DOI issue:
December 7, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16880#0242
December 7, 1867.]
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
231
Iona can’t, and wish we were eating salmon-cutlets in her saloon. But
a vote for improving the winter service of some mails was granted. If
anybody thinks that this is a Puff, he is right, and if he thinks the Puff
is undeserved, he is wrong. Let him, next summer, leave Greenock
(everybody is glad to do that), and go up the Caledonian Canal, and
then apologise to us, or let it alone—we don’t care which.
Mr. H. B. Sheridan has introduced a Bill compelling railway
people to establish communication between passenger and guard. As
we now have it on several railways, and on the Chemin-de-Per (railway)
in Prance, and it answers, there is no excuse for its absence anywhere.
People may go on punishing the wrong party, in the case of spoken
and reported libel until after Pebruary. Newspapers, please take
notice.
Perth barracks have cut off their gas, on account of the extortionate
charge, so the soldiers stray out of the darkness, and talk to the fair
maids of Perth, and drink their healths too perseveringly. Sir John
Pakington has thought to counteract the evil by ordering “a liberal
supply of fuel.” Does he expect the gallant fellows to kneel round
the fire and play at the Scottish girls’ game of making nuts jump off
the bars ?
FOGS AND FREEDOM.
HARD WORDS TOR AN OLD WOMAN.
Mrs. Durden loquitur.
Drat that nasty Popery, says I. I never had no opinion of it, and
now more so than ever (reads out of a newspaper) .•—
“ Romans,—Our national aspirations being dispelled by faithless cosmopolites at
the orders of the priesthood, let us take up arms and protest with our blood against
the Government which is the negation of civilisation and progress."
Address to the Romans from the What-d’ye-call-’em Committee agin
the Pope and the priesthood. Ah, I don’t wonder at people risin in
rebellion when they ’re trod and trampled on by cosmopolites ! Cosmo-
polites, yes, I dare say. Just what you’d expect—cosmopolites, the
wretches ! I should like to catch a cosmopolite coming anywhere
near me, he should very soon have my broomstick about his ears—I
can tell him that. Cosmopolites—ugh, the word is quite enough!
I can’t abear to think about sitch base creatures. Cosmopolites ! yah !
Cosmopolites !
And here agin (resumes reading):—
“ He is no Roman who shall use articles manufactured by the nation which has
buried the immortal glory of ’89 under the shameful defence of the Government of
the Syllabus.”
any Londoners af-
fect a preference for
Paris; but, although
the latter city is
delightful for a day
or two, we fancy
freeborn Britons
would scarce live
at their ease there.
Fogs and freedom
are more pleasant
than clear air and
oppression ; and in
spite of its bad at-
mosphere, one may
breathe more freely
in London than in
Paris. In London
vou are sometimes
naif choked by the
fog, but this is not
so bad as being
choked by the
police; and at Paris
you at present are
not allowed to
breathe, at least if
you attempt to breathe a word against the Government.
For instance, the other day a person was arrested on the Boulevards
for venturing to cry out “ Vive la Bepublique ! ” In defence he said
his cry was “ Vive la RSpublique Suisse ! ” but the gendarmes swore that
last word had not caught their ears, and so they apprehended him for
uttering a treasonable cry, and the Government will doubtless recog-
nise their zeal.
Perhaps we next may hear that a man has been arrested for asking
for “ La Liberty” in rather a loud tone, and disbelieved in his assertion
that it was the journal of that name which he demanded. For the
benefit of Frenchmen, a list of cries esteemed seditious should every
week be published by Imperial authority, in order that Parisians may
know what exclamations are forbidden them by law. It is needful
that this list should be continually reviewed, for the policy of France is
ever on the change, and a cry which may be legal one day may be
treasonable the next. “ Vive l' Italic /” for instance, was awhile ago
quite popular, and was used by staunch Imperialists when the Austrians j
were vanquished, in 1859. But now that France has chosen to take the
place of Austria, the shout of “ Vive I’ltalie!” in any street of Paris
would assuredly at once be stopped by the police.
Paris is delightful to those who love pure air, but fogs and freedom,
after all, are more to English tastes. Thanks to our thick atmosphere,
we in London find it difficult to speak much in the street, but at any
rate the difficulty is not caused by the police. They who growl at
London fogs must at all events acknowledge that the people who now
breathe them are free to use their breath in bawling “ We ’ve ler liberty ! ”
and run no risk whatever of being brought to Bow Street for bellowing
“ Brayvo, Beales ! ” Were London now like Paris, it really might be
hazardous to go into a shop and say, “I want change for a Sovereign.”
