DOI Heft:
April 10, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0163
Ap 1L 10, 1880.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
157
THE ONE THING NEEDFUL.
Fashionable Londoyi Cousin [surveying Country ditto, a, Cornish Vicar's Wife, who has been
expatiating on the Rocks, the Wave?, the Sunsets, the Seals, and other beauties of the Cornish Coast).
“And are there any Dressmakers in Cornwall?”
WHICH IS IT?
West End Comedy —adapted from a recent Law Report.
Scene.— The Drawing-Room of a Belgravian Mansion. Judicious Duke discovered going
carefully over the items of a long haberdasher's bill. Confiding; Tradesman waiting
obsequiously (r). Beautifully Dressed Duchess toying idly with a parure of diamonds (l).
Judicious Duke (handing back the bill). You may take this memorandum back, Sir. [With
determination.) Not a single penny of it will I pay.
Confiding Tradesman. Indeed, your Grace, you fairly surprise me ? Surely you do not
deny that the articles, as specified in the invoice, have been supplied ?
Judicious Duke [with aristocratic bonhomie). Not at all, my good friend, not at all. On
the contrary, I am aware that the rich Lyons velvet, trimmed so tastefully with point
d'Alencon, which Her Grace the Duchess is doing you and it the honour to wear at this
moment, comes from your excellent establishment. Ha! ha! ’pon mY life you are an
obliging firm. [Laughs heartily.
Confiding Tradesman. We trust to deserve that character, your Grace ; but now that our
usual five years’ credit has run out, we should like to see our money.
Judicious Duke [nettled). By the memory of my ancestors who fell at Crecy, have I not
told you that I owe you nothing ? But as you seem to doubt my ducal word, this distinguished
legal authority may suffice to silence you.
Enter a Lord Chancellor.
Lord Chancellor. With the utmost pleasure. I presume our fair and gracious hostess [bows
to Duchess) has been running up this, and possibly other little bills, without the consent, nay,
■even in spite of the express injunction, of her noble spouse ?
Beautifully dressed Duchess [coyly). Ah, my dear Chancellor, vous avez toujours raison !
Eh bien, I plead guilty. '(Smiles sweetly.
Lord Chancellor [gallantly). Of course, and as a consequence this worthy tradesman has no
case. (Flinging himself on to an ottoman.) You cannot recover, my good fellow. By the
law of England, the husband is not responsible for the debts of his wife.* So, prithee, retire
* See latest case, Lebenham y. Mellor, decided on appeal by the Lords Justices.
to your counter, and your reflections, and
leave us to our tea, and society-scandal!
[ They laugh heartily at Confiding Trades-
man’s discomfiture as scene closes in.
SAME—EAST END VERSION.
Scene—Interior of District County Court.
Experienced Judge discovered on bench
disposing of a “ Contempt" case. In-
judicious Artisan, his Missus, and
Officers of the Court in attendance.
Experienced Judge (having heard all the
evidence). Well, it’s very clear that you
have made no sort of effort to comply with
my order. Every halfpenny of your debt
of £1 17s. 6d., for gin supplied to your
wife, is still unpaid; and this, in spite of
the injunction laid upon you by this Court
gradually to discharge the whole by weekly
instalments of half-a-crown. It is a very
bad case. You must go to prison till the
debt is discharged.
Injudicious Artisan. Excuse me, your
Worship, as I told you afore, it ain’t no
debt of mine. My Missus here, as she’ll
tell you, being sober this mornin’, she’s
run up that ’ere tick, right in spite o’ me,
though I’d threatened her with a good
latherin’ if she didn’t drop her drops.
His Missus (simpering with a curtsey to
the Bench). Which he did, your Honour-
Injudicious Artisan. And that’s the
truth, and the ’ole truth, so ’elp me-
Experienced Judge (looking to notes of
next case). That will do. I don’t want to
bear your explanation. You know as well
as I do that by the law of England the
husband is responsible for the debts of his
wife. If yours will contract them, why
don’t you look after her ? (To Officer of
Court.) There, that will do. Remove him.
[Injudicious Artisan is locked up, to the
surprise of nobody, as the Curtain
falls.
SELTZER AND SALETTE.
A Contemporary announces the com-
memoration of Raiser Wilhelm’s birthday
at Oberlahnstein, between Ems and Co-
blentz, by the opening of the Victoria foun-
tain, formed of a new seltzer spring acci-
dentally discovered last year through the
large quantity of bubbles in a pond in a
brickfield, found to consist of carbonic acid
gas. Borings made subsequently showed
this spring to be a valuable one. Its water
is reported “quite free from iron,” and
“more like the well-known fiscal Selters-
wasser than any other yet discovered.”
Here you have with merely local difference
another ease of the La Salette fountain, or
that of Lourdes, barring their Apparitions.
However, though no Apparition attended
the birth of this new fountain, its primary
spring also first revealed itself by a display
of bubbles.
Election Anagrams.
(By a Bored Blue A
Mr. W. E. Gladstone [from Midlothian'.
—We get on, Lads !
Conservative—Voters can vie.
Liberal—Bear ill.
Radical—Rail, Cad !
Home-Rule—Oh, lure me !
Dissolution—0 ! is Lion dust?
Rarliament—Pat, rile man.
