DOI Heft:
May 8, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0221
216
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAKIYARI.
[May 8, 1880.
A DOMESTIC TRAGEDY.
On returning from the Theatre, the Thompsons find their Housemaid in great distress, with her Arm
hound up in her Apron.
Mrs. Thompson. “ What is the matter, Ann ? Have you hurt your Hand ? ”
Ann. “ W-w-w-worse than that, Ma’am ! ”
Mrs. Thompson. “Not broken your Arm, I trust ? ”
Ann. “W-w-worse than that ! ”
Mrs. Thompson. “ Good Heavens !—what is it ? ”
Cook. “The eact is, Ma’am, the silly Girl has been try in’ on your new Bracelet, and
NONE OF US KNOWS HOW TO GET IT OFF AGAIN ! ”
WHAT IS EXPECTED OF THE
NEW MINISTRY.
To re-arrange Easter.
To revolutionise the spelling of the
English Language.
To regulate and control the passion
for Athleticism, and to settle a uni-
form code of laws for Athletic Sports.
To grapple with the multiform
miseries, vexations, and difficulties
which now beset the relations be-
tween Master and Mistress and
Domestic Servants.
To satisfy all the parties concerned
in the great question of Stores v. Shops.
To put down Intoxication.
To lighten the labours of Rural
Postmen by authorising the Treasury
to supply them with Bicycles out of
the Public Funds.
To reduce the National Debt (after
a while) to an inconsiderable amount.
To abolish the Income-Tax.
To bring down the Price of But-
chers’-Meat, Fish, Poultry, and other
articles of daily consumption.
To encourage the Manufacture of
Irish Poplin.
To reduce the Estimates several
Millions yearly.
To subsidise the Coffee Taverns.
To perfect electric lighting.
To throw open Lincoln’s Inn Fields.
To stay the erection of a certain
statue in Westminster Abbey.
To prevent trichinosis in pork.
To appoint a Commission of In-
quiry into Artists’ pigments.
To free St. Paul’s, and open the
National Gallery all the year round.
To make deceased wives’ sisters
happy.
Besides such simple affairs as Ex-
tension of the County Franchise, Re-
distribution of Seats, Government of
London, Local Taxation, Foreign
Affairs, Finance, Ballot Laws, Bank-
ruptcy Laws, Burial Laws, Game
Laws, Liquor Laws, and the pacifi-
cation and contentment of Ireland.
An Abandoned Teetotaller.—
A Bohe(a)mian.
unmixed with curiosity. “You have not the appearance of a
Bulgarian or a Greek ? ”
“ You go to Downing Street ? ” the young man asked abruptly.
“The news is public property,” affably replied the First Lord
of the Treasury. “ At the same time I would not advise you, speak-
ing conscientiously and with that profound sense of earnest respon-
sibility which becomes a man, no less than a Minister, to base
upon that fact any hope of preferment. The Cabinet is complete,
and it would be impossible to offer you-”
“ He does go to Downing Street! ” murmured the youth in a tone
of ecstasy, ere he continued, “but you had looked forward to a
happy life in this noble, this desirable family mansion for many
months—perchance years ? ”
“ Certainly the change of residence—so sudden and unexpected—
comes upon me with the effect of a surprise,” admitted the Chancellor
of the Exchequer with a smile. ‘ ‘ And now I must pray of you to
withdraw. The Royal Messenger from Windsor has a special claim
upon my leisure.”
‘[But one word,” persisted the youth, positively shivering with
excitement; ‘ ‘ you will not leave these well-proportioned walls to
solitude ? This house must not become a desert! ”
“ Sir!” returned the Statesman, with hauteur, “my domestic
arrangements are still incomplete.”
Then make me supremely happy,” cried the youth, falling upon
his knees, “ grant me a boon! ”
“A boon! ” exclaimed the astonished Premier. “ Who are you,
Sir, and what do you want ? ”
“It is my mission to find homes for those who seek them, tempo-
rary or permanent, by the season or the year, or even the term of
years. In a word, I am a house-agent. May I be permitted to put
this magnificently appointed mansion upon our books P ”
A few minutes later the young man was hurrying down _ Harley
Street in a condition of the wildest excitement. It was noticed, by
those who observed him, that his eyes were full of grateful tears,
and that his face was lighted up with an expression of happiness
almost beyond humanity.
The Hardly-used Kelt.
Inspired by tenderness towards living things, Correspondents of
the Times have been complaining that anglers in the Dee, the
Tweed and other Scotch Salmon Rivers, for the purpose of landing
the Kelts they catch, employ the painful method of “ gaffing,” that
is, clicking them with a sharp hook. Angling may perhaps be so
practised as to deserve the name of “ the gentle craft,” although in
the hands of fishermen accustomed to gaff Kelts it seems but a rough-
ish sport. Gaffing is, certainly, a practice which somewhat reminds
us of what Virgil’s Prophetess saw in the infernal regions—
“ Yidi et crudeles dantem Salmonea prenas.”
Still, if it be the only way to keep a hold on your Kelt when you have
caught him, the practice may be excused ; yet we should be sorry to
come to it in Ireland.__
A HAPPY RETURN.
Mr. Adam has been reinstalled in his former office, the First
Commissionership of Works. Adam’s friends may now congratulate
Adam on his restoration to his official Paradise in Whitehall Place.
