DOI Heft:
May 15, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0222
Mat 15, 1880.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
217
“SEMPER PARATA.”
The Doctor's Daughter. “ Janet, are you never going to leave off that
UNBECOMING OLD BONNET ? ”
Aged Villager. “Well, Miss, I’ve wore it for Thirty Years, and the
Vicar says 1 may be took any Hour ! ”
HOMAGE TO BEACONSFIELD 2 LA RUSSE.
Punch has received the following direct from Russia.
It is too great a curiosity in its way not to be published
verbatim et literatim, not as a specimen of international
courtesy in the wind, but as a sample of Russ dealing
with the English language:—
“ At the Redaction of ‘ Punch.'
“ They informe in many letters of supposed journey His
Honour’s Lord Biconsfield in all metropolis of principal
country in Europa. If His Honour also in Moscow will come,
the Moscow’8 patriots have a ‘ceremonial’ of Her advent pre-
pared, that they sent you word for word.
11 Moscow, April 18-3(h/i, 1880.
“ CEREMONIAL
of pompous advent His Honour’s the before prime Minister of
Hnited Kingdom’s England, Scotland and Ireland and Indian
Empire, Due of Cyprus, marquis of Transvaal, count of Afghan-
istan, a baptized jew’s Benjamin Dizraeli in primitive
metropolis of Russian Empire, Moscow.
“1. When the train will approach to the railway-station, they
congratulate His Honour with hissings.
“ 2. When His Honour will lass the wagon all the people
begin to spit, turn her backs and continued to hiss.
“ 3. W hen His Honour take place in the carriage, that to follow
from the railway-station to hotel, who wisched can to make the
honour to His advent strewing insted flowers.with dead
body of rats, putrid eggs, rotten aples, the pieces of breaked
utensils, etc. and all the people congratulate His Honour with
relative cry.
“ 4. The rule 3 most be rigidly executed every time ■when His
Honour will go about Moscow's streets.
“ 5. When His Honour will go to sleep, then for windows Her
hotel must to meet all the workmans of Moscow’s butcher’s market
(Okhotny Riad) and all the people who wish with her woman and
children and begin to congratulate His Honour with the concert
of saucepans, kettles, copper scales etc. From time to time all
people must to cry, to break the vessel and utensil to make all
possibility to noise till morning.
“ 6. Before the starting His Honour from Moscow most be
executed the rules 1 and 2 of this ceremonial.”
IMAGINARY CONVERSATION.
Tory Brewer. The Conservatives are showing their
mettle at Oxford.
Liberal Do. Yes—base metal—though with the Hall-
mark on it.
A JAPANESE EIRE ASSOCIATION.
Mr. Punch, Sir,
Although we, most of us, pretty generally well understand that
Civilisation has been of late years considerable on the Advance in
Japan, the British Industrious classes ain’t, p’raps, quite altogether
fully aware of the length our Japanee brethren has gone ahead of
ourselves in the steps of Progress. A Japanese newspaper, the Tokio
Times, informs them it may concern as how—
“ Here is a vast City, containing a million of inhabitants, all peculiarly
exposed to the extreme hazards of fire, and without a solitary steam-machine
in use or existence—with hardly an efficient hand-engine at command.”
Now, if I was a readin the Above out in Company, of course
there’d be a Laugh, and cry of ‘ ‘ Ha ! ha! is that what you call
Japanee progress ? ” But I should say just you wait and ear what
follows:—
“It is an historical fact that during a conflagration in 1873, a steam-
engine, brought to Japan on speculation, was put into operation with a
success that showed how easily a dozen such could keep the City permanently
free from peril.”
So there, you. see it ain’t for want of nollidge the Tokio people
remains unpervided with steam fire-engines. No ; but read on,
and see, and mark, learn and innerdly disgust the reason why.
“ In less. than a week after the triumph upon which he had been vainly
congratulating himself, the exhibitor found it desirable to leave the capital
with, his machine, which was straightway re-shipped to America. The ex-
periment has never been repeated, and why ? Because the firemen will not
allow it. There is no other answer, and none is offered.”
No; nor none Wanted. The firemen gets their livin by the fires,
it s their work. Steam fire-engines would make short work of it.
The Shorter the work the Smaller the Pay. Very well, then.