Parnell’s Road to Parliament.—Ab
ovo usque ad mala
157
THE ONE THING NEEDFUL.
Fashionable Londoyi Cousin [surveying Country ditto, a, Cornish Vicar's Wife, who has been
expatiating on the Rocks, the Wave?, the Sunsets, the Seals, and other beauties of the Cornish Coast).
“And are there any Dressmakers in Cornwall?”
WHICH IS IT?
West End Comedy —adapted from a recent Law Report.
Scene.— The Drawing-Room of a Belgravian Mansion. Judicious Duke discovered going
carefully over the items of a long haberdasher's bill. Confiding; Tradesman waiting
obsequiously (r). Beautifully Dressed Duchess toying idly with a parure of diamonds (l).
Judicious Duke (handing back the bill). You may take this memorandum back, Sir. [With
determination.) Not a single penny of it will I pay.
Confiding Tradesman. Indeed, your Grace, you fairly surprise me ? Surely you do not
deny that the articles, as specified in the invoice, have been supplied ?
Judicious Duke [with aristocratic bonhomie). Not at all, my good friend, not at all. On
the contrary, I am aware that the rich Lyons velvet, trimmed so tastefully with point
d'Alencon, which Her Grace the Duchess is doing you and it the honour to wear at this
moment, comes from your excellent establishment. Ha! ha! ’pon mY life you are an
obliging firm. [Laughs heartily.
Confiding Tradesman. We trust to deserve that character, your Grace ; but now that our
usual five years’ credit has run out, we should like to see our money.
Judicious Duke [nettled). By the memory of my ancestors who fell at Crecy, have I not
told you that I owe you nothing ? But as you seem to doubt my ducal word, this distinguished
legal authority may suffice to silence you.
Enter a Lord Chancellor.
Lord Chancellor. With the utmost pleasure. I presume our fair and gracious hostess [bows
to Duchess) has been running up this, and possibly other little bills, without the consent, nay,
■even in spite of the express injunction, of her noble spouse ?
Beautifully dressed Duchess [coyly). Ah, my dear Chancellor, vous avez toujours raison !
Eh bien, I plead guilty. '(Smiles sweetly.
Lord Chancellor [gallantly). Of course, and as a consequence this worthy tradesman has no
case. (Flinging himself on to an ottoman.) You cannot recover, my good fellow. By the
law of England, the husband is not responsible for the debts of his wife.* So, prithee, retire
* See latest case, Lebenham y. Mellor, decided on appeal by the Lords Justices.
to your counter, and your reflections, and
leave us to our tea, and society-scandal!
[ They laugh heartily at Confiding Trades-
man’s discomfiture as scene closes in.
SAME—EAST END VERSION.
Scene—Interior of District County Court.
Experienced Judge discovered on bench
disposing of a “ Contempt" case. In-
judicious Artisan, his Missus, and
Officers of the Court in attendance.
Experienced Judge (having heard all the
evidence). Well, it’s very clear that you
have made no sort of effort to comply with
my order. Every halfpenny of your debt
of £1 17s. 6d., for gin supplied to your
wife, is still unpaid; and this, in spite of
the injunction laid upon you by this Court
gradually to discharge the whole by weekly
instalments of half-a-crown. It is a very
bad case. You must go to prison till the
debt is discharged.
Injudicious Artisan. Excuse me, your
Worship, as I told you afore, it ain’t no
debt of mine. My Missus here, as she’ll
tell you, being sober this mornin’, she’s
run up that ’ere tick, right in spite o’ me,
though I’d threatened her with a good
latherin’ if she didn’t drop her drops.
His Missus (simpering with a curtsey to
the Bench). Which he did, your Honour-
Injudicious Artisan. And that’s the
truth, and the ’ole truth, so ’elp me-
Experienced Judge (looking to notes of
next case). That will do. I don’t want to
bear your explanation. You know as well
as I do that by the law of England the
husband is responsible for the debts of his
wife. If yours will contract them, why
don’t you look after her ? (To Officer of
Court.) There, that will do. Remove him.
[Injudicious Artisan is locked up, to the
surprise of nobody, as the Curtain
falls.
SELTZER AND SALETTE.
A Contemporary announces the com-
memoration of Raiser Wilhelm’s birthday
at Oberlahnstein, between Ems and Co-
blentz, by the opening of the Victoria foun-
tain, formed of a new seltzer spring acci-
dentally discovered last year through the
large quantity of bubbles in a pond in a
brickfield, found to consist of carbonic acid
gas. Borings made subsequently showed
this spring to be a valuable one. Its water
is reported “quite free from iron,” and
“more like the well-known fiscal Selters-
wasser than any other yet discovered.”
Here you have with merely local difference
another ease of the La Salette fountain, or
that of Lourdes, barring their Apparitions.
However, though no Apparition attended
the birth of this new fountain, its primary
spring also first revealed itself by a display
of bubbles.
Election Anagrams.
(By a Bored Blue A
Mr. W. E. Gladstone [from Midlothian'.
—We get on, Lads !
Conservative—Voters can vie.
Liberal—Bear ill.
Radical—Rail, Cad !
Home-Rule—Oh, lure me !
Dissolution—0 ! is Lion dust?
Rarliament—Pat, rile man.
Parnell’s Road to Parliament.—Ab
ovo usque ad mala