Punch (53.1867)

November 23, 1867.]

209

PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE RIDERS! THE RIDERS!”

cenes in the circle of our
childhood, here you are
again in High Holborn!
Here we are re-introduced
to the gentlemen in white
waistcoats and military
trousers who saunter into
the ring as though they had
just left the dinner-table,
smiling at the last “ good
thing” of Mr. Merryman,
and encasing their hands
in the dear old large white
gloves. Here we have the
H’less Clown, the banners,
the hoops, the horses, the
ever-restless band, the long
whip, the old jokes, the
pretty ladies, and the daring
gentlemen. We make ac-
quaintance with new won-
ders, too, in the form of the
Nains, a couple of eccen-
tric, clerical-looking indi-
viduals, who twist and twirl
their elastic bodies about in
a manner which defies ana-
tomical description; and a
gymnast that makes one
shudder in spite of his
gracefulness.

We congratulate the
management on their pro-
gramme, and give honour-

able mention that none of the many performances occupy too much time.

“ PUT IT DOWN.”

Your know me, Sir, as the Author of Typical Developments, frequently alluded to
in these pages. As you are aware, 1 carry a note-book for the purpose of making
mems. for my great work. Admiriug friends who, so to speak, hang on my lips,
are perpetually saying to me, “You really ought to put that down”—alluding to
some trite remark of recent uttering. I refused for some time to comply with these
sincere and earnest requests until one morning at breakfast I observed, quaintly,
“ A good thing, like a had thing, ought to be put down.” I explained (1 hate
explaining) to my wife (and, above all, to my wife, for whom it is impossible to
make allowances) that I used “put down” in a double sense. She supposed, she
returned, that I meant sense and. non-sense.

My wife sometimes says a good thing, the effect, Sir, of the atmosphere wherein
she dwells. This was a good thing; one which even my friends admitted might
be put down. The two mems. stand thus :—

1. A note, like a nuisance, ought to be put down at once.

2. Men have five senses : words only two, that is, Sense and Nonsense.

[The effect of seeing this in print will, I fear, make my wife conceited about her
intellectual powers. We shall see. This warning voice in brackets is not neces-
sarily for publication. You understand.]

Having hit upon the form, I have consented to give the world what I have “ put
down; ” with such explanations and annotations as from time to time the text
may appear to require. jj -p

What I put down in the Country.— On Dggs.

THE COSTERMONGER AMONG THE
CORONETS.

Aip.— “ The Allegro in the Overture to William Tell."

I deals in costermongery,

But in my callin’ makes no noise;

Tor ’t ain’t amongst the hungry
As I cries taturs and savoys.

Some goes a hollerin’, squallin’, bawlin’;

Them’s a lot of low-bred snobs.

Gently, in peace and quiet, diet
I takes round to all the nobs :

Stow your bam and duffery ;

To all of your fakements I am fly;

I never wants no puffery :

I’mamoderate Ax-my-eye !

Now all their things of me they buys,

Cause why, the nateral reason is
That cheap as ever I supplies
What them shopkeepers all has riz.

I reskys ’em from the butchy’s clutches,

Chargin’ far above his due,

Hand from the screwin’, doin’, jewin’
Tishmongers and grocers, too.

Stow, &c.

At every mansion of a swell,

On which I makes my mornin’ call,

I gently knocks, and rings the bell,

And softly patters, mild and small,

Here’s yer wegetable marrer, sparrer-
Grass, your Brussels sprouts, and kail,

Here’s yer noble lords’ and legislators’ taturs,
Here’s yer turnips cheap on sale 1
Stow, &c.

Yer cabbages and cauliflower,

Yer lettuce, cowcumber, and beet,

And, you as dwells in Beauty’s bower,

Here is your inions all so sweet.

Here’s for you as rides in char’ots carrots,

Here’s yer peas and here’s yer beans.

Here’s fit for e’er a feast at Greenwich, spinnidge.
Suited to the lowest means.

Stow, &c.

Here’s your mutton, beef, and weal,

Prime as hever met the eye;

I ’m the cove with which to deal:

What ’ll yer honour buy, buy, buy ?

Here’s fresh fish, no story, dory,

Skate, soles, salmon, turbot, brill;

Here’s yer cod, mackerel, and mullet, pullet,
Chicken, goose, and here’s cheap Bill !

Stow, &c.

I ham a coster, that is true,

But, since fair profit’s all I win,

Don’t cost so much as others do ;

So deal with me and save yer tin :

Limitin’ great expenses sense is :

Hand my moke-cart you’ll all try,

As soon as you comes to know me, blow me,

1 ’m a moderate Ax-my-eye !

Stow, &c.

An egg, like Caesar’s wife, should be above suspicions.

II.

Is it probable that, the old fowls lay stale eggs, and only the young hens fresh
ones ?

[This was put, sarcastically, to my Gardener, who looks after the farm-yard.
"Every one said, “ Row good ! ” So I put it down.

III.

Eggs resemble roses, being propagated by Layers.

[Some one on this occasion said I was a bore, so I did not pursue the subject further.

iv.

A hen cackles when she lays an egg, and so some stranger benefits by her
.production. Moral: Never cackle.

v

A fowl and her eggs are soon parted.

VI.

Eggs are eggs be they never so eggy. More anon. H. T.

To Corporation Functionaries.

Much has been heard lately of the Aldermen who have
passed the chair. The expression is somewhat obscure.
Will the Remembrancer, or the Secondary, or the City
Marshal, in their leisure moments, inform us what descrip-
tion of chair it is which the Aldermen have passed (a
dining-room chair?) why they have passed it, to whom
they have passed it, and when the event took place P If
the phrase had been the Aldermen who have passed the
bottle, the meaning of it would have been as clear as
crystal.

In Dr. Mavor’s spelling-book the juveniles are informed
that the flesh of the pig “produces ” pork. Ought not the
youngsters to be informed at the same time that it “pro-
duces ” nightmare ?

More anon. H. T.