Punch (103.1892)

122 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 17, 1892.

INNS AND OUTS.

No. III.—The Poetee.
I had intended to have written this week about " Loggosh "—in-

you are penned till the train arrives, when, lo! the chueker-ont!
smiling and bowing as if he had never seen me before — "Is
better I retchistar de loggosh, Sar; pity shentlemans like you, Sar,
retchistar de loggosh."

eluding that mysterious I turn on my heel with

canvass hand-box which an imprecation which " In-

eontains all that a foreigner gleese-spikers " understand,

cares to carry about with /mmMf ffi^Slh, ^ ne s^ wa^s there,

him by day, and often pil- ^0: /M'mM ^mSK^ smiling, and expecting to

lows him when travelling /TkMmfflL f^^wM%^»^^^^ be tipped. Let him wait.

by night; but the very 4, ^^K^^^k\-A \ f Wff/MW^^^^ ^° mucn ^or the Omnibus-

mention of luggage brings M, QmM^ li'iBlB^^^ Porter—at once the Gamp

me back to _ the Porter. I M/////^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^w£§iilmlfi^^^^ an<^ Undertaker of my Grand

abominate him. I am "one //////////^^^ J ^^^^^^m^m^Mmllff^^^^^^^^^^^^ Hotel existence,

who has suffered." So here W'^0V\ i ' I ^^^Hl^/nuMl^^^^^^^^^^?^ e House-Porter is of

goes! </$i0N\t\ I '/ //Ai^^^W^^M^^^^^^^^mMW^^^^ equal size, and equal use-

" Imposing-," best de- /?, ffi0f) \ \ / W^^^^^^^^M^^^m^^M^. lessness. He sits in the

scribes the Hotel porter; a M^IM \ 'A V/jlM Iw^^^^^^^^L hall, and always rises and

very Grand Hotel has at /////////'//(y^ \ \ lw\ WW® 1m» P^^^^^^^^^ftk ^a*^%N3> salutes when you pass. If

least two of these imposi- 'Wi////M/, jf I f ' fll flptfwA3 ^^^^^^^^^^Mmth. you wan^ anything, he

tions—the House Porter and ///////^Wfi n ll^SiM«i^o ^^^^^^^^U^MI uk\ waits till you nave got it,

the Omnibus Porter. > The /I'll/MM\jMt I f ^^^^Oyv^^Wmmk a ^ien °^ers to procure

latter you only see twice in Vi'-M[M^wJm \ 7 j V\ ^ for you. If you ask to

your Hotel existence, but ^/j^^^^^m. \\ ' 1 ''W ^'^WS^^^^^^^^^^^f^^^il/l^ ^e ca^e(i early, he chalks

he is the most futile and the ^^^^^^0M ' \ 'llr4'f^ something on a slate, and

deadliest fraud of the two. /^^^^^W^m\\ >< 1 '^^^iw^^^^^^^^m^lf^M^/M^ you are sa^c no^ ^° ^e ^'s~

This Porter is part and ^y^^^^tj^M /, i ll W^IPl fre turbed until you rise in

parcel of that horrible deep- /^K^^mmi^\\\ '< 1 \ lO P^i Wm^^^^^^^M^^ l^y^w/^> your wrath and ring vio-

red-plush nuisance, the 1% >I>mM ' \ If Flit IM^^^^^^^^y/M^u^y^^^ lently. Should you be in

Hotel-omnibus. He and it ^0jW^mWl l'\ h '' un^w3u}liM^^^^^^^^^^!l^^^ a town, an^ w^sn to secure

are inseparables, and make A^^/jOmM i 1 \ \^^^^4^mw^m^^^^^^/W/mii^k^\ theatre-tickets, he becomes

up a sort of Centaur between ^^V%km\% / 1 ilkl^^WhW^^^^^^^^mm^^hs^ more active; he implores

them. Once outside the /WMWiWA '' l! 1 P«^»ffi^Mf»:X you not to resort to " De

Hail way-station, I am be- ^^yMmW§M' j f 7/1 If iSpiNKp^ Boxing Office, vare you pay

sieged by a babel of these „ A '^m^mM1|L_ 1 4jv (y......J( ^^^^^^^^^pwaaBi w/////Mff" premiums, you see;" but

Porter - omnibuses — " Bear j^'il^ ' ie has one or two left for

Hotel, Sor;" "Grand Hotel, W/^Wtn Hi I M^l li^^^^^^KK ^KH ^^^^^ sale. Should you be weak

