DOI issue:
November 2, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16880#0195
184
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
[November 2, 1867.
J||| 1 p JM--
PRIESTLY THANKS TO NAPOLEON.
Napoleon, thou claimest the French throne to fill,
By both the divine grace and popular will.
A technical term is that little word, grace—
Excuse us—permission expresses the case.
The will of the people set thee on that throne ;
Thou rulest, the vulgar suppose, by thine own.
They deem thee a Jove that hath only to nod,
And be, by all nations, obeyed as a god.
For what if at naught thee Juarez hath set,
And Bismarck hath braved thee ?—the end is not yet.
Thou bidest thy time—hast employment at home,
S ’riety’s saviour, defender of Rome 1
Thou liftest, thy finger—enough is the show—
For Italy yields to the threat of a blow.
And ought we not, therefore, thy praises to sing,
For guarding the crown of our Pontiff aud King ?
How generous, how noble espousing our cause.
Whilst we and our Chief curse thy maxims and laws.
Denounce and condemn, with one heart, soul, and voice,
What gave thee thy sceptre—the people’s free choice !
We hate French philosophers—all that they teach—
And French civil marriage, French licence of speech.
And France’s religious equality, ban—
Yet when we want soldiery, thou art our man !
No thanks for the troops for our sway that have bled—
No thanks for the blood thou wouldst yet have them
shed—
No thanks on our subjects for thrusting our rule,
Thyself and thy people thereby to befool.
Our thanks are for those who of French souls have care,
And know how to work the Confessional chair:
Whom thou dost not dare, for thine empire, offend—
They force Pontius Pilate the Pope to befriend.
STAKING HIS EXISTENCE.
Horsey Little Sioell. “ I ’ll lay yer a Monkey on it, come ! ”
Farnhah-Hops.—The Dance of Death in the Farnham
Union-House. (See the Lancet's reports thereon).
THE GOLDEN SHORTHORNS.
“ Eight out of the nine shorthorns of English blood, which ‘ Our American
Cousins,’ and Mu. Strafford have just sold back to us in a Windsor hotel, averaged
nearly £410 a piece."—Morning Paper.
Mr. Strafeord raised his time-glass, and Thornton held the pen,
When to a Windsor coffee-room flocked scores of shorthorn men.
They crowded round the table, they fairly blocked the door;—
He stood Champagne did Sheldon, of Geneva, Illinois.
They talked of Oxford heifers, Duchess bulls, and how the States
Had come into the market with another “ Bit of Bates.”
Their expression is so solemn, and so earnest is their tone,
That nought wouid seem worth living for but “ Red and White and
Roan.”
All ready for the contest, I view a dauntless three—
The Macintosh from Essex, a canny chiel is he.
There’s Leney from the hop yards; ’twill be strange if he knocks
under,
When once the chords are wakened of that Kentish “ Son of Thunder.”
The Talleyrand of “ trainers ” is their ’cute but modest foe,
Him whom the Gods call “ Culshaw,” and men on earth call “Joe.”
And sure, it well might puzzle “ the Gentleman in Black,”
When the three nod on “ by fifties,” to know which you should back.
And sure, the laws of Nature must have burst each ancient bound,
When a yearling heifer fetches more than seven hundred pound !
Bulls bring their weight in bullion, and I guess we ’ll hear of more,
Arriving from the pastures of Geneva, Illinois.
B. A’sy, Now.
Can you tell me, said a profane Bachelor of Arts to a brother Can-
didate for a Master’s degree, why the Vice-Chancellor is like
Cleopas ? Give it up, do you ? Because he’s going to M.A.’us.
THE PARSONS AND THE PAUPERS.
(Concio ad Clerum).
Talk about Colenso ! Talk, rather, Bishops, about the Farnham
Workhouse. Talk about hell upon earth—if you really believe that
there is any such place elsewhere. If you don’t, why then, as Mr.
Toots says, it’s of no consequence—and you are of as little.
There are certainly such places as t.be Farnham Workhouse elsewhere
than at Farnham. England abounds in hells upon earth, as we may
say by leave of Lord Westbury, and with all due respect to what is
t apparently the esoteric belief of the bishops and clergy. If they believe
j otherwise, we beg their pardon. But then, let them speak out, and
declare to those whom it may concern their opinion that the apologue
of Dives and Lazarus is not a mere fable, and that the menaces, in
the book which contains that narrative, against those who treat the
poor as the Poor Law Commissioners and Poor Law Guardians, and
all those who side with them do, are not ridiculous. Texts need not
be quoted ; we know what Falstaff calls iteration: but Pharisaical,
hypocritical, and inhuman sanctimony, calling itself Christian, is
enough to make Punch preach.
Cosmetics and their Like.
The subjoined advertisement is faithfully transcribed from the Post,
mutato nomine tantitm:—
A/T ADAME RAHAB’S CIRCASSIAN BEAUTY WASH, for giving a
A Vi fair an(i brilliant complexion, and the fashionable Brunette Powder, can only
be obtained at * *, New Bond Street, and at * * * *, Paris. All persons vending
dangerous and destructive compounds in imitation commit a gross fraud upon the
public.”
We are afraid they! don’t.
“ Representation of Minorities ”—Photographs of children.
