DOI issue:
October 26, 1889
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17688#0209
204 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 26, 1889.
First Censor. Can’t pass those two epithets—you must tone them
down, Mr. Wheedler —much too suggestive!
Mr. TV. That shall be done.
The Chairman. And it ought to he “ sky.”
Mr. TV. “ When amid the lush meadows I met her,
My Molly, so modest and true! ”
Second Censor. I object to the word “lush”—a direct incitement
to intemperance!
Mr. TF. I ’ll strike it out. (Reads.)
‘1 Around us the little kids rollicked,
Lighthearted were all the young lambs-”
Second Censor. Surely “kids” is rather a vulgar expression,
Mr. Wheedles ? Make it “ children,” and I ’ve no objection.
Mr. TV. I have made it so. (Reads.)
“ They kicked up their legs as they frolicked-”
Third Censor. If that is intended to he done on the stage, I protest
most strongly—a highly indecorous exhibition !
\_Murmurs of approval.
Mr. IF. But they ’re only lambs !
Third Censor. Lambs, indeed! We are determined to put down
all kicking in Music-hall songs, no matter who does it! Strike that
line out.
Mr. TV. (reading). “And frisked by the side of their dams.”
First Censor (severely). No profanity, Mr. Wheedles, if you
please!
Mr. W. Er—I ’ll read you the Refrain. (Reads, limply.
“ Molly and I. With nobody nigh.
Hearts all a-throb with a rapturous bliss,
Molly was shy. And (at first) so was I—
Till I summoned up courage to ask for a kiss! ”
The Chairman. “ Nobody nigh,” Mr. Wheedler ? I don’t quite
like that. The Music-Hall ought to set a good example to young
persons. “ Molly and I—with her chaperon by,” is better.
Second Censor. And that last line—'“asking for a kiss”—does
the song state that they were formally engaged, Mr. Wheedler P
Mr. TV. I — I believe it omits to mention the fact. But
(ingeniously) it does not appear that the request was complied with.
Second Censor. No matter—it should never have been made.
Have the goodness to alter that into—well, something of this kind.
“And I always addressed her politely as ‘Miss,’—Then we may
pass it.
Mr. TV. (reading the next verse).
“ She wore hut a simple sun-bonnet.”
First Censor (shocked). Now really, Mr. Wheedler, really, Sir !
Mr. TV. “ Eor Molly goes plainly attired.”
First Censor (indignantly). I should think so—Scandalous !
Mr. IF. ‘ ‘ Malediction I muttered upon it,
One glimpse of her face I desired.”
The Chairman. I think my colleague’s exception is perhaps just a
leetle far-fetched. At all events, if we substitute for the last
couplet,— “ Her dress is sufficient—though on it
She only spends what is strictly required.”
Eh, Mr.. Wheedler ? Then'we work in a moral as well, you see,
and avoid malediction, which can only mean had language,
Mr. TF. (doubtfully). With all respect, I submit that it doesn’t
scan quite so well-—-
The Chairman (sharply). I venture to think scansion may he
sacrificed to propriety, occasionally, Mr. Wheedler—hut pray go on.
w Mr. TV. (continuing). “ To a streamlet we rambled together.
I carried her tenderly o’er.
In my arms—she’s as light as a feather—
That sweetest of burdens I bore ! ”
First Censor. I really must protest. No properly conducted young
woman would ever have permitted such a thing. You must alter
that, Mr. Wheedler !
Second C. And I don’t know—hut I rather fancy there’s a
“ double-intender ” in that word “ light”—(to colleague)—it strikes
me—eh ?—what do you think ?-
The Chairman (in a conciliatory manner). I am inclined to agree
to some extent—not that I consider the words particularly objection-
able in themselves, hut we are men of the world, Mr. Wheedler,
and as such we cannot shut our eyes to the fact that a Music-hall
audience is only too apt to find significance in many apparently
innocent expressions and phrases.
Mr. TF. But, Sir, I understood from your remarks recently that
the Democracy were strongly opposed to anything inVthe nature of
suggestiveness!
The Ch. Exactly so ; and therefore we cannot allow their suscep-
tibilities to be shocked.. (With a severe jocosity.) Molly and you,
Mr. Wheedler, must either ford the stream like ordinary persons,
or stay where you are.
Mr. TF. (depressed). I may as well read the last verse, Lsuppose:—
“ Then under the flickering willow
I lay by the rivulet’s brink,
With her lap for a sumptuous pillow-”
First Censor. We can’t have that. It is really not respectable.
The Ch. (pleasantly). Can’t we alter it slightly? “I’d brought
a small portable pillow.” No objection to that!
\The other Censors express dissent in undertones.
Mr. W. “ Till I owned that I longed for a drink.”
Third C. No, no! “A drink” ! We all know what that means
—alcoholic stimulant of some kind. At all events that’s how the
audience are certain to take it.
Mr. TF. (feebly). “ So Molly her pretty hands hollowed
Into curves like an exquisite cup,
And draughts so delicious I swallowed,
That rivulet nearly dried up! ”
Third C. Well, Mr. Wheedler, you’re not going to defend that,
I hope ?