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAKIYARI.
[May 8, 1880.
A DOMESTIC TRAGEDY.
On returning from the Theatre, the Thompsons find their Housemaid in great distress, with her Arm
hound up in her Apron.
Mrs. Thompson. “ What is the matter, Ann ? Have you hurt your Hand ? ”
Ann. “ W-w-w-worse than that, Ma’am ! ”
Mrs. Thompson. “Not broken your Arm, I trust ? ”
Ann. “W-w-worse than that ! ”
Mrs. Thompson. “ Good Heavens !—what is it ? ”
Cook. “The eact is, Ma’am, the silly Girl has been try in’ on your new Bracelet, and
NONE OF US KNOWS HOW TO GET IT OFF AGAIN ! ”
WHAT IS EXPECTED OF THE
NEW MINISTRY.
To re-arrange Easter.
To revolutionise the spelling of the
English Language.
To regulate and control the passion
for Athleticism, and to settle a uni-
form code of laws for Athletic Sports.
To grapple with the multiform
miseries, vexations, and difficulties
which now beset the relations be-
tween Master and Mistress and
Domestic Servants.
To satisfy all the parties concerned
in the great question of Stores v. Shops.
To put down Intoxication.
To lighten the labours of Rural
Postmen by authorising the Treasury
to supply them with Bicycles out of
the Public Funds.
To reduce the National Debt (after
a while) to an inconsiderable amount.
To abolish the Income-Tax.
To bring down the Price of But-
chers’-Meat, Fish, Poultry, and other
articles of daily consumption.
To encourage the Manufacture of
Irish Poplin.
To reduce the Estimates several
Millions yearly.
To subsidise the Coffee Taverns.
To perfect electric lighting.
To throw open Lincoln’s Inn Fields.
To stay the erection of a certain
statue in Westminster Abbey.
To prevent trichinosis in pork.
To appoint a Commission of In-
quiry into Artists’ pigments.
To free St. Paul’s, and open the
National Gallery all the year round.
To make deceased wives’ sisters
happy.
Besides such simple affairs as Ex-
tension of the County Franchise, Re-
distribution of Seats, Government of
London, Local Taxation, Foreign
Affairs, Finance, Ballot Laws, Bank-
ruptcy Laws, Burial Laws, Game
Laws, Liquor Laws, and the pacifi-
cation and contentment of Ireland.
An Abandoned Teetotaller.—
A Bohe(a)mian.
unmixed with curiosity. “You have not the appearance of a
Bulgarian or a Greek ? ”
“ You go to Downing Street ? ” the young man asked abruptly.
“The news is public property,” affably replied the First Lord
of the Treasury. “ At the same time I would not advise you, speak-
ing conscientiously and with that profound sense of earnest respon-
sibility which becomes a man, no less than a Minister, to base
upon that fact any hope of preferment. The Cabinet is complete,
and it would be impossible to offer you-”
“ He does go to Downing Street! ” murmured the youth in a tone
of ecstasy, ere he continued, “but you had looked forward to a
happy life in this noble, this desirable family mansion for many
months—perchance years ? ”
“ Certainly the change of residence—so sudden and unexpected—
comes upon me with the effect of a surprise,” admitted the Chancellor
of the Exchequer with a smile. ‘ ‘ And now I must pray of you to
withdraw. The Royal Messenger from Windsor has a special claim
upon my leisure.”
‘[But one word,” persisted the youth, positively shivering with
excitement; ‘ ‘ you will not leave these well-proportioned walls to
solitude ? This house must not become a desert! ”
“ Sir!” returned the Statesman, with hauteur, “my domestic
arrangements are still incomplete.”
Then make me supremely happy,” cried the youth, falling upon
his knees, “ grant me a boon! ”
“A boon! ” exclaimed the astonished Premier. “ Who are you,
Sir, and what do you want ? ”
“It is my mission to find homes for those who seek them, tempo-
rary or permanent, by the season or the year, or even the term of
years. In a word, I am a house-agent. May I be permitted to put
this magnificently appointed mansion upon our books P ”
A few minutes later the young man was hurrying down _ Harley
Street in a condition of the wildest excitement. It was noticed, by
those who observed him, that his eyes were full of grateful tears,
and that his face was lighted up with an expression of happiness
almost beyond humanity.
The Hardly-used Kelt.
Inspired by tenderness towards living things, Correspondents of
the Times have been complaining that anglers in the Dee, the
Tweed and other Scotch Salmon Rivers, for the purpose of landing
the Kelts they catch, employ the painful method of “ gaffing,” that
is, clicking them with a sharp hook. Angling may perhaps be so
practised as to deserve the name of “ the gentle craft,” although in
the hands of fishermen accustomed to gaff Kelts it seems but a rough-
ish sport. Gaffing is, certainly, a practice which somewhat reminds
us of what Virgil’s Prophetess saw in the infernal regions—
“ Yidi et crudeles dantem Salmonea prenas.”
Still, if it be the only way to keep a hold on your Kelt when you have
caught him, the practice may be excused ; yet we should be sorry to
come to it in Ireland.__
A HAPPY RETURN.
Mr. Adam has been reinstalled in his former office, the First
Commissionership of Works. Adam’s friends may now congratulate
Adam on his restoration to his official Paradise in Whitehall Place.