DOI Heft:
September 7, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16880#0107
September 7, 1867. 1_PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 95
ICOLMKILL TO THE RESCUE!
It is not true that
the Ionic order of
architecture de-
rived its name
from Iona, an is-
land, one of the
Hebrides. This
remark may be
instructive to
snobs such as
those whose offen-
ces are recorded
in the annexed
paragraph :—
“ * Preservation
of Ancient Monu-
ments.’— Iona. — A
correspondent of the
Scotsman thus writes
concerning the Iona monuments:— Having recently visited that hallowed
spot, I was grieved to find many of the ancient inscribed tombstones worn
with footmarks and otherwise defaced. Hordes of ragged children were clam-
bering up the ruins; naturalists (unnaturalists rather) were picking the cement
for the sake of ferns, &c., and one visitor was chopping off a block of stone, doubt-
less to be carried away as a relic—another pounding with his umbrella at the
features of a recumbent effigy, with the characteristic remark. ‘ Rum old things,
ain't they?’ In the name of the great Founder of Icolmkill, and of hiH pious
fellow-workers and successors, I plead for the better protection of the ruins of Iona."
0 Dr. Donovan, that phrenology were as trustworthy, in its
practical application as its extreme professors maintain ! Then the
Government might be induced to establish a coastguard of phreno-
logical experts commissioned to prevent all excursionists from landing
in Iona, unless endowed with a reasonably well developed organ of
Veneration. “Rum old things, ain’t they?” ’Arry, who probably
was the maker of this speech, knew not that he was perhaps insulting
the effigy of Macbeth, or a better man than Macbeth, one of the
heroes and kings—Scottish, Norwegian, or French—whose dust under-
lies
“ Iona's piles,
Where rest from mortal coil the Mighty of the Isles ’—
—as the Wizard of the North (not Professor Anderson, ’Arry)
says in his Poem concerning the Lord thereof. As to the naturalists
who picked away the cement of Columba’s Cathedral in culling
cryptogams, every one of them must have been a wretch who would
not scruple to “ peep and botanise upon his mother’s grave,” and, if
there was a mycophagist among them, no doubt he is quite ready to
regale himself on an esculent fungus which has grown in that situation.
The spoiler who chipped off a block of stone to serve for a relic,
might, if that was what he wanted, have followed the example of the
poet and archaeologist above quoted, as set forth in the letter wherein
he tells Joanna Baielie—fortunate Joanna Baillie :—
“ To ballast my letter I put in one of the hallowed green pebbles from the shor*
•of St. Columba.”
A pebble from the shore of St. Columba sufficed the bard, but
nothing less than a stone from the walls could content the blockhead.
Could not the Archaeological Society manage to get a little statute
enacted for the protection of Iona’s sacred ruins, carved and inscribed
tombs and effigies, from mischievous brats, botanists, relic-hunters,
and ’Arry. A Beadle, with a good whip would suffice to deal with
the minor oiienders: the others should all be made liable to a heavy
fine, with the alternative of twenty-one days’ imprisonment and hard
labour.
A VOICE FROM CLAPHAM.
Str,
How did the following statement escape the notice of the
Record ? I copy it from the Times, August 27th :—
“ Captain Gordon, Superintendent of the Military Stores, was on Sunday in
consultation witb.SiR John Pakington and the various officials of the War Depart-
ment in Pall Mall, &c."
On Sunday when they ought all, of course, to have been at, church.
And what, is the “War Department” in Pall M.all?”is it a thin
disguise for the smoking-room of the Rag and Famish, which, Sir, is I
believe the name for the Army and Navy Club ?
Why doesn’t the General Commander-in-Chief of the Church Mili-
tant in England (I allude to the Archbishop oe Canterbury) put
a stop to this sort of thing? He does not, and therefore I have
seceded trom the pew of my forefathers and have joined the Clapham-
Junctionites. I am, Sir, Yours piously, Thomas Howler.
“ Coolie Labour.”—Fanning yourself.
“ PAS POUR JOSEPH.”
Adapted from tlie at present popular English lyric by L’Emtereur
Franz-Joseph, and sung by Himself to himself, with great success
during the recent Imperial Meeting at Salzburg.
**-* Ladies and Gentlemen,— Jour hind indulgence is requested for the
Imperial French translation of the English argot.
N.B. The expressive dramatic business of the Chanson is, wherever it
occurs, m brackets.
The Emperor Napoleon I’m very glad to see,
Aussi iI’Imperatrice with smiles so charming !
And let all European Powers know that there won’t be
The slightest cause lor drilling or for arming.
I’m thinking all the while,
Do I mistrust his smile ?
There’s not a wink, a glance, a shrug, that shows if
He means to stick by me,
Or what’s his real police,
Mere talk won’t wash
Eor Francis-Joseph.
