Punch (78.1880)

60

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 7, 1880.

FROST AND FOG.

And. frame the streams in my sheets of glass,
And if old fogies’ blood I freeze,

1 quicken young pulses of lad and lass,

And from furry hood and soft cloud-rack
Bright faces to old Jack Frost laugh back !

“And what if I nip from their dried-up stalk
Of ancient and o’er-blown lives some score ?

Or into decollettee Beauties walk,

From the sill of the stilling ball-room door ?

Or catch round the waist a buxom maid,

As o’ mornings the doorstep she washes down,
With never a wrap but her cobweb cap,

And her flimsy rag of a cotton gown ?

If you didn’t relish old Jack Frost’s nip,

Why lay yourselves out, you rogues, for his grip?

“ ’Tis with more of a scruple my nippers I close
On the pale and delicate shop-girl’s chest,

Who the blast must bide by the carriage side,
While she waits on the lady-customers’ hest.

The thinner they ’re skinned, I and friend East Wind
Make the bigger bag, find the better sport:

The more daintily bred, the sooner they ’re sped—

\ our stove-heated pale-blooded shop-girl sort!
The only bore is that no choice is there,

If to me and East Wind their heads they ’ll hare.

“ But, after all, ’tis the Skates are my pumps,

And my ball-room par excellence is the ice ;

And if Ducks come by duckings, and Swells by
thumps,

Now and then, all own it’s ‘ awfully nice.’

And cheeks laugh red and eyes laugh bright
Under old Jack Frost’s salubrious salute—

In the Arctic regions ’tis called a bite,

But here the old fellow is far too cute
To bite pretty noses and rosy ears
When they ’re bared to his kiss without scruples oi
fears.

“ But for you, Master Fog, you ’re a sorry dog—
Whether black or whitey-brown’s your wear—
When with soot-smelling mantle the earth you clog,
And bar the light and poison the air.

Bronchitis and Asthma your steps attend,

To arrest the wretches whom you may doom—

Y our cloak over all is a funeral pall,

And your walk’s pretty certain to end in a tomb;
And no mirth of mood or quickening of blood
Have you to reckon, like me, to the good.”

THE BRITISH MODUS VIVENDI.

A delightful and, as usual, diaphanous address, delivered the
other day by Cardinal Newman at Birmingham, to an assembly of
Roman Catholics, thus concludes:—

“ 1 will only say, in conclusion, that, though Englishmen are much more
friendly to us as individuals, I see nothing to mike me think they are more
friendly to our religion. They do not, indeed, believe as they once believed,
that our religion is so irrational that a man who professes it must be wanting
either in honesty or in wit; but this is not much to grant, for the great
question remains to decide, whether it is possible for a country to continue
any long time in the unnatural position of thinking ill of a religion and
thinking well of believers in it. One would expect that either dislike of the
religion would create an unfriendly feeling towards its followers, or friendship
towards its followers would insure goodwill towards the religion. How this
problem will be solved is one of the secrets of the future.”

Does Cardinal Newman think that Englishmen are very unfriendly
towards his religion and that of his condisciples ? Englishmen do
not, perhaps, many of them, exactly know what that religion
is. _ The majority may possibly, however, trust that they know what
it is not. No doubt they are mostly assured it is not the same
religion as that which inspired Queen Mary and actuated Guy
Fawkes. They do not imagine its present professors with whom
they are friendly as Cardinal Newman- describes them, solidaires
with Torquemada. Even a typical British ultra-Protestant now
hardly believes the actual creed of his Roman Catholic neighbours
to be the same as that faith the highest act of which in Spain and
the New World was avowedly an auto-da-fe.

A denomination is one thing, a persuasion another, in the sight of
ordinary Protestant Britons—North Britons perhaps not excepted.
Members of all denominations between whom and ourselves the
difference mainly lies in theological metaphysics — the region
of the unintelligible — agree to differ. They obj ect little to a
religion which now causes none of their fellow-countrymen to con-
spire against the Constitution, or render themselves otherwise offen-
sive to those about them. They dislike it for themselves, but only in
theory, just as they dislike any other religion besides their own;
yet in some cases difference of opinion, with Quakers for example,
never alters friendship ; and if that is so with these Sectarians, the
reason why it shouldn’t be so with others, as, for instance, Roman
Catholics, is. a problem whose solution is a secret of the present, and
may be destined to remain one of the secrets of the future.

An Englishman’s national dwelling-place is Liberty Hall—espe-
cially Religious Liberty Hall. He is content to share it with every-
body who will make himself at home and agreeable there; nay,
even with Sabbatarians who would make themselves disagreeable
if suffered to have their own way. It is only people who wish to do
that from a fanatical motive, whom he dislikes, as well as their
persuasion and way.

WOOD AND WATER.

The Duke of Buccleuch will bear comparison with Jupiter in
one respect. Having constituted numerous faggot-voters in Mid-
Lothian for electoral purposes, he may reasonably swear by the Styx.

Signs of the Skating Season.—More Icicles than Bicycles.

“THAT’S HOW THE MONEY GOES!”

Punch is glad to set at rest the minds of his many Correspondents
who want to subscribe to the Rowland Hill Fund, but either fear as
to its appropriation, or do not know how to set about sending their
contributions.

To the Editor of Punch.

Sir,—Referring to the letter of your Correspondent signed “An Admirer
of Sir Rowland Hill,” and your own note appended thereto, I shall feel
obliged if you will state in your next issue that it was early decided, and so
reported in the public papers, that the Fund raised should be applied to the
succour of aged and distressed Post-Office employes, their Widows and
Orphans, and that no “ brick and 'mortar ” Institution should be erected.

This resolution, which means that Widows shall be allowed to “ keep their
children at home, and educate them as they like,” has been adhered to
throughout. _

Will you also kindly let the world know that at every chief Post-Office
(nearly 1000 in all) there are subscription lists and collecting.books, and that
every Postmaster in the United Kingdom is authorised to receive donations of
One Penny and upwards on behalf of the Fund.

Numerous painful cases are brought to the knowledge of the Committee
daily, to which the Benevolent Fund will be applicable, and for which no
provision could possibly be made by a general measure 6uch as the Super-
annuation Act. I am, &c., James Whitehead,

The Hon. Secretary of the Mansion House
Mansion House, Jan. 26, 1880. Rowland Hill Fund.