The Main Chancl.—An insurance at Lloyd's.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
[November 2, 1867.
J||| 1 p JM--
PRIESTLY THANKS TO NAPOLEON.
Napoleon, thou claimest the French throne to fill,
By both the divine grace and popular will.
A technical term is that little word, grace—
Excuse us—permission expresses the case.
The will of the people set thee on that throne ;
Thou rulest, the vulgar suppose, by thine own.
They deem thee a Jove that hath only to nod,
And be, by all nations, obeyed as a god.
For what if at naught thee Juarez hath set,
And Bismarck hath braved thee ?—the end is not yet.
Thou bidest thy time—hast employment at home,
S ’riety’s saviour, defender of Rome 1
Thou liftest, thy finger—enough is the show—
For Italy yields to the threat of a blow.
And ought we not, therefore, thy praises to sing,
For guarding the crown of our Pontiff aud King ?
How generous, how noble espousing our cause.
Whilst we and our Chief curse thy maxims and laws.
Denounce and condemn, with one heart, soul, and voice,
What gave thee thy sceptre—the people’s free choice !
We hate French philosophers—all that they teach—
And French civil marriage, French licence of speech.
And France’s religious equality, ban—
Yet when we want soldiery, thou art our man !
No thanks for the troops for our sway that have bled—
No thanks for the blood thou wouldst yet have them
shed—
No thanks on our subjects for thrusting our rule,
Thyself and thy people thereby to befool.
Our thanks are for those who of French souls have care,
And know how to work the Confessional chair:
Whom thou dost not dare, for thine empire, offend—
They force Pontius Pilate the Pope to befriend.
STAKING HIS EXISTENCE.
Horsey Little Sioell. “ I ’ll lay yer a Monkey on it, come ! ”
Farnhah-Hops.—The Dance of Death in the Farnham
Union-House. (See the Lancet's reports thereon).
THE GOLDEN SHORTHORNS.
“ Eight out of the nine shorthorns of English blood, which ‘ Our American
Cousins,’ and Mu. Strafford have just sold back to us in a Windsor hotel, averaged
nearly £410 a piece."—Morning Paper.
Mr. Strafeord raised his time-glass, and Thornton held the pen,
When to a Windsor coffee-room flocked scores of shorthorn men.
They crowded round the table, they fairly blocked the door;—
He stood Champagne did Sheldon, of Geneva, Illinois.
They talked of Oxford heifers, Duchess bulls, and how the States
Had come into the market with another “ Bit of Bates.”
Their expression is so solemn, and so earnest is their tone,
That nought wouid seem worth living for but “ Red and White and
Roan.”
All ready for the contest, I view a dauntless three—
The Macintosh from Essex, a canny chiel is he.
There’s Leney from the hop yards; ’twill be strange if he knocks
under,
When once the chords are wakened of that Kentish “ Son of Thunder.”
The Talleyrand of “ trainers ” is their ’cute but modest foe,
Him whom the Gods call “ Culshaw,” and men on earth call “Joe.”
And sure, it well might puzzle “ the Gentleman in Black,”
When the three nod on “ by fifties,” to know which you should back.
And sure, the laws of Nature must have burst each ancient bound,
When a yearling heifer fetches more than seven hundred pound !
Bulls bring their weight in bullion, and I guess we ’ll hear of more,
Arriving from the pastures of Geneva, Illinois.
B. A’sy, Now.
Can you tell me, said a profane Bachelor of Arts to a brother Can-
didate for a Master’s degree, why the Vice-Chancellor is like
Cleopas ? Give it up, do you ? Because he’s going to M.A.’us.
THE PARSONS AND THE PAUPERS.
(Concio ad Clerum).
Talk about Colenso ! Talk, rather, Bishops, about the Farnham
Workhouse. Talk about hell upon earth—if you really believe that
there is any such place elsewhere. If you don’t, why then, as Mr.
Toots says, it’s of no consequence—and you are of as little.
There are certainly such places as t.be Farnham Workhouse elsewhere
than at Farnham. England abounds in hells upon earth, as we may
say by leave of Lord Westbury, and with all due respect to what is
t apparently the esoteric belief of the bishops and clergy. If they believe
j otherwise, we beg their pardon. But then, let them speak out, and
declare to those whom it may concern their opinion that the apologue
of Dives and Lazarus is not a mere fable, and that the menaces, in
the book which contains that narrative, against those who treat the
poor as the Poor Law Commissioners and Poor Law Guardians, and
all those who side with them do, are not ridiculous. Texts need not
be quoted ; we know what Falstaff calls iteration: but Pharisaical,
hypocritical, and inhuman sanctimony, calling itself Christian, is
enough to make Punch preach.
Cosmetics and their Like.
The subjoined advertisement is faithfully transcribed from the Post,
mutato nomine tantitm:—
A/T ADAME RAHAB’S CIRCASSIAN BEAUTY WASH, for giving a
A Vi fair an(i brilliant complexion, and the fashionable Brunette Powder, can only
be obtained at * *, New Bond Street, and at * * * *, Paris. All persons vending
dangerous and destructive compounds in imitation commit a gross fraud upon the
public.”
We are afraid they! don’t.
“ Representation of Minorities ”—Photographs of children.
The Main Chancl.—An insurance at Lloyd's.