Lav'ra pas,
Lav'ra pas.
Non !
Pas pour Joseph !
We chat away the morning with our seltzer and cigar
Our conversation light as is our claret.
We talk about, the Exhibition in the Champs de Mars,
We’ve no reporter there—no paper Parrot.
He’s ordered in a lot
Of powder, guns, and shot,
He hasn’t told me yet, and Heaven knows if
He means to join with Russia
Or to go to war with Prussia,
Or else to fight with
Erancis-Joseph.
Va ! Allez
Vous promener
Nez ! [ Avec les doigts in extenso.
Pas pour Joseph !
We drive about,, we ride about, and to the theatre go.
All which is very pleasant and amusing ;
We dine, sit up to smoke and sup, returning from some show,
And talk on topics many and confusing.
And after this to bed,
Where to myself I’ve said.
As twixt the sheets I place my royal toes, “ If
You think to humbug me.
On vous vous trompez, cher Louis.”
C’ne lavera pas
Non ! pas pour Joseph.
Lav'ra pas,
Lav'ra pas.
Non !
Pas pour Joseph !
DECORATED CHEATS.
Dear Mr. Punch,
I trust that under the circumstances I may be pardoned for
obtruding my own concerns on your attention. It is not to my taste
generally to court public attention, but I find that my modesty is
really prejudicial to my interests. Eor instance, on looking over the
awards given to wine merchants in the Paris Exposition of this year, I
find that a bronze medal has been awarded to a certain wine firm in
Cette, for “ imitation wines,” and that in another instance, a gentle-
man from the same town engaged in a similar occupation has been
awarded “ an honourable mention.”
I, too. Sir, am interested in the fabrication of “ imitations,” but my
efforts are directed rather to money than to wiue : in short, I have a
great idea that a good business could be done in imitation Bank Notes.
I can assure you they can be produced at twopence each in any
quantities; but hitherto I have had the fear of the police before my
eyes. Hearing, however, that “ imitation wines ” have received the
favour of the great National Exposition under Government patronage in
France, I am induced to believe that the art of falsification is not by
any means criminal. Do you think, Mr. Punch, that if I were to send
a few specimens of Bank of England fivers (imitation) that, they would
be too late to obtain the attention of the Jury on Specie? I may not
aspire to a bronze medal, but perhaps a false bank-note may be as
worthy of an “honourable mention” as an “imitation” ol port or
sherry. Your obedient Servant,
| Seven Dials. A Forger (sub rosd).
ICOLMKILL TO THE RESCUE!
It is not true that
the Ionic order of
architecture de-
rived its name
from Iona, an is-
land, one of the
Hebrides. This
remark may be
instructive to
snobs such as
those whose offen-
ces are recorded
in the annexed
paragraph :—
“ * Preservation
of Ancient Monu-
ments.’— Iona. — A
correspondent of the
Scotsman thus writes
concerning the Iona monuments:— Having recently visited that hallowed
spot, I was grieved to find many of the ancient inscribed tombstones worn
with footmarks and otherwise defaced. Hordes of ragged children were clam-
bering up the ruins; naturalists (unnaturalists rather) were picking the cement
for the sake of ferns, &c., and one visitor was chopping off a block of stone, doubt-
less to be carried away as a relic—another pounding with his umbrella at the
features of a recumbent effigy, with the characteristic remark. ‘ Rum old things,
ain't they?’ In the name of the great Founder of Icolmkill, and of hiH pious
fellow-workers and successors, I plead for the better protection of the ruins of Iona."
0 Dr. Donovan, that phrenology were as trustworthy, in its
practical application as its extreme professors maintain ! Then the
Government might be induced to establish a coastguard of phreno-
logical experts commissioned to prevent all excursionists from landing
in Iona, unless endowed with a reasonably well developed organ of
Veneration. “Rum old things, ain’t they?” ’Arry, who probably
was the maker of this speech, knew not that he was perhaps insulting
the effigy of Macbeth, or a better man than Macbeth, one of the
heroes and kings—Scottish, Norwegian, or French—whose dust under-
lies
“ Iona's piles,
Where rest from mortal coil the Mighty of the Isles ’—
—as the Wizard of the North (not Professor Anderson, ’Arry)
says in his Poem concerning the Lord thereof. As to the naturalists
who picked away the cement of Columba’s Cathedral in culling
cryptogams, every one of them must have been a wretch who would
not scruple to “ peep and botanise upon his mother’s grave,” and, if
there was a mycophagist among them, no doubt he is quite ready to
regale himself on an esculent fungus which has grown in that situation.
The spoiler who chipped off a block of stone to serve for a relic,
might, if that was what he wanted, have followed the example of the
poet and archaeologist above quoted, as set forth in the letter wherein
he tells Joanna Baielie—fortunate Joanna Baillie :—
“ To ballast my letter I put in one of the hallowed green pebbles from the shor*
•of St. Columba.”