Vvot’s the Firemen to do? Wy, to be sure, make the Land they
™ in too Ot to old. Speculators bringing fire-machines to take
the Bread out of their mouths. And that they dooes ; and ’tis the
iact ot their doin of it without bein liabel to be Punisht for min
the Necessairy Means, as I considers the Japanees’ Point of Ad-
vancement in Social Progress. The Tokio Times, is, no doubt, an
Organ of Cappital agin Labur, as it winds up with the followin
Arbitrairy ana Tiranical observation
“ Until the Firemen of Tokio are disbanded, their organisation broken, and
their leaders rendered incapable of further conspiracies against the security
of the community at large, no genuine protection will be possible.”
Yes, it will. Genuine Protection will be perfectly possible.
Protect the Workin Men. That’s genuine Protection.. Pay the
Firemen enough to make it worth their while usin steam fire-engines
so as to put fires out as soon as Possible and prewent ’em spread-
ing. Pay ’em as I once heer’d a proposal to pay Doctors for the
disease and Damage they saves you from, and not according to so
many Visits they pays you, and the Lot of Fizzick they makes you
swollen Pay’em for Results. Japan hasn’t yet got to that Polish. But
no more ain’t we. More’s the Pity. Sir, I don’t suppose you’ll exactly
approove of all the Foregoin Comunication; but p’raps you won’t
deny but wot there’s somethink in some on it—leastways the latter
Potion—which, therefore, I remain, yours Respeckfully, a Consistent
Member of the Amalgamated Plummers and Glaziers’ Union, at
your Servis to command, and my name it is yyILL : Putt yuan'.
P.S. — By the Way, ’ow about the amount of prowision the
Metropolitan Board of Works allows to the Widders and Orfans
of siteh Firemen as loses their Lives in the Preformance of
their Dooty ? It shouldn’t be no mean Pityance, but the Ansomer
the Better, with a view to Secure the Community at large Genuine
Protection from Fire.
The Future in all its Moods of Humanitarianish (Fine
Prospect for a Reforming Liberal Majority).—Positivism, Teeto-
talism, Vegetarianism, Socialism, Communism, Fraternity, Free
Love, and Phonetic Spelling.
217
“SEMPER PARATA.”
The Doctor's Daughter. “ Janet, are you never going to leave off that
UNBECOMING OLD BONNET ? ”
Aged Villager. “Well, Miss, I’ve wore it for Thirty Years, and the
Vicar says 1 may be took any Hour ! ”
HOMAGE TO BEACONSFIELD 2 LA RUSSE.
Punch has received the following direct from Russia.
It is too great a curiosity in its way not to be published
verbatim et literatim, not as a specimen of international
courtesy in the wind, but as a sample of Russ dealing
with the English language:—
“ At the Redaction of ‘ Punch.'
“ They informe in many letters of supposed journey His
Honour’s Lord Biconsfield in all metropolis of principal
country in Europa. If His Honour also in Moscow will come,
the Moscow’8 patriots have a ‘ceremonial’ of Her advent pre-
pared, that they sent you word for word.
11 Moscow, April 18-3(h/i, 1880.
“ CEREMONIAL
of pompous advent His Honour’s the before prime Minister of
Hnited Kingdom’s England, Scotland and Ireland and Indian
Empire, Due of Cyprus, marquis of Transvaal, count of Afghan-
istan, a baptized jew’s Benjamin Dizraeli in primitive
metropolis of Russian Empire, Moscow.
“1. When the train will approach to the railway-station, they
congratulate His Honour with hissings.
“ 2. When His Honour will lass the wagon all the people
begin to spit, turn her backs and continued to hiss.
“ 3. W hen His Honour take place in the carriage, that to follow
from the railway-station to hotel, who wisched can to make the
honour to His advent strewing insted flowers.with dead
body of rats, putrid eggs, rotten aples, the pieces of breaked
utensils, etc. and all the people congratulate His Honour with
relative cry.
“ 4. The rule 3 most be rigidly executed every time ■when His
Honour will go about Moscow's streets.
“ 5. When His Honour will go to sleep, then for windows Her
hotel must to meet all the workmans of Moscow’s butcher’s market
(Okhotny Riad) and all the people who wish with her woman and
children and begin to congratulate His Honour with the concert
of saucepans, kettles, copper scales etc. From time to time all
people must to cry, to break the vessel and utensil to make all
possibility to noise till morning.
