DOI Heft:
October 8, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0165
160 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 8, 1892.
A POOR ROAD TO
LEARNING.
Scene—Interior of a
School Board Office.
Official discovered
hard at work, doing
single-h anded in Lon-
don what is done by
nearly a thousand
officials combined in
" Bonnie Scotland."
Enter Female Appli-
cant, with infant.
Applicant. Please,
Sir, Here's my boy. Can
you take him ?
Official. Certainly.
Has lie had any educa-
tion ?
App. Well, as he's
rising1 five, not much.
Off. But does he
know anything ? For
instance, has he learned
any English history ?
App. Not that I know
of.
Off. Has he dipped
into geography ?
App. Well, I don't
think he has.
Off. Can he cipher at
all?
App. Not very well.
Off. Does he know
what two and two
make ?
App. Well, he has
never said he does.
Off. Can he write ?
App. Well, no, he
doesn't write.
Off. But I suppose he
can read ? Come, he at
least can read P
App. Well, no, Sir,
I am afraid he's not
much of a scholar. I
don't think he can
read.
Off. Then he is abso-
KNILL NISI BONUM.
The good common sense of the Common Councilmen and Liverymen of the City,—
Liverymen not to be led astray by anv false lights,—coupled with their truly English
love of fairplay, prevailed, and the City Fathers on Goose Day were prevented from
following in the goose-steps of that Un-
common Councilman who, bearing the
honoured names of Beatjtoy (a fine
old Norman-Baron title!) and of
Moore (shade of Sir Thomas!!),
made so extraordinary a display _ of
bigotry and ig-
norance as, it is
to be hoped, is
rare, and be-
coming rarer
every day,
among our
worthy John
Gilpins of cre-
dit and renown
East of the
Griffin.
Lord Mayor Elect Knill and the Livery Goose.
But in spite of this nonsensical hot-gospelling rant, Alderman and Sheriff Sttjart
Knill was elected Lord Mayor, while Beatjpoy Moore was, so to speak, no Moore, and,
in fact, very much against his will and wish, was reduced to Nll. Willy-ELnilly he
had to cave in. Mr. Punch congratulates the Lord Mayor Elect, but still more does
he congratulate the City Fathers on rising above paltry sectarianism, so utterly
unworthy of time, place, and persons, and for standing up, in true*English fashion, for
freedom of worship coupled with absolute Liberty of Conscience.
lutely ignorant—miser-
ably ignorant.
App. Very likely, Sir,
—you know best.
Off. Well, now, my
good woman, I will teil
you what we will do with
him. We will teaoh
him to read, write, and
cipher, and give him an
excellent education.
App. And you will
take care of him. Sir ?
Off. Of course we
will take care of him;
and as for his education,
we will-
App. Oh, Sir, so long
as you looks after him,
never you mind about
his education!
[Exit infantless.
TO MAUD.
A Penitent Roundel.
I called you maude. I
only meant to tease,
But somehow, ere I
ended, came to laud
Your charms in my
poor verses. So in
these
I called you
Maude.
"My name is Maud.
And 1 am over-
awed,
Forgive the indiscre-
tion if you please.
The spirit Truth, they
tell me, is abroad,
And since she so-
journs still across the
seas,
I swear I knewthe final
e a fraud—
So that you suffered
from no lack of e's
I called you
Maude !
THE PRIDE OF THE EMPIRE.
At this moment there is really a very excellent extertainment
at the Empire Theatre of Yarieties, something, or rather many
things of which
the Management
may, and should
be proud. A capi-
tal troupe of Bi-
cyclists, a Spanish
Dancer and singer
—whose gestures
to the multitude
are more intelli-
gible than her
language — a
graceful, serpen-
tine dancer, and
'' a very peculiar
American Come-
dian "—all these
are a part of the
programme. But
the best item in
this liberal bill of
fare is Mound the
Town, a charac-
teristic Ballet, in
five tableaux. The
" A Wards with you."' composers of this
pleasing piece are
Madame Katti Lanner, and Mr. George Edwardes. As the lady
is well known for her admirable dances, it may be safely pre-
sumed that the gentleman is solely responsible for the plot, or
rather " the argument." It runs as follows :—"Dr. Btirch, newly
arrived in London with his pupils,
wishes to show them the sights.
What better to begin with than
Covent Garden Market in the early
morning ?" Quite so, the more es-
pecially as the lads must be' very
backward boys. There are six of
them, and the youngest seems about
thirty, and the oldest about double
that age. The Doctor must have
rescued them from Epsom Race
Course, and apparently is attempting
to give them an education fitting
them to follow what seems to be his
own calling—the profession of an
undertaker. These elderly pupils
follow their kind preceptor (for, al-
though he is called Barch, there is
not the slightest suggestion of the
rod about him, and, moreover, his
charges are really too elderly to re-
ceive chastisement) to the Royal
Exchange, the Thames Embankment,
and, lastly, to the Empire. During
their travels, they meet Mr. Bapless,
known as "the Oofless Swell," (a Stock Exchange Swell (Empire
part amusingly played by Mr. W. _ Period).
Warde), and John Brough, a carpenter with a taste for ballet
costumes and drink, the carpenter's wife, and the carpenter's
A POOR ROAD TO
LEARNING.
