Punch: Punch (78.1880)

of the State team has had his head out of the collar for some time
past. And one reason for their anxiety for a change of whips is to
prevent anything of the kind for the future.

But with the bright sunshine and loyal lieges, and the show of
fair Ladies in the House of Lords, ended the brilliance of the day’s
work. The Speech—“one of the most solemn of public docu-
ments”—(“we thank thee, Jew, for teaching us that word”) was
one of the emptiest examples of its solemn order within Punch's
memory—which embraces a goodly collection of the Queen’s shil-
lings ; for if speech is silver, Queen’s speeches are Queen’s shillings.

The rules observed in its concoction seem to have been —as to
words—“ least said soonest mended ; ” and—as to acts—“ least pro-
mised, easiest performed.”

Considering the hot-pokerish nature of the subjects to be handled,
as Turkish Reforms, Afghan Invasion, South-African Wars, and
their upshots, what better rule could have been followed for words ;
and, considering what is likely to be the legislative strength of the
moribund Commons, what wiser caution could have been observed as
to acts P

It is no doubt pleasant to know—if anybody had yet to learn—

That Her Majesty’s foreign relations are friendly. (More shame
to them if they were not.)

That events—if not Sovereigns and Statesmen—tend to furnish
additional security for the maintenance of European Peace, “ on the
Principles of the Treaty of Berlin.” (A ticklish feat of international
balancing.)

That much remains to be done in Turkey. (We should have
thought that little or nothing remained to be "done" there, every-
one and everything that was to be done having been done already.)

That we have concluded a Convention for the suppression of the
slave trade in the Ottoman dominions. (When the slave trade is sup-
pressed, call Mr. Punch to congratulate Her Majesty and Her
Majesty’s Ambassador at Constantinople, and Her Majesty’s
Foreign Office.)

That the Treaty of Gandamak has not, unhappily, terminated the
war in Afghanistan. (Who thought it had—except Ministers ?)

That our Envoy has been treacherously murdered, and bloodily
avenged—(Facta est Justicia !)

That the conduct of the campaign reflects the highest credit upon
British and Native Forces. (Provided Gen. Roberts’s explanations
as to his use of the noose prove satisfactory.)

That the unsettled state of the country renders the withdrawal of
our troops impossible for the present (No doubt about it), but

That our principle of action remains unchanged. (John Bull will
be glad to hear we have one.)

That while determined to make our Indian frontier strong (when
we have found out where it is), Her Majesty desires to be in friendly
relations with those who may rule in Afghanistan (when we discover
who they are), and with the people of the country (when we have
done exterminating them with fire and sword).

That Her Majesty’s anticipations as to the early termination of
the war in Zululand have been fulfilled. (Thanks to Sir Garnet.)

And that Her Majesty has reason to hope that the time is now
approaching when an advance may be made towards South-African
Confederation for purposes of Self-Government. (Approach, by all
means, you Good Time, so long in coming!)

So much for Foreign Affairs.

And as for Domestic—

That the Commission of Inquiry into Agricultural Depression in
the United Kingdom is pursuing its labours (and, let us hope,
overtaking its results).

That a serious deficiency in the crops in some parts of Ireland
has rendered necessary certain precautions (rather late in the day,
perhaps)—such as calling on the Relief Authorities to make pre-
parations for the distribution of food and fuel, should such a
step become necessary (we thought it had), and stimulating the
employment of labour by advances on terms more liberal than those
prescribed by law.

That my Lords and Gentlemen will, no doubt, sanction this
disregard of law in the interests of life.

That luckily the Church Surplus Fund is there to supplement
English charity.

February 14, 1880.] PUNCH, OR THE: LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE CONSEQUENCE OF THE CHAIR.

Chairman of Home-Piule Meeting. “ ‘The Chair’ will not dispute the Point with Misther O’Pummel-”

The O'Pummel. “ ‘The Chair’ had betther not, onless he loikes to stip out, and take his Coat off!!”

[Confusion—Exeunt fighting.

ML III twj ,nj,

FI!