outward view ;

Her loveliness I never knew
Until the girls were getting few
Who took my vows au serieux.

And, fancy to affection true,

Proceeded lavish to endue
With every grace the pallid shrew,

Who, like Diana, will pursue

The heart, though not without an “ E.”
And fixes her affections free
On me alone!

For me alone ! She will not brook
Trim parlour-maid or comely cook ;

She shepherds me with shortest crook,

And sees in my austerest look
Things that one reads in yellow-book.

I should not mourn if she forsook
This strain’d fidelity, and took
Herself awhile to other scenes ;

Though well—though very well—she means,
She grapples me with steely hook ;

Ah! would she leave our ingle-nook
To me alone!