Scene—Interior of a
School Board Office.
Official discovered
hard at work, doing
single-h anded in Lon-
don what is done by
nearly a thousand
officials combined in
" Bonnie Scotland."
Enter Female Appli-
cant, with infant.
Applicant. Please,
Sir, Here's my boy. Can
you take him ?
Official. Certainly.
Has lie had any educa-
tion ?
App. Well, as he's
rising1 five, not much.
Off. But does he
know anything ? For
instance, has he learned
any English history ?
App. Not that I know
of.
Off. Has he dipped
into geography ?
App. Well, I don't
think he has.
Off. Can he cipher at
all?
App. Not very well.
Off. Does he know
what two and two
make ?
App. Well, he has
never said he does.
Off. Can he write ?
App. Well, no, he
doesn't write.
Off. But I suppose he
can read ? Come, he at
least can read P
App. Well, no, Sir,
I am afraid he's not
much of a scholar. I
don't think he can
read.
Off. Then he is abso-
KNILL NISI BONUM.
The good common sense of the Common Councilmen and Liverymen of the City,—
Liverymen not to be led astray by anv false lights,—coupled with their truly English
love of fairplay, prevailed, and the City Fathers on Goose Day were prevented from
following in the goose-steps of that Un-
common Councilman who, bearing the
honoured names of Beatjtoy (a fine
old Norman-Baron title!) and of
Moore (shade of Sir Thomas!!),
made so extraordinary a display _ of
bigotry and ig-
norance as, it is
to be hoped, is
rare, and be-
coming rarer
every day,
among our
worthy John
Gilpins of cre-
dit and renown
East of the
Griffin.
Lord Mayor Elect Knill and the Livery Goose.
But in spite of this nonsensical hot-gospelling rant, Alderman and Sheriff Sttjart
Knill was elected Lord Mayor, while Beatjpoy Moore was, so to speak, no Moore, and,
in fact, very much against his will and wish, was reduced to Nll. Willy-ELnilly he
had to cave in. Mr. Punch congratulates the Lord Mayor Elect, but still more does
he congratulate the City Fathers on rising above paltry sectarianism, so utterly
unworthy of time, place, and persons, and for standing up, in true*English fashion, for
freedom of worship coupled with absolute Liberty of Conscience.
lutely ignorant—miser-
ably ignorant.
App. Very likely, Sir,
—you know best.
Off. Well, now, my
good woman, I will teil
you what we will do with
him. We will teaoh
him to read, write, and
cipher, and give him an
excellent education.
App. And you will
take care of him. Sir ?
Off. Of course we
will take care of him;
and as for his education,
we will-
App. Oh, Sir, so long
as you looks after him,
never you mind about
his education!
[Exit infantless.
TO MAUD.
A Penitent Roundel.
I called you maude. I
only meant to tease,
But somehow, ere I
ended, came to laud
Your charms in my
poor verses. So in
these
I called you
Maude.
"My name is Maud.
And 1 am over-
awed,
Forgive the indiscre-
tion if you please.
The spirit Truth, they
tell me, is abroad,
And since she so-
journs still across the
seas,
I swear I knewthe final
e a fraud—
So that you suffered
from no lack of e's
I called you
Maude !
THE PRIDE OF THE EMPIRE.
At this moment there is really a very excellent extertainment
at the Empire Theatre of Yarieties, something, or rather many
things of which
the Management
may, and should
be proud. A capi-
tal troupe of Bi-
cyclists, a Spanish
Dancer and singer
—whose gestures
to the multitude
are more intelli-
gible than her
language — a
graceful, serpen-
tine dancer, and
'' a very peculiar
American Come-
dian "—all these
are a part of the
programme. But
the best item in
this liberal bill of
fare is Mound the
Town, a charac-
teristic Ballet, in
five tableaux. The
" A Wards with you."' composers of this
pleasing piece are
Madame Katti Lanner, and Mr. George Edwardes. As the lady
is well known for her admirable dances, it may be safely pre-
sumed that the gentleman is solely responsible for the plot, or
rather " the argument." It runs as follows :—"Dr. Btirch, newly
arrived in London with his pupils,
wishes to show them the sights.
What better to begin with than
Covent Garden Market in the early
morning ?" Quite so, the more es-
pecially as the lads must be' very
backward boys. There are six of
them, and the youngest seems about
thirty, and the oldest about double
that age. The Doctor must have
rescued them from Epsom Race
Course, and apparently is attempting
to give them an education fitting
them to follow what seems to be his
own calling—the profession of an
undertaker. These elderly pupils
follow their kind preceptor (for, al-
though he is called Barch, there is
not the slightest suggestion of the
rod about him, and, moreover, his
charges are really too elderly to re-
ceive chastisement) to the Royal
Exchange, the Thames Embankment,
and, lastly, to the Empire. During
their travels, they meet Mr. Bapless,
known as "the Oofless Swell," (a Stock Exchange Swell (Empire
part amusingly played by Mr. W. _ Period).
Warde), and John Brough, a carpenter with a taste for ballet
costumes and drink, the carpenter's wife, and the carpenter's