Punch (53.1867)

November 2 1807.1

175

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

A PASSAGE OF ARMS.

Hairdresser. “’Air’s very Dry, Sir!”

Customer (who knows wJiat’s coming). “I like it Dry!”

Hairdresser (after awhile, again advancing to the attack). “ ’Ead’s very So drey,
Sir ! ”

Customer {still cautiously retiring). “ Ya-as, I prefer it Scorfy ! ”

Assailant gives in defeated. I

THE LITE AND DEATH OE CURRAGH
WEEN.

It was on a merry time,

When Curragh Wren was young,

So neatly as she danced,

And so sweetly as she sung !

Private Crossbelts won her
With his coat of red,

He doffed his cap to Jenny,

And thus to her he said :

“My dearest Jenny Wren,

If you will but be mine,

You shall eat nice Curragh-pie,

And drink nice Curragh-wine.”

Jenny listened to him,

And declared her mind :

“Pretty Mr. Soldier,
l lake your offer kind.”

His corps it got ihe route,

Her soldier marched away,

Poor Jenny Wren she followed him
For all his saying, “Nay.”

Now in the furze-bushes,

Girl-beasts in a den.

With five others like her.

Herds Curragh Wren.

Infamy her darkness,

Misery her day;

Whiskey and starvation
Eating life away.

Spring east winds to blench her,

Summer heats to tease,

Autumn rains to drench her,

Winter snows to freeze.

Curragh Wren falls sick,

Curragh Wren must lie,

With the girl-beasts round her,

Watching till she die.

Then the coroner’s jury
Sits on Curragh Wren,

Brings m “ God’s visitation” —

Not villauy of men

GASTRONOMY IN LAMBETH.

The tood question threatens to assume serious proporlions; we
stern to have eaten up all the oysters ; beef aud mutton weigh more
•heavily on the minds than on the stomachs of a good many of us, while
several extraneous sources to which we looked for relief appear to have
failed us. We hoped for ox-tail soup from South America, but hope
told a flattering tale : Charqui, or jerked beef, will not somehow go
down, and Chinese sugar-grass will not come up. Under these cir-
cumstances, we cannot but welcome with lively interest, if not grati-
tude, any one who will discover a new article of food at a moderate
price. We beg, then, to present to an admiring and dining public,
Ain. Owen Sweeney, whose experiments in gastronomy are described
in the lollowing article in the Times of October 21st; we do so the
more readily as he does not appear to have received all that he
deserves : —

“ At Lamberh, Owen Sweeney, a labourer, well known at this Court, was
charged before Mr. Elltott with committing a brutal assault upon William Lewis,
a constable in tbe service of the Grand Surrey Canal Dock Company. The prose- i
cut or stated that at about two o’clock in the afternoon prisoner, in company with j
some twenty or thirty others, came along the canal bank, and endeavoured to (.ass
tbe gate without paying the usual toll Lie told them they could not be allowed to |
go through without payment, upon which they became very abusive and violent. |
The prisoner took up n large stone, and hurled in at prosecutor, but fortunately it
did not strike him. He endeavoured to persuade the men to go away, but prisoner
rushed upon him, and seizing his left hand, bit it three or four times in a savage
manner. A police-constable came up shortly afterwards, and took prisoner into
custody, or he would doubtless have proceeded to further acts of violence. The
prisoner said he was sorry for what had happened, and the Magistrate, after com-
menting upon the brutal nature of the attack, ordered him to' yay a fine of 10s.
or be imprisoned for seven da^s. He was locked up in default.'’

If Mr. Sweeney’s newly invented dish is as relishing as his eager-
ness would lead us to suppose, it caunor, be said to be dear. Why, if

this philosopher had rushed into Fortnum anh Mason’s and takeu
three or four bites out of a Strasbourg pie, or a wild boar’s head, he
would not have got off for ten shillings. In fact, it was too cheap.
When we remember the number of persons of Mr. Sweeney’s tastes
and habits in London, and the comparative scarcity of policemen, it is
evident that unless the consumption is checked by a somewhat higher
tariff, this species of large game will be soon used up. There are so
many reasons just now for strictly preserving policemen’s fists that any
suggestion to this end may be of use. Oue way, then, is pointed out
by another case iu the same day’s paper, and on the same page, where
a sportsman gets five years’ penal servitude for bagging six rings.
Why not, then, let the police be armed with a ring on each finger;
Mr. Sweeney and his friends would think twice before meddling with
fingers so protected by the law.

A heavier punishment than seven days’ imprisonment has often been
imposed on benighted creatures, who, having nowhere else to go,
have taken tbe Hobson’s choice of sleeping, or trying to sleep, in the
open air—at the sign of the beautiful Star, as the French call it, —this
seems to prove r,he truth of the saying, “ II vaut mieux etre ici-las
Gastronome, qii Astronome ! ”

To my Hear Butcher.

Butcher, Butcher, kill a calf;
Charge as much again as half
More than what you ought for veal:
And with you no more 1 ’ll deal.

Hint for the Surrey Theayter.—Nobody’s Child—Reform Bill.