Sor!"—This, from a very VMlM&mA iPf\\\^^^^^^^BmMWm/A^^^^^ enough to yield, you will

dilapidated specimen, which, i/r^^^^^v\ ' ^^^S I ^^^^^^^^^^^^Sl//////i^lMSm. ^HHH^l? ^•n<^ ^a^ ^e wors^ seats at
on inspection, turns out to |fj..'_^^si^^?^ "^^^^^J^^^^^l^^^^^^ the highest prices are yours ;

be "Grand Hotel Du Lac;_" -.'___S^^^r' ■" ^^^^^^a^^^^-"" and, if you remonstrate

a pirate porter-omnibus in ^^^^^^^^c^--"^^^^" r'^'-^^m^^^^^7"" next day, he will sigh

fact; at last I find The ''^^^^ '<sgi6|§§|g|Kp._^^^^ wearily, and remark,—"Is

Grand Hotel vehicle, and j ^z<~J^J^^Zu~t ,£Spjy~ aoheslant places, Sar ; but

functionary. The latter is it m shentlemans Hke s retchistar de loggosh." was Gala Night you see,"

or gigantic stature; quite a J , . , _ _—an euigma, which those
" chuoker-out; " in a uniform between that of a German bandsman '
and a Salvation Captain—"Certinly, Sar. Dis Grand Hotel; I see

your Loggosh, Sar; gif me se empfangschein." " l)o you speak
English t " I retort.—" Certinly; spik Ingleese — empfangschein ! "
— Empfangschein" baffles me, and I am about to hand my keys to
the monster, when a good-natured Courier explains that it signifies
the luggage-receipt.

Away ambles the Porter, leaving me with that orphaned sort of
feeling which a luggageless Englishman experiences ; it is pouring
cats and dogs; I am dead beat; I creep into the dark omnibus. I
find myself quite alone. I wait impatiently—a quarter of an hour
—twenty-five minutes—still no Porter; I am famished ; to distract
myself, I peer through the door, whence I can discern the messy
vista of the railway-station in the rain; it's lucky I do so; for there
I behold my own portmanteau, with its huge purple stripe, being
hauled away on the back of a railway-man, followed by an alien
Hotel Porter, not mine, doing nothing; they are always doing
nothing. To rush out indignantly, seize my box, defy the brigands,
and carry it back myself, seemed the work of an instant. Drenched
and gasping, I find myself once more _ outside; the Porter of the
Grand Hotel Du Lac is at my heels, furious and impertinent. "Dis,
not your loggosh : other shentleman's loggosh." He seized the port-
manteau, and a struggle would certainly have ensued, when my own
Hotel Porter appeared on the scene triumphant, with a regiment of
station-men carrying one small tin box. "What you do, Sar; see
here, your loggosh I" The tin box belonged to a commercial-
traveller, who was bound for the Hotel Du Lac.

I am too exhausted to curse, and leave the rival Porters to
fight it out themselves, after paying off the ragged regiment of
Station-men. On the drive to the Hotel, the Porter tries to pro-
pitiate me.

"Pity shentlemans like you, Sar, fetch de loggosh. I tell you,
better leave it to me, Sar. You see, J get your loggosh. Dat bizley
Porter of De Hotel Du Lac, he change de empfangschein; but I
sweep it from him, and bring to de 'Bus"—'"Bus" was good—
and then he laughed!

I never saw the brute again until the time of my departure;
I had taken a carriage to the Station this time, thinking thereby to
avoid the Porter-omnibus. I had registered my traps myself, and
was looking out for some one to carry them to the den in which

who run may read. He is always offering to do something, and
doing you instead. He is absolutely unnecessary, for there is
seldom anyone in a Grand Hotel to chuck out," and this would
be his only justification.

THE "BLOWER" BURST UP!

The " Blower " came down, like the braggart he was,
And of winning the fight was peculiarly " poz; "
And the voice of his backers was loud in their glee ;—
" We shall lick him in two rounds—or certainly three ! "

Like the " Champion Slugger," in trunks of bright green,
The " Big Fellow " at Eijrht fifty-two might be seen:
Like a truculent Titan, blind, baffled, and blown,
At Ten thirty-seven the brute was o'erthrown.

For Corbett smote fiercely, and Coebett fought fast,
And the bullying bounder was beaten at last;
And the cheeks of the coarse woman-puncher were chill,
He rolled over, and struggled to rise, and lay still.

And there stood his foe with his nostrils all wide,
And the shouts of his backers rolled on in their pride.
The swells of the Ring and the stars of the Turf
Surged round like the waves of the storm-beaten surf.

And there lay the " Blower," distorted and pale,
With the blood on his brow where the blows fell like hail.
His backers were silent, he lay there alone,
His mawleys unlifted, his trumpet unblown.

And the " Sports " of the South are all loud in their wail.
But Punch, who hates bullying brutes, can but hail
That smart Californian's pluck, skill, and strength,
Who has pricked the big Sullivan bladder—at length!

" Foists et Oeigo."—As to London Water " seek Wells," that is
if you wish to avoid unpleasant seq-uels. "Don't leave Wells
alone " is our motto, meaning " Sir Spencee" of that ilk, who has a
deal worth hearing to say on this subject.