To the ears of a gendarme, if he happened to speak English, this really
might sound vastly like a treasonable expression, and intimate a clear
desire to overthrow the throne, and, just by way of change, establish a
republic.
A Doubteul Recommendation.—Tobacco direct from the Docks.
Syllabus, Syllabus—that must be amisprent. What’s a Syllabus ?
No sitch word in the book. It must be Syllabub. Yes, to be sure.
Where was it I read the other day how that the Pope flung a Syllabub
at the French Emperor’s head P Just the nasty dirty trick he’d be like
to play, and I dare say have been foretold by Dr. Cummin g. Well
may they say the Government of the Syllabub ! and what I believe
we’re now a-goin to see, and will shortly come to pass, is the downfall
of the Syllabub Government, and the Millennuum. For which I hope
and trust to be truly prepared—and thank Evins !
Lines on Last Month.
I do not remember
So fine a November
As this one in all my whole life ;
It stands not to reason
With Fenian treason,
And English disturbance and strife.
Address to the Geographical Society.
O* course you Jiave been delighted to hear that the great African
explorer, said to have been murdered by some of our precious fellow
creatures intermediate between ourselves and the Gorilla, is said, with
probability, to be all right. His countrymen, who generally believed
him stone dead, will rejoice in the good news they have heard of
Livingstone.
communiquI.
From the Heralds' College.
Mr. Jacob Bright, in consideration of Miss Lily Maxwell’s
having recorded for him the first lady’s vote ever registered, is to be
allowed to wear his coat with a difference—a fleur de lys, rampant,
of the first.
Quoth Bernal.
I know too well the way the money’s going,
That’s spent ’gainst Theodores ; and ’tis this—
Our millions into Abyssinia throwing.
We throw the money into an Abyss.
ANOTHER DEEINITION OE MARRIAGE.
Old Crudginton, on being told that the Loveladys began to
quarrel before the honeymoon was over, remarked that their behaviour
only strengthened him in his opinion, that matrimony was like an
English summer—“ Three fine days and a thunderstorm.”
Different Systems of Political Education.
In Gladstone’s and in Dizzy’s school,
How different the conditions ;
Gladstone—by flogging, rules his boys,
Dizzy—by impositions.
CONUNDRUM.
Why is Charles Dickens like one of Little Bopeep's sceep ?
Because he’s left his “tale” behind him.
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
231
Iona can’t, and wish we were eating salmon-cutlets in her saloon. But
a vote for improving the winter service of some mails was granted. If
anybody thinks that this is a Puff, he is right, and if he thinks the Puff
is undeserved, he is wrong. Let him, next summer, leave Greenock
(everybody is glad to do that), and go up the Caledonian Canal, and
then apologise to us, or let it alone—we don’t care which.
Mr. H. B. Sheridan has introduced a Bill compelling railway
people to establish communication between passenger and guard. As
we now have it on several railways, and on the Chemin-de-Per (railway)
in Prance, and it answers, there is no excuse for its absence anywhere.
People may go on punishing the wrong party, in the case of spoken
and reported libel until after Pebruary. Newspapers, please take
notice.
Perth barracks have cut off their gas, on account of the extortionate
charge, so the soldiers stray out of the darkness, and talk to the fair
maids of Perth, and drink their healths too perseveringly. Sir John
Pakington has thought to counteract the evil by ordering “a liberal
supply of fuel.” Does he expect the gallant fellows to kneel round
the fire and play at the Scottish girls’ game of making nuts jump off
the bars ?
FOGS AND FREEDOM.
HARD WORDS TOR AN OLD WOMAN.
Mrs. Durden loquitur.
Drat that nasty Popery, says I. I never had no opinion of it, and
now more so than ever (reads out of a newspaper) .•—
“ Romans,—Our national aspirations being dispelled by faithless cosmopolites at
the orders of the priesthood, let us take up arms and protest with our blood against
the Government which is the negation of civilisation and progress."
Address to the Romans from the What-d’ye-call-’em Committee agin
the Pope and the priesthood. Ah, I don’t wonder at people risin in
rebellion when they ’re trod and trampled on by cosmopolites ! Cosmo-
polites, yes, I dare say. Just what you’d expect—cosmopolites, the
wretches ! I should like to catch a cosmopolite coming anywhere
near me, he should very soon have my broomstick about his ears—I
can tell him that. Cosmopolites—ugh, the word is quite enough!
I can’t abear to think about sitch base creatures. Cosmopolites ! yah !
Cosmopolites !