“ 6. Before the starting His Honour from Moscow most be
executed the rules 1 and 2 of this ceremonial.”
IMAGINARY CONVERSATION.
Tory Brewer. The Conservatives are showing their
mettle at Oxford.
Liberal Do. Yes—base metal—though with the Hall-
mark on it.
A JAPANESE EIRE ASSOCIATION.
Mr. Punch, Sir,
Although we, most of us, pretty generally well understand that
Civilisation has been of late years considerable on the Advance in
Japan, the British Industrious classes ain’t, p’raps, quite altogether
fully aware of the length our Japanee brethren has gone ahead of
ourselves in the steps of Progress. A Japanese newspaper, the Tokio
Times, informs them it may concern as how—
“ Here is a vast City, containing a million of inhabitants, all peculiarly
exposed to the extreme hazards of fire, and without a solitary steam-machine
in use or existence—with hardly an efficient hand-engine at command.”
Now, if I was a readin the Above out in Company, of course
there’d be a Laugh, and cry of ‘ ‘ Ha ! ha! is that what you call
Japanee progress ? ” But I should say just you wait and ear what
follows:—
“It is an historical fact that during a conflagration in 1873, a steam-
engine, brought to Japan on speculation, was put into operation with a
success that showed how easily a dozen such could keep the City permanently
free from peril.”
So there, you. see it ain’t for want of nollidge the Tokio people
remains unpervided with steam fire-engines. No ; but read on,
and see, and mark, learn and innerdly disgust the reason why.
“ In less. than a week after the triumph upon which he had been vainly
congratulating himself, the exhibitor found it desirable to leave the capital
with, his machine, which was straightway re-shipped to America. The ex-
periment has never been repeated, and why ? Because the firemen will not
allow it. There is no other answer, and none is offered.”
No; nor none Wanted. The firemen gets their livin by the fires,
it s their work. Steam fire-engines would make short work of it.
The Shorter the work the Smaller the Pay. Very well, then.
Vvot’s the Firemen to do? Wy, to be sure, make the Land they
™ in too Ot to old. Speculators bringing fire-machines to take
the Bread out of their mouths. And that they dooes ; and ’tis the
iact ot their doin of it without bein liabel to be Punisht for min
the Necessairy Means, as I considers the Japanees’ Point of Ad-
vancement in Social Progress. The Tokio Times, is, no doubt, an
Organ of Cappital agin Labur, as it winds up with the followin
Arbitrairy ana Tiranical observation
“ Until the Firemen of Tokio are disbanded, their organisation broken, and
their leaders rendered incapable of further conspiracies against the security
of the community at large, no genuine protection will be possible.”
Yes, it will. Genuine Protection will be perfectly possible.
Protect the Workin Men. That’s genuine Protection.. Pay the
Firemen enough to make it worth their while usin steam fire-engines
so as to put fires out as soon as Possible and prewent ’em spread-
ing. Pay ’em as I once heer’d a proposal to pay Doctors for the
disease and Damage they saves you from, and not according to so
many Visits they pays you, and the Lot of Fizzick they makes you
swollen Pay’em for Results. Japan hasn’t yet got to that Polish. But
no more ain’t we. More’s the Pity. Sir, I don’t suppose you’ll exactly
approove of all the Foregoin Comunication; but p’raps you won’t
deny but wot there’s somethink in some on it—leastways the latter
Potion—which, therefore, I remain, yours Respeckfully, a Consistent
Member of the Amalgamated Plummers and Glaziers’ Union, at
your Servis to command, and my name it is yyILL : Putt yuan'.
P.S. — By the Way, ’ow about the amount of prowision the
Metropolitan Board of Works allows to the Widders and Orfans
of siteh Firemen as loses their Lives in the Preformance of
their Dooty ? It shouldn’t be no mean Pityance, but the Ansomer
the Better, with a view to Secure the Community at large Genuine
Protection from Fire.
The Future in all its Moods of Humanitarianish (Fine
Prospect for a Reforming Liberal Majority).—Positivism, Teeto-
talism, Vegetarianism, Socialism, Communism, Fraternity, Free
Love, and Phonetic Spelling.