Mr. W. I’m not prepared to deny that it is silly—very silly—hut
hardly—er—vulgar, I should have thought ?
Third C. That is a question of taste, which we won’t dispute.
I call it distinctly vulgar. Why can’t he drink out of his own hands ?
The Ch. (blandly). Allow me. How would this do for the second
line? “ She had a collapsible cup.” A good many people do carry
them. I have one myself. Is that all of your Ballad, Mr. Wheedler ?
Mr. W. (with great relief). That is all, Sir.
[Censors withdraw, to consider the question.
The Ch. (after consultation with Colleagues). We have carefully
considered this song, and we are all reluctantly of opinion that we
cannot, consistently with our duty, recommend the Council to license
it—even with the alterations my colleagues and myself have gone
somewhat out of our way to suggest. The whole subject is too
dangerous for a hall in which young persons of both sexes are likely
to he found assembled; and the absence of any distinct assertion
that the young couple—Molly and—ah—the gentleman who narrates
the experience—are betrothed, or that their attachment is, in any
way, sanctioned by their parents or guardians, is quite fatal. If
we have another Ballad of a similar character from the same quarter,
Mr. Wheedler, I feel bound to warn you that we may possibly
consider it necessary to advise that the poet’s licence should be
cancelled altogether.
Mr. W. I will take care to mention it to my client, Sir. I
understand it is his intention to confine himself to writing Gaiety
burlesques in future.
The Ch. A very laudable resolution ! I hope he will keep it.
[Scene closes in.
“CULTURE IN OLE VIRGINNY.”
Probable result of importing Millet’s “Angelas ” into the United States.
Ex Anthologia.—Excerpts from Mr. Graham R. Toms on’s edition
oiiTranslations from the Creek Anthology will be known in future
as “Ex Antho-(roll)-logia.” One epigram of Xylokylindros of
Sidon has escaped the Editor. It runs as follows:—
Though till now unfamed in story, I Alma, spread thy verses freely
Modern tho’ thy method be, | Through the Greek Anthology.
Horsemanship and Chairmanship.—Mr. Punch sincerely con-
gratulates “Mr. Rosebery” on his recovery, and on his pluck in
taking the Chair at the London County Council, and sticking to the
business in such a thorough manner as he did last Friday. The
Muck Dougall and Charitable Charrington must feel that “appro-
bation from ‘ Mr. Rosebery’ is praise indeed ! ” As an equestrian,
may he never experience a tumble, and, as Chairman of the L. C. C.,
may he long he able to keep his seat.
HOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
First Censor. Can’t pass those two epithets—you must tone them
down, Mr. Wheedler —much too suggestive!
Mr. TV. That shall be done.
The Chairman. And it ought to he “ sky.”
Mr. TV. “ When amid the lush meadows I met her,
My Molly, so modest and true! ”
Second Censor. I object to the word “lush”—a direct incitement
to intemperance!
Mr. TF. I ’ll strike it out. (Reads.)
‘1 Around us the little kids rollicked,
Lighthearted were all the young lambs-”
Second Censor. Surely “kids” is rather a vulgar expression,
Mr. Wheedles ? Make it “ children,” and I ’ve no objection.
Mr. TV. I have made it so. (Reads.)
“ They kicked up their legs as they frolicked-”
Third Censor. If that is intended to he done on the stage, I protest
most strongly—a highly indecorous exhibition !
\_Murmurs of approval.
Mr. IF. But they ’re only lambs !
Third Censor. Lambs, indeed! We are determined to put down
all kicking in Music-hall songs, no matter who does it! Strike that
line out.
Mr. TV. (reading). “And frisked by the side of their dams.”
First Censor (severely). No profanity, Mr. Wheedles, if you
please!
Mr. W. Er—I ’ll read you the Refrain. (Reads, limply.
“ Molly and I. With nobody nigh.
Hearts all a-throb with a rapturous bliss,
Molly was shy. And (at first) so was I—
Till I summoned up courage to ask for a kiss! ”
The Chairman. “ Nobody nigh,” Mr. Wheedler ? I don’t quite
like that. The Music-Hall ought to set a good example to young
persons. “ Molly and I—with her chaperon by,” is better.
Second Censor. And that last line—'“asking for a kiss”—does
the song state that they were formally engaged, Mr. Wheedler P
Mr. TV. I — I believe it omits to mention the fact. But
(ingeniously) it does not appear that the request was complied with.
Second Censor. No matter—it should never have been made.
Have the goodness to alter that into—well, something of this kind.
“And I always addressed her politely as ‘Miss,’—Then we may
pass it.
Mr. TV. (reading the next verse).
“ She wore hut a simple sun-bonnet.”
First Censor (shocked). Now really, Mr. Wheedler, really, Sir !
Mr. TV. “ Eor Molly goes plainly attired.”
First Censor (indignantly). I should think so—Scandalous !
Mr. IF. ‘ ‘ Malediction I muttered upon it,
One glimpse of her face I desired.”
