Punch (53.1867)

4 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [JuLY 6> l86*-

FEARFUL ORDEAL FOR JONES.

Study of an Italian Signora, singing “Roberto, tu cue adoro.” She is rapt in Dramatic Inspiration, and as she
Sings she unconsciously fixes her ardent Gaze on the bashful Jones, who happens to be standing near. Jones’s Agony
is simply inconceivable.

BEIT ANN I VS BABY-HOUSE.

Air—“ There was an Old Woman.'

There was an old woman who lived in a stew,

She had so many Members she didn’t know what to do -.

So her House she pulled down, built a new one instead,

At a cost that made Bull’s hair rise up on his head.

’Twas the floridest, flashiest plan she could get.

All gurgoyle and crocket, and finial and fret :

With stone Kings and Queens stuck about it in swarms.
Stone angels, stone dragons, and stone coats-of-arms :

Stone lions in crowns, sitting up on one end;

Stone unicorns rampant, in stone panels penn’d •

And windows, for fear too much light should get through.
Dark with monsters heraldic, in green red and blue.

In short, decoration was piled to a pitch.

That, like Melton pork-pies, many tastes found too rich.

But lest its profusion should turn John Bull’s brain,

’Twas the same thing repeated again and again.

There were forests of pinnacles, piercing the air ;

And mazes of lobbies, to goodness knows where :

And by way of direction to wand’rers at need,

Labels writ in black-letter that no one could read.

And a house for the Speaker, where room there was not
Bor swinging his cat, if a cat he had got:

And a tea-room and dining-room gorgeous to see,

But most inconvenient for dinner or tea.

Committee-rooms, stifling when windows were shut,

And by Bather Thames poisoned, when wide they were put:

And a new ventilation for bringing in pure

The air that had travelled for miles through a sewer.

With pride Dame Britannia her new House surveyed
(Though she raised some ado ere the bills were all paid);

But she found, when her Members she came to instal,

That their new Gothic quarters would not hold them ail.

Their tale was six hundred and fifty and eight.

And four hundred at most could find sitting-room strait,;

And when the four hundred were packed, ’twas averred
That the louder the speeches, the less they were heard.

She did all that she could in her Members’ behoof,

She coved in the cornice and lowered the roof,

But acoustic improvement no change would afford :

Sounding bores there were plenty, but no sounding-board !

Then this ill-used Old Woman, she tore her back hair,

And exclaimed, “ I’m a practical female, I swear !

But a House I ’ve had built, planned for seats and for ear.
Where the sitters can’t sit, and the listn’ers can’t hear.

“ Something close on three millions I’ve spent first and last:
On Thames waters, my bread,—yea my ginger-bread,—cast:
I’ve got as fine pie-crust as money could bring,

But when the pie’s opened my black-birds can’t sing !

“ Was ever old woman in such a sad stew !

All these Members to do for, and no room to do L
I’ve paid Barry’s bills, but I wish that, instead, m

I’d cut off his per-centage, and punched his thick head ! ”

What are the Jamaica Committee About ?

The following horrifying notice may be seen in a respectable shop
window hardly more than a stone’s throw from one of our largest
Metropolitan Churches—“ Blacks dyed twice a week.” !! !

“ The New Cabinet Portrait.”—Disraeli the Reformer.