DOI issue:
November 23, 1889
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17688#0254
November 23, 1889.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VENEZUELA.
The Place to spend a Happy Day !
[“United. States Consul Plumacher sends to
Washington from Venezuela a very remarkable
report, especially interesting to students of natural
history.”—Brooklyn Eagle, and London Papers.']
Op yermin, on a liberal scale, a
Variety has Yenezuela ;
In fact that favoured land must be
A School of Natural History !
And quite a rising1 health-resort.
Read Consul Plumages ids Report!
The Student starts with being bled
By vampires as he lies in bed,
And he will be relieved to know
They ’ll only tackle his big toe.
At breakfast time an omelette
Of Alligator’s eggs he ’ll get,
With (he ’ll grow of the dainty fond) a
Cut from the juicy Anaconda!
And when his morning walk he takes,
He ’ll meet some interesting snakes !
The Boa, inclined to be “ constrictive,”
But seldom (till annoyed) vindictive ;
The Tiger-snake from “ Macaurel”
’Tis easy, from their bite to tell:
The one is deadly, savants state all,
The other’s fang is merely fatal.
The Sobadora should amuse him,
(Especially if it pursues him)
For when, as cads would say, it “ cops” him,
That sarpint sets to work and whops him !
Its head will superintend the whacking,
Its tail, like any horsewhip, smacking.
To cool the smart our Student soon
Will take a dip in some lagoon ;
Though he his fate will surely go to seal,
Should he disturb the grim Gymnotus eel!
Uncomfortable too will he be,
■ If spotted swimming by “ Caribe,”
They ’re tiny fish, to sharks in greed alike,
With double rows of teeth—all needle-like !
Should he contrive to gain the shore,
HE mind he ’ll turn to insect-lore :
The capture of a Scorpion
May yield him scientific fun,
But cautious handling it will need.
(’Tis likewise with the Centipede.)
A casual nip from some Tarantula—
To use a hybrid phrase—will “ plant you Id.”
Next, if no accident he dreads,
He ’ll interview the quadrupeds;
The Peccary, or native hog,
When tame, is faithful as a dog ;
If savage, on the contrary,
It chivies hunters up a tree!
Big apes (they term them “ Araguatoj”)
Fill forests with their loud staccato.
There, too, are monkeys “ known to Buppon,”
And most who furnish, at the Zoo, fun ;
With ardour, too, he will be warming
To find Carnivora are “ swarming,”
He ’ll soon acquire, we may assume, a
Familiar knowledge of the Puma,
Distinguishing the faithful Ounces
From Wildcats, merely by their pounces !
But, Plumacher, a wicked wag you are,
To tell him “ not to mind the Jaguar ! ”
And then, it sounds so braggadocious!
To add—“These beasts are all ferocious.”
In our prosaically kept isle,
We only sport one noxious reptile,
Carnivora we have to go
And study at a Wild Beast Show.
And your report is so instructive,
It paints a picture so seductive,
Our Naturalists will long to meet yours,
And see all those eccentric creatures.
So on a visit they ’ll determine
To Yenezuela and its vermin.
[Punch doesn’t know what will become of ’em,
But trusts they ’ll all return—or some of ’em !)
LATEST FROM THE LAW COURTS.
(A Spinster in the Box.)
Question. How old are you F
Answer. I really don’t know—besides, it s
rude to question a Lady.
Q. Will you swear you are under forty ?
A. No—but I may be.
Q. Is it not a fact that you will never see
your fiftieth birthday ?
A. So I have been told.
Q. Have you ever had an offer of marriage ?
A. Never—to my knowledge.
Q. Is it not true that you are one of the
ugliest of your sex ?
A. So it has been said by other Ladies.
Q. Ladies! That is the second time you
have used that expression. Will you swear
that “ females” would not be the better
word ?
A. Well, perhaps it might.
Q. And you are the sort of woman that
would stay in Court during the Besant trial,
in spite of Mr. Baron Huddleston’s remon-
strances, are you not F
A. Yes, I suppose I am.
Q. And can you imagine anyone more
degraded or horrible F
A. Well, to be frank with you, I cannot!
But there, pray excuse me further attend-
ance, as I wish to see a man sentenced
to be hanged!
[ The iVitness then hurriedly withdrew.
Mem. About the Colston Banquets.—I
would rather dine at the “Dolphin,” where
one would be expected to drink like a fish—
as they do, I suppose, on “ The General Por-
poises Committee ” in the City—than he
invited to the “Anchor” to dine with the
Anchorites.
Captain Steer er, B.N. “ Unship that fokrard beggar, Johnson, and we’ll Tow him home astern!”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VENEZUELA.