And here agin (resumes reading):—
“ He is no Roman who shall use articles manufactured by the nation which has
buried the immortal glory of ’89 under the shameful defence of the Government of
the Syllabus.”
any Londoners af-
fect a preference for
Paris; but, although
the latter city is
delightful for a day
or two, we fancy
freeborn Britons
would scarce live
at their ease there.
Fogs and freedom
are more pleasant
than clear air and
oppression ; and in
spite of its bad at-
mosphere, one may
breathe more freely
in London than in
Paris. In London
vou are sometimes
naif choked by the
fog, but this is not
so bad as being
choked by the
police; and at Paris
you at present are
not allowed to
breathe, at least if
you attempt to breathe a word against the Government.
For instance, the other day a person was arrested on the Boulevards
for venturing to cry out “ Vive la Bepublique ! ” In defence he said
his cry was “ Vive la RSpublique Suisse ! ” but the gendarmes swore that
last word had not caught their ears, and so they apprehended him for
uttering a treasonable cry, and the Government will doubtless recog-
nise their zeal.
Perhaps we next may hear that a man has been arrested for asking
for “ La Liberty” in rather a loud tone, and disbelieved in his assertion
that it was the journal of that name which he demanded. For the
benefit of Frenchmen, a list of cries esteemed seditious should every
week be published by Imperial authority, in order that Parisians may
know what exclamations are forbidden them by law. It is needful
that this list should be continually reviewed, for the policy of France is
ever on the change, and a cry which may be legal one day may be
treasonable the next. “ Vive l' Italic /” for instance, was awhile ago
quite popular, and was used by staunch Imperialists when the Austrians j
were vanquished, in 1859. But now that France has chosen to take the
place of Austria, the shout of “ Vive I’ltalie!” in any street of Paris
would assuredly at once be stopped by the police.
Paris is delightful to those who love pure air, but fogs and freedom,
after all, are more to English tastes. Thanks to our thick atmosphere,
we in London find it difficult to speak much in the street, but at any
rate the difficulty is not caused by the police. They who growl at
London fogs must at all events acknowledge that the people who now
breathe them are free to use their breath in bawling “ We ’ve ler liberty ! ”
and run no risk whatever of being brought to Bow Street for bellowing
“ Brayvo, Beales ! ” Were London now like Paris, it really might be
hazardous to go into a shop and say, “I want change for a Sovereign.”
To the ears of a gendarme, if he happened to speak English, this really
might sound vastly like a treasonable expression, and intimate a clear
desire to overthrow the throne, and, just by way of change, establish a
republic.
A Doubteul Recommendation.—Tobacco direct from the Docks.
Syllabus, Syllabus—that must be amisprent. What’s a Syllabus ?
No sitch word in the book. It must be Syllabub. Yes, to be sure.
Where was it I read the other day how that the Pope flung a Syllabub
at the French Emperor’s head P Just the nasty dirty trick he’d be like
to play, and I dare say have been foretold by Dr. Cummin g. Well
may they say the Government of the Syllabub ! and what I believe
we’re now a-goin to see, and will shortly come to pass, is the downfall
of the Syllabub Government, and the Millennuum. For which I hope
and trust to be truly prepared—and thank Evins !
Lines on Last Month.
I do not remember
So fine a November
As this one in all my whole life ;
It stands not to reason
With Fenian treason,
And English disturbance and strife.
Address to the Geographical Society.
O* course you Jiave been delighted to hear that the great African
explorer, said to have been murdered by some of our precious fellow
creatures intermediate between ourselves and the Gorilla, is said, with
probability, to be all right. His countrymen, who generally believed
him stone dead, will rejoice in the good news they have heard of
Livingstone.
communiquI.
From the Heralds' College.
Mr. Jacob Bright, in consideration of Miss Lily Maxwell’s
having recorded for him the first lady’s vote ever registered, is to be
allowed to wear his coat with a difference—a fleur de lys, rampant,
of the first.
Quoth Bernal.
I know too well the way the money’s going,
That’s spent ’gainst Theodores ; and ’tis this—
Our millions into Abyssinia throwing.
We throw the money into an Abyss.
ANOTHER DEEINITION OE MARRIAGE.
Old Crudginton, on being told that the Loveladys began to
quarrel before the honeymoon was over, remarked that their behaviour
only strengthened him in his opinion, that matrimony was like an
English summer—“ Three fine days and a thunderstorm.”
Different Systems of Political Education.
In Gladstone’s and in Dizzy’s school,
How different the conditions ;
Gladstone—by flogging, rules his boys,
Dizzy—by impositions.
CONUNDRUM.
Why is Charles Dickens like one of Little Bopeep's sceep ?
Because he’s left his “tale” behind him.