The Chairman. I think my colleague’s exception is perhaps just a
leetle far-fetched. At all events, if we substitute for the last
couplet,— “ Her dress is sufficient—though on it
She only spends what is strictly required.”
Eh, Mr.. Wheedler ? Then'we work in a moral as well, you see,
and avoid malediction, which can only mean had language,
Mr. TF. (doubtfully). With all respect, I submit that it doesn’t
scan quite so well-—-
The Chairman (sharply). I venture to think scansion may he
sacrificed to propriety, occasionally, Mr. Wheedler—hut pray go on.
w Mr. TV. (continuing). “ To a streamlet we rambled together.
I carried her tenderly o’er.
In my arms—she’s as light as a feather—
That sweetest of burdens I bore ! ”
First Censor. I really must protest. No properly conducted young
woman would ever have permitted such a thing. You must alter
that, Mr. Wheedler !
Second C. And I don’t know—hut I rather fancy there’s a
“ double-intender ” in that word “ light”—(to colleague)—it strikes
me—eh ?—what do you think ?-
The Chairman (in a conciliatory manner). I am inclined to agree
to some extent—not that I consider the words particularly objection-
able in themselves, hut we are men of the world, Mr. Wheedler,
and as such we cannot shut our eyes to the fact that a Music-hall
audience is only too apt to find significance in many apparently
innocent expressions and phrases.
Mr. TF. But, Sir, I understood from your remarks recently that
the Democracy were strongly opposed to anything inVthe nature of
suggestiveness!
The Ch. Exactly so ; and therefore we cannot allow their suscep-
tibilities to be shocked.. (With a severe jocosity.) Molly and you,
Mr. Wheedler, must either ford the stream like ordinary persons,
or stay where you are.
Mr. TF. (depressed). I may as well read the last verse, Lsuppose:—
“ Then under the flickering willow
I lay by the rivulet’s brink,
With her lap for a sumptuous pillow-”
First Censor. We can’t have that. It is really not respectable.
The Ch. (pleasantly). Can’t we alter it slightly? “I’d brought
a small portable pillow.” No objection to that!
\The other Censors express dissent in undertones.
Mr. W. “ Till I owned that I longed for a drink.”
Third C. No, no! “A drink” ! We all know what that means
—alcoholic stimulant of some kind. At all events that’s how the
audience are certain to take it.
Mr. TF. (feebly). “ So Molly her pretty hands hollowed
Into curves like an exquisite cup,
And draughts so delicious I swallowed,
That rivulet nearly dried up! ”
Third C. Well, Mr. Wheedler, you’re not going to defend that,
I hope ?
Mr. W. I’m not prepared to deny that it is silly—very silly—hut
hardly—er—vulgar, I should have thought ?
Third C. That is a question of taste, which we won’t dispute.
I call it distinctly vulgar. Why can’t he drink out of his own hands ?
The Ch. (blandly). Allow me. How would this do for the second
line? “ She had a collapsible cup.” A good many people do carry
them. I have one myself. Is that all of your Ballad, Mr. Wheedler ?
Mr. W. (with great relief). That is all, Sir.
[Censors withdraw, to consider the question.
The Ch. (after consultation with Colleagues). We have carefully
considered this song, and we are all reluctantly of opinion that we
cannot, consistently with our duty, recommend the Council to license
it—even with the alterations my colleagues and myself have gone
somewhat out of our way to suggest. The whole subject is too
dangerous for a hall in which young persons of both sexes are likely
to he found assembled; and the absence of any distinct assertion
that the young couple—Molly and—ah—the gentleman who narrates
the experience—are betrothed, or that their attachment is, in any
way, sanctioned by their parents or guardians, is quite fatal. If
we have another Ballad of a similar character from the same quarter,
Mr. Wheedler, I feel bound to warn you that we may possibly
consider it necessary to advise that the poet’s licence should be
cancelled altogether.
Mr. W. I will take care to mention it to my client, Sir. I
understand it is his intention to confine himself to writing Gaiety
burlesques in future.
The Ch. A very laudable resolution ! I hope he will keep it.
[Scene closes in.
“CULTURE IN OLE VIRGINNY.”
Probable result of importing Millet’s “Angelas ” into the United States.
Ex Anthologia.—Excerpts from Mr. Graham R. Toms on’s edition
oiiTranslations from the Creek Anthology will be known in future
as “Ex Antho-(roll)-logia.” One epigram of Xylokylindros of
Sidon has escaped the Editor. It runs as follows:—
Though till now unfamed in story, I Alma, spread thy verses freely
Modern tho’ thy method be, | Through the Greek Anthology.
Horsemanship and Chairmanship.—Mr. Punch sincerely con-
gratulates “Mr. Rosebery” on his recovery, and on his pluck in
taking the Chair at the London County Council, and sticking to the
business in such a thorough manner as he did last Friday. The
Muck Dougall and Charitable Charrington must feel that “appro-
bation from ‘ Mr. Rosebery’ is praise indeed ! ” As an equestrian,
may he never experience a tumble, and, as Chairman of the L. C. C.,
may he long he able to keep his seat.
HOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.