A pebble from the shore of St. Columba sufficed the bard, but
nothing less than a stone from the walls could content the blockhead.
Could not the Archaeological Society manage to get a little statute
enacted for the protection of Iona’s sacred ruins, carved and inscribed
tombs and effigies, from mischievous brats, botanists, relic-hunters,
and ’Arry. A Beadle, with a good whip would suffice to deal with
the minor oiienders: the others should all be made liable to a heavy
fine, with the alternative of twenty-one days’ imprisonment and hard
labour.
A VOICE FROM CLAPHAM.
Str,
How did the following statement escape the notice of the
Record ? I copy it from the Times, August 27th :—
“ Captain Gordon, Superintendent of the Military Stores, was on Sunday in
consultation witb.SiR John Pakington and the various officials of the War Depart-
ment in Pall Mall, &c."
On Sunday when they ought all, of course, to have been at, church.
And what, is the “War Department” in Pall M.all?”is it a thin
disguise for the smoking-room of the Rag and Famish, which, Sir, is I
believe the name for the Army and Navy Club ?
Why doesn’t the General Commander-in-Chief of the Church Mili-
tant in England (I allude to the Archbishop oe Canterbury) put
a stop to this sort of thing? He does not, and therefore I have
seceded trom the pew of my forefathers and have joined the Clapham-
Junctionites. I am, Sir, Yours piously, Thomas Howler.
“ Coolie Labour.”—Fanning yourself.
“ PAS POUR JOSEPH.”
Adapted from tlie at present popular English lyric by L’Emtereur
Franz-Joseph, and sung by Himself to himself, with great success
during the recent Imperial Meeting at Salzburg.
**-* Ladies and Gentlemen,— Jour hind indulgence is requested for the
Imperial French translation of the English argot.
N.B. The expressive dramatic business of the Chanson is, wherever it
occurs, m brackets.
The Emperor Napoleon I’m very glad to see,
Aussi iI’Imperatrice with smiles so charming !
And let all European Powers know that there won’t be
The slightest cause lor drilling or for arming.
I’m thinking all the while,
Do I mistrust his smile ?
There’s not a wink, a glance, a shrug, that shows if
He means to stick by me,
Or what’s his real police,
Mere talk won’t wash
Eor Francis-Joseph.
Lav'ra pas,
Lav'ra pas.
Non !
Pas pour Joseph !
We chat away the morning with our seltzer and cigar
Our conversation light as is our claret.
We talk about, the Exhibition in the Champs de Mars,
We’ve no reporter there—no paper Parrot.
He’s ordered in a lot
Of powder, guns, and shot,
He hasn’t told me yet, and Heaven knows if
He means to join with Russia
Or to go to war with Prussia,
Or else to fight with
Erancis-Joseph.
Va ! Allez
Vous promener
Nez ! [ Avec les doigts in extenso.
Pas pour Joseph !
We drive about,, we ride about, and to the theatre go.
All which is very pleasant and amusing ;
We dine, sit up to smoke and sup, returning from some show,
And talk on topics many and confusing.
And after this to bed,
Where to myself I’ve said.
As twixt the sheets I place my royal toes, “ If
You think to humbug me.
On vous vous trompez, cher Louis.”
C’ne lavera pas
Non ! pas pour Joseph.
Lav'ra pas,
Lav'ra pas.
Non !
Pas pour Joseph !
DECORATED CHEATS.
Dear Mr. Punch,
I trust that under the circumstances I may be pardoned for
obtruding my own concerns on your attention. It is not to my taste
generally to court public attention, but I find that my modesty is
really prejudicial to my interests. Eor instance, on looking over the
awards given to wine merchants in the Paris Exposition of this year, I
find that a bronze medal has been awarded to a certain wine firm in
Cette, for “ imitation wines,” and that in another instance, a gentle-
man from the same town engaged in a similar occupation has been
awarded “ an honourable mention.”
I, too. Sir, am interested in the fabrication of “ imitations,” but my
efforts are directed rather to money than to wiue : in short, I have a
great idea that a good business could be done in imitation Bank Notes.
I can assure you they can be produced at twopence each in any
quantities; but hitherto I have had the fear of the police before my
eyes. Hearing, however, that “ imitation wines ” have received the
favour of the great National Exposition under Government patronage in
France, I am induced to believe that the art of falsification is not by
any means criminal. Do you think, Mr. Punch, that if I were to send
a few specimens of Bank of England fivers (imitation) that, they would
be too late to obtain the attention of the Jury on Specie? I may not
aspire to a bronze medal, but perhaps a false bank-note may be as
worthy of an “honourable mention” as an “imitation” ol port or
sherry. Your obedient Servant,
| Seven Dials. A Forger (sub rosd).