The Place to spend a Happy Day !
[“United. States Consul Plumacher sends to
Washington from Venezuela a very remarkable
report, especially interesting to students of natural
history.”—Brooklyn Eagle, and London Papers.']
Op yermin, on a liberal scale, a
Variety has Yenezuela ;
In fact that favoured land must be
A School of Natural History !
And quite a rising1 health-resort.
Read Consul Plumages ids Report!
The Student starts with being bled
By vampires as he lies in bed,
And he will be relieved to know
They ’ll only tackle his big toe.
At breakfast time an omelette
Of Alligator’s eggs he ’ll get,
With (he ’ll grow of the dainty fond) a
Cut from the juicy Anaconda!
And when his morning walk he takes,
He ’ll meet some interesting snakes !
The Boa, inclined to be “ constrictive,”
But seldom (till annoyed) vindictive ;
The Tiger-snake from “ Macaurel”
’Tis easy, from their bite to tell:
The one is deadly, savants state all,
The other’s fang is merely fatal.
The Sobadora should amuse him,
(Especially if it pursues him)
For when, as cads would say, it “ cops” him,
That sarpint sets to work and whops him !
Its head will superintend the whacking,
Its tail, like any horsewhip, smacking.
To cool the smart our Student soon
Will take a dip in some lagoon ;
Though he his fate will surely go to seal,
Should he disturb the grim Gymnotus eel!
Uncomfortable too will he be,
■ If spotted swimming by “ Caribe,”
They ’re tiny fish, to sharks in greed alike,
With double rows of teeth—all needle-like !
Should he contrive to gain the shore,
HE mind he ’ll turn to insect-lore :
The capture of a Scorpion
May yield him scientific fun,
But cautious handling it will need.
(’Tis likewise with the Centipede.)
A casual nip from some Tarantula—
To use a hybrid phrase—will “ plant you Id.”
Next, if no accident he dreads,
He ’ll interview the quadrupeds;
The Peccary, or native hog,
When tame, is faithful as a dog ;
If savage, on the contrary,
It chivies hunters up a tree!
Big apes (they term them “ Araguatoj”)
Fill forests with their loud staccato.
There, too, are monkeys “ known to Buppon,”
And most who furnish, at the Zoo, fun ;
With ardour, too, he will be warming
To find Carnivora are “ swarming,”
He ’ll soon acquire, we may assume, a
Familiar knowledge of the Puma,
Distinguishing the faithful Ounces
From Wildcats, merely by their pounces !
But, Plumacher, a wicked wag you are,
To tell him “ not to mind the Jaguar ! ”
And then, it sounds so braggadocious!
To add—“These beasts are all ferocious.”
In our prosaically kept isle,
We only sport one noxious reptile,
Carnivora we have to go
And study at a Wild Beast Show.
And your report is so instructive,
It paints a picture so seductive,
Our Naturalists will long to meet yours,
And see all those eccentric creatures.
So on a visit they ’ll determine
To Yenezuela and its vermin.
[Punch doesn’t know what will become of ’em,
But trusts they ’ll all return—or some of ’em !)
LATEST FROM THE LAW COURTS.
(A Spinster in the Box.)
Question. How old are you F
Answer. I really don’t know—besides, it s
rude to question a Lady.
Q. Will you swear you are under forty ?
A. No—but I may be.
Q. Is it not a fact that you will never see
your fiftieth birthday ?
A. So I have been told.
Q. Have you ever had an offer of marriage ?
A. Never—to my knowledge.
Q. Is it not true that you are one of the
ugliest of your sex ?
A. So it has been said by other Ladies.
Q. Ladies! That is the second time you
have used that expression. Will you swear
that “ females” would not be the better
word ?
A. Well, perhaps it might.
Q. And you are the sort of woman that
would stay in Court during the Besant trial,
in spite of Mr. Baron Huddleston’s remon-
strances, are you not F
A. Yes, I suppose I am.
Q. And can you imagine anyone more
degraded or horrible F
A. Well, to be frank with you, I cannot!
But there, pray excuse me further attend-
ance, as I wish to see a man sentenced
to be hanged!
[ The iVitness then hurriedly withdrew.
Mem. About the Colston Banquets.—I
would rather dine at the “Dolphin,” where
one would be expected to drink like a fish—
as they do, I suppose, on “ The General Por-
poises Committee ” in the City—than he
invited to the “Anchor” to dine with the
Anchorites.
Captain Steer er, B.N. “ Unship that fokrard beggar, Johnson, and we’ll